My boyfriend told me he doesn't feel anything sexual for me anymore

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2016 7:42 PM GMT
    We've been together for almost a year. We had this conversation last night when I tried to initiate sex and he wasn't reciprocating. We certainly love and trust each other, but I had no idea he was feeling like this.

    I'm devastated because I feel unattractive. He told me I fulfill an emotional part of his life, but not the sexual. So that basically makes us cuddle buddies...

    I'm wondering what solutions we can come up with to solve this problem. Any suggestions?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 16, 2016 8:31 PM GMT
    Ouch! How old are you guys? Is this your and his first time long term relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2016 9:11 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidOuch! How old are you guys? Is this your and his first time long term relationship?


    I'm 25 and he's 28. This is my first relationship, this is his second.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 16, 2016 10:53 PM GMT
    how/why did his last relationship end?

    anyways seems all of the sudden?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2016 4:01 AM GMT
    pellaz saidhow/why did his last relationship end?

    anyways seems all of the sudden?


    Well, I did notice less frequency in the sex, but it was a slow progression.

    His last relationship ended because the guy was cheating on him.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    May 17, 2016 9:56 AM GMT
    move on
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    May 17, 2016 12:49 PM GMT
    It's up to you.
    Probably gonna be a sexless relationship.
    Are you fine with that?
    And you're still in your 20s, so...
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    May 17, 2016 1:09 PM GMT
    Ronar2 saidIt's up to you.
    Probably gonna be a sexless relationship.
    Are you fine with that?
    And you're still in your 20s, so...

    True, being 20s is a big "cushion". One can fall back and not get permanently hurt, having the luxuries of time & opportunity to start again.

    With the added benefit of hopefully having acquired a little more experience and wisdom regarding gay relationships. To make the next one better and more lasting.

    So long as some lessons were learned from each one. Like the fact that some guys are naturally noncommittal, and are always seeking something new, not something lasting.

    And BTW, having false starts is kinda common. In the straight world, too. The important thing is to not get discouraged or depressed. But to jump right back in, armed with new understanding & knowledge, and to keep trying. Until you (and he) get it right.
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    May 17, 2016 2:37 PM GMT
    Some people on here are not going to like what I'm about to say, but here it is: have an open relationship with precise rules of engagement to which you both agree.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 17, 2016 4:06 PM GMT
    It happens after the initial crazy period winds down. It may be that it is his first time to go through it. Doesn't mean it won't ramp back up. Most long-term couples will remember a waning period that morphed into something different but better in some ways. You should talk to him about it but only if you're prepared to be sympathetic to how he's feeling and not panic or be judgmental. I certainly don't suggest you should settle for a sexless partnership but sometimes it takes a bit of time to work through these phases. If you stay loving and understanding you may find something better on the other side. My partner and I now have quiet, loving sex, wild back-room romps like we've never met sex, short sex, all-day sex, in front of football on TV sex, selfish blowjob unreciprocated sex, you name it. Variety came after the initial rush died down.

    Reassure your guy that you're there for him. True love really doesn't happen until you hit some obstacle that could kill the party and yet you stayed because you love. That knowledge that you can have a disaster and yet you stayed is the "work" people talk about in a relationship. And it is what cements a relationship beyond puppy love. Though in the end, a sexless relationship is not what I'd choose, though some do, and are happy. Give it time.
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    May 17, 2016 7:39 PM GMT
    Try to work to rekindle the passion. Sometimes you have to work at it. If you love him and he still loves you, then don't just toss it all away.
  • Mncub22

    Posts: 10

    May 18, 2016 5:27 AM GMT
    Why does he not feel anything sexual for you anymore? Is it because of looks? Is it because he just wants to try something new? Are you guys into different things sexually? Ultimately it just depends on what you're comfortable with the relationship being. Is cuddle buds enough for you? Is he saying he wants to see other people? He's the only one that can answer what you can do to rekindle your passion. Either he knows the solution or there isn't one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2016 9:24 PM GMT
    Ouch! No guy wants to hear that. No boyfriend should make u feel unattractive so id move on. if u want u can try to make things romantic between u two and see if the relationship is repairable. Both of u have to be interested otherwise maybe it is just not meant to be.
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    May 18, 2016 11:16 PM GMT
    Run, do not walk, run away. It does not get any better. If he does not find you attractive now, he will find someone else soon enough. At your age, run. It wont get any better
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    May 18, 2016 11:26 PM GMT
    All this bullshit about open relationships or he will come around...bs.

    When it is over, it is over. Dude does not find you attractive? Find someone that does. Or do gymnastics to make him like you.

    Run!!! In your twenties? Runnnnnn
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    May 18, 2016 11:50 PM GMT
    oh, well; the original OP has closed his account but post on
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    May 19, 2016 12:03 AM GMT

    A year?

