How to find a quality boyfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2016 3:36 AM GMT
    Hey guys. I have not had a dating experience with a man yet. I've had sexual experiences, but I want to try to find a quality man for dating. I live in Boston (so finding a gay man isn't that difficult), but every man I meet and am attracted to is looking for just sex (which is fun, but can be not so filling at times). My question is how did those of you in relationships make it work?

    Thank you for the advice! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    May 06, 2016 5:25 AM GMT
    well for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.
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    May 06, 2016 11:35 AM GMT
    I think that gay social, cultural or athletic groups are the place to start. And get your cool straight friends to set you up. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2016 12:52 PM GMT
    Apparition saidwell for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.



    Thank you! I agree staying friends would be important! :-)
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    May 06, 2016 12:52 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidI think that gay social, cultural or athletic groups are the place to start. And get your cool straight friends to set you up. Good luck!



    Good Idea, I will try some of those groups! Thank you!!icon_biggrin.gif
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    May 07, 2016 9:08 AM GMT
    Apparition saidwell for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.

    That's funny…and true. Sounds somewhat like me, although my profile is only 5 paragraphs long, witty, flows easily and smoothly (not the one on here) and each paragraph leads into the next. Not a hard read, but not for superficial or emotionally stunted guys.
    Once someone tells me my profile is "too long," I know they are not interested in knowing me- and I'm not interested in letting them get to know me. They'd get this much information in 3 dates, so why rail against it in a profile. It's like saying, 'I like your looks, but don't want to know you care about the world…' Yes, that's real attractive to me. Einstein shared a similar sentiment about people who weren't interested in discovering Life - in others and in the Universe. He said such people were 'already dead.'
    A guy with an undamaged heart will like reading about what "moves" your soul, that you actually love - and get along with - your mother, that you feel things rather than list a group of activities you like to do. Buddhism believes, the 'doing' state is the corrupt state, as it is always in transition. The only pure state is being (feeling in the heart, staying in the present).
    So, if I present an open heart in a profile, I'm sure not seeking a closed one in return. To me personally, that is a case of 'opposites repel.'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 2:38 PM GMT
    mcbrion said
    Apparition saidwell for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.

    That's funny…and true. Sounds somewhat like me, although my profile is only 5 paragraphs long, witty, flows easily and smoothly (not the one on here) and each paragraph leads into the next. Not a hard read, but not for superficial or emotionally stunted guys.
    Once someone tells me my profile is "too long," I know they are not interested in knowing me- and I'm not interested in letting them get to know me. They'd get this much information in 3 dates, so why rail against it in a profile. It's like saying, 'I like your looks, but don't want to know you care about the world…' Yes, that's real attractive to me. Einstein shared a similar sentiment about people who weren't interested in discovering Life - in others and in the Universe. He said such people were 'already dead.'
    A guy with an undamaged heart will like reading about what "moves" your soul, that you actually love - and get along with - your mother, that you feel things rather than list a group of activities you like to do. Buddhism believes, the 'doing' state is the corrupt state, as it is always in transition. The only pure state is being (feeling in the heart, staying in the present).
    So, if I present an open heart in a profile, I'm sure not seeking a closed one in return. To me personally, that is a case of 'opposites repel.'



    That is interesting. I've been getting advice from some guys saying don't write too much and other guys suggest writing a great deal about yourself. I guess maybe it's a quality over quantity when writing about things that interest oneself??

    Thank you for the advice!!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    May 07, 2016 2:52 PM GMT
    It takes considerable wisdom to find the good measure of things when penning down your dating profile.

    A guy who goes into a long writing extravaganza signals that this MAY all be about him, his views, his likes, his persuasions, his choices, his family, his background, his friends, etc. A reader is getting the impression that this overwhelming person with so many of his attributes out there in a relatively public profile is very likely to dominate the agenda at the reader's expense. So, he runs for the hills, and looks for a date somewhere else.icon_idea.gif

    Go too short on what matters, and the purpose of your profile may very well be lost for all the good reasons.

    My advice: focus on the essentials. About yourself. AND in equal measure, about the guy you wish to date. Make it lean and very interesting.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 5:39 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidIt takes considerable wisdom to find the good measure of things when penning down your dating profile.

    A guy who goes into a long writing extravaganza signals that this MAY all be about him, his views, his likes, his persuasions, his choices, his family, his background, his friends, etc. A reader is getting the impression that this overwhelming person with so many of his attributes out there in a relatively public profile is very likely to dominate the agenda at the reader's expense. So, he runs for the hills, and looks for a date somewhere else.icon_idea.gif

    Go too short on what matters, and the purpose of your profile may very well be lost for all the good reasons.

