The vanishing act

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 6:28 PM GMT
    Sorry I'm going to be whining.

    So, what is it with these guys you talk to on Grindr who act like they're crazy about you and then magically disappear ?

    Now, of course , it is idiotic to expect someone to be even remotely serious after a few Grindr chats.

    But I'm talking about guys who go out of their way to tell you they're " different".

    The story is I was talking to a guy for about a week. I usually like to meet for a drink after a short chat as I'm not a fan of virtual conversation.

    This guy told me he only liked to meet after talking for a few days. Fine, I had no problem with that.
    When we were talking, he would repeatedly say he wasn't like " other grindr douches", that he wanted to take me out for dinner, that he thought I was beautiful and really his type. He said he didn't like hook ups, tried to convince me to go for dinner when I suggested to go for coffee.
    I was also really into him ( or else I wouldn't be writing this).

    And of course, on the day we were supposed to go out, PLOUF, he magically disappears. Our chat history is gone, so he either deleted the app of blocked me (?) I don't know how this sh!t works but the point is he's nowhere to be found.
    I should have suspected stomething as he didn't want to exchange phone numbers or anything.

    So what's the reason for this , what happens to these guys . Do they die ? Do they get back with their boyfriends ? Do they go back to the land of flakey motherfu**ers ?? Do they just lose interest ?

    It's so annoying !






  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 6:31 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidDo they die?

    He experienced the rapture.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 6:48 PM GMT
    vanishing; he did you a favor.


    your not alone on this and there seems to be a number of you guys about this upset. You should get together in one room
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 7:43 PM GMT
    That's a great idea icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 7:48 PM GMT
    Maybe they are bots. The worst are webcam models.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 412

    Apr 28, 2016 8:56 PM GMT
    I wish I had a better answer but the bottom line is that when guys act like this, they are simply trolls. I always think that they are fat old men smoking nasty cigars but that probability isn't always the case. Scared maybe? Not really ready? It's too bad that they have to mess up other people's minds trying to get their own act together.

    In the end though, you've been violated to a degree and while that is probably not the intent, it happens. Sad commentary on life.

    Hang in there, there are a lot of good people yet to cross your path.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 9:16 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidhe would repeatedly say he wasn't like "other grindr douches"

    Anyone that says anything like that (or, for example, they want you to "just be real") you should immediately be wary of.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 9:25 PM GMT
    The Make-You-Feel-Better" Answer: He's just an ugly troll and he does this to everyone. It isn't you....it's him.

    The Real Answer: You did or said something that turned him off. And expecting him to tell you what you did is not realistic because no one is going to do that because it normally doesn't end well. Each time I've tried explaining why I've lost interest (in the nicest way possible), they go off on me, so now I just stop responding. Not the way I prefer to handle things but it's just too stressful otherwise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 10:19 PM GMT
    They finally hooked up with their runner or supplier, and they're now in never-never land having a conversation with themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2016 11:59 PM GMT
    There are a gazzilion possible reasons and not a one having to do with you, handsome.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 29, 2016 12:09 AM GMT
    This happens even in France?

    I thought this was a distinctly american phenomenon.

    Is there a separate french grindr website - as in www.grindr.fr?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 12:58 AM GMT
    I'm actually living in the UK currently but yes I could definitely see that happening in France too !
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Apr 29, 2016 1:31 AM GMT

    A lot of people are not very self aware at all.

    I generally have found that if someone is telling you what they don't do and aren't like, it's exactly what they will do and are like.

  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    Apr 29, 2016 9:07 AM GMT
    How many pics did he get you to send him before he "disappeared"?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 10:56 AM GMT
    It was an angry woman that has her boyfriend or husband end it with her by saying that he is gay....she was pissed and wants to make every evil fag pay for her pain now....or some other version of this troll tagline...Its the net...more liars and thieves than there are legitimate real cases... Sorry about your luck, but they did you a favor.icon_cool.gif
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Apr 29, 2016 11:12 AM GMT
    Most people on there re trolls or just there for casual sex (come on, it's called GRINDR so what did you expect?). Put your device down and meet people in the real world..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 11:13 AM GMT
    It happens all the time, both to gay people and straight people...these guys try to convince you they are different from everyone else and get your hopes up. They could be in a relationship, fake, or any other combo of things. I think it's a game for these guys. They want to get you attracted to them and then flake on you for whatever reason. The only way you can keep your sanity is by not playing the game back. You're smart to ask to meet for a drink after a short chat.

    Way back when (before apps) I set some simple rules for myself, which helped a lot:

    1. Don't get attached before you meet

    2. Ask for several pictures. If they only have one...be done

    3. Ask to FaceTime, Skype, or any other thing that would allow you to see them fact to face. If they aren't willing or have an excuse, they're probably not who they say they are.

    4. When you plan to meet, set the place and time. Pick something you want to do and if they don't show up, you still get to enjoy it. Nothing is worse than sitting alone in a restaurant waiting for someone who is not going to show.