    Seriously run. A year? You aren't throwing anything a way a year is a not a long time and it's very much a short time to already be telling someone you love that you don't find them attractive sexually anymore.



    This is really his issue more than yours.

    I agree with people saying true love takes work and patience and all of that, but that is true when things are going well and have a reasonable chance of succeeding. You're both young and haven't been together very long and are both relatively inexperienced in relationships, this movie is so unlikely to end well you are just burning your youth trying to push a rock up a hill.

    Work on yourself physically if you feel unattractive, and understand this is more your partner's issue.


    I know you want to find a solution, being single is scary and losing anything you love is scarier still but sometimes you have to make a hard decision and know at first it will be painful but is for the best. Your boyfriend telling you this is a giant red flag on so so so many levels. In life it feels like we have all the time in the world but we don't. Don't waste time settling for cuddle buddies with someone who you fulfill "the emotional" part of their needs. You're devestated because this isn't what you want. Don't settle for something that DEVESTATES YOU, no matter what spin is put on it.



  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    May 19, 2016 12:07 AM GMT
    the original OP has closed his account but post on


    Ah shit. I knew i should of taken ESP in college.



    Anyways, i don't get the few people giving this poor bastard a sense of hope. If some skinny 150lb kid is telling you it's his dream to become heavyweight champion, don't encourage the motherfucker to go out and get brain damage. This relationship is doomed as fuck. My guess the one guy saying he doesn't want sex anymore is too much of a pussy to just end things himself and is putting the ball in the other guys court. "so can i fuck other people and use you as support?"

    It's not like they've been together for 10 years and are in their 40s.



  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    May 19, 2016 12:14 AM GMT
    Badbug- Sorry, if a guy told me after a year he was not attracted to me then he probably wasn't attracted to me 6 months ago. It does not happen over night. And attraction is probably the most important thing in the first few years. And it rarely gets better. So dump him and find someone that is attracted to you. Or stay with someone in your twenties that has already told you he is not attracted or finds you sexy and hope he changes. Experience? Run. Find someone that finds you smart, funny, and attractive physiquely
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2016 7:24 AM GMT
    Although his approach may not have been the best one, at least he was honest. The best advice that I can give you is, sit down with him and be honest with him as well. Let him know how you feel and take it from there.Just dont let someones opinion of you define the way you see yourself. Good luck with everything.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2016 10:38 AM GMT
    Triggerman saidRun, do not walk, run away. It does not get any better. If he does not find you attractive now, he will find someone else soon enough. At your age, run. It wont get any better


    QFT
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    May 19, 2016 12:20 PM GMT

    Triggerman said
    Run, do not walk, run away. It does not get any better. If he does not find you attractive now, he will find someone else soon enough. At your age, run. It wont get any better

    QFT




    PCP
    WARP
    NAACP
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me


    What the fuck does QFT mean and why the fuck should we all know?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2016 6:25 PM GMT
    You guys are both very young. It takes awhile to understand what you want, what your body wants and then it changes. But there's a difference between being bored sexually with each other and no longer being attracted at all.

    I went through a similar situation with my last 2 exes where I liked them a lot but was never really super sexually turned on by them. I was willing to make it work and I NEVER said anything as insensitive as "I'm not attracted to you anymore". What I did was suggest that we try different things and tell them what I enjoyed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2016 10:00 PM GMT
    WOW

    BEEN THERE

    MY X TOLD ME HE DIDN'T HAVE THAT GREAT AN INTEREST IN SEX.

    AT THE TIME I WAS ON SOME MEDS THAT CURBED MY HUNGER FOR SEX.

    SO AT THE TIME IT DIDN'T MATTER????????

    WELL LATER I DID RESENT IT...........

    AND STILL DO THAT I STAYED IN THE RELATIONSHIP FOR MANY YRS AFTER THAT.

    WE SHOULD HAVE TALKED MORE ABOUT IT.

    I WISH I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP AT 10 YRS.

    YES SEX IS A BIG PART OF MANY RELATIONSHIPS.

    BUT YOU NEED TO TALK OR MOVE ON.

    SEE IF FRIENDSHIP WILL WORK

    AND MOVE ONE..


    I STILL LOVE MY X BUT I KNOW IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT......

    YES I WISH.........

    BUT IT IS JUST A WISH PEOPLE SHOULD GET WHAT THEY WANT.

    ITS HARD....

  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Dec 03, 2016 3:03 AM GMT
    KJSharp saidTry to work to rekindle the passion. Sometimes you have to work at it. If you love him and he still loves you, then don't just toss it all away.


    What he said. It may be worth the effort to try and rekindle the passion. A lot of the problems which block passion are personal. A good book on the topic is "Passionate Marriage." It was written with straight people in mind, but there is valuable stuff. If your guy blames you for his lack of passion, it's not likely to work.