50 shades of homophobia

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 9:29 AM GMT
    I'm curious as to what you guys see as homophobia and how often you're confronted to it.

    I'm fortunate enough to have never experienced homophobia in the form of physical violence, or verbal humiliation.

    However, as a student in a business school, known to be a rather conservative environment, , I have seen homophobia in the form of jokes and mockeries.
    Basically, for a lot of guys my age, "gay" is still equated with something to be ashamed of, or laughed at. On Facebook, some people find it hilarious to hack people's accounts and put up fake coming out posts.
    For a lot of guys I have been around, their favorite insult is the word faggot (pédé in frenhch) or a variation of that.


    What's funny though I think is that a lot of guys don't even acknowledge that they may come across gay people who might be offended by what they're saying, as if gay people didn't exist.
    I think it reflects a sort of " don't ask don't tell" mindset, where if you're gay, you're expected to stay quietly in the closet and let the rest of the world laugh at your expense.

    Also, I do realize that a lot of people who are in this mindset aren't necessarily aware of it. They're just following the dominant conventional forms of humor/conversation to try to fit in.

    Recently, I was talking to a guy and I said something about not liking soccer. He then looked at me and said " What are you, gay ? " expecting me to reassuringly contradict him.
    When I said " Yes actually I am gay" , he was mortified and spent the rest of the night trying to convince me he wasn't a homophobe ha.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 11:01 AM GMT
    It is disappointing that "gay" has been coined as a pejorative phrase for anything rubbish or substandard. But, look at the other side of the coin. The acceptance of gay people by society as a whole has made huge progress. Even ten years ago, had anyone suggested same-sex marriage would be legal and widely accepted in most Western democracies, people would have laughed. The best thing you can do is to continue calmly challenging casual bigotry whenever you come across it. Attitudes are changing and, believe it or not, it is generally young people who are driving that change. Also, don't forget that gay people can be bigoted too, as the small but voluble anti-liberal element here on RJ continue to demonstrate.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 02, 2016 11:03 AM GMT
    Yes, it's very common.

    The other day at the gym, two guys who were very physical with each other –touching each others arms, waist, and those things straight guys do– started calling each other «maricón» (faggot) and they would come up with quick responses as to prove their masculinity to the rest of the weightlifting platform.

    I was about to say to them: «Maybe he is not maricón, but I am, and I've had enough of this nonsense», but in that very moment from my headphones came the sound of a great song that gave me the energy to keep on lifting and forget about their BS.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 11:18 AM GMT
    I don't hear people using the phrase "That's so gay" very much any more, thankfully. I hate that phrase. In general, I see less homophobia around me and I generally find that younger people (20s and 30s) have no problem with me being gay.

    However, I have had some negative encounters in NYC. I had a confrontation with one guy and he started calling me "faggot" and said he was going to kick my ass. He was drunk/high and really messed up. He went into a small restaurant and I went in there and confronted him. A friend of mine was there and calmed us down and they kicked him out and locked the door.

    Another time I was shopping in a grocery store and ran into a couple I know. After they left, I heard two employees saying "faggot" in Spanish. I'm not sure if they were talking about me or my friends, but I found a manager and told her what happened. She apologized and said she would go talk to them.

    I used to stay silent years ago, but it feels so much better to confront people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 12:05 PM GMT
    There is a young man at work, we used to talk during breaks about computers etc.

    One day while I was taking photos of an art contest at work, he wanted to show me a photo he had on his smartphone.

    He accidentally shows me a photo of a long penis laying between legs as if a selfie sitting down nude.

    I acted as if I didn't see it, since he moved on to the photo he was to show me.

    A short time passed, then he started to work in an area I left. The gay workers in that area became coworker friends I've kept.

    But while and after he also left that area, he started to not talk with me anymore. It included not responding any Hello, Good morning etc.
    An opportunity came when I could talk with him alone to ask him why he doesn't respond when I acknowledge him. Or talk with me like we used to.
    He said something like...I say what I want to. ..
    I had to tell him he was being rude for a reason he wasn't willing to say.
    I've never told anyone at work about his photo accident.

