My boyfriend gave me the middle finger

  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 22, 2016 11:28 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together about three now. We live together and have two dogs and do everything together. He is by far the nicest person I have ever met and we get along really well.

    We have only been in a fight twice. Once was before we were "official" and once again last night.

    We went out for dinner and a concert had a couple of drinks with friends and everything seemed fine until my boyfriend got drunk and started doing stupid shit it was so bad that he was stumbling around and fell down a couple of times. so I finally decided to end the silliness went up to him grabbed him by his arm and said let's go home but he wouldn't listen to me. I got angry and called a taxi ready to go home alone but then seeing how badly drunk he was I just couldn't leave without him so I went back in to get him to find him lying flat on his face. he was so much drunk I couldn't lift him up on my own so I asked some guys to help me carry him to the taxi and then are in the taxi going home he starts talking shit to me accused me of shit I didn't do like he said I wasn't paying him enough attention and I was checking out other guys and being a flirty with other guys and that I make him feel unattractive and unwanted and i'm like where the fuck did that come from? he looks at me and screams ""FUCK YOU""! and flips his bloody middle finger in my face.

    Should I dump my boyfriend? but it was his first time getting nasty like that or being abusive. I love him so much but I'm really upset at him and i'm angry and I 'm hurt. it was the first time...advice PLEASE
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 22, 2016 11:35 AM GMT
    Give him a break.


    Everyone makes mistakes.....especially when drunk.

    I bet he can't remember anything.
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 22, 2016 11:36 AM GMT
    3 months or 3years?
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 22, 2016 11:39 AM GMT
    transient said3 months or 3years?

    Three years
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 22, 2016 11:42 AM GMT
    transient saidGive him a break.


    Everyone makes mistakes.....especially when drunk.

    I bet he can't remember anything.

    I need a break myself let off some steem
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 12:05 PM GMT
    Then his suppressed feeling just came out. That happens when you get drunk.
    This things just don't come out of nowhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 1:15 PM GMT
    Sit and talk with him calmly when he's sober and you're not feeling so raw from the upset, work out whether there was any truth in what he was saying (I mean, whether he genuinely felt that whether you had done anything or not) or whether he was just so drunk he didn't know what he was saying.

    Explain that his actions embarrassed and hurt you and it's not something you'd like to see happen again. He should be apologetic, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 1:46 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    So he expressed a possible underlying issue when being drunk reduced his inhibitions--or being drunk created some delusional thoughts in those moments--while you're willing to throw away three years based upon his drunken rant.

    Seems you both have issues to work on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 2:30 PM GMT
    only 2 arguments in 3 years and you want to dump him?
    get a grip, lose your anger.

    You have to get your self control to the point not every argument is a personal assault. How do you get mad at your self and what happens? This is the same tihingy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 2:51 PM GMT
    In vino veritas
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 4:33 PM GMT
    That why drinking too much is bad !
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Apr 22, 2016 4:47 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIn vino veritas

    No, not always. You have a right to be angry and I'd probably be thinking of saying fuck it, too, but give yourself some time and then ask him if he remembers what he said and did. You'll probably start another fight but sometimes you just have to talk these things out. Remember why you love him. Focus on that, not the aberration. But you can still be pissed! You earned it. This is what the "Work" in a relationship looks like. The one good thing that can come out of it is the knowledge that you can have a bad fight and it not be the end of you as a couple. Some comfort in that.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 22, 2016 5:49 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    UndercoverMan saidIn vino veritas

    No, not always. You have a right to be angry and I'd probably be thinking of saying fuck it, too, but give yourself some time and then ask him if he remembers what he said and did. You'll probably start another fight but sometimes you just have to talk these things out. Remember why you love him. Focus on that, not the aberration. But you can still be pissed! You earned it. This is what the "Work" in a relationship looks like. The one good thing that can come out of it is the knowledge that you can have a bad fight and it not be the end of you as a couple. Some comfort in that.


    thank you for not being a judgmental bitch.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Apr 22, 2016 5:51 PM GMT
    Too much alcohol is more likely to create delusions than just lower the inhibitions.

    Judging by your description, your BF was completely out of it anyway.

    The actual problem you may be having is that one of dealing with a dude who has not learnt how to hold his drinks. He needs some help and guidance here.

    You'll forgive and forget if it is one off... But if the problem persists you, too, will have to draw your conclusions.

    Hence, try to talk about 'responsible drinking', if you can.

