After an amazing hookup...where does this leave us??

  • MsclFan79

    Posts: 8

    Jun 08, 2016 1:32 AM GMT
    38 yo been bicurious for a long time and finally had my first gay experience about a month ago. We met online...chatted on FaceTime to confirm identity..hit it off. He was an out of town guy - i msgd him and about a month later it turned out he was coming here for work. We flirted about meeting and what we'd do with each other...had to decide if i was all talk or if i was gonna follow thru! We planed to meet about a week in advance...i went to his hotel...we chatted all day before. There were 0 expectations. Fully prepared for only only chatting if thats all it turned out to be - discussed STI status and our desire to only practice safer sex, and that there would been anal and i didn't want to do that my first time. Absolutely no pressure other than meeting and doing what felt right to each other.

    I went to meet him..he was waiting outside...we chatted...went to room chatted some more inside and on balcony. Eventually started making out, ended up in shower and in bed. He was an amazing partner...very attentive to my needs...continually asking of i was ok, for consent to try different things on my body...was absolutely perfect. Spent about 3 hours in bed playing around and just curled up in one another. Got me set up for shower afterwards...water...chat..kiss goodbye...was too good to be true. Not what i expected from horror stories on here!

    He had told me before he had a partner and asked if i was ok with that...i asked what kind of arrangement they had and he indicated they both know the other has sex with other partners occasionally as long as it is safe (however they practice unprotected sex with each other which is a bit unsettling to me given that they both have other partners).

    The morning after he texted me telling me how great it was...that we had great chemistry, etc. I fully agreed. Was mind-blowing. In the month since we have been chatting daily about all sorts of things non-sex related, and quite friendly with one another. We keep saying if the opportunity comes up we have to meet again - this time for dinner tho. (he would have been happy going on a date - not being out i preferred to go to his hotel)

    So i don't know what to make of it...i thought after we met our interest in each other would fade off since i thought our chatting before was leading to a hook up (which he said it wasn't because he had no idea we'd end up in the same town when first messaged him). I go from thinking he's a great guy in a perhaps non-fulfilled relationship to thinking he's a sex addict (we haven't discussed our sexual histories but he said he doesn't travel out of town or hook up often) . That i shouldn't feel a friendship with him...to telling myself i'm paranoid and i should accept him for what he is - a cool guy. Wondering if he's trolling around hooking up frequently, but balancing that against the idea that it was me who initiated the hookup when he suggested dinner because he didn't know anyone in my town . Truth is it could be any of the above. I'm not an idiot falling for a hookup - but i don't want to shut myself off from being friends.

    Thoughts?? Could this just be something great...or am i completely naive...or is there no way to know so just keep enjoying it as long as he does too??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 5:05 AM GMT
    Just roll with it. You might end up hating him later. You might love him. Who knows. Let it evolve naturally.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jun 08, 2016 6:13 AM GMT
    You are experiencing a perfectly usual life situation.

    You do NOT have that crystal ball, and you do not see what's ahead of you. If it is of any consolation remember that hardly anyone here actually HAS that proverbial crystal ball...

    What you can do, though is to focus on minding your own business. Your friend is not bringing in his partner into your relationship. Let him and his partner worry about it. Your new friend may or may not be a sexual addict. It is his life, not yours. Focus on how he treats you, and how much fun and pleasure can you have out of your possibly fleeting relationship.

    Do not go head over heels into anything but leave his life to him, and spend your time living now as opposed to divining the future.

    SC
  • jeep334

    Posts: 410

    Jun 08, 2016 8:34 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidYou are experiencing a perfectly usual life situation.

    You do NOT have that crystal ball, and you do not see what's ahead of you. If it is of any consolation remember that hardly anyone here actually HAS that proverbial crystal ball...

    What you can do, though is to focus on minding your own business. Your friend is not bringing in his partner into your relationship. Let him and his partner worry about it. Your new friend may or may not be a sexual addict. It is his life, not yours. Focus on how he treats you, and how much fun and pleasure can you have out of your possibly fleeting relationship.

    Do not go head over heels into anything but leave his life to him, and spend your time living now as opposed to divining the future.




