hmm... well, i am going to speak just from my own point of view and not try to say "the way it is".
I personally don't find myself attracted to really fem/flambuoyant "stereotypical" gay guys. having said that, I have friends who embody several aspects of the stereotype, but i dont have any friends who embody the entire stereotype, lock, stock and boa.
however, this is not because i find them to be repulsive or just dont like them, its more to do with the fact that i don't like to be, nor surround myself with anyone who embodies any full one stereotype, straight, gay, whatever.
i am many things in the make-up of my personality, but i find that any social group i identify myself with; politically, sexually, economically, intellectually, etc., i find that i can never fit into any group. in high school, i never fit into any one clique, and i would rather be friends with people from the widest variety of groups and then once in a while bring some of them together and see what happens.
what i have noticed though, is that there is something comforting in feeling attached to a particular social group, a feeling of security, safety or just plain comfort.
our society tends to function in a way that divides all people into different social groups: gays, jocks, feminists, leftists, conservatives, liberals, white, black, christian, jew, muslim, rich, poor, etc...
it is easy to take a large brush and make broad strokes over any one of the above mentioned groups, and identify common stereotypes for each category. when you get to know people from each category, genuine people, they tend to defy your predetermined notions of what defines them and how they define themselves.
i think that this is an unfortunate construct of our society, to not see an individual, but rather to group in manageable collectives, and then pit them against one another.
in terms of the "gay" grouping, i know people who choose to be flambuoyant and the works not because that's what it means to be gay for them, but because to them, that is a way for them to BE identified as gay, to be seen for how they see themselves.
at times, i can admire that, to me, that would take a lot of courage, and they reap the benefits... as in, someone can see them and know that they are gay, and so it's literally throwing yourself out there.
for me, personally, a lot of friends and new people i meet have told me that they didnt know i was gay until i brought it up, and i get hit on way more by girls than guys, so i can envy that aspect of someone that throws themselves out there for all to see. for me, i think it would make meeting people a lot easier, which is something i have a big problem with. although, i think it would also be a lot easier if i were attracted to the stereotypical gay guy cause then there would be no questioning, "is he gay? did he check out my friend or me? etc etc"... really it would make things easier, but alas, life aint easy.
personally, my view is that my goal in life is to just be myself, and embrace all of who i am and what i am, and just to be true to that and see where it takes me. i aim to be and accept myself as an individual, lost in the limbo between social groupings.
individualism seems to be fading in many respects, and so i can respect anyone for simply being true to themselves. if you are flambuoyant at heart and that's who you are, then all the power to you, i can respect that.
i just don't see the point in degrading those people who are that way though, because then we only invite it upon ourselves. and if more gay people are able to defy a stereotype and be true to themselves,then its all for the better for everyone, because then people may feel like they don't have to conform to any one perception of what it means to be gay, or what it means to be a jock, or what it means to be a nerd, woman, muslim, conservative, etc.
So, be an individual, and be true to yourself, and respect the individuality of others.
anywho, that's my two cents!