    My advice: focus on the essentials. About yourself. AND in equal measure, about the guy you wish to date. Make it lean and very interesting.

    SC





    Thank you for the advice!! I like how you mention focusing on the essentials, about oneself and their desired other. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2016 2:06 PM GMT
    You have to have something that distinguishes you from the rest of the gay pool--something unique, a je ne sais quoi. It's like buying a product: you look at the product vis-à-vis its competition, and eventually you choose the product that you consider to be unique and most suitable for your needs. Sometimes, you may feel that you deserve a product that's more expensive than you can afford, so you look at your reality and you change your expectations just a little bit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2016 2:45 PM GMT
    -know what you need and dating a copy of yourself is only a starting point.
    -date your best friend.
    -Given enough time, everything will go wrong; find someone you can forgive, someone who will forgive you.

    Both of you have to really value a relationship and want to be in one more than anything else. Your relationship is just as important as what your parents had have. Ask your parents how they stay together.j
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 09, 2016 4:05 PM GMT
    I like dating profiles. You can know so much more about a guy before you meet than through casual introductions or even shared interest venues. And you can communicate and take the measure of the guy for a bit before meeting, though I have no problem with quick sex as another way to know if you're going to like the guy. But the guys I've met online and eventually dated for a while, we had fairly lengthy get-to-know-each-other conversations first through messaging and then more direct means. But I live in a small beach town-- might be different in a city. In Boston I'd love it if a guy I was talking to asked me to meet him in a pub.

    Make your profile about what you like to do and what you value but keep it easy. And talk about what you like in a guy, but keep it welcoming. Give enough detail that the reader can spot common ground. If you focus on enjoying the other person's company instead of an end-goal, you'll find a lot of interesting and pleasant guys. One day one of them will be THE ONE.

    One thought about your profile, I generally prefer if a guy composes his own descriptions of who he is and is looking for, rather than drop to a generic reference based on some ten question algorithm. You might want to rethink that. MHO.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2016 1:48 AM GMT
    DOMINUS saidYou have to have something that distinguishes you from the rest of the gay pool--something unique, a je ne sais quoi. It's like buying a product: you look at the product vis-à-vis its competition, and eventually you choose the product that you consider to be unique and most suitable for your needs. Sometimes, you may feel that you deserve a product that's more expensive than you can afford, so you look at your reality and you change your expectations just a little bit.


    That is a VERY interesting point. I like it!! Thanks! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2016 1:49 AM GMT
    pellaz said-know what you need and dating a copy of yourself is only a starting point.
    -date your best friend.
    -Given enough time, everything will go wrong; find someone you can forgive, someone who will forgive you.

    Both of you have to really value a relationship and want to be in one more than anything else. Your relationship is just as important as what your parents had have. Ask your parents how they stay together.j


    Thanks for the advice, I will ask them!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2016 1:52 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI like dating profiles. You can know so much more about a guy before you meet than through casual introductions or even shared interest venues. And you can communicate and take the measure of the guy for a bit before meeting, though I have no problem with quick sex as another way to know if you're going to like the guy. But the guys I've met online and eventually dated for a while, we had fairly lengthy get-to-know-each-other conversations first through messaging and then more direct means. But I live in a small beach town-- might be different in a city. In Boston I'd love it if a guy I was talking to asked me to meet him in a pub.

    Make your profile about what you like to do and what you value but keep it easy. And talk about what you like in a guy, but keep it welcoming. Give enough detail that the reader can spot common ground. If you focus on enjoying the other person's company instead of an end-goal, you'll find a lot of interesting and pleasant guys. One day one of them will be THE ONE.

    One thought about your profile, I generally prefer if a guy composes his own descriptions of who he is and is looking for, rather than drop to a generic reference based on some ten question algorithm. You might want to rethink that. MHO.


    Thank you for the tips and suggestions. Yeah, the dating profile quiz, probably isn't the best idea. I'll have to edit my profile sometime soon. Thank you again!
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    May 21, 2016 7:31 AM GMT
    Paulll92 said
    mcbrion said
    Apparition saidwell for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.

    That's funny…and true. Sounds somewhat like me, although my profile is only 5 paragraphs long, witty, flows easily and smoothly (not the one on here) and each paragraph leads into the next. Not a hard read, but not for superficial or emotionally stunted guys.
    Once someone tells me my profile is "too long," I know they are not interested in knowing me- and I'm not interested in letting them get to know me. They'd get this much information in 3 dates, so why rail against it in a profile. It's like saying, 'I like your looks, but don't want to know you care about the world…' Yes, that's real attractive to me. Einstein shared a similar sentiment about people who weren't interested in discovering Life - in others and in the Universe. He said such people were 'already dead.'
    A guy with an undamaged heart will like reading about what "moves" your soul, that you actually love - and get along with - your mother, that you feel things rather than list a group of activities you like to do. Buddhism believes, the 'doing' state is the corrupt state, as it is always in transition. The only pure state is being (feeling in the heart, staying in the present).
    So, if I present an open heart in a profile, I'm sure not seeking a closed one in return. To me personally, that is a case of 'opposites repel.'



