People that choose to avert their eyes when you see them at the gym and other places.

  • Silverlakr

    Posts: 31

    May 13, 2016 7:25 PM GMT
    I have noticed at my gym that nobody looks anyone in the eye. This is especially apparent upon arrival and departure. If they do catch themselves looking at me, they quickly look elsewhere (usually at the ground). This may be an LA thing or? Makes me laugh.
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    May 13, 2016 7:35 PM GMT
    Avert. People avert their eyes.

    Anyway, I think it is a big city thing.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    May 13, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    How dare they. come to my gym so I can stare at you all day.
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    May 13, 2016 10:02 PM GMT
    It's really rude not to stare people at the gym. Since they work out so hard for their bodies. Tsk tsk tsk...
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    May 13, 2016 10:06 PM GMT
    Happens in SF as well. There's a "meat market" feel to a lot of gyms, which the gyms develop on purpose, so people become hyper-vigilant and misinterpret simple friendliness as a come-on. People at Y gyms are generally friendly in my experience, probably because the atmosphere is not hypersexualized and people feel like they can let their guard down a little.

    But, yea, it is funny how skittish a lot of gym rats are.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 270

    May 14, 2016 1:33 PM GMT
    Avert
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    May 14, 2016 2:01 PM GMT
    yep my Atlanta Gym too... then if you see them other places.. they say Hi ..lol
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 14, 2016 2:06 PM GMT
    I don't think it reflects anything negative. We all watch each other more overtly in the gym than elsewhere for a variety of reasons. Sexual and just looking for ideas and form. But if we struck up conversations with everyone we get caught watching, we'd never get our work done. I find if I ask a quick question of someone I get caught watching repetitively "Is that a shoulder or lat move?" "Thanks." and then go on with my workout, from then on we acknowledge each other with a nod and sometimes a word or two. I think most like having a handful of gym friends as long as it doesn't disrupt our routine.
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    May 14, 2016 6:34 PM GMT
    I guess I am part of the problem. I frequently check out a guy's body but I do not necessarily want to talk to or stare into his eyes. I have terrible gaydar so I don't always know who is own our team and I've found that maintaining eye contact or making repeated eye contact makes people think that there is a connection or that you might be interested in talking to them... and in most instances I'm not. I'm just sneaking some shameless peaks at their body or in many instances admiring their muscle structure and looking at their routine.

    I will also say that I have had a number of situations where I ever so briefly made eye contact with a random gay guy and it turned into him following me around the gym or I see him in the mirror making repeated stares at me or pointing me out to his friends. All this from just a half second glance or maybe a friendly nod. Its flattering but also incredibly awkward sometimes especially since in many cases, I am totally not interested at all in the guy. Not maintaining contact is just a way of not making more out of a situation or not making it personal. Its concerning that averting eye contact is also taken personally too. I guess I can see how it can be seen as dismissive but it feels like a damned if you do/don't situation.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14345

    May 14, 2016 6:38 PM GMT
    Not4u saidAvert. People avert their eyes.

    Anyway, I think it is a big city thing.
    It is also a suburban thing as well. Both major cities and sprawling suburbs are impersonal, jaded places.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    May 14, 2016 6:41 PM GMT
    oh c'mon lol

    if they did make eye contact instead, most of you would be on here making threads asking whether they're interested and whether you should make a move on them icon_lol.gif

    It's not a big city thing, it's a gay thing
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    May 15, 2016 5:02 AM GMT
    I moved to Salem from Portland and it's a little freaky how much more friendly people are here, even in the locker room. Also a little freaky how insular and conservative.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    May 15, 2016 6:51 AM GMT
    I always used to avert my eyes for fear of being beaten up ... and you muscle guys can be very intimidating to us average blokes just desperately trying not to be fat ..icon_sad.gif
  • lethlwepn

    Posts: 16

    May 15, 2016 7:48 AM GMT

    I like this site because guys are raising real issues that deal with our daily lives. This one seems small -but it touches on a whole pile of issues. Let me have a stab:

    I've often had worries about whether I'm acceptable, whether I fit in, and whether guys feel I'm OK.

    I used to feel awkward at gym. So many guys look great- and I'm just a tall skinny geek who used to have bad acne and the feeling stuck of not feeling OK in a sporty situation.

    Now at this advanced age (anyone over 50 is 150 in gay years) I like the gym. I can chat if I feel like it. I can offer a comment or ask a question and have a few gym buddies that I exchange a few words with.I like that.

    But as the guys have said- if I chatter to everyone I will get nothing done. So I tend to go in, change, warm up, get some muscle groups done and hurtle out of there. If I slow down I'll get lazy and then I won't stay fit. And I need to stay fit to keep my body working.