    As usual, SC is right on the mark. Good thoughts to heed.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 11:49 AM GMT
    Don't over analyze.
    Don't go love-blind.
    Be acutely aware of red-flags.
    When you get a sudden feeling that something is odd or not right....DO NOT IGNORE THIS INTERNAL WARNING!
    Roll with this as it is.
    Enjoy the fun and the good feelings.
    PLEASE! DO NOT GIVE HIM CASH,
    DO NOT Co-sign on loans,
    DO NOT share bank accounts or ATM or online account user names and passwords.
    DO NOT share your Social Security number

    .... Be very careful.
    You are not out and to be blunt, you are in a vulnerable position that a scam master could play for blackmail/extortion.
    Do you know his home address? Have you actually verified it?
    Do you know his partner's name? Phone #?
    Do you have his plate number and description of his car?
    My point is Trust, Enjoy, Gather information, Verify and above all else PROTECT yourself from potential future abuse or harm.
    If he and his partner are both hooking up and having unprotected sex with each other....PLEASE PROTECT yourself. Use condoms....and get on PrEP. Go to a clinic if you need to stay anonymous and closeted. Guys lie all the time to have sex and some guys are AMAZINGLY believable.
    I hope that none of this happens to you or anyone....I hope that this is the dream come true and you are forever happy and safe. But, bad things do happen and many scammers are very slick, smooth, very believable and unfortunately even have a lot of practice to get their game perfect.. Good Luck!
  • joeisawesome1

    Posts: 175

    Jun 08, 2016 12:20 PM GMT
    if he already has a partner, i definitely wouldn't put too much into this... or get emotions involved either. many people might not agree with me but this has a possibility of getting really ugly. for all you know, he could've have been lying about his partner being ok with it. that would not be good either. if him having a partner seems unsettling to you, i wouldn't continue it. i'd just find another guy if i where you, but it's really your decision as to what you wana do.

    and trust me, i know my stuff.. i've been using grindr and craigslist since i was 14... i know a lot more about this stuff than i should :S
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 12:46 PM GMT
    Let it unfold and see where it goes. I would, however, temper any expectations given his situation.
  • MsclFan79

    Posts: 8

    Jun 08, 2016 2:05 PM GMT
    Thanks for the thoughtful and mature posts guys...appreciate it! Under no illusion do I think this is a relationship...and we don't live close to one another so continued hooking up isn't in the picture either...just lots of stuff running thru my mind!!
  • joeisawesome1

    Posts: 175

    Jun 08, 2016 9:23 PM GMT
    MsclFan79 saidThanks for the thoughtful and mature posts guys...appreciate it! Under no illusion do I think this is a relationship...and we don't live close to one another so continued hooking up isn't in the picture either...just lots of stuff running thru my mind!!


    i see what you mean, but just don't focus so much energy on him. if you want a relationship, i would try looking on a dating site instead, like okcupid or eharmony. but it's all up to you.
    good luck icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 10:13 PM GMT
    After An Amazing Hookup...Where Does This Leave Us??

    MsclFan79 said
    Thanks for the thoughtful and mature posts guys...appreciate it! Under no illusion do I think this is a relationship...and we don't live close to one another so continued hooking up isn't in the picture either...just lots of stuff running thru my mind!!

    Perhaps it leaves you with the memory of a fun hookup. Isn't that worth the effort? I've had some hookups move on to longer relationships, others that ended amicably the next morning.

    If you don't have unrealistic expectations you are never disappointed. And sometimes you are pleasantly surprised when something more lasting develops. What did Forrest Gump say? “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 10:37 PM GMT
    dont know exactly how to tell you this but there are great guys out there, just some of them:
    -are single
    -live in the same city

    so your eyes are wide open. Would you be more accepting now, knowing there are men out there wanting exactly what you want?
  • MsclFan79

    Posts: 8

    Jun 08, 2016 11:07 PM GMT
    Great post Pellaz...gotta be honest...was nervous about taking the next step with a guy...big it was really no big deal...felt natural and fun...def puts things into perspective about what one wants in life and what one can learn about themselves...all in all a great experience!