Are gay sports teams a good way to make friends/date?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2016 7:33 AM GMT
    So today I spent the Sunday attending a gay softball thing at the park with a friend who invited me. I thought it was cute, I had no idea the city had this going on. Mostly younger/middle aged crowd, big park with multiple teams. I met a cool group and chatted a bit. However, as I'm always analyzing and critiquing every interaction, tho it seemed fun...I have to wonder if those events are really worth the participation over the long run. It seems every city has a gay sports league that meets up on Sunday's..

    Going into it, I just moved to this town and didn't know anyone except the friend I was with. I wouldn't of gone otherwise because most everyone was in groups or people they already knew anyway. Of course too you often have to sign up and commit to going. Which is okay if you're going every weekend, but not so if just visiting or looking to do it once or twice a month for a little while versus every week.

    The other thing me and my friend almost argued over, was the fact that I told him afterwards, I feel it's harder for a black guy in those scenarios to really meet other people. He was like no I disagree. But yet, one of the things the guys in the 1st group I met asked was, "Are you gay?" This is at a park where EVERYBODY was gay and I had an Andrew Christian tank on! And then, it was a white guy who asked that, but it was his Black friend who made the first move to get my attention for him. That almost goes to show most the White guys would be too intimidated to approach me because they wouldn't even think I'm gay to begin with. That kinda irritated me that my friend can say he disagrees with something I deal with all the time. He's White so It doesn't surprise me too much, but how would he know anyway?

    I know that sounds trivial, but I get some people don't understand what Black gays can go thru even in seemingly innocent social situations. I'm not good at fighting or forcing myself on people to be liked and accepted. If someone is too intimidated by me in a group to acknowledge me when I'm by myself, I'm not going to try and figure it out. Most of the guys there seemed like they were in their own circles anyway. Majority (no surprise there) were White which is not a problem, but I know how gay White guys can be and in large groups like that, it's very easy to encounter some low key racism and I don't like putting myself in environments where I can be socializing with someone...yet they wouldn't even acknowledge me anywhere else outside the field. And I definitely picked up on some of that because there was some shade being thrown and I sensed it. The guys my friend introduced me to do didn't seem the slightest bit interested in engaging me in their conversation. Pretty much acted like I wasn't even there the whole time. I ain't got time for that bullshit.

    I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it. At the same time, I don't know why not a single gay person I've met has ever invited me to meet them at such events? Looked to me the entire cast of Grindr was out there today.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 25, 2016 8:23 AM GMT
    I find it interesting that on one hand if a person gives you the cold shoulder based on your race, you see that as raciest and I agree it is, but then label an entire race as racist, all based on a single interaction with a white guy.that is also raciest as you are painting an entire race with the same brush.
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    Apr 25, 2016 11:46 AM GMT
    You might make friends but mostly gay sports teams are just a silly excuse to hook up with gay jocks. It may turn out to be quite a lot of fun but the scale isn't tipping in that direction.

    As far as race is concerned, I can't speak anything about that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2016 6:03 PM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidI find it interesting that on one hand if a person gives you the cold shoulder based on your race, you see that as raciest and I agree it is, but then label an entire race as racist, all based on a single interaction with a white guy.that is also raciest as you are painting an entire race with the same brush.


    Trust me, that's not a single interaction. That just happened to be an interaction out of many. I've heard that same tired line from gay white guys a thousand times "are you gay", in a place full of gays! Why would I be there otherwise? That's so ignorant and comments like that would make me not want to attend events like that. I'm not labeling an entire race racist....I'm just saying in a situation like that where you're coming across lots of different white gay guys, there could be some I'm not aware of.

    That said, I don't wanna stray too far from the topic because that's really what I'm focused on. But hey I'm open to new things, at the same time I know as open as these events can seem, they can still be cliquey and favor certain types of members over others. But at the same time it seems like one can get a free pass for being 'popular' just by being part of the league.

    Then again, seems like some people would do that every Sunday. In my opinion, why not just have a house party sometimes. I prefer pool parties and house parties in group situations versus just randomly trying to select a group to kick it with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2016 6:22 PM GMT
    No. They're really just full of pretentious queens that turn their noses up at guys that use sites and apps, even though they've fucked all their teammates (and sometimes opponents as well).
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 25, 2016 6:31 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidI find it interesting that on one hand if a person gives you the cold shoulder based on your race, you see that as raciest and I agree it is, but then label an entire race as racist, all based on a single interaction with a white guy.that is also raciest as you are painting an entire race with the same brush.


    Trust me, that's not a single interaction. That just happened to be an interaction out of many. I've heard that same tired line from gay white guys a thousand times "are you gay", in a place full of gays! Why would I be there otherwise? That's so ignorant and comments like that would make me not want to attend events like that. I'm not labeling an entire race racist....I'm just saying in a situation like that where you're coming across lots of different white gay guys, there could be some I'm not aware of.

