Just confused about a guy

  • mackyx1

    Posts: 2

    May 12, 2016 9:18 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    lately I've been hanging out with this guy, but it seems I can't ponder if he's just playing "hard to get" or just not interested anymore.

    He woof'd me on Scruff; I checked his profile, and apart from his good looks, I found out he's a linguist. Since I studied languages, I thought "cool, at least we could have something in common and let's see if it goes somewhere." So we went to have couple of drinks in a local gay-friendly bar and talked a lot about many things (he's a foreigner, but unlike most of them, he knows the language and the cultural nuances, we like even the same Czech music) + there was the attraction from my side. I thought "wow," but decided to play it cool since I've been on many dates as such, but most of the time the guys weren't interested then. However, he sent me a message on whatsapp the very next day, so I thought he was interested.

    We went on a second date; it was fine and everything; then he went out of town for a couple of days, but he was always sending me photos of the place he had been and keeping in touch in general. So I figured this could actually lead to something. Then we went for another date - we went for a walk to a park and had a couple of beers - but all of a sudden, there were those periods of awkward silence + he didn't even try to hold my hand or anything (me neither, but maybe we were both too shy), so I was planning to end this, but then he invited me to a dinner with his friend (I have never met such an unpleasant personicon_wink.gif, but whatever). We ended quite late and he was a little bit drunk and in a dancing mood, so I proposed to go to a local gay dance club.

    We had some more drinks there and then we started to make out (finally!:lolicon_smile.gif Then we went to his apartment and had sex. It was all really nice, and I ended going home around noon the next day - it was Sunday. On Monday, he sent me a couple of messages on Whatsapp, but from that day, I'm getting the mixed feelings from him.

    First, it's me who initiates, or at least try, to initiate the conversation. The thing is, however, he responds after like 6 hours, even though he has been countless times on Whatsapp, and now I seem like the desperate one trying to get this thing further. He's busy, he works as a teacher and teaches every day until 8 pm, but is he really that busy as to not to at least ready the message from me? Whatever.

    Yesterday, after many proposals I decided to give him the hint that it's OK to say "Sorry, it was really nice, but I'm not interested anymore." I wrote to him "sorry for bothering you," but he replied I'm not bothering him and started to reply to my messages. So I tried again to ask him out for a date, or to come to my place and hang out. Then no response until his call in the evening telling me he's already planned an evening with his friends, but that he'd be glad if I joined.

    I started to play it cool (even though I hate playing these stupid games) just not to seem too desperate (which I obviously am lol), and told him that I had some work to do now, but that I may stop by later on. So I started to play in my head how cool I'd be there, like it's no big deal and that shit, and put on my nice clothes and everything. All of this is really foreign to me, but what I wanted to do was basically just to preserve (and possibly boost) the little dignity I have left - I started to feel like Karen Stone from Tennessee Williams' "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone," though I'm not 50 something - I'm 27. So I went to the pub.

    While I was walking, it started to rain cats and dogs, and I got totally wet, as I didn't have an umbrella. I came inside the pub, wet through, and I saw him sitting at a table among like 10 people - there wasn't even a place for me to sit. I know I'm a coward, but I just panicked and went to the restrooms to dry myself. He didn't see me. Thoughts were just spinning inside my head, and eventually, I decided to leave the place and make up some stupid excuse in case he later asks why I didn't show up.

    So here I am now, making a total fool of myself because of some guy who might even not be interested. But the point is, I really don't know if he's interested or not. He wrote to me that I'm not bothering him, but you never know if he's just being polite; however, if so, his politeness rather makes the whole thing more blurry.

    Partly, I also think that the whole messaging thing makes dating really complicated and messy, because it's so instantaneous and everyone expects the other one to be available anytime. Plus, as I said, I really hate playing those stupid games, but it seems every gay guy I meet is keen on playing them. I hate ghosting as well, but at least you get the message more clearly than in situations like this. I think I will ask him directly where this is heading to.

    I'm sorry for the lengthy post, probably hard to digest so much information, but I'm looking forward for your thoughts.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    May 13, 2016 12:20 AM GMT
    Gosh a classic case of ..over thinking.. just go with the flow
    relax...we have all done that.. I still do it.. but now I say nothing..
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    May 13, 2016 1:08 AM GMT
    davfit saidGosh a classic case of ..over thinking.. just go with the flow
    relax...we have all done that.. I still do it.. but now I say nothing..


    I second this. Whether this connection goes further or not is not within your control, other than that you can call it off if you want. You'll know with time what will become of it. In the meantime go with your own feelings and be a kind and considerate guy.
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    May 13, 2016 5:45 AM GMT
    yea sounds like ur overthinking it.. he invited u to hang with his friends.. i wudnt care too much about how u got wet haha.. sounds very chill to me.. i wudnt have left the place xP
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    May 13, 2016 6:47 PM GMT
    This feels a bit like Crime and Punishment - 600 pages in and you go "Shit, was that all only over the course of 3 days!?!"
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    May 13, 2016 8:46 PM GMT
    I agree with what everyone else said. Also, he may just want to take it slow, not want to rush things.....Hang out once in a while, see how you get a long with his friends....then go from there..... Just take a breath, and go with it.....

    Good luck
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 13, 2016 9:08 PM GMT
    Yes, slow it down. You need to talk to him one-on-one to find out where his mind is regarding a potential relationship - not a relationship already. It might be that he's never been in a relationship before and he doesn't know how to take it to the next level, or he knows and just wants to keep it slow, like a friends first kind of thing. You really need to have an honest conversation, but focus more in building the friendship. If you don't have that, you won't have a relationship.
  • mackyx1

    Posts: 2

    May 14, 2016 4:05 PM GMT
    KJSharp saidThis feels a bit like Crime and Punishment - 600 pages in and you go "Shit, was that all only over the course of 3 days!?!"


    Yes, I know, it's super long, but I guess I just needed to somehow sum up the whole thing to get a clearer picture. Also, this has been going on for a month now.

    As for the rest, yes, now I definitely can see that I'm overthinking the whole situation, and it might be due to the fact that all my previous relationships started pretty quickly - I'm not used to waiting six months or more and in the meantime have a sort of undefined something. However, with this guy it seems I will need to change the pattern.

    BTW. The very next day he asked me how come I didn't come to the concert, and was super speedy in answering back.