I need some serious advice regarding my relationship!

  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jun 07, 2016 5:06 PM GMT
    Please help! I don't know what I should do, I love my boyfriend very, very much, he is alot younger at 22, I'm 45. We seem we have a decent relationship until I caught him cheating on me on Grindr, he actually hooked up and had sex while in a relationship with me. I love him and I forgave him but he still refuses to get off the damn app and just need advice .... is this over? Should I just leave him and never talk to him again? He's young and probably using really bad judgement. I pay for everything for him, his rent, food, cell phone, clothes and I get shit on!

    I'm lost, I probably know what I need to do but I'm just so in love with him but I'm not getting it back at all. I hate Grindr and it's effects on relationships.
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    Jun 07, 2016 6:09 PM GMT
    mesa999 said... I probably know what I need to do but I'm just so in love with him...
    leave him
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 07, 2016 6:53 PM GMT
    Leave him. And get tested.
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    Jun 07, 2016 7:07 PM GMT
    He's a young horny gay guy. You can't expect him to be monogamous in this day and age, so you have a few options:

    1. Dump him.
    2. Tell him you're willing to open the relationship to playing together with a third or fourth.
    3. Ride this out and allow him to have his dalliances on the side provided he practices safe sex, gets tested with you regularly, and you and he practice safe sex together. He also has to allow you to have your dalliances too.
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    Jun 07, 2016 9:08 PM GMT
    mesa999 saidPlease help! I don't know what I should do, I love my boyfriend very, very much, he is alot younger at 22, I'm 45. We seem we have a decent relationship until I caught him cheating on me on Grindr, he actually hooked up and had sex while in a relationship with me. I love him and I forgave him but he still refuses to get off the damn app and just need advice .... is this over? Should I just leave him and never talk to him again? He's young and probably using really bad judgement. I pay for everything for him, his rent, food, cell phone, clothes and I get shit on!

    I'm lost, I probably know what I need to do but I'm just so in love with him but I'm not getting it back at all. I hate Grindr and it's effects on relationships.


    If he refuses to get off Grindr and cannot remain monogomous with you, and you only want monogomy, it's not going to work out--he's going to just keep cheating. You'll have to dump him.
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    Jun 07, 2016 9:14 PM GMT
    jackedgamer said
    If he refuses to get off Grindr and cannot remain monogomous with you, and you only want monogomy, it's not going to work out--he's going to just keep cheating. You'll have to dump him.

    Agree. I had a BF, actually an LTR of a couple of years. I really did love him. But he wouldn't stay monogamous, admitted it to me, when monogamy was what I wanted. Nor would he get tested. He's one of the reasons I'm now here in South Florida. Sometimes you have to say adios. The OP may need to do the same.
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jun 07, 2016 9:17 PM GMT
    Not4u saidHe's a young horny gay guy. You can't expect him to be monogamous in this day and age, so you have a few options:

    1. Dump him.
    2. Tell him you're willing to open the relationship to playing together with a third or fourth.
    3. Ride this out and allow him to have his dalliances on the side provided he practices safe sex, gets tested with you regularly, and you and he practice safe sex together. He also has to allow you to have your dalliances too.


    I'm just so upset by this whole mess. I actually made a dummy account and right when I got on there he was hitting me up for sex! He swore to me he wasn't on Grindr and I think he's pissed he got caught red handed. I love him, I gave him a second chance and now he is back on there again after telling him several times that I don't like him on there AT ALL! Is that too much to ask? I think I'm going to have to let him be on grindr and when he comes back to me will tell him he should've listened to me! The only way he's going to learn a tough life lesson.
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jun 07, 2016 9:20 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    jackedgamer said
    If he refuses to get off Grindr and cannot remain monogomous with you, and you only want monogomy, it's not going to work out--he's going to just keep cheating. You'll have to dump him.

    Agree. I had a BF, actually an LTR of a couple of years. I really did love him. But he wouldn't stay monogamous, admitted it to me, when monogamy was what I wanted. Nor would he get tested. He's one of the reasons I'm now here in South Florida. Sometimes you have to say adios. The OP may need to do the same.


    I am absolutely heart broken over this. He rarely would give me sex but definitely doesn't have a problem topping total younger strangers I assume it's our age difference, I'm thinking of just letting go and not ever responding to him if he tries to reconnect with me. I just can't take this stress and worry who he's seeing. I can't do this anymore.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jun 07, 2016 9:30 PM GMT
    " I pay for.....his phone....." which is how he accesses grindr....right?

    break up already. If you are going to pay for sex, get someone who puts out regularly.
  • Crisistunity

    Posts: 109

    Jun 07, 2016 10:24 PM GMT
    If you need to pay someone who doesn't love you at all's bills, I'd be happy to give you my account number.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Jun 07, 2016 10:39 PM GMT
    "need some serious advice regarding my relationship!"