    That said, I don't wanna stray too far from the topic because that's really what I'm focused on. But hey I'm open to new things, at the same time I know as open as these events can seem, they can still be cliquey and favor certain types of members over others. But at the same time it seems like one can get a free pass for being 'popular' just by being part of the league.

    Then again, seems like some people would do that every Sunday. In my opinion, why not just have a house party sometimes. I prefer pool parties and house parties in group situations versus just randomly trying to select a group to kick it with.




    You do not need pretentious, self-worshiping gay (white,black,or blue) guys to validate your worth or acknowledge your existence. My advice to you : Stop giving a fuck :...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 1:17 AM GMT
    I used to play Volleyball with a gay team. I did it for 4 years, had lots of non-sexual fun with the teammates, made some great friends, traveled all over Europe to play tournaments. All this when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, but I cherish the memories.

    I'm introverted af, so being in a team helped me to meet people. I didn't have sex with any of my teammates, never tried to and if anybody ever flirted with me I was too dense to pick up on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 2:07 AM GMT
    In college, I was in the gay swim team and we had a lot of fun. THAT kind of fun, but also a lot more just friends fun. The local gay running club is also a great way to meet great people.

    I think it's a lot better than interacting on any app. The people are real and the interaction is real. The sporting angle adds a shared passion and the simple fact nobody is forced to interact if they don't want to - but they frequently need to if just to coordinate the game.

    None of the teams I was with had any racist tendencies. It would have been hard to do with so many people with so many different desires.

    I am wondering: I would ask someone if they are gay at a gay gathering because they seem to feel very uncomfortable (like my brother when his wife drags him to the gay disco). Your description of the event sounds like you would have felt very uncomfortable.

    Maybe you give it another try, but are conscious that you might come across as uncomfortable?
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    Apr 26, 2016 4:17 AM GMT
    Race should never be an issue when making new friends, but about these "gay sports" you speak of. . . do they really exist? never heard of them around here in Niagara :S
  • HarborFighter

    Posts: 32

    Apr 26, 2016 9:01 AM GMT
    Sports and sports teams are just about the best way to bond with other men. Gay or straight...it doesn't matter. It's the sport itself that's important. I've been a boxer for many years and have met many men through the sport...again, both straight AND gay. If you are really doing the SPORT, there is nothing like it for developing good friendships. Also, if you are really doing the SPORT, the sport itself is the reason for going and joining in. You will find that true sportsmen are good men and if you are giving your best to join into the sport, your life will be enriched. You'll be a better man for having done it.

    Coach Tom
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 26, 2016 10:46 AM GMT
    I would think a sports team would be a great way to socialise.

    I have to ask, why do you capitalise the words 'black' and 'white'?
    They don't need to have a capital letter.

    I also find it strange you need to refer to each person in your anecdotes by their race......but to also capitalise the race seems too much to me.

    I feel bad for you if you feel you are being singled out for your race but think some of this is your own internal racism.

    I am sorry you feel so ostracised but I'm conflicted because you seem a little strange in your need to define everyone by race and sexuality.

    Life is a mirror......you are receiving exactly what you project.
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 26, 2016 10:47 AM GMT
    I am being absolutely sincere.

    Please have a think about this before jumping on me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 2:19 PM GMT
    ^^Black and white are both capitalized in APA style. Your replies also come off as more combative and fake than sincere. Seems you feel the need to correct the OP and tell him he's wrong about everything, from his grammatical choices to his personal experiences. I'm totally not against being shady, but you should just be shady without acting like you're "being absolutely sincere".
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 26, 2016 2:44 PM GMT
    The APA.....American Psychological Association?


    I speak and write in plain English when addressing a public forum.

    An Academic thesis or paper on Sociology would be the correct place to capitalise someone's race........not in someone's anactodes.

    Realjock is not academia.

    Using capitalised descriptors when indicating someone's race when part of an informal discussion is devisive and only serves to indicate and highlight a difference.

    I was trying to subtly get the OP thinking that he is the one highlighting these differences.

    I am totaly sincere in this point.



    If I was to rewrite the original post swapping black for white and gay for straight, I would be labeled a homophobic racist.

    Also if you reread what I have written, perhaps you can show me where you claim I "correct the OP and tell him whats wrong about everything, from his grammatical choices to his personal experiences".

    I have not corrected him anywhere, I have only asked some sincere questions and given my opinion.






  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 2:46 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]FuzzyPecs28 said[/citeI'm always analyzing and critiquing every interaction....

    ....most the White guys would be too intimidated to approach me because they wouldn't even think I'm gay to begin with.

    Looked to me the entire cast of Grindr was out there today. [/quote]


    I put the answer to all your social problems in bold print for you above (and they're your own words.) However whenever anyone else tries to tell you this same exact thing you go off on them.

    How do you know everyone on Grindr was there if you weren't also on it?