    On another related note. Yes young people today use the word gay to describe anything messed up, broken...

    I no longer take offense to that. As I've learned that yes I've been broken down by the horrible mental and emotional abuse my father did to my mother and I, that often meant over punishment of me physically and witnessing evil physical spouse abuse.

    I disconnected with that man on all levels at a time in a growing boy's life that needed healthy love from a healthy dad.

    I'd like to see more father's investing their time supporting their children emotionally.

    It is these brute macho straight misogynistic jock types in American culture that are directly responsible for creating gay men.

    Then to put even more of their bull shit on their children, and others, they say homophobic words to further belittle others.

    This is the behavior that should be denounced and exposed by all of us.





  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    May 02, 2016 12:05 PM GMT
    Sometimes you'll find that the people with the worst cases of homophobia may be closeted homosexuals themselves. Having lived in Islamic countries where with anti-homosexuality laws including the death penalty


    Here are some negative messages I have heard both from my conservative/non-conservative( Alcohol drinking,pork eating, type of liberal Muslims ) co-workers.

    1-Gays are going to hell because homosexuality is a sin.
    But Alcohol, and sex with other women isn't?

    2-Gays are only bottoms.

    Yes, in the Muslim world Anybody can be a top, but only a gay can be a bottom.

    3-Gay sex is responsible for diseases.
    Says the same Muslim colleague who was bragging the other day abut screwing the new babysitter in the ass without condom.

    4-Gay people are sexually immoral.
    Says another Muslim, who accidentally slept with a lady-boy when he was in Thailand.

    5-Gay people be killed.
    Most Muslim believe gay people should be killed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 3:02 PM GMT
    i had a showing to a prospective tenant. He was gay so i wore a HomoDepot t-shirt to the showing. Functional situation and got the lease signed... Later in the day i forgot i was wearing the t-short and had to make an actual homeDepot run. I spend lots of money there. A sales staff member spotted the t-shirt and call over more orange staff to see. They were all friendly. I was on a mission and kindly excused my self to the paint department. The paint lady said the homoDeot t-shirt some how violated her employers intent. Rolled around in this for a while but I had to kick her soap box and remind her about my mission. Love her more but it was her job to do the paint matching.


    Husband and i goto the Irish Rover, a south denver dive bar. Got their widows shot out last saint patty's day. we might behave as any couple and kiss hold hands. While on vacation in NYC we got called out holding hands by a younger resident how gay men are dirty. WTF
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    May 02, 2016 3:20 PM GMT
    I have grown very thick skin ...icon_biggrin.gif

    People who are worrying about other people's sexual lives are outing themselves as losers who find it easier to blame the others than sort out the their own issues.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 3:33 PM GMT
    It's just a vulnerability complex that men have. Appearing soft or gentle is shunned in male culture, and perceptions of homosexuality are associated with weakness so out of fear many men denounce it to protect themselves.

    bottom line is that if you're anyone who needs to dis-empower other people, or put focus on someone else's "weakness" then you yourself are stating how weak and afraid you are of whatever you're trying to humiliate. I Have been around a lot of homophobic remarks and they are all paper tiger comments. Most of the guys who are homophobic would actually start flirting with me in private and begin acting really gay themselves, because when guys try to spar with me intellectually, usually at the expense of minorities like homosexuals or people of other races, i decline to add to their ignorant beliefs and usually politely offer them other approaches; this in return makes people kind of become obsessed with you when you accept their beliefs but give them the option of having stronger ones if they choose to.

    What I think is that people should understand that these people are entitled to being ignorant if they choose, but they will always sway towards the truth if it is being revealed to them. Also most guys who talk shit about homosexuality would sexually experiment with other guys if it were socially acceptable and weren't labelled anything upon doing so, and that belief I carry refutes any ignorant statement I hear.