    Am AMAZED that you'd reveal to us that you are keeping a 22 year old who is just out there with a ticket to ride.
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jun 07, 2016 10:49 PM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said"need some serious advice regarding my relationship!"

    Am AMAZED that you'd reveal to us that you are keeping a 22 year old who is just out there with a ticket to ride.


    Yea and definitely not riding me that's for sure! This kid has a story, we all do, I have to admit that he's a convicted felon to top this all with, spent time in prison for a couple of years for burglary and I'm still wanting to support him and be his boyfriend but now it's not good for him.
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    Jun 07, 2016 11:42 PM GMT
    mesa999 said
    Art_Deco said
    jackedgamer said
    If he refuses to get off Grindr and cannot remain monogomous with you, and you only want monogomy, it's not going to work out--he's going to just keep cheating. You'll have to dump him.

    Agree. I had a BF, actually an LTR of a couple of years. I really did love him. But he wouldn't stay monogamous, admitted it to me, when monogamy was what I wanted. Nor would he get tested. He's one of the reasons I'm now here in South Florida. Sometimes you have to say adios. The OP may need to do the same.


    I am absolutely heart broken over this. He rarely would give me sex but definitely doesn't have a problem topping total younger strangers I assume it's our age difference, I'm thinking of just letting go and not ever responding to him if he tries to reconnect with me. I just can't take this stress and worry who he's seeing. I can't do this anymore.


    You need to let him go. This isn't good for you at all. He's an ingrate who doesn't love you.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 803

    Jun 08, 2016 12:12 AM GMT
    mesa999 said
    FitBlackCuddler said"need some serious advice regarding my relationship!"

    Am AMAZED that you'd reveal to us that you are keeping a 22 year old who is just out there with a ticket to ride.


    Yea and definitely not riding me that's for sure! This kid has a story, we all do, I have to admit that he's a convicted felon to top this all with, spent time in prison for a couple of years for burglary and I'm still wanting to support him and be his boyfriend but now it's not good for him.


    DEFINITELY *not* good for YOU. He's just using you and not being subtle about it. Letting him go would be a GREAT idea.
  • Antarktis

    Posts: 213

    Jun 08, 2016 12:30 AM GMT
    join 2016.
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    Jun 08, 2016 1:41 AM GMT
    mesa999 said
    FitBlackCuddler said"need some serious advice regarding my relationship!"

    Am AMAZED that you'd reveal to us that you are keeping a 22 year old who is just out there with a ticket to ride.


    Yea and definitely not riding me that's for sure! This kid has a story, we all do, I have to admit that he's a convicted felon to top this all with, spent time in prison for a couple of years for burglary and I'm still wanting to support him and be his boyfriend but now it's not good for him.


    Oh HELL NO!!! You are not his parent, or his lifesaver. He needs to find his life without you mate. The age difference is a big factor, maturity-wise, and isn't always the case. If you keep him around while he blatantly ignores your need for monogamy, that says a lot about you. You have to know that you are worthy of meeting someone whom will love you the way you want to be loved, and not loving you for paying his way. Don't be so in love that you ignore the red flags. I would say no doubt... Give this kid his walking papers, and keep your gun by the bed.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • Antarktis

    Posts: 213

    Jun 08, 2016 1:48 AM GMT
    GTPSean said
    mesa999 said
    FitBlackCuddler said"need some serious advice regarding my relationship!"

    Am AMAZED that you'd reveal to us that you are keeping a 22 year old who is just out there with a ticket to ride.


    Yea and definitely not riding me that's for sure! This kid has a story, we all do, I have to admit that he's a convicted felon to top this all with, spent time in prison for a couple of years for burglary and I'm still wanting to support him and be his boyfriend but now it's not good for him.


    Oh HELL NO!!! You are not his parent, or his lifesaver. He needs to find his life without you mate. The age difference is a big factor, maturity-wise, and isn't always the case. If you keep him around while he blatantly ignores your need for monogamy, that says a lot about you. You have to know that you are worthy of meeting someone whom will love you the way you want to be loved, and not loving you for paying his way. Don't be so in love that you ignore the red flags. I would say no doubt... Give this kid his walking papers, and keep your gun by the bed.

