What do you think? Relationship advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2016 6:37 PM GMT
    I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months. It started as a hookup then more and more we started hooking up exclusively with each other, maybe about 1 or 2 months ago. At least once or twice a week we'll have a sleep over. The sex is amazing, sometimes we might go like 4 or 5 times in one night. Then go for breakfast the next morning

    He has brought up the idea of going on an actual date and I'm totally for it. I like this guy. So when I agree we'll set something up, but every time we're supposed to go out something happens... Bad weather, school report, work etc. And it always comes from him. He bails out.

    What do you think is going on here?

    I really like him and would love if we went out on dates and connected outside the bedroom but it just never happens. He's bailed on me probably 3 times. Is it really just bad timing?

    Like today we were supposed to go out on our first actual date but before i contacted him I already knew it wasn't gonna happen. But I went through the motion and just like I thought he said it's a rainy day and not the best day. It IS raining pretty bad today but so what, it's just rain.

    Truthfully if it's just sex that's fine cause it's amazing but ideally I would like more. I don't know what I should do here.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2016 7:26 PM GMT
    hold tight, while you guys do the next breakfast order have that conversation:

    what did his last relationship look like, how long ago was it?
    what is his school and or work schedule look like, finals?
    does he plan to move after he graduates.

    great sex is not everything, are both of you wanting a relationship
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    May 06, 2016 7:50 PM GMT
    I'd definitely stop short of raising the dating issue altogether.

    If a rain prevents you from going hiking, I'd understand that. Both you and he know that you can plan going to the movies instead, hanging out at a cool museum or going for a swim, sauna, spa, whatever.

    The dude is just not ready, and for all you know, he never may get there if he is canceling on you three times in a row using the rain as an excuse in the last instance...

    So, enjoy your friendship for whatever it may be worth. Have fun, look into all the other options, and let him come to you when and if he is ready.

    Coz, the more you push the more will he resist...

    SC
  • TombRaider

    Posts: 94

    May 06, 2016 7:55 PM GMT
    As the above says, sex isn't everything. You should be open with him and tell him how you feel and what you expect. If he can't take the time to have a date with you, then it won't go anywhere else besides the bedroom.
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    May 07, 2016 12:38 AM GMT
    SamJonesBro saidTake it from me the King of hooking up. For him it is just sexual, he probably has a girl or boyfriend already and just keep you as his side piece.

    If you don't want the great sex to end, keep your thoughts and feelings about dating and interacting outside of the bedroom to yourself.

    He has done everything but outright tell you, that he doesn't want to date you, just fuck you.

    Leave well enough along, before you end up here in a few weeks posting about how Cobb webs are beginning to form in your boy pussy.



    Yeah you're right on most parts. I know for fact (mostly) there's no one else. But I told him we can just keep it at sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 12:54 AM GMT
    1daman23 said
    SamJonesBro saidTake it from me the King of hooking up. For him it is just sexual, he probably has a girl or boyfriend already and just keep you as his side piece.

    If you don't want the great sex to end, keep your thoughts and feelings about dating and interacting outside of the bedroom to yourself.

    He has done everything but outright tell you, that he doesn't want to date you, just fuck you.

    Leave well enough along, before you end up here in a few weeks posting about how Cobb webs are beginning to form in your boy pussy.



    Yeah you're right on most parts. I know for fact (mostly) there's no one else. But I told him we can just keep it at sex.


    Also I don't have a boy pussy to get cobwebs. And I'm never at a shortage for sex if i need it
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1174

    May 07, 2016 1:07 AM GMT
    It's just sex for this guy. Blowing you off three times is a sign that he's not interested in anything more than sex. It's too bad people can't just come right out and say what it is they want or don't want. They pull these passive-aggressive moves and it's not cool.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 1:12 AM GMT
    At some point sex, even great sex, gets stale if it doesn't lead anywhere. And the signals are unmistakeable that in your case progression is not going to happen.

    Since you are not content with the situation it is clear that you would rather have some intimacy with all the hot sex you're having. But you won't get that with the status quo.

