Why do gay men like to be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and keep them in their lives?

  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 29, 2016 3:52 AM GMT
    I think it's really strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life, not be friends with them, and still talk to them. I've noticed more gay men like to have their ex's in their life more than straight men do. If I'm dating a guy then all of his ex-boyfriends, and anyone he's had sex with before has to go.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    May 29, 2016 6:00 AM GMT
    Nope.

    Gay breakups usually do not involve any asset splitting, divorce lawyers and if there is some mud slinging around, the guys usually tend to keep the drama in check. Relatively few gay guys are fighting over who's gonna keep the children and who's gonna have visitation rights, etc.

    A few gay couples grow apart. The guys recognize this, and choose to part amicably. They may have been friends before and choose to stay friends afterwards. Your typical gay dude has had a few FwB, FBs, BFs, and possibly quite a few guys who are somewhere in-between those popular categories. A few of those guys simply become lifelong friends.

    Enters a new BF! Sure, the rules change somewhat. But you cannot really ask your BF to chuck all of his past AND all of his support network overboard. It would be very foolish to ask, and he would be even more foolish to agree to it.

    You agree on the new rules of engagement and the life just gets a bit better and easier for everyone.

    Say, you are a couple now. If anyone invites one of you he must know that the invitation is meant for both of you! You are an item.

    You plan your time together. There are times when both of you want to socialize with both his and your friends. And there are times that are reserved for the two of you only. There are trips that you take with your friends together. And there are journeys that you take as a couple alone.

    Good relationships are based on reciprocal trust. If you fear that your BF is cheating on you possibly with one of his buddies, do not even consider starting anything serious with the guy. Why waste your time with someone whom you do not trust, to start with?

    Last but not least, starting to seriously date a guy is really not limited to his looks, money, endowment, etc., only. Like it or not, you are letting a new person into your life, together with his friends, possibly his family, his professional and personal networks, etc. True, the two of you may choose to filter away some and let the others in to a degree. But you are never going to be dating just one single, sole individual who has no links, no roots, no past, no history, no friends, no family.

    I have had several valuable friends for quite a few years now. They stood by my side through the proverbial thick and thin. At times, their help and support mattered substantially. I will never forget this. And I cannot see how could anyone part ways with such people for the sake of a relationship with someone you may have met and have been dating for say, several months now?

    SC
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    May 29, 2016 10:54 AM GMT
    Who the hell are you to say what's "right" or "wrong"? Every situation and every relationship is different. Some end better than others. Grow up.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    May 30, 2016 3:14 AM GMT
    most gay breakups are over petty things on a day to day domestic level that pile up til you cant stand living with them, that dont matter if you only see them as you would a friend. So why would you not be friends with someone you get along with 80% of the time when the other 20% isnt going to come up (like say leaving his dirty laundry all over the room, or snoring, or not wanting to go antique shopping, or liking the green lantern movie, or only working part time and not paying his half of the rent, etc).
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 4:11 AM GMT
    Apparition saidmost gay breakups are over petty things on a day to day domestic level that pile up til you cant stand living with them, that dont matter if you only see them as you would a friend. So why would you not be friends with someone you get along with 80% of the time when the other 20% isnt going to come up (like say leaving his dirty laundry all over the room, or snoring, or not wanting to go antique shopping, or liking the green lantern movie, or only working part time and not paying his half of the rent, etc).


    It's very wrong, and abnormal to have your ex's in your life when you are in a relationship. Gay men seem to think this is normal, but it's wrong all the way. I know gay men have weird relationships, but having your ex's as friends is wrong, and bizarre, and makes Gay men seem less normal than straight guys. You don't see straight people having their ex's in their lives, because they know it's not normal to be friends with your ex while still in a relationship. When you enter a new relationship, all of those ex-boyfriends have to go, Being in a relationship, all of your ex- boyfriends, and anyone that has had sex with you should be cut off from your life, or end the relationship.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    May 30, 2016 4:46 AM GMT
    Eli_jah saidWho the hell are you to say what's "right" or "wrong"? Every situation and every relationship is different. Some end better than others. Grow up.


    ^ This!
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    May 30, 2016 4:51 AM GMT
    "strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 4:57 AM GMT
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    May 30, 2016 8:07 AM GMT
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    Why? Because he might have a lot more experience and wisdom than you? Man, you're showing yourself to be a real dick.