    SC
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    Apr 22, 2016 7:10 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    UndercoverMan saidIn vino veritas

    No, not always. You have a right to be angry and I'd probably be thinking of saying fuck it, too, but give yourself some time and then ask him if he remembers what he said and did. You'll probably start another fight but sometimes you just have to talk these things out. Remember why you love him. Focus on that, not the aberration. But you can still be pissed! You earned it. This is what the "Work" in a relationship looks like. The one good thing that can come out of it is the knowledge that you can have a bad fight and it not be the end of you as a couple. Some comfort in that.


    Oh always. I rarely speak in absolutes but I'm certain of this. Alcohol lowers ones inhibitions so people will do and say things they dare not do when in their "right mind." However, what the BF did certainly doesn't warrant a breakup but it certainly warrants a discussion: This is what you did. This is what you said. This is how it made me feel. Now I know you were out of your mind when you said and did these things but surely there are things deep in your subconscious that are bothering you. I want to have an honest discussion about them with you. Oh, and for the record if you get that shit-faced drunk again you won't get a third chance with me.

    Mean drunks are the worst.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2016 7:19 PM GMT
    Sounds like he just had too much to drink. IF it's not a habit don't even worry about it.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Apr 22, 2016 11:21 PM GMT
    Should u break up with him?.... I dunno. That seems like an awfully severe reaction ...All he did was say "fuck you" and give u the finger. Especially since he was drunk as hell. I don't think it seems wise to just end a 3 year relationship over this incident.

    Was he a dick? Sure. Was it rude and unusual? Yeah.
    But give him a chance to sober up and have a talk with him and just hear him out. It could have been a delusional drunk rant that really didn't mean anything, or it could have been an underlying issue that he has always been scared to bring up.. but being drunk gave him the "courage" to finally say something. You should have afrank conversation with him. I do admit tho... that I think it's almost odd that u two have only had two fights in three years? seems kinda too perfect.. Maybe there's a number of issues eating away at him and he's afraid to get confrontational or something. I would have have a civil adult conversation with him about it and clarify what he really meant by what he said. Let's be honest, most of us have done or said stupid shit while drunk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 23, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    Stop being an over dramatic faggot. You guys got in a fight. Get over it. It wasn't even that bad. I'd tell him to dump you for being such a pussy.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 23, 2016 11:00 AM GMT
    It's all good now. He came with flowers and chocolate to apologize and said was deeply embarrassed and very sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings I hugged him and said it was OK and he cuddled up laid his head on my lap and whispered please forgive me I almost cried lol Thanks everyone for your support and advice! . . . and i hope you have a magic weekend:-)
  • Relajado

    Posts: 409

    Apr 23, 2016 2:22 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIn vino veritas


    Absolutely :thumbs up:
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 23, 2016 3:48 PM GMT
    Quite the chemistry, weather it's a middle finger or a thumbs up, laugh it off and say "sit on it", lol. If you two really are in love, set your differences asside and you'll learn to fight less overtime.
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    Apr 23, 2016 4:15 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIn vino veritas


    This. Part 2 of this drama will eventually come up. Flowers, apologies and chocolate are nice and due, in this case, but the silence of what triggered the accusations is telling.

    At the end of the day it's a somewhat trivial fight but boorish behaviour ought to be a red flag. In my experience people handle extreme drunkeness by becoming belligerent, excitable, laid back, depressed or lethargic. Don't recall anyone being delusional while drunk. The belligerent ones are usually the ones who I try to avoid even when they are sober because they tend to have a nasty tiresome streak.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 23, 2016 5:57 PM GMT
    One4u2c said
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidIt's all good now. He came with flowers and chocolate to apologize and said was deeply embarrassed and very sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings I hugged him and said it was OK and he cuddled up laid his head on my lap and whispered please forgive me I almost cried lol Thanks everyone for your support and advice! . . . and i hope you have a magic weekend:-)


    Is your boyfriend white?

    Yes. but why is that relevant?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Apr 23, 2016 6:35 PM GMT
    Take this time to objectively look at your relationship. Did his drunken outburst reveal some under lying truths? With clear heads, you both need to talk about your relationship...My 2 bits
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Apr 23, 2016 9:01 PM GMT
    Has your boyfriend learned anything from that experience? At the very least he should have learned what ingesting ethanol does to him and should act accordingly.

    Episodes like that reinforce the decision I made decades ago when I was about 17, i.e., never to ingest ethanol. Partly as a result of seeing how it made people behave and act I decided that it was best avoided. I continually learn about things which confirm that I made the right decision.