    I worked in one place where this one kid made jokes about gay people often, and then one day he asks me if i live alone and I say I have a roommate, and he asks "do you fuck him?" and I said "No" and he said "why not?" in a very sincere way, as in if he had a roommate he would totally play around. My advice to anyone in a place where they experience these remarks is to realize that the genuine gay curious question I got from an engaged straight male, is probably lurking within at least half of men who actively make homophobic remarks in public.
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1051

    May 02, 2016 3:43 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 saidIt is disappointing that "gay" has been coined as a pejorative phrase for anything rubbish or substandard. But, look at the other side of the coin. The acceptance of gay people by society as a whole has made huge progress. Even ten years ago, had anyone suggested same-sex marriage would be legal and widely accepted in most Western democracies, people would have laughed. The best thing you can do is to continue calmly challenging casual bigotry whenever you come across it. Attitudes are changing and, believe it or not, it is generally young people who are driving that change. Also, don't forget that gay people can be bigoted too, as the small but voluble anti-liberal element here on RJ continue to demonstrate.


    Your math is a little off. If you'd said 15 or 20 years, that would have been more accurate.

    http://www.mass.gov/courts/case-legal-res/law-lib/laws-by-subj/about/gaymarriage.html

    Look, white Liberals are just so tolerant and accepting:



    Fat uggo white Liberal social just warriors hate having their pictures taken. Can't say I blame them.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    May 02, 2016 6:07 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidI'm curious as to what you guys see as homophobia and how often you're confronted to it.

    I'm fortunate enough to have never experienced homophobia in the form of physical violence, or verbal humiliation.

    However, as a student in a business school, known to be a rather conservative environment, , I have seen homophobia in the form of jokes and mockeries.
    Basically, for a lot of guys my age, "gay" is still equated with something to be ashamed of, or laughed at. On Facebook, some people find it hilarious to hack people's accounts and put up fake coming out posts.
    For a lot of guys I have been around, their favorite insult is the word faggot (pédé in frenhch) or a variation of that.


    What's funny though I think is that a lot of guys don't even acknowledge that they may come across gay people who might be offended by what they're saying, as if gay people didn't exist.
    I think it reflects a sort of " don't ask don't tell" mindset, where if you're gay, you're expected to stay quietly in the closet and let the rest of the world laugh at your expense.

    Also, I do realize that a lot of people who are in this mindset aren't necessarily aware of it. They're just following the dominant conventional forms of humor/conversation to try to fit in.

    Recently, I was talking to a guy and I said something about not liking soccer. He then looked at me and said " What are you, gay ? " expecting me to reassuringly contradict him.
    When I said " Yes actually I am gay" , he was mortified and spent the rest of the night trying to convince me he wasn't a homophobe ha.



    You wrote: "What's funny though I think is that a lot of guys don't even acknowledge that they may come across gay people who might be offended by what they're saying, as if gay people didn't exist."

    Here's how I dealt with that.

    Someone used to make snide remarks about gay persons. Although the remarks were not horrible they were uncalled for. I told him that he might have a friend or relative who is gay and making such remarks could be hurtful. He asserted that that was unlikely. So the next time he did that, I replied something like this: "I happen to be gay and I find it very disturbing when you make such remarks." He apologized and said that he wouldn't do it again.

    Another time I had a coworker who was transexual. Once I was having lunch with some coworkers; the transexual coworker was not present. When they started making remarks about the transexual I stated that she seemed unusually competent, which she was. That stopped it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 6:23 PM GMT
    TO23 saidthese people are entitled to being ignorant if they choose, but they will always sway towards the truth if it is being revealed to them.

    You and I must live on different planets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2016 6:36 PM GMT
    JackNNJ said
    Your math is a little off. If you'd said 15 or 20 years, that would have been more accurate.


    I suppose it would depend on who you were talking to. For example, a sizable chunk of the Republican party and its base, even today, are in complete denial that same-sex marriage is the law of the land.

  • May 02, 2016 6:59 PM GMT
    I find the most productive way to fight preconceptions (which are at the root of a lot of it) is to just be your normal self. I call it the "pronoun approach", wherein you don't try to force it down people's throats, rather just casually integrate it into normal conversation by substituting masculine pronouns for feminine ones.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    May 02, 2016 7:20 PM GMT
    The Southern California beach community where I live is very homophobic, not in the traditional sense of the word but in what I consider to be the purest sense of the word: every straight guy in town seems to go through life deathly afraid that someone will think he's gay.