    But as to your original question, I don't think it's weird at all if it was an amicable split. Actually, I think it shows maturity and a certain amount of class. To say that you should never be friends with any of your exes or anyone you've ever had sex with sounds like you might have some emotional issues yourself that need to be addressed. It's your attitude (expressed here and in other forums) that is not normal.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 8:16 AM GMT
    Allen said
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    Why? Because he might have a lot more experience and wisdom than you? Man, you're showing yourself to be a real dick.

    But as to your original question, I don't think it's weird at all if it was an amicable split. Actually, I think it shows maturity and a certain amount of class. To say that you should never be friends with any of your exes or anyone you've ever had sex with sounds like you might have some emotional issues yourself that need to be addressed. It's your attitude (expressed here and in other forums) that is not normal.


    Ex's should be Exed out of your life when you are in a relationship, When you're in a relationship, all ex's, and anyone whose had sex with you should be out of your life. Gay men really don't think in black, and white and don't have normative relationships like straight people, which is so sad, and pathetic to behold.
  • Allen

    Posts: 341

    May 30, 2016 8:52 AM GMT
    Brock700 said
    Allen said
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    Why? Because he might have a lot more experience and wisdom than you? Man, you're showing yourself to be a real dick.

    But as to your original question, I don't think it's weird at all if it was an amicable split. Actually, I think it shows maturity and a certain amount of class. To say that you should never be friends with any of your exes or anyone you've ever had sex with sounds like you might have some emotional issues yourself that need to be addressed. It's your attitude (expressed here and in other forums) that is not normal.


    Ex's should be Exed out of your life when you are in a relationship, When you're in a relationship, all ex's, and anyone whose had sex with you should be out of your life. Gay men really don't think in black, and white and don't have normative relationships like straight people, which is so sad, and pathetic to behold.


    At least the guy in the pic you're using looks hot! Woof!!
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 8:55 AM GMT
    Allen said
    Brock700 said
    Allen said
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    Why? Because he might have a lot more experience and wisdom than you? Man, you're showing yourself to be a real dick.

    But as to your original question, I don't think it's weird at all if it was an amicable split. Actually, I think it shows maturity and a certain amount of class. To say that you should never be friends with any of your exes or anyone you've ever had sex with sounds like you might have some emotional issues yourself that need to be addressed. It's your attitude (expressed here and in other forums) that is not normal.


    Ex's should be Exed out of your life when you are in a relationship, When you're in a relationship, all ex's, and anyone whose had sex with you should be out of your life. Gay men really don't think in black, and white and don't have normative relationships like straight people, which is so sad, and pathetic to behold.


    At least the guy in the pic you're using looks hot! Woof!!

    You mean I'm hot, and of course I'm sexy.
  • phillo

    Posts: 39

    May 30, 2016 10:38 AM GMT
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like? This post is bizarre, 99% of people disagree with this lunatic and the above comment is so offensive (and clearly trying to get a rise). OP, if this is really who you are, see a fucking therapist because you are a deeply unpleasant prick...honestly therapy probably wouldn't work because you (if you exist) are a sad, troubled lost cause.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2016 12:18 PM GMT
    "
    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like?"
    OBVIOUSLY, YES!

    But OP's original question is interesting enough: Why Do We Often Maintain Friendships With Exes?

    My answer is the same as some above. If I find someone whose opinion I value, I don't want to lose his friendship---even if the romance isn't there.
  • phillo

    Posts: 39

    May 30, 2016 12:43 PM GMT
    Kickstartering said"
    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like?"
    OBVIOUSLY, YES!

    But OP's original question is interesting enough: Why Do We Often Maintain Friendships With Exes?

    My answer is the same as some above. If I find someone whose opinion I value, I don't want to lose his friendship---even if the romance isn't there.


    I agree with you 100%, my best friend is an ex and I've often wondered how we gays manage this while it's so uncommon with heteros (I say 'uncommon' but I've never actually witnessed this).
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 30, 2016 1:37 PM GMT
    It all depends on the people involved. I've only had 1 long time partner (13.5 years) and we don't talk very much, not because of a bad breakup or bad experience, but we both are just very busy people. I do expect we will talk more in the future (even if I have to make that happen), he did a lot of positive things in my life and I view it as an investment with someone who really got to know me.

    A guy I dated for a year after my breakup is still a great friend, we just weren't meant to be anything other than friends.

    However, If I had a negative experience, I'd take what I could in a positive vein and discard associating with him...haha.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 1:39 PM GMT
    phillo said
    Kickstartering said"
    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like?"
    OBVIOUSLY, YES!

    But OP's original question is interesting enough: Why Do We Often Maintain Friendships With Exes?