    Cheers,

    Sean


    and change the locks.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jun 08, 2016 6:37 AM GMT
    I don't think opening the relationship is the solution to this. I mean maybe you didn't have clear relationship rules at first, but it should've at least been clear when you told him off that it wasn't okay. If this still happens then it's a clear breach of your trust, and honestly I don't think any relationship can survive that.
  • Dynamo_spark

    Posts: 224

    Jun 08, 2016 7:03 AM GMT
    You will never have a meaningful relationship with this guy. He may seem mature to you, but he is not mature enough to have a proper relationship. The fact that he is cheating on you by going on Grindr, looking for fresh meat and probably within his age group. Simply means he is not ready to be tied down. Maybe there was love between the two of you, when you first met. But now, all that is gone. He may make believe that he loves you and come up with every apology to seem sorry that he is a 'cheater', but that is just because you have become a 'Sugar Daddy'. The old English saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours."
  • Eleven

    Posts: 165

    Jun 08, 2016 7:50 AM GMT
    What is wrong with you??......at what point did you think getting romanitcally involved and investing your feelings in a 22 yo convicted felon would be a good idea? Take some responsibility for your own feelings, have some respect for yourself and get off the kids back! he is a 22 yo for fucks sake HE should be charging YOU $250 for every hour you spend with him the sad thing is that he doesnt even know his own worth and thinks he needs to be in relationships with old men so he can get taken care of, he needs to learn to love himself and get his own life, and you need to love yourself and find someone with a decent income and who is more age appropriate.
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    Jun 08, 2016 8:50 AM GMT
    Staying in this relationship is like cancer. It will eat away at you until there's nothing left.
    Cut out the tumor and move on.
    It's hard and will be painful, but nothing compared to the agony and heartache you're going through now.
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    Jun 08, 2016 3:02 PM GMT
    Dynamo_spark saidYou will never have a meaningful relationship with this guy. He may seem mature to you, but he is not mature enough to have a proper relationship. The fact that he is cheating on you by going on Grindr, looking for fresh meat and probably within his age group. Simply means he is not ready to be tied down. Maybe there was love between the two of you, when you first met. But now, all that is gone. He may make believe that he loves you and come up with every apology to seem sorry that he is a 'cheater', but that is just because you have become a 'Sugar Daddy'. The old English saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours."


    And don't forget the Olde English saying: "Iffen thou loveth something, leaveth thou goeth. Iffen it returneth, it belongeth unto thee."
  • transient

    Posts: 211

    Jun 08, 2016 5:04 PM GMT
    Walk away now!

    If you ever have a doubt, reread what has been said above.




    I had an ex who cheated on me using hook-up apps. Even when friends alerted me to his profile and I emailed my ex the screenshots, he continued to lie.

    If your caught out cheating the only chance at recovering the relationship is complete honesty at that point.

    This kid,like my ex is lying to you after being caught.

    So...... as I said, walk away now.
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    Jun 08, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    mesa999 saidPlease help! I don't know what I should do, I love my boyfriend very, very much, he is alot younger at 22, I'm 45. We seem we have a decent relationship until I caught him cheating on me on Grindr, he actually hooked up and had sex while in a relationship with me. I love him and I forgave him but he still refuses to get off the damn app and just need advice .... is this over? Should I just leave him and never talk to him again? He's young and probably using really bad judgement. I pay for everything for him, his rent, food, cell phone, clothes and I get shit on!

    I'm lost, I probably know what I need to do but I'm just so in love with him but I'm not getting it back at all. I hate Grindr and it's effects on relationships.


    You deserve everything this youngling is dishing out. It boggles my mind that you at 45 are involved with someone who is 22. But continue on and I pray he takes you for everything you've got. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • mesa999

    Posts: 17

    Jun 08, 2016 6:40 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    mesa999 saidPlease help! I don't know what I should do, I love my boyfriend very, very much, he is alot younger at 22, I'm 45. We seem we have a decent relationship until I caught him cheating on me on Grindr, he actually hooked up and had sex while in a relationship with me. I love him and I forgave him but he still refuses to get off the damn app and just need advice .... is this over? Should I just leave him and never talk to him again? He's young and probably using really bad judgement. I pay for everything for him, his rent, food, cell phone, clothes and I get shit on!

    I'm lost, I probably know what I need to do but I'm just so in love with him but I'm not getting it back at all. I hate Grindr and it's effects on relationships.


    You deserve everything this youngling is dishing out. It boggles my mind that you at 45 are involved with someone who is 22. But continue on and I pray he takes you for everything you've got. icon_rolleyes.gif


    I cut with him today, was very hard to let him go and I told him to never contact me ever again be it by phone, text, third party or social media. I deleted grindr on my end and told him I don't care what he does from this point on and that if he wants to now be on grindr 24/7 that it's fine with me.

    He ended the conversation saying that I didn't get him all the things he needed like a car in his name, new clothes, tattoos and piercings, I'm in shock and very grateful I didn't spend any more money on him!

    This is my life's lesson today, I'm just very hurt and down and it will take me time to recover from this. I loved him with all my heart but he didn't at the end and that's what really hurts. If I hadn't of caught him cheating I would had continued to pay his bills, give him the finer things in life. Now that's all gone for him and I need to move on and find someone who actually cares and loves me. Thanks for all the comments,I've read each one and I appreciate them all!