    If you let yourself go on like this, you won't meet anyone else who might be open to a real relationship because you'll be too busy having all this great but meaningless sex. (Yes, full disclosure, we have all wasted way too much time on dead-end connections.) Don't do that. Move on and find someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 3:42 AM GMT
    As much as I hate to say it I think you guys might be right. Long term this isn't the best situation. I actually have turned away some really hot guys while dealing with this guy. I'm about 80% sure he hasn't been with anybody since me but I want the emotional connection as well as the sex.

    Our sex is very intimate. It's not like it's meaningless sex. He's even said 'I love you' to me before, which I didnt return the sentiment because I knew it was just for the moment. We have a connection but I just wish it could expand outside the bedroom. I talked to him about it today because it came up in convo and he said he has mixed feeling about a relationship because he's never had a real relationship. He said he wants a relationship with me... but I also know he gets very jealous and can't stand the thought of me being with someone else. So I'm not sure how much is fueled by his real emotions or the fact that he doesn't want to lose me to someone else

    Should I give him some more time? Should I just make a clean break? Should I ween off?? And how should I do it... Should I just stop responding to him?

    I dont really want to lose the sex either. We both have been tested I know hes clean, I'm clean, so I can do things sexually with him I'm not gonna do with a random hookup
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 3:49 AM GMT
    I don't agree with most of the posters above. The reason I don't agree is you say HE brought up the idea of going on an actual date. If that's true, he might just be having cold feet which is normal. Does he just flake on you or does he actually call you and let you know he can't make it. Also, does he seem concerned that it's happened three times in a row? If I had to cancel a date three times consecutively like that, I'd be apologizing my ass off.
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    May 07, 2016 4:01 AM GMT
    Radd saidI don't agree with most of the posters above. The reason I don't agree is you say HE brought up the idea of going on an actual date. If that's true, he might just be having cold feet which is normal. Does he just flake on you or does he actually call you and let you know he can't make it. Also, does he seem concerned that it's happened three times in a row? If I had to cancel a date three times consecutively like that, I'd be apologizing my ass off.


    That's the thing. It's so much mixed feelings it's confusing me haha

    Nah he doesn't just flake on me. He apologized and then said let's try again.
    He definitely brought up the idea of going on a date in the first place. We picked a place. Then the day before I could already tell he was getting cold feet so it wasnt a shock when he canceled. He loves calling me his man. It's just so hot and cold.... :/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 8:16 AM GMT
    1daman23 said
    Radd saidI don't agree with most of the posters above. The reason I don't agree is you say HE brought up the idea of going on an actual date. If that's true, he might just be having cold feet which is normal. Does he just flake on you or does he actually call you and let you know he can't make it. Also, does he seem concerned that it's happened three times in a row? If I had to cancel a date three times consecutively like that, I'd be apologizing my ass off.


    That's the thing. It's so much mixed feelings it's confusing me haha

    Nah he doesn't just flake on me. He apologized and then said let's try again.
    He definitely brought up the idea of going on a date in the first place. We picked a place. Then the day before I could already tell he was getting cold feet so it wasnt a shock when he canceled. He loves calling me his man. It's just so hot and cold.... :/




    So let's be clear.....a guy having cold feet and a guy who's deliberately playing games with you are two entirely different things. So give the guy a break. Keep in mind, he would not be nearly as nervous if it was a true first date. But you guys have been seeing each other already and even though it's been strictly for sex, he knows that this will be taking it to the next level. So it's understandable that he would be a little nervous. My advice to you would be to not bring it up at all. And even if he does ask you out again, just say you have plans and politely brush him off. But still make yourself available for the sex dates just like always. This will remove all the pressure from him and allow him to feel no obligations at all. I would bet within a couple of weeks he'll be begging you to go out again and this time actually show up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 2:30 PM GMT
    1daman23 saidI've been seeing this guy for about 4 months. It started as a hookup then more and more we started hooking up exclusively with each other, maybe about 1 or 2 months ago. At least once or twice a week we'll have a sleep over. The sex is amazing, sometimes we might go like 4 or 5 times in one night. Then go for breakfast the next morning

    He has brought up the idea of going on an actual date and I'm totally for it. I like this guy. So when I agree we'll set something up, but every time we're supposed to go out something happens... Bad weather, school report, work etc. And it always comes from him. He bails out.

