Talk about psychotic

  • guyinsoma

    Posts: 7

    Jun 07, 2016 11:38 PM GMT
    Well, so here I am about just a month away from 38, and still single. But I stay hopeful. I met this guy this past Saturday who I have been chatting with on Match for a week.

    He initiated contact, and we chatted and exchanged numbers and were practically texting back and forth the whole week. He asked me for lunch as a first date this past Saturday. It went well. We talked a lot, and not the "what food you like" kind of conversations. I felt like we both were very interested in knowing each other and it was seemingly well received on both ends.

    As lunch wrapped I suggested we have coffee, and on our walk there he asked me for a second date this coming Sunday which I gladly accepted. During coffee we were talking about movies, and we decided to go see this one that we both have not seen.

    It was a bit long for a first date, I know, but hey when it goes well it goes well right? We decided to drive one car and he drove us to the theater. He was spotting a boner the whole time, and I thought that's quite a good sign. I mean, the guy wants to know you and he also wants to do you.

    After 2 hours into the movie with another 20 minutes to go, he whispered to me that he needed to go because he received a text from his boss and he needed to go into work for an emergency immediately. He apologized and said dinner would be on him for our second date. I told him I understood the work thing and jokingly said he would need to take me to the theater again for the rest of the movie, which he pleasantly agreed.

    He drove me back to my car and we gave each other a kiss on the cheek and part ways. I asked him to text me when done; he agreed; and the text never came. I checked in on him on Sunday morning, and he cut the conversation short, saying he got house stuff to do. Monday evening I messaged him and see how he is doing, he then gave me a rather long response, telling me he met someone over the weekend and the guy totally melted his heart and they decided to date exclusively.

    Yeah basically in a day and a half he went from "lets go for a second date" to "oh it is just not you".
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    Jun 08, 2016 2:10 AM GMT
    Bummer. Sorry to hear it. At least you had a nice time before the jerk flaked out.
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    Jun 08, 2016 2:47 AM GMT
    That totally blows. I'm so sorry. I'm just thinking about starting to date. Never dated before so don't even know where to begin. Seems like nobody is willing to put in the effort to get to know people.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jun 08, 2016 7:53 AM GMT
    This game or MO if you will has been going on for years now.

    A guy is dating multiple partners and is keeping this to himself. Indeed, there has never been any promise of any exclusivity on anyone's part, so, technically, no one is cheating.

    Being one of the players, he is very likely to assume that the others are playing the very same game, and so, he is trying to outsmart his co-players by being as good an actor as he possibly could be. Actually, many people even do not have to act at all. They honestly enjoy spending time with you, chatting, texting, going to the movies, etc. Some see it as 'quality time', too. Mind you, they may be enjoying similar time with other guys even more so? Who knows?

    After a while they have their 'wish list' which usually centers on hooking up with someone whom they think may be above their league, if possible. Nothing is really certain in this world, so they keep all their options open, too. At one point of time they either have to or choose to make their calls... Everyone else gets dumped, sort of, unceremoniously.

    I have seen this happens among the str8 dudes, too. The 'auction game', as I like to call it has made it into your regular social life, too. You come across guys who are social, popular, have many friends and know how to 'work' their friends, too. So, you send them an invite which they gladly accept. If anyone in their usually vast network of friends offers an even better invite (as in more food, champagne, better chances of getting laid, etc.) they send you their 'regrets' and move on to whatever sounds more attractive to them. We live in a free world. It is a free market of everything. Why should human friendships and relationships be exempt? Or so their narrative goes.

    Some people see this as an example of the reckless pursuit of self interest. I believe that we are dealing here with people who simply lack integrity.

    For me, integrity is everything.

    I shrug with my shoulders and quickly move on. Such folks are a waste of time. Nothing more and nothing less.

    SC

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    Jun 08, 2016 2:42 PM GMT
    When you headlined "talk about psychotic" were you referring to his behavior, which is quite normal in males, or your expectations of a couple dates leading into an exclusive relationship? Just because his behavior is anything but psychotic, I think you just might be one of those guys that really wants a relationship to a frightening degree.
  • guyinsoma

    Posts: 7

    Jun 08, 2016 6:29 PM GMT
    No, I am not desperate for a relationship. i want one, but I am not craving for one, so no I am not wanting a relationship to a frightening degree.

    By psychotic, I was referring to the story that was presented to me. We were getting to know each other and we hung out on Saturday, then on Monday he said he met someone over the weekend and decided then they would date exclusively. So yes I think that timeline is psychotic.

    TO23 saidWhen you headlined "talk about psychotic" were you referring to his behavior, which is quite normal in males, or your expectations of a couple dates leading into an exclusive relationship? Just because his behavior is anything but psychotic, I think you just might be one of those guys that really wants a relationship to a frightening degree.
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    Jun 09, 2016 1:37 PM GMT
    Last spring (2015) I was seeing several guys, all of whom knew I wasn't being exclusive. At the time, I wasn't looking for a long term committed exclusive relationship. All of them were nice, fun to be with, and held my attention when I was with them. I wasn't playing games with them, I was honest with them.

    Then a casual friend of mine walked into my apartment with someone I'd never met before. Had seen and chatted with him on grindr a couple of times, but never hooked up with him. There was an instant connection between us, and by the next week he was moving in with me. We are engaged now. For me it was definitely love at first sight.
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    Jun 09, 2016 4:10 PM GMT
    Gay men, thy name is Fickle.
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    Jun 09, 2016 6:39 PM GMT
    It's interesting that you don't say anything about him as a person ... e.g., his age, his job, his background, his interests, his goals, etc. Remember that just texting someone or going on a date with them are not necessarily indications that someone is interested in really getting to know you as a person. It sounds like he was just trying to say and do the right things to get in your pants, and then he concluded when you were in the movie that that wasn't likely to happen so he left. Perhaps you need to be more selective.
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    Jun 09, 2016 7:00 PM GMT
    Sorry for your less than pleasant experience - but this is typical.

    You have to kiss at least 100 frogs (1,000?) before you find a prince.