What's your fear?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2016 3:26 PM GMT
    Every person has 1 or more fears of coming out. As a gay or bi man, what is your fear or fears of coming out? If u are out, what thing or things do u fear the most that hold u back from doing things because of your sexuality? Also, how do u think we can change this for the better?

    One of my fears is that in my state i can be fired for being gay. We probably have many of the same fears.
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    May 10, 2016 3:48 PM GMT
    Most states are "at will" meaning you can be fired for any reason (unless you're one of a protected class - discussion for another day). This does not bother me in the least because the underlying fact is NO ONE OWES YOU A JOB.

    What I'd like to see is a mandatory 3 to 6 months salary severance package, mandated by federal law, be given to any employee that is let go from their job regardless of the reason. This will prevent companies from capriciously firing people.
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    May 10, 2016 6:51 PM GMT
    jock202 saidEvery person has 1 or more fears of coming out. As a gay or bi man, what is your fear or fears of coming out? If u are out, what thing or things do u fear the most that hold u back from doing things because of your sexuality? Also, how do u think we can change this for the better?

    One of my fears is that in my state i can be fired for being gay. We probably have many of the same fears.




    Unfortunately, my fear has already come true. If you plan or have planned on a non typical gay career, such as a fire fighter for example, One piece of advise for anyone coming out, even today. Do not become a political activist for the "LGBTQI cause". Do not go to marches. Do not go to or be in pride parades. Do not try to "change your workplace" into diversity, Do not tell your family friends you are gay unless you are on your own and well established. Stay out of the spotlight at all cost.

    Move out of the United States to a less religious country if you wish to do all these things I just said not to do

    If I had to do it all over, yes, Id be outta here just like Tina Turner

  • nice_chap

    Posts: 278

    May 11, 2016 10:55 AM GMT
    My biggest fear before I came out was how my dad and brother might react when they found out that I like men and not women. But when I did tell them, they actually took it better than the women in my family, so that was a big shock for me.

    I've actually been facing and overcoming a lot of my fears and weaknesses lately. I've come to realize that a lot of things I used to worry about were really not worth worrying about and I've been taking on new challenges and stepping out of my comfort zone and it has increased my confidence.

    I'm not likely to lose my job or be turned down a job because of my sexuality. There are laws against discrimination in the workplace where I live, so I don't need to be worried about that. I might risk my job if I make inappropriate advances towards a man where i work, but that pretty much goes for anyone.

    If I do have a fear or dislike associated with my sexuality, it's probably the thought of being treated like a pervert or slut. People do make assumptions, even people who are not homophobic, that if you're gay then you must be out getting shagged all the time, and they make suggestive jokes and comments about it. There are people I do share details about my sex life with and people I don't. When I meet people that I'm not comfortable enough with to discuss my sexuality, asking me nosy questions and making brazen comments, then I do still get a bit angsty.
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    May 11, 2016 12:40 PM GMT
    I have no fear when it comes to being gay, or having come out a long time ago. What I do fear, however, is dying a slow and painful death. You see people whom suffer with different diseases, like cancer, etc., that slowly turn into a vegetable before they die. Don't prolong it for me, just let me go right away.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • TombRaider

    Posts: 94

    May 12, 2016 3:21 AM GMT
    My fear that Trump could possibly be president due to uneducated voters. (Trump2016) icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 12, 2016 5:33 PM GMT
    an employment issue:
    if you are married it will show up on your employment background check the new employer buy off the internet.

    married or not:
    chances are you would not work for a way lower salary than you think your worth.
    so
    Would you work for a homophobic employer?
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    May 13, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    My biggest fears before I finally decided to no longer hide my sexual identity was (i) failing to become a major law firm partner, and (ii) affecting my partner's promotion to CFO of his company. Both fears were completely justified. When my partner and I finally made it, we both decided that it was safe to "come out." Gay people now are in a much better position to come out without jeopardizing their career, although the risks are still extant. Those of us whose career in the corporate world started in the late 1990's did not have that luxury.
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    May 25, 2016 1:59 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidMy biggest fear before I came out was how my dad and brother might react when they found out that I like men and not women. But when I did tell them, they actually took it better than the women in my family, so that was a big shock for me.


    Yes, you think it would be the opposite but when you think about it, it does make sense. Women feel it's a wholesale indictment against their gender and take it personally.

    When I came out my dad took it easier than my mother and older sister.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    May 25, 2016 3:44 PM GMT
    It was the job thing and loss of income. I had two sons to educate and needed to stay employed. The ironic thing is it is still legal to fire someone in Florida for being gay but it really doesn't matter. If someone wanted to fire you because they don't like gays, they can find some other reason to fire you. No matter what the company policy says. Management will hear what it wants to hear and you will be on the outside mad as hell but impotent to do anything about it. If you're not obviously hetero with wife and/or girlfriend, and past a certain age, they already suspect and after a while, they know. The only real way to avoid it is to find a company that truly is gay friendly, and not just at lower ranks for show. There must be well respected gays at the top, too.

    That said, in the US and most western countries, I think the burden is now on us. We have to be out, visible, and vote. We've got enough support now that to hide is cowardice. Unless you're a kid and rely on your parents for survival.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2016 6:10 PM GMT
    I'm afraid Donald Trump may be the next POTUS.

    But then again I'm afraid Hillary might be.

    And just as afraid Bernie might be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2016 10:58 PM GMT
    no fear
    both Hillary or Bernie, congress will block their efforts and the Obama grid lock will continue.
    Trump on the other hand could actually do some damage.