Lumpyoatmeal said(Addendum to my previous post.)
I'm thinking that eb925guy and mcbrion are thinking about the ideal world where everything is smooth sailing. But relationships aren't always smooth sailing. If your relationship hits a rough spot it would be natural for your boyfriend to cry on the shoulder of one of his friends. If that friend happened to be one of his former boyfriends I doubt that that would help the situation. You need to also think about the worst case scenarios.
I don't think I'm thinking about an "ideal world." I lived in San Francisco for 30 years - many of those years, PRE-AID. I saw the gamut of post break-up relationships. And I found that guys who had the most vitriol for their ex were perpetually angry, depressed guys ,who had some social anxiety issues.
Any relationship depends on how mentally healthy you are. The less you lean towards being mentally healthy, the harder it is to sustain a good relationship after a breakup. Around 20 years ago, I had one former boyfriend who turned positively nasty in very passive-aggressive ways. I withdrew from contact with him. He eventually apologized, but he wouldn't be someone I could stay close to. He didn't like himself. That makes it hard to be close to anyone, not just "ex-boyfriends."
Friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship. Those who do not recognize the "mutually beneficial" part are likely to be co-dependent in many of their relationships, including those with parents and siblings. There is no idealizing here. Just a hell of a lot of experience - and even more observing people and how they behaved even while dating each other. I saw acquaintances of mine jump into relationships, and they may have had the hots for each other, but they were never friends with each other, evidenced by how much vitriol they spewed once they were no longer together. The relationship looked pretty unhealthy to me at the time, but I stayed out of it. I still see people do this. There's a book called, "Are You the One for Me? Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong." I'd recommend it if you're just guessing about how to tell if you are picking someone consciously or unconsciously (i.e., picking someone who resembles one of your parents with whom you have significant unresolved issues. This is extremely
common, in both gay and straight culture.) For my part, I recognize pretty quickly a dating scenario where someone merely wants
me, rather than wanting to know
me and be my friend, as well as my lover.
Not sure why this feel 'idealized to you.' Care to share?