    My answer is the same as some above. If I find someone whose opinion I value, I don't want to lose his friendship---even if the romance isn't there.


    I agree with you 100%, my best friend is an ex and I've often wondered how we gays manage this while it's so uncommon with heteros (I say 'uncommon' but I've never actually witnessed this).

    Gays like to be friends with their ex's because their mentality is more weird, liberal and different from straight people, which is the reason why most of them are not normal people. IF you entered a new relationship then your ex boyfriend should be out of your life, the only person in your life who should know what you're like in bed should only be your current boyfriend. Even though you made your ex your best friend, he should be dropped out of your life when you enter a new relationship, it's the right, and normal mentality to have.
  • phillo

    Posts: 39

    May 30, 2016 4:17 PM GMT
    Brock700 said

    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like?"
    OBVIOUSLY, YES!

    But OP's original question is interesting enough: Why Do We Often Maintain Friendships With Exes?

    My answer is the same as some above. If I find someone whose opinion I value, I don't want to lose his friendship---even if the romance isn't there.


    I agree with you 100%, my best friend is an ex and I've often wondered how we gays manage this while it's so uncommon with heteros (I say 'uncommon' but I've never actually witnessed this).

    Gays like to be friends with their ex's because their mentality is more weird, liberal and different from straight people, which is the reason why most of them are not normal people. IF you entered a new relationship then your ex boyfriend should be out of your life, the only person in your life who should know what you're like in bed should only be your current boyfriend. Even though you made your ex your best friend, he should be dropped out of your life when you enter a new relationship, it's the right, and normal mentality to have.

    I picture OP as a recently laid off southern white dude with a framed confederate flag hanging above his computer and fox news blaring from his TV, feverishly trolling minority forums.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    May 30, 2016 4:24 PM GMT
    Brock700 said
    tazzari said"strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life"

    Strange - to whom? Wrong- how? My best friend is still friends with his ex, and I'm still very good friends with mine. We move on, we recognize differences, but good people remain good people, and frankly, I'm glad to have my ex's support, and to support him. What's wrong is how some gay guys like to the make rules for all the rest of us to live by. I'm wondering why this bothers you so much? Hell, my life is better and richer for still being in touch with a good man, even though our paths separated.


    I'm not listening to someone who went to high school with my great-great-great grandfather.


    Not listening to anyone, more likely. Poor, lonely, angry you, cutting people off, deeply ageist...
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 4:28 PM GMT
    phillo said
    Brock700 said

    I'm new to this forum but doesn't this seem very troll like?"
    OBVIOUSLY, YES!

    But OP's original question is interesting enough: Why Do We Often Maintain Friendships With Exes?

    My answer is the same as some above. If I find someone whose opinion I value, I don't want to lose his friendship---even if the romance isn't there.


    I agree with you 100%, my best friend is an ex and I've often wondered how we gays manage this while it's so uncommon with heteros (I say 'uncommon' but I've never actually witnessed this).


    Gays like to be friends with their ex's because their mentality is more weird, liberal and different from straight people, which is the reason why most of them are not normal people. IF you entered a new relationship then your ex boyfriend should be out of your life, the only person in your life who should know what you're like in bed should only be your current boyfriend. Even though you made your ex your best friend, he should be dropped out of your life when you enter a new relationship, it's the right, and normal mentality to have.

    I picture OP as a recently laid off southern white dude with a framed confederate flag hanging above his computer and fox news blaring from his TV, feverishly trolling minority forums.
    I can tell by looking at you that you're far from normal.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 30, 2016 4:30 PM GMT
    Not me ... Tried that once ... won't happen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2016 4:32 PM GMT
    Is your concern about the potential sexual attraction/threat? My thought is life is short. And finding true friends who will be there for you is hard as shit, ESPECIALLY if you are gay. Few people understand what we go through and even fewer will care. If you find people who are worth keeping in your life, keep them in your life. It shouldn't matter how you met them or how they became your friend.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 5:12 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidIs your concern about the potential sexual attraction/threat? My thought is life is short. And finding true friends who will be there for you is hard as shit, ESPECIALLY if you are gay. Few people understand what we go through and even fewer will care. If you find people who are worth keeping in your life, keep them in your life. It shouldn't matter how you met them or how they became your friend.

    Can you explain to me how is finding true friends harder when you're gay?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2016 6:03 PM GMT
    Yeah.... I've about had it with this troll...
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 388

    May 30, 2016 6:08 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidYeah.... I've about had it with this troll...


    Ignore my post then, and hit the gym more so you can post better,and attractive pics.