    That is interesting. I've been getting advice from some guys saying don't write too much and other guys suggest writing a great deal about yourself. I guess maybe it's a quality over quantity when writing about things that interest oneself??

    Thank you for the advice!!


    Why would someone stop to read your profile and then tell you you are too open about yourself. Assume that anyone who says, the profile's "too long, haha..." is, in the related dimension, depth, "not too much on the deep (Light) side of the Force." a man who is truly interested in you is fascinasted by you. He can't get enough of looking at you, kissing you, falling in love with you. The ones who discuss (if they do) what they like to do in bed and only care about the paragraph in your profile with your sexual interests, are maybe not the right guys for you.
    Also, finally, people are in such a hurry to just be "done with " something that they forget how to "be with someone."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2016 1:39 PM GMT
    mcbrion said
    Paulll92 said
    mcbrion said
    Apparition saidwell for starters, at 23 realize that a good dating relationship will be 3-6months. That sounds depressing, but you have to do that 4 or 5 times to find out HOW to date. This is also how you will make your best friends. A couple of those guys will be friends with you forever even if not physically present. Be nice to them even if you break up. And you will break up but that is okay. These are LEARNING relationships, like straight kids go through at 15.

    Second, on your dating profile, write a description that is like 3 pages long. Talk about some amusing things in your life rather than what you WANT..as the things in your life ARE what you want. Many will bitch at you that your profile is too much work (ie. they are shallow ), but there will be a lot of lurkers who read every word. they are the ones you want. hit on them.

    That's funny…and true. Sounds somewhat like me, although my profile is only 5 paragraphs long, witty, flows easily and smoothly (not the one on here) and each paragraph leads into the next. Not a hard read, but not for superficial or emotionally stunted guys.
    Once someone tells me my profile is "too long," I know they are not interested in knowing me- and I'm not interested in letting them get to know me. They'd get this much information in 3 dates, so why rail against it in a profile. It's like saying, 'I like your looks, but don't want to know you care about the world…' Yes, that's real attractive to me. Einstein shared a similar sentiment about people who weren't interested in discovering Life - in others and in the Universe. He said such people were 'already dead.'
    A guy with an undamaged heart will like reading about what "moves" your soul, that you actually love - and get along with - your mother, that you feel things rather than list a group of activities you like to do. Buddhism believes, the 'doing' state is the corrupt state, as it is always in transition. The only pure state is being (feeling in the heart, staying in the present).
    So, if I present an open heart in a profile, I'm sure not seeking a closed one in return. To me personally, that is a case of 'opposites repel.'



    That is interesting. I've been getting advice from some guys saying don't write too much and other guys suggest writing a great deal about yourself. I guess maybe it's a quality over quantity when writing about things that interest oneself??

    Thank you for the advice!!


    Why would someone stop to read your profile and then tell you you are too open about yourself. Assume that anyone who says, the profile's "too long, haha..." is, in the related dimension, depth, "not too much on the deep (Light) side of the Force." a man who is truly interested in you is fascinasted by you. He can't get enough of looking at you, kissing you, falling in love with you. The ones who discuss (if they do) what they like to do in bed and only care about the paragraph in your profile with your sexual interests, are maybe not the right guys for you.
    Also, finally, people are in such a hurry to just be "done with " something that they forget how to "be with someone."



    Thank you! I appreciate all of the advice you have given me on this post! icon_biggrin.gificon_cool.gif
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    May 21, 2016 8:34 PM GMT
    I always find it disconcerting when someone has a pet in their picture. It is too Blofeld and a bit creepy
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    May 21, 2016 8:38 PM GMT
    The first place is to look for someone with out a cat or a dog. Gay guys turn their pets into family
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    May 22, 2016 5:18 AM GMT
    ^^^ Grrrrrr...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2016 12:43 PM GMT
    Triggerman saidThe first place is to look for someone with out a cat or a dog. Gay guys turn their pets into family


    Wrong!
    Having a pet shows that he is able to care about something other than himself, is willing to invest in a caring relationship, and is putting forth effort to meet the needs of the (animal) companion.

    Aren't these exactly the qualities you look for in someone to date?
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    May 23, 2016 2:51 AM GMT
    ^^^ Woof!