    What do you think is going on here?

    I really like him and would love if we went out on dates and connected outside the bedroom but it just never happens. He's bailed on me probably 3 times. Is it really just bad timing?

    Like today we were supposed to go out on our first actual date but before i contacted him I already knew it wasn't gonna happen. But I went through the motion and just like I thought he said it's a rainy day and not the best day. It IS raining pretty bad today but so what, it's just rain.

    Truthfully if it's just sex that's fine cause it's amazing but ideally I would like more. I don't know what I should do here.



    Just show him what you wrote here... : ) -ED
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2016 2:37 PM GMT
    Don't call it a date.
    Call it two friends catching up. Take away any expectations...we go out to watch a movie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2016 2:58 AM GMT
    He likes having sex with you and is curious about what more you could be. Your sleepovers with breakfast in the morning are already dates... as in you two are spending time together talking and eating. So while it doesn't make you a couple at all, him bringing up the idea of going out on "an official date" is not something a guy would usually say if he's only interested in sex.

    However, trying to understand what's going through his head and why he's bailing on your dates is irrelevant. What's important is that he's not reliable right now. Maybe its temporary, maybe its something else. But there's one piece of advice that I found to be 100% true... do not spend time nor sleep with guys who are unreliable. I have had 3 boyfriends. Do you know the number of times those guys bailed on me at any stage of getting to know each other ? Twice combined.

    Date other guys and slowly phase this guy out unless he becomes more decisive. Quit having sex with him unless you can handle it... and if you can, then tell him you don't want to date him right now. In order for you two to truly date, you need to probably reset things a bit. He needs to know the difference between "a fun fuck buddy that he can cancel on" and "the guy he should respect as a potential date."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2016 2:07 PM GMT
    So here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif
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    May 08, 2016 4:27 PM GMT
    1daman23 saidSo here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif


    CAREFUL.....more "updates" to follow.........
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    May 08, 2016 5:28 PM GMT
    Eddy12free said
    1daman23 saidSo here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif


    CAREFUL.....more "updates" to follow.........


    explain..?

    I don't follow. What do you mean?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2016 6:10 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]1daman23 said[/cite]
    Eddy12free said
    1daman23 saidSo here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif


    CAREFUL.....more "updates" to follow.........


    explain..?

    I don't follow. What do you mean?[/quote

    It is RARE that someone so rapidly and completely changes a "relationship-negative" behavior. IMHO....he threw the dog a bone....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2016 7:14 PM GMT
    1daman23 saidSo here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif



    Not everyone! Remember, I was the one who told you it was just cold feet. icon_cool.gif
  • jlars12

    Posts: 82

    May 08, 2016 7:23 PM GMT
    I was seeing this guy a while ago and was convinced by his "efficient" communications with me that he must be more interested in other guys, until I realized that those "other guys" were career and team sports commitments. For some people, romance and sex aren't the biggest things in their life at the moment.
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    May 08, 2016 8:57 PM GMT
    Radd said
    1daman23 saidSo here's an update:

    Fortunately everyone was wrong. It was more or less a cold feet thing. We ended up going on a make up date the very next day and it was awesome!! Spent the day together and by the end of the night we ended up making it official. So I guess we just went from fb's to a full blown couple.

    Thanks for the advice though icon_smile.gif



    Not everyone! Remember, I was the one who told you it was just cold feet. icon_cool.gif


    Yea you were right. And It's finals time for him as well.

    He apologized a few times
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    He sounds very ambivalent about dating ... I would have very low expectations if I were you ... for dating purposes you should probably look for someone else. Remember dating isn't that difficult to do if you just ask a fellow to do something for a few hours, which is probably easier to do when you don't start by hooking up.