Apr 28, 2016 9:29 PM GMT
Especially for those raising boys: A meditation on developing a sense of self in the midst of media skewing portrayals.
A newer movie Demolition is mournful, playful, artistically surreal, heavy, powerful, and screwball funny. When GHaal's wife dies he starts hanging out with Naomi Watts and her son, played by this lil dude Judah. You may be able to see his black nail polish in the pic. His character tells GHaal he thinks he's gay. Everyone's story is different, his just involves making a bull's eye in the mirror out of lipstick and pointing a gun at it. The question is, is this something he feels within or an external struggle based on societal expectations?
An important opportunity for telling a wider breadth of stories about gay love is most glaring as I consider my own youth in the wake of Prince and Bowie getting their wings. Two gender benders who weren't even really into dudes. And that olympic dude that wants to off his dick is only into women. There's a fascinating difference between one's gender identity and their love preference. Gay guys have the same ratio of macho vers femme as the general population.
My concern is that this kid in this movie Demolition was a lil like me. When you're young and you don't have your full personal drive alive and kicking, you are a sponge chameleon at the mercy of the culture gatekeepers.
I have always been on my own beat, and pink was my favorite color early on. It's the color of our lips--our smiles...it's badass. I didn't see the gender. When the neighborhood boys played power rangers I wanted to be the pink ranger because the color is my shit. Haha lil inside joke with myself because I knew it frustrated my bro. He once thought in high school that I wanted to be a transexual. I was so disappointed that his understanding of me was so far off that I didn't even correct him. I was just speechless.
He saw depictions of gay guys. I saw depictions of gay guys.
I knew I was attracted to other males by preschool. I also picked up early on the fact that whenever male to male interest is portrayed the guys are hardly ever macho. This made me think I had femininity in me that was never there. My closest friends have always been guys, and the girls I was friends with growing up usually had brothers and thus were socialized to mix well with male culture. It made me feel out of place when in groups of only guys, not because of my own reaction, but because of the cultural programming. The lack of gay roll models to look up to that weren't flamboyant made me feel like some impossible being.
Mr. Purple never lived to know my name but he may have been tickled by my undying obsession with Red and Blue symbolizing male and female. It's also in light--if you look, depending on the light source, you'll see red on one end of a light's cast and blue at the other end, with shadows too. The two spirits at opposing ends of the great void.
The grace Prince brought to my life is that in high school when I would imagine myself being a giant naked blue bald guy with glowing white eyes walking in a pitch black ever-grid, pulling an infinite blue wall--The All Man. I would go towards an infinite red wall to the All Woman. (imagine my surprise when I first laid eyes on Dr. Manhattan) I was open minded to whatever gender makeup I may be, and he really gave me the cojones to wonder truthfully. If it weren't for all the gay culture being bonkers for drag queens I don't think I would have wondered so much.
Girls used to always ask me if I'm wearing eye shadow and lipstick. Na this is just my face haha. I'm not always too big on it because I'm prettier than I am handsome ha, what can you do? I thought Id have to change my face after making Oculomoto (psychedelic espionage thriller about the overthrow of the corrupt power structure worldwide) to not get killed but I'll just wait to make it until I have money for security and police payoffs on par with the big wigs. The thought of changing my face in a year made me suddenly appreciate it.
The most key dream for my identity I was laying on my back on grass looking up at the night sky. Two spinning galaxies appeared, one red, one blue. The red galaxy faded to black and the blue G engulfed me entirely.
It's one of the greatest regrets of our time that men cannot be open about their manlove without many saying "wait you can be into dudes and still be manly?"
The thing is hack comedians have always thought it's funny to make fun of impersonating the flamboyant guys that really stand out. And they never say "some gay guys" they say all. Zack Galifinakis haha man I will charm the shit out of you and then take you to the ground, fool. Give you some taste of what all gay guys want to do to yo when you generalize. The guys that hide in plain sight get overseen and thus the perception of gayness is unhealthily warped. And what's also terrible is that the guys who really do talk like that are being made into laughingstocks instead of being respected and appreciated as the infinitely majestic beings we all can be.
This literally poisons the male psyche--what is worse than your manhood threatened haha. To a guy like Prince or Bowie, they welcome this and are cool with it. But to most guys like me it is torture.
I think it's best to let a kid be a kid but if you find that your son or a boy in your life thinks being gay is only one thing, you can save him a world of grief, confusion and regret by letting him know that your love has nothing to do with your gender.
Wentworth Miller, the dude from Prison Break, said some great words to homos or bi guys. "Let me be to someone else what no one was for me"
I am going to be the greatest artist humanity has ever seen not because I am, but because I need to be so guys growing up don't feel like all life will be a nightmare of being misunderstood. Biggie knows.
"Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood. And it's still all good. And if ya don't know, now ya know...nigga"