    There are a few simple reasons for this.

    First, my area is the center of the aerospace industry, and until a few short years ago, gay people were not allowed to hold security clearances. Even today the "rules" are vague and unevenly applied, and they still send investigators out every five years to question your neighbors about your lifestyle. Used to be, if someone got the idea you were gay, you'd lose your clearance and then your job. No "proof" was needed; if the investigator got a "bad feeling" about somebody, that was enough - and that part still holds today.

    Second, the surf culture is very big here. The iconography of surfing is very homoerotic, and every teenage boy who surfs spends a lot of time with his buddies wearing nothing but board shorts, and probably has posters of shirtless guys all over his room. So, they tend to be a little bit sensitive about what other people think.

    Third, being that this is the beach, there are a shitload of Peter Pans around here - straight guys in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s who have never been married, don't have girlfriends, live with male roommates (because rent is steep), and go out drinking with their buddies 5 nights a week. How these guys ever manage to convince their parents that they're straight is completely beyond me.

    Having said all that, while this is a very homophobic area (by my definition), it's also very accepting. They voted 2:1 against Prop 8, and I virtually never hear any sort of snide or hateful language. But if you're known to be gay they sure don't want to hang out with you... because someone might see them and get the wrong idea. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • ChicagoSteve

    Posts: 1277

    May 02, 2016 8:41 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidThe Southern California beach community where I live is very homophobic, not in the traditional sense of the word but in what I consider to be the purest sense of the word: every straight guy in town seems to go through life deathly afraid that someone will think he's gay.

    There are a few simple reasons for this.

    First, my area is the center of the aerospace industry, and until a few short years ago, gay people were not allowed to hold security clearances. Even today the "rules" are vague and unevenly applied, and they still send investigators out every five years to question your neighbors about your lifestyle. Used to be, if someone got the idea you were gay, you'd lose your clearance and then your job. No "proof" was needed; if the investigator got a "bad feeling" about somebody, that was enough - and that part still holds today.

    Second, the surf culture is very big here. The iconography of surfing is very homoerotic, and every teenage boy who surfs spends a lot of time with his buddies wearing nothing but board shorts, and probably has posters of shirtless guys all over his room. So, they tend to be a little bit sensitive about what other people think.

    Third, being that this is the beach, there are a shitload of Peter Pans around here - straight guys in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s who have never been married, don't have girlfriends, live with male roommates (because rent is steep), and go out drinking with their buddies 5 nights a week. How these guys ever manage to convince their parents that they're straight is completely beyond me.

    Having said all that, while this is a very homophobic area (by my definition), it's also very accepting. They voted 2:1 against Prop 8, and I virtually never hear any sort of snide or hateful language. But if you're known to be gay they sure don't want to hang out with you... because someone might see them and get the wrong idea. icon_rolleyes.gif


    That's a very interesting analysis, but it surprises me, given the advances in recent years and the fact that it is 2016.
  • Wendigo9

    Posts: 426

    May 03, 2016 2:23 AM GMT
    Being gay shouldn't be that big of a deal, just means love in the same sex. The problem to contradict is heterosexual behaviour of straight people, ex: why is two girls making out hot, and two guys making out not?
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    May 03, 2016 8:08 AM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 saidSometimes you'll find that the people with the worst cases of homophobia may be closeted homosexuals themselves. ...


    Totally true. Which is why I'm convinced dipshitRob is a closet-tranny.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1145

    May 03, 2016 8:10 AM GMT
    Crisistunity saidYes, it's very common.

    The other day at the gym, two guys who were very physical with each other –touching each others arms, waist, and those things straight guys do– started calling each other «maricón» (faggot) and they would come up with quick responses as to prove their masculinity to the rest of the weightlifting platform.

    I was about to say to them: «Maybe he is not maricón, but I am, and I've had enough of this nonsense», but in that very moment from my headphones came the sound of a great song that gave me the energy to keep on lifting and forget about their BS.


    What was the name of the song? icon_razz.gif
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 06, 2016 9:58 AM GMT
    It was «FUCKLove yourself», by Justin Bieber icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif