Flirting.

  • Uriel

    Posts: 1

    May 14, 2016 10:21 PM GMT
    Hello realjockers,

    I'm new to this site so let me start by introducing myself. My name is Uriel. I'm 22 years old and I study screenwriting in LA. I'm reaching out to y'all because I need some help with something...

    I haven't really been putting myself out there in the dating/mating world because I've been so busy with school, and juggling two jobs on top of that. And the little time I do have off, I usually use it to catch up with friends or go out to restaurants/cute cafe's because I'm somewhat of a foodie. That being said, that leaves almost no room for socializing or meeting new people. But when I do see someone in public that I'm really interested in I just act so awkward and weird around them.

    For instance, I've noticed that whenever I go to lets say a club or a bar and a guy catches my eye I just try my best to not make direct eye contact or assume that maybe they'll come and approach me, and I really don't know why I do that. I've also noticed that the guys who do approach me are guys that I'm not really interested in at all. I've never been approached by a guy who I really found attractive or interesting. Does that mean I have to be the one who approaches guys instead of expecting to be approached? If so, how can I improve my flirting or my "approach"?

    -U
  • nemrac766

    Posts: 2

    May 15, 2016 11:42 AM GMT
    relax and just be yourself, have a few drinks that may make you feel better, just be kind and sociable even if the guy is not your type. BE YOURSELF
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2016 3:31 PM GMT
    Eye contact and smiling are musts.....icon_redface.gif forget about "perfection" and rely on "fuzzy logic". icon_cool.gif
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    May 16, 2016 4:02 AM GMT
    Uriel saidHello realjockers,

    I'm new to this site so let me start by introducing myself. My name is Uriel. I'm 22 years old and I study screenwriting in LA. I'm reaching out to y'all because I need some help with something...

    I haven't really been putting myself out there in the dating/mating world because I've been so busy with school, and juggling two jobs on top of that. And the little time I do have off, I usually use it to catch up with friends or go out to restaurants/cute cafe's because I'm somewhat of a foodie. That being said, that leaves almost no room for socializing or meeting new people. But when I do see someone in public that I'm really interested in I just act so awkward and weird around them.

    For instance, I've noticed that whenever I go to lets say a club or a bar and a guy catches my eye I just try my best to not make direct eye contact or assume that maybe they'll come and approach me, and I really don't know why I do that. I've also noticed that the guys who do approach me are guys that I'm not really interested in at all. I've never been approached by a guy who I really found attractive or interesting. Does that mean I have to be the one who approaches guys instead of expecting to be approached? If so, how can I improve my flirting or my "approach"?

    -U


    It is difficult to project confidence when fear is running the show. Being less afraid that the "wrong guy" will approach you, and you actually have to politely talk to them is what makes for stunted social skills. At some point - and you can practice this - find a way to be polite, but distant, which telegraphs that you are flattered, but disinterested. One of the things that is so awkward with gay culture is that we worry so much about the wrong guy approaching that we don't realize we're telegraphing "stay away" to everyone. You can't have it both ways. If you have female friends, ask them how they discourage guys who approach them (and ignore the ones who tell you they just say "get lost" because their emotional skills probably match their social skills).
  • mybud

    Posts: 11838

    Jun 02, 2016 12:51 AM GMT
    You're young, so stating you have no time for social activities is very telling. I feel you don't have the time for a social life because you're afraid of rejection. Get over that. All are rejected at one time or another. Flirting is a technique honed over time. You need to make the time to be social and mingle among other human beings. Take the time to develop the uniqueness of YOU....Cheers.
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    Jun 07, 2016 5:14 AM GMT
    " ...I've also noticed that the guys who do approach me are guys that I'm not really interested in at all. I've never been approached by a guy who I really found attractive or interesting. Does that mean I have to be the one who approaches guys instead of expecting to be approached? ..."

    No, it just means you need to reevaluate where you fall on the scale of 1 to 10 of attractiveness. You might think you're a 7 but the rest of the world sees you as a 5 which means you'll attract 4s and below.

    You can try approaching other guys just make sure they're not 8s, 9s, or 10s because you're sure to be rejected; thus eroding your self esteem even more.

    This will not be a popular response but it's the truth and no one likes hearing the ugly truth.

    Just the cold hard reality of gay life.
  • pennihunter

    Posts: 3

    Jul 09, 2016 11:28 AM GMT
    To overcome social anxiety, you should make small changes in your life style like practice deep breathing every day that will be helpful before an anxiety-provoking social situation, try on self help manuals, Confront your negative thoughts realize that not everyone is judging you. Try this out meet new people and make small talks or you can seek professional help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2016 12:19 PM GMT
    -flirting is un necessary if by chance your in a zombie bar. If no one is attractive or interesting your smile will not bring them out of the wood work.
    -look at guys that may not change your life but bring some relief for an evening
    -stay interested in a person who is a mystery to you and possibly expand your definition of "your type"

    -remember how the last person that approached you. How did he say it and how could you do better. Than use same methods on someone you are curious about.