    I might add that several of you guys look so hot that I could easily start drooling if I caught you in the gym, let alone catch a glance when you dropped your shorts. Guys.... always fun to look at and dream about !
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    May 15, 2016 1:39 PM GMT
    you just might get a reaction if you look at someone's body and he is standing 15 feet away from you. He will never remember seeing you.
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    May 15, 2016 2:12 PM GMT
    My friend told me that he was working out at the gym while using a headset to talk on the phone. So as he was working out and talking, he was looking straight ahead in the direction of a guy long enough that the guy started yelling at my friend for staring at him. My friend was like "WTF, I wasn't even looking at you." icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 15, 2016 2:54 PM GMT
    just keep in mind you get a reaction if you look straight on at a dog.
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    May 15, 2016 4:02 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidoh c'mon lol

    if they did make eye contact instead, most of you would be on here making threads asking whether they're interested and whether you should make a move on them icon_lol.gif

    It's not a big city thing, it's a gay thing


    So true! icon_lol.gif
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    May 15, 2016 7:32 PM GMT
    They probably avert their eyes because they don't want you thinking they're gay. You're gay, so you want the eye contact..they don't. The other day I was looking at some random guy, not because I was interested, but because men naturally survey their environment, and he then looked at me as I walked by and continued to stare obnoxiously. Mind you I looked away before he noticed me, because I know how to observe someone discretely.

  • Silverlakr

    Posts: 31

    May 16, 2016 6:22 AM GMT
    TO23 saidThey probably avert their eyes because they don't want you thinking they're gay. You're gay, so you want the eye contact..they don't. The other day I was looking at some random guy, not because I was interested, but because men naturally survey their environment, and he then looked at me as I walked by and continued to stare obnoxiously. Mind you I looked away before he noticed me, because I know how to observe someone discretely.



    actually my gym is 99% gay...also I like to watch other members "discretely" observe the other guys. Everybody sees everyone checking everyone else out. Love that too. I pair off guys on the gym floor and imagine who's top and who takes the load...keeps my amused..
  • X9872

    Posts: 10

    May 16, 2016 6:17 PM GMT
    Guys can't help checking other men out -- who's built, who's hairy, who's got the biggest dick. They're looking, including the straight ones, even if they're pretending not to look.
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    May 16, 2016 6:47 PM GMT

    This has happened to me at work. This one guy, who looks like Maksim Chmerkovskiy, would go out of his way to avoid any eye contact with me. Very strange considering he went to the gayest gym in LA, Crunch. I suspect he was at least bisexual, but now has gotten married, hetero, for the first time at age 33, a newly promoted manager has to keep up fake appearances you know icon_rolleyes.gif


    Maks-and-Val-Chmerkovskiy-clip.gif
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    May 17, 2016 5:35 AM GMT
    I have a lot of trouble with eye contact for people I don't already know. Straight guys kind of scare me (even though I want to sleep with them) and the gay guys also scare me but for different reasons haha

    I tend to just dwell in my own little bubble but I'm trying hard to be more I dunno... approachable? No one gives a shit at this point anyway but you gotta work on your shit :p



    I blame my parents for all of this! *stomps off*
  • okaces91

    Posts: 33

    May 17, 2016 12:01 PM GMT
    It's definitely a common thing. I tend to avert when working out, or just in general, for a number of reasons: the desire to be left alone, not wanting to draw attention to myself, looking away before the handsome guys catch me haha...

    And it's a confidence thing, too. Apparently averting your eyes before the other person does (if both of you are looking at the same time) implies deference or submission. So if you want to stand your ground a bit more, try to win a few more games of eye chicken!

    Brb, working on my gaze icon_twisted.gif
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    May 17, 2016 1:13 PM GMT
    theantijock%20engage%20stalker%20reducti

    I recall hearing of or reading a study a few decades back about a condition some people have which supposedly makes them avert their eyes from eye contact. Just did a quick google. I don't think this refers to the very same thing but it seems similar...

    http://fusion.net/story/148054/theres-a-reason-some-people-hate-making-eye-contact/
    There’s a reason some people hate making eye contact

    New research suggests that people who exhibit certain personality traits feel uncomfortable locking eyes with others. So if you feel awkward making eye contact, it’s not your fault.

    According to a paper published in Neuropsychologia last week, those who exhibit neurotic characteristics feel uncomfortable when holding someone’s gaze. Specifically, explained co-author Professor Jari Hietanen of Finland, people who tend to be more neurotic. Hietanen told Fusion in an email that he and co-author Helen Uusberg of the University of Tartu in Estonia used the Five Factor Model to measure personality. Those five factors are: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Hietanan said that “the results showed that participants’ scores on the neuroticism factor were correlating with the brain activity patterns to eye contact. Scores on the other factors were not.”

    Neuroticism can be broken down into subsets, including “withdrawal” and “volatility.” Said Hietanen: “Withdrawal is related to inhibition and is characterized by anxiety, depression, high self-consciousness, and feeling vulnerable. Volatility, on the other hand, is related to lability, irritability…hostility, and impulsiveness.”

    According to Hietanen, people who hate eye contact the most tend to exhibit traits associated with withdrawal, rather than volatility. Ultimately, high-scoring participants “wanted to look at another person with a direct gaze for shorter periods of time and felt more pleasant when facing another person with an averted gaze.”

    The results were very specific to eye contact. Hietanen and Uusberg looked at how people who showed signs of neuroticism reacted to direct eye contact, an averted gaze, and closed eyes, but found that only direct eye contact triggered a feeling of discomfort.