Fat, fem and Asian (a coming out story)

  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 22, 2016 9:26 AM GMT


    Interesting interview about how the «fit, masc, Caucasian» standard (not only of beauty, but of how the way Gay culture is supposed to be lived) reigns in the Gay world

    In your culture, what's the «common way» of living your sexuality?

    Did you have a «coming out» scene with your family, friends, or at work telling them you were gay?

    In my case, I didn't say the infamous line, I just told my mother (she's Cuban) I was in a relationship with a person called Alberto. She cried and cried, and when my father (he's a Spaniard) got home, he asked her what had happend.

    My mother, in tears, repeatedly said: «the worst thing that could have happened».

    My father looked at me, in fear, and asked me: «are you dropping out of university?»

    My mother cried: «Worse! Worse! He is gay! He is gay!»

    My father looked at me, relieved, and said: «If you are gay, you are gay. But you are not dropping out of university, are you?»

    Thinking back to that day, with the notion of the things said in this interview, I now realise how their (not so apparent) different cultural backgrounds were behind their reactions on the matter.

    My mother's family (with the exception of my grandfather up until recently) was ok with it, and I never told anything to my dad's side of the family.

    In January last year, I just went to my grandmother's 80th birthday (my dad's mother) with my current boyfriend, and she said to me: «I'm so proud to see you this happy, my boy», my grandfather was excited to be able to talk to a new member of the family about how he appeared in three Hollywood movies when he was in the Army after the Spanish Civil War. They are always asking us to visit and have lunch with them.

    At the office I just said one day my boyfriend was picking me up to go to the cinema and there was no need for a coming out scene or anything.

    What about you? Have you experienced a contrast between the way things are culturally expected to be and your own reality?
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    May 22, 2016 11:56 AM GMT
    Great read, and very interesting perspective.
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    May 22, 2016 2:20 PM GMT
    It is ironic that the Asian drag queen featured in that video purports to be Asian but he decimates through 2 pounds of make-up every trace of Asian ethnicity that he possesses. Quite sad.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 22, 2016 4:45 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidIt is ironic that the Asian drag queen featured in that video purports to be Asian but he decimates through 2 pounds of make-up every trace of Asian ethnicity that he possesses. Quite sad.


    Doesn't she look Asian? Well, she sure doesn't look like the stereotype we have of Asian people.

    It is funny that you brought this up, since she is actually wearing the high fashion version of the traditional Korean dress (can something be more Asian?):

    tcs06.jpg

    Of course, it doesn't comply with the stereotype of Asian we are used to, she is not wearing a pai-pai and a kimono.

    The 2 pounds of make-up are quite Asian as well, pale face and Anime-like eyes.

    In the interview they talk about how other Asian contestants of RuPaul's Drag Race have leaned on the stereotypes White culture has about Asians to get the attention.

    But this contestant in particular used actual Asian trends and used them to her advantage.

    When asked why she hasn't come out to her mother yet, it's simply that in her culture things don't work that way (the interview is quite revealing on this subject).
  • interesting

    Posts: 570

    May 23, 2016 7:20 AM GMT
    CrisistunityWhat about you? Have you experienced a contrast between the way things are culturally expected to be and your own reality?


    To answer that question, no. Everything that is culturally expected of me has been fulfilled by my reality.

    Also just want to note that hanbok Kim Chi wore was really pretty. And that song is so incredibly catchy, better than the other two even though she didn't perform as much as Bob.

    Reading that interview was really refreshing, there were some points that I identified with immediately, and they were well articulated. However, I sense there is some slight bitterness from the interviewee, especially the part where he pointed out past Asian queens winning their challenges using racial stereotypes. This is completely different from mocking those stereotypes in conversations, drag culture has always been irreverent and about making fun of pop culture and exaggerations, it's actually less about feminizing oneself to just become a female impersonator. That's one point I didn't agree with C. Winter Han. However, I don't doubt his assertion that gay Asian men are marginalized in both the Asian community and the gay community.

    But I do agree with the point that in East Asian cultures, we don't talk about sexuality, it IS subtle, there is never a "Mom and Dad, I'm gay!" type of conversation, this feels like a Western thing for me, but it surprises me since Kim actually was born here. I think on some levels, my parents know about me just like Kim Chi's mom probably knows about her. Whether it's shame or just the extremely conservative culture, sexuality isn't really discussed. And I don't bring myself to say it either, I'm not sure why though, fear, shame, mixture of both? It's complicated.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 24, 2016 9:05 AM GMT
    Saad22 saidGreat read, and very interesting perspective.


    What about your culture and your experience? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 24, 2016 9:16 AM GMT
    interesting said

    Also just want to note that hanbok Kim Chi wore was really pretty. And that song is so incredibly catchy, better than the other two even though she didn't perform as much as Bob.


    I agree, the look was flawless and her song was the best one. Bob, of course, gave the whole show.

    interesting said

    Reading that interview was really refreshing, there were some points that I identified with immediately, and they were well articulated. However, I sense there is some slight bitterness from the interviewee, especially the part where he pointed out past Asian queens winning their challenges using racial stereotypes. This is completely different from mocking those stereotypes in conversations, drag culture has always been irreverent and about making fun of pop culture and exaggerations, it's actually less about feminizing oneself to just become a female impersonator. That's one point I didn't agree with C. Winter Han. However, I don't doubt his assertion that gay Asian men are marginalized in both the Asian community and the gay community.


    I think the bitterness came from realising that they were more praised for dwelling on stereotypes than for being Asian, the more exaggerated Manila Luzon was, the more she was rewarded (the fake interview was offensive even to me, it reminded me the scene in «Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story» when he is in the cinema watching «Breakfast at Tiffany's» and everyone laughs at the poorly stereotyped Asian neighbour).

    interesting said

    But I do agree with the point that in East Asian cultures, we don't talk about sexuality, it IS subtle, there is never a "Mom and Dad, I'm gay!" type of conversation, this feels like a Western thing for me, but it surprises me since Kim actually was born here. I think on some levels, my parents know about me just like Kim Chi's mom probably knows about her. Whether it's shame or just the extremely conservative culture, sexuality isn't really discussed. And I don't bring myself to say it either, I'm not sure why though, fear, shame, mixture of both? It's complicated.


    Kim Chi was born in the States, but raised in Korea, maybe that's it.

    I thought my mother knew about me, as well, that's why her reaction shocked me so much. I guess it's one thing to suspect and a very different one to have the confirmation from the source.

    Had I known what her reaction would be, I would have waited longer to tell her, though she is now in love with my current boyfriend and is a proud mother.
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    May 25, 2016 4:23 AM GMT
    Fat, gem, and Asian...I hit that trifecta before.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 25, 2016 6:53 PM GMT
    Not4u saidFat, gem, and Asian...I hit that trifecta before.


    Tell us about it
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    May 25, 2016 8:17 PM GMT
    Crisistunity said
    Not4u saidFat, gem, and Asian...I hit that trifecta before.


    Tell us about it


    Damned auto correct. Well, he was a little gem too. Not too fat but very fem. He wanted me to fuck him while he kept his lacey thing on. I obliged him. Very cute guy. Last time he was in town he hit me up. Alas, I had married in the interim.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    May 26, 2016 10:04 AM GMT
    Not4u said
    Crisistunity said
    Not4u saidFat, gem, and Asian...I hit that trifecta before.


    Tell us about it



    Damned auto correct. Well, he was a little gem too. Not too fat but very fem. He wanted me to fuck him while he kept his lacey thing on. I obliged him. Very cute guy. Last time he was in town he hit me up. Alas, I had married in the interim.


    The classic Russian story