When I was younger I pictured myself with one day my own family, being very family oriented and from an interactive family. My brother and I talk just about every week and growing up we knew most all our cousins, aunts and uncles with parties of 60 plus relatives a few times a year being the usual.
But after enough years of being treated as a second class citizen in my own country, without my human rights of marriage and of adoption, living in Florida when that bitch Anita painted us as pedophiles, unable to adopt even my own brother's kids should, God forbid, anything have happened to them, for many years I tuned it out for myself what str8 people take for granted, even while enjoying as best I could the experience of my family & friends raising their kids.
I wasn't envious of them, glad for them that they had what they had, but I was hurt and I know it and I am unafraid to acknowledge it.
Births were bitter sweet for me. My sister in law still tells the story about me bringing my dog to the hospital when she had her kid. But they wouldn't let him in the hospital to meet his new cousin. I was so very upset. So my brother stayed outside with my puppy child while I went inside to meet his.
So all that kind of sucked, actually. And maybe gay people braver than me did buck the hetero system more to have their own kids in gay relationships but I'd imagine from my generation few of them; or maybe some less self aware of their own sexuality married and had kids under the guise of being str8; or maybe if I wasn't in Florida where it was illegal for me to adopt, things might have been different.
And not that kids are any guarantee because you can wind up with a bad one, but now heading into my last decades, not having had kids is actually a little scary. I won't have anyone to care for me as I cared for my mom when she aged. And I don't want to wind up in a nursing home, especially being gay as they are often staffed by new immigrants from homophobic cultures, and especially with no one to check on me for my sibling will be ageing also.
So my answer to not having had kids but to be able to keep myself safe from abuse--I only hope I still by then have the courage and conviction--is to eventually shoot my brains out. For I do not care to age in this world alone.
So are you being selfish? Perhaps only to yourself. For even though you might wind up with a bad kid, odds are that if you have two, one will be good and that's pretty much the only way to assure yourself the comfort of being not alone in the world as you age.
Do not underestimate the benefits of family structure. It is a great advantage of the heteros which has been long denied us.