What do people get out of hook ups?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 2:58 AM GMT
    I've tried hooking up in the past but it normally leaves me feeling grossed out afterwards. Sure I have an orgasm but it isn't even that good. Does everyone else feel the same way? It's almost like drugs or alcohol the prowl, the hunt is exciting. The actual act is sorta revolting. The orgasm is mediocre at best.
    I know it's not love. People are looking for sex. Am I the only one who craves that intimacy and affection that a relationship offers in order to have sex? I feel like some people can just easily separate the two. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic with ideological views.
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    Jun 08, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    Usually an orgasm.
  • Coast

    Posts: 24

    Jun 08, 2016 4:19 AM GMT
    It seems to be more common than not. Sadly. I don't hookup but I'd say it's for instant gratification or their right hand just wasn't good enough icon_razz.gif
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jun 08, 2016 6:18 AM GMT
    If just a hook-up someone is interested in and you are not, simply pass it up. I am sure they can just move on to the next one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 12:50 PM GMT
    Every hook-up is an experience and you learn from it. I consider hook-ups as Continuing Education Credits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 6:34 PM GMT
    I am in same boat as you. More than often, hook ups are disappointing, especially if you are looking for intimacy or some sort of connection.
    Sometimes you would meet someone who feels the same way. But then there are people who are just looking to ejaculate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 6:58 PM GMT
    I have had a few cases where someone was really into me but I wasn't into them. They wanted to kiss and the whole thing just was icky.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2016 10:07 PM GMT
    They just leave me feeling somewhat empty. Im not saying they don't happen. Sometimes I just need to feel some affection for a couple of hours. icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Jun 08, 2016 10:17 PM GMT
    Depends what a person is looking for. Hookups are great if you're not looking for a relationship but want to enjoy sex. (Does anyone think that in the history of mankind, someone was laying on their deathbed thinking to themselves "I regret that I had too many blowjobs"?) If a relationship develops out of the hookup then so much the better.

    If the encounter is a hookup, both parties (or all eleven) need to be aware that is what is happening. I just don't understand people who utilize hookup apps such as Grindr and then act offended if someone wants to hookup. They sometimes are even judgemental.

    If we're going to be judgemental then I'll say I think more of a person who honestly wants to just enjoy the sexual encounter via a hookup than the sorry person who tries to find friