What does love feel like ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2016 6:39 PM GMT
    As someone who was actively looking for a boyfriend with no success, and finally gave up on the idea to just have fun instead, I often find myself thinking about what being in a relationship would feel like.

    The main reason is that I end up having these completely meaningless encounters with guys, which are absolutely fun and enjoyable in the moment, but of which nothing remains.

    So, to people who have been in relationships, could you describe what love feels like ? Is it as wonderful as it looks in movies and songs or is it all just a myth ? icon_smile.gif

    I don't know if I'll ever find it, but I'm really looking for the kind of life changing love that will sweep me off my feet haha is it realsitic to have those sort of expectations ?

    Anyway, tell me about your experiences with love, I'm curious.

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    May 19, 2016 7:32 PM GMT
    It's like what I told my then boyfriend (now husband) I feel like I want to dance. I want to sing. I want to write poetry. I want to write music. I want to paint. I want to sculpt. I want to tell you I love you in a thousand languages. I feel I can do all those things even though I know I can't (at least very well). I want to be with you every moment of the day.

    It was driving an hour and a half after working all day just to see him for a few hours and then driving and hour and a half back home just to do the same thing the next day.

    It's being with each other and being so comfortable you don't have to do or say anything.

    It's wanting what's best for the other first and foremost and putting them first. Their needs, wants, desires are yours too. You would protect them at all cost even if it meant your own life.

    Your experience may be different. One thing is for sure: You'll k ow it when it happens.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 19, 2016 8:23 PM GMT
    That's ^^^ about my thoughts, too. Driving at crazy speed on your way to see him because you you literally cannot wait. Just sitting across a table from your guy and feeling totally thrilled to have him as your guy. Sitting in a car for an hour with him when you have to part because you just don't want to leave him. An aching pain in your chest when you do leave because you already miss him so much. Half boo-holing to sappy songs. Everything you do together feels like an adventure even if you've done it before. Waking at night and just watching him for a bit because he's so handsome. Buying him a bracelet because you want something connected to you touching his body all day long. Letting arguments just GO because you love him more than needing to win. Feeling on top of the earth walking into a restaurant with him on your arm because you can't believe he chose you, too.
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    May 19, 2016 8:47 PM GMT
    But aren't those just the initial stages though? Does it go away after a while ? Does it just become less intense ?

    There's a French satirical book called " love lasts three years" haha would you agree ?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 19, 2016 9:21 PM GMT
    Sure, it fades some but it reappears from time to time and you feel it again. And in the process you build a life together where 90% of what you want is what he wants, too. My guy and I have been together almost nine years and last Summer we went to one of my son's wedding. That was the first time he'd met my ex-wife's family. Very odd thing. But I watched him move through the event and smile and laugh and I couldn't take my eyes off him. And all those early feelings were rushing through me. Happened again just a couple of weeks ago when he was noted for doing a spectacular job on something important to him and my heart just was bursting with happiness for him and for us. So you stop living in euphoria and get on with the business of life but the feelings of intense love and happiness are there below the mundane. And they continue to rise.
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    May 19, 2016 9:41 PM GMT
    Well that sounds amazing icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2016 2:19 AM GMT
    It's seriously overrated and not all that. It's a sickeningly sweet feeling that made me almost physically ill, but that is just my experience.
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    May 20, 2016 3:11 AM GMT
    Saad22 saidBut aren't those just the initial stages though? Does it go away after a while ? Does it just become less intense ?

    There's a French satirical book called " love lasts three years" haha would you agree ?


    It doesn't go away; it mellows. When the feelings of love mellow then love becomes a decision. A conscious decision to keep the feelings alive, to do the little things daily that keep the love alive.

  • May 20, 2016 4:42 AM GMT
    Saad22 saidAs someone who was actively looking for a boyfriend with no success, and finally gave up on the idea to just have fun instead, I often find myself thinking about what being in a relationship would feel like.

    The main reason is that I end up having these completely meaningless encounters with guys, which are absolutely fun and enjoyable in the moment, but of which nothing remains.

    So, to people who have been in relationships, could you describe what love feels like ? Is it as wonderful as it looks in movies and songs or is it all just a myth ? icon_smile.gif

    I don't know if I'll ever find it, but I'm really looking for the kind of life changing love that will sweep me off my feet haha is it realsitic to have those sort of expectations ?

    Anyway, tell me about your experiences with love, I'm curious.




    What does love feel like?

    I feel like this should be answered with a musical number. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2016 9:32 AM GMT
    The guy I loved died in a car accident last weekend.

    Love doesn't necessarily happen all that often in life, but it can indeed happen at any time, early on in life or late in life, and it is as intense. It is a qualitative difference over just being good friends, and when one is in love, you do recognize that you are.

    Just enjoy the ride when it happens. Unless one is very fortunate, it may not mutually last forever for all sorts of reasons.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 20, 2016 3:50 PM GMT
    Sulla saidThe guy I loved died in a car accident last weekend.

    Love doesn't necessarily happen all that often in life, but it can indeed happen at any time, early on in life or late in life, and it is as intense. It is a qualitative difference over just being good friends, and when one is in love, you do recognize that you are.

    Just enjoy the ride when it happens. Unless one is very fortunate, it may not mutually last forever for all sorts of reasons.

    So sorry for your loss. Must be terrible. Good luck getting through. Very sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2016 8:24 PM GMT
    Sulla saidThe guy I loved died in a car accident last weekend.

    Love doesn't necessarily happen all that often in life, but it can indeed happen at any time, early on in life or late in life, and it is as intense. It is a qualitative difference over just being good friends, and when one is in love, you do recognize that you are.

    Just enjoy the ride when it happens. Unless one is very fortunate, it may not mutually last forever for all sorts of reasons.



    I'm really sorry for your loss.
    Thank you so much for your answer.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    May 21, 2016 6:36 AM GMT
    Not4u saidIt's like what I told my then boyfriend (now husband) I feel like I want to dance. I want to sing. I want to write poetry. I want to write music. I want to paint. I want to sculpt. I want to tell you I love you in a thousand languages. I feel I can do all those things even though I know I can't (at least very well). I want to be with you every moment of the day.

    It was driving an hour and a half after working all day just to see him for a few hours and then driving and hour and a half back home just to do the same thing the next day.

    It's being with each other and being so comfortable you don't have to do or say anything.

    It's wanting what's best for the other first and foremost and putting them first. Their needs, wants, desires are yours too. You would protect them at all cost even if it meant your own life.

    Your experience may be different. One thing is for sure: You'll k ow it when it happens.


    That 'bout cuts the mustard as far as I've known it. 'Course, after the first 10 years, you might feel a bit less of the songwriting urge, or the poetry urge, but you'll still look at them before you eve notice any other guy in a public (or private) place, even if the guy is publicly naked, and has a beautiful physique. You, still in love, hunger for the glance of your beloved. For his secret smile, which he only smiles at you.

    It's very real, but you must find the people who are able to express these emotions and revel in them. Some people do not believe in losing themselves in Love, but if it's controlled, it lacks a big component of Love: Trust. So you must look for that. And Reciprocity of emotions: "I love the way you look, from head to toe." "I know, I feel the exact same towards you. You are so beautiful to me that I couldn't even look at another guy." (The last one will be a point of debate to be so 'flowery' but it is more 'how tender can you allow yourself to be.')
    SO, It's everything contained in the first four paragraphs of Not4u's observations. There's more, but this is pretty vulnerable...and tender as a way of being.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2016 2:14 PM GMT
    One of my favorite comedians described love as the feeling you get waiting at the bus stop knowing that the bus is not coming after you gave your warm jacket to your beloved walking home in warmth.

    Have you ever watched butter melting on a stack of pancakes covered with maple syrup? The butter and the pancakes are in love. Messy, sticky, fluffy, melt in your mouth. LOVE
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    May 23, 2016 3:27 AM GMT
    food poisoning
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    May 23, 2016 4:25 PM GMT
    Saad22 saidBut aren't those just the initial stages though? Does it go away after a while ? Does it just become less intense ?

    There's a French satirical book called " love lasts three years" haha would you agree ?
    :


    Infatuation goes away. Love is a lot deeper than that and more enduring, unless people are shallow in their emotional nature, and can't develop depth and commitment. I can't fathom Love that ''lasts three years." But it's a humorous statement. Of course, the book, as you said, is satire. I loved my lover for 17 years, even after we broke up. We were so loving to each other, our employees stated that we were "still married." We weren't, but they weren't accustomed to seeing love endure even after the breakup (which we had to deal with as we had a business together. You learn how to deal with sadness after the loss of a relationship when disappearing is not an option.)

    So, that's MY answer to the question. I think the more important question for anyone is: Am I capable of truly loving someone without motive? Some guys have a relationship because they're tired of being alone, some out of insecurity, some out of a need for steady sex. I wouldn't call something that develops out of those conditions being present as based on "Love." It's more based on "need."
    There are, in philosophy, two statements about love that separate healthy love from unhealthy love. They read like this:
    The first statement:
    I love you because I need you. (The statement usually assessed as less healthy, because the need comes long before you actually love the person.)

    The second one:
    I need you because I love you. ( Generally considered the more healthy state of mind for entering into a relationship).

    'Course, if I had a terminal illness, I might want to be with someone regardless of whether it was love or not, and I can certainly understand that. I saw too many friends die of AIDS in San Francisco in the '80s, and they lamented that they hadn't met a guy they could love for the rest of their lives, and now they weren't going to have that chance. It was pretty heartbreaking. I'm glad that period is lover.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 27, 2016 1:35 AM GMT
    You're all going to think I'm really dorky for posting this, but this always makes me smile. And I feel it's a nice explanation. Especially the last part.



    "It's like coming home after a long trip. That's what love is like,"
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Jun 11, 2016 2:09 AM GMT
    Love is: "god this pimple on my back is killing me can you pop it for me (while in the shower)"
    -"sure" and he does "omg that is a lot of pus it's huge"
    -"thanks"
    -"no problem"

    Love is also:
    "SNNNOOORRREE ZZZZ ZZZZZ ZZZZ"
    - kick "Shut the hell up i cant sleep!"
    -"snnooorrree zz zzz "
    -kick
    -" z z zzz"

    and then three days later when he is working out of town

    - "I cant sleep...too quiet"

    -------------