    If you're so masculine and straight acting, why not stop obsessing over every little nuisance people make like a little girl? Would a straight dude obsess and act like this? No. He would get the fuck out there and play ball and not give a shit what other's were doing or thinking about him. This is what makes straight guys so attractive to gay men....confidence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 3:11 PM GMT
    transient saidThe APA.....American Psychological Association?


    I speak and write in plain English when addressing a public forum.

    An Academic thesis or paper on Sociology would be the correct place to capitalise someone's race........not in someone's anactodes.

    Realjock is not academia.

    Using capitalised descriptors when indicating someone's race when part of an informal discussion is devisive and only serves to indicate and highlight a difference.

    I was trying to subtly get the OP thinking that he is the one highlighting these differences.

    I am totaly sincere in this point.



    If I was to rewrite the original post swapping black for white and gay for straight, I would be labeled a homophobic racist.

    Also if you reread what I have written, perhaps you can show me where you claim I "correct the OP and tell him whats wrong about everything, from his grammatical choices to his personal experiences".

    I have not corrected him anywhere, I have only asked some sincere questions and given my opinion.








    APA style is an academically recognized format for writing. Maybe the OP has been writing a lot of essays lately. Maybe he wanted to be really PC. Why is it all so distressing for you? You were being catty and condescending (like I said, totally fine), but then you tried to turn around and act like it was some type of heartfelt attempt at helping the OP see the error of his ways, which was just fake.

    Also, your style of separating thoughts by putting them on different lines isn't necessary either. An ellipsis is typically only three dots. Let's be correct if we're going to correct others.



  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Apr 26, 2016 3:25 PM GMT
    Radd said[quote][cite]FuzzyPecs28 said[/citeI'm always analyzing and critiquing every interaction....

    ....most the White guys would be too intimidated to approach me because they wouldn't even think I'm gay to begin with.

    Looked to me the entire cast of Grindr was out there today.



    I put the answer to all your social problems in bold print for you above (and they're your own words.) However whenever anyone else tries to tell you this same exact thing you go off on them.

    How do you know everyone on Grindr was there if you weren't also on it?

    If you're so masculine and straight acting, why not stop obsessing over every little nuisance people make like a little girl? Would a straight dude obsess and act like this? No. He would get the fuck out there and play ball and not give a shit what other's were doing or thinking about him. This is what makes straight guys so attractive to gay men....confidence. [/quote]


    Let's not idolize straight guys. They are just as insecure as gay men. Obviously in a sports context there would be no sexuality issues for them to think about.

    But I agree there is no point in analyzing everything just go out and play sports.
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Apr 26, 2016 3:29 PM GMT
    Very good.

    I think you are missing my point, and not responding to what I have written.

    Never mind, my original reply wasn't directed to you anyway.

    Catty and condescending.......really? Quite why you are offended on the OPs behalf is rather strange.

    Your reply to me could be considered 'catty' since you dramatise my straight forward reply and don't answer my valid questions.

    This is beside the point to me. I will let others judge our reply and responses.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 3:33 PM GMT
    Gay friends - now there's a contradiction in terms!
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Apr 26, 2016 6:27 PM GMT
    I have played on a gay softball team for the past 5 years. I went to watch a friend of mine play and was recruited to play later after we all went out for drinks! I am so glad that I did! I have made some wonderful lifelong friends. It is a predominantly gay league, but there are some straight players too. The players on my team are mostly in long term relationships with their partners.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Apr 26, 2016 7:36 PM GMT
    Not4u saidGay friends - now there's a contradiction in terms!


    It is for some, if you are only choosing friends that you will sleep with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 8:07 PM GMT
    buddycat said
    Not4u saidGay friends - now there's a contradiction in terms!


    It is for some, if you are only choosing friends that you will sleep with.


    Gimme a break. Most gays are only interested if they think they can get in your pants. After mission accomplished you're placed in friend zone at best or never acknowledged again at worst.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2016 8:11 PM GMT
    I think that all sports teams should just be more homo friendly
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    Apr 26, 2016 9:26 PM GMT
    I enjoy sports for the competition, I don't think I could limit myself to joining a team based on being gay or straight.

    It would be interesting though to see an all gay team vs an all straight team to see who would win the game and get bragging rights.
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    Apr 26, 2016 9:34 PM GMT
    transient saidVery good.

    I think you are missing my point, and not responding to what I have written.

    Never mind, my original reply wasn't directed to you anyway.

    Catty and condescending.......really? Quite why you are offended on the OPs behalf is rather strange.

    Your reply to me could be considered 'catty' since you dramatise my straight forward reply and don't answer my valid questions.

    This is beside the point to me. I will let others judge our reply and responses.



    I did respond to what you wrote, but it's interesting how the problem seems to always lie with the other person under your logic. You don't matter enough to be able to offend me. I was just being absolutely sincere.