    5. Never take it personally

    6. Remember it's Grindr (or Scruff, or whatever). Assume that many of the guys who say they are single are cheating on their boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife. Also assume others are fake profiles and just having fun at someone else's expense. Quality men are hard to find wherever you look, so it takes time.

    7. Don't do to other guys what's been done to you. I'm sure some of these guys started out like you and learned to be flakes over time.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 6:04 PM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidMost people on there re trolls or just there for casual sex (come on, it's called GRINDR so what did you expect?). Put your device down and meet people in the real world..


    Oh please meeting guys in the real world is a myth, I've been trying for 6 years !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 6:06 PM GMT
    PhoenixNYC saidIt happens all the time, both to gay people and straight people...these guys try to convince you they are different from everyone else and get your hopes up. They could be in a relationship, fake, or any other combo of things. I think it's a game for these guys. They want to get you attracted to them and then flake on you for whatever reason. The only way you can keep your sanity is by not playing the game back. You're smart to ask to meet for a drink after a short chat.

    Way back when (before apps) I set some simple rules for myself, which helped a lot:

    1. Don't get attached before you meet

    2. Ask for several pictures. If they only have one...be done

    3. Ask to FaceTime, Skype, or any other thing that would allow you to see them fact to face. If they aren't willing or have an excuse, they're probably not who they say they are.

    4. When you plan to meet, set the place and time. Pick something you want to do and if they don't show up, you still get to enjoy it. Nothing is worse than sitting alone in a restaurant waiting for someone who is not going to show.

    5. Never take it personally

    6. Remember it's Grindr (or Scruff, or whatever). Assume that many of the guys who say they are single are cheating on their boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife. Also assume others are fake profiles and just having fun at someone else's expense. Quality men are hard to find wherever you look, so it takes time.

    7. Don't do to other guys what's been done to you. I'm sure some of these guys started out like you and learned to be flakes over time.



    I love advice n°4, I had never thought of that haha

    And n°5 is something I haven't quite managed to do yet but I'm working on it !
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 29, 2016 9:20 PM GMT
    no phone? byebye
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2016 10:04 PM GMT
    Saad22 said
    PhoenixNYC saidIt happens all the time, both to gay people and straight people...these guys try to convince you they are different from everyone else and get your hopes up. They could be in a relationship, fake, or any other combo of things. I think it's a game for these guys. They want to get you attracted to them and then flake on you for whatever reason. The only way you can keep your sanity is by not playing the game back. You're smart to ask to meet for a drink after a short chat.

    Way back when (before apps) I set some simple rules for myself, which helped a lot:

    1. Don't get attached before you meet

    2. Ask for several pictures. If they only have one...be done

    3. Ask to FaceTime, Skype, or any other thing that would allow you to see them fact to face. If they aren't willing or have an excuse, they're probably not who they say they are.

    4. When you plan to meet, set the place and time. Pick something you want to do and if they don't show up, you still get to enjoy it. Nothing is worse than sitting alone in a restaurant waiting for someone who is not going to show.

    5. Never take it personally

    6. Remember it's Grindr (or Scruff, or whatever). Assume that many of the guys who say they are single are cheating on their boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife. Also assume others are fake profiles and just having fun at someone else's expense. Quality men are hard to find wherever you look, so it takes time.

    7. Don't do to other guys what's been done to you. I'm sure some of these guys started out like you and learned to be flakes over time.



    I love advice n°4, I had never thought of that haha

    And n°5 is something I haven't quite managed to do yet but I'm working on it !


    When I first moved to NYC I had a date with this really hot guy on a Saturday night. He called a few minutes before and canceled the date...so I was stuck at home alone on the weekend. After that, I started saying, "I'll be at _____ at _____ and you can meet me there." If they didn't show up, no big deal.

    As to number five...some of these guys want you to take it personally. They get off on making others feel badly about themselves. It might be that someone has been rejected in the past and they've decided to make others pay for it. This is a good book to read that can help: http://www.amazon.com/Presence-Bringing-Boldest-Biggest-Challenges/dp/0316256579. You can view her TED Talk here, too: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en.
  • Coast

    Posts: 24

    Apr 30, 2016 3:22 AM GMT
    Sounds like a fake profile to me. If you're that hesitant to exchange numbers, that should ring alarm bells. For me it does
  • Antarktis

    Posts: 213

    Apr 30, 2016 1:10 PM GMT
    Radd saidThe Make-You-Feel-Better" Answer: He's just an ugly troll and he does this to everyone. It isn't you....it's him.

    The Real Answer: You did or said something that turned him off. And expecting him to tell you what you did is not realistic because no one is going to do that because it normally doesn't end well.
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2016 3:47 PM GMT
    Antarktis said
    Radd saidThe Make-You-Feel-Better" Answer: He's just an ugly troll and he does this to everyone. It isn't you....it's him.

    The Real Answer: You did or said something that turned him off. And expecting him to tell you what you did is not realistic because no one is going to do that because it normally doesn't end well.
    +1


    I thought about that , except our last conversation ended very positively.
  • Corby

    Posts: 78

    Apr 30, 2016 5:33 PM GMT
    Internet trolls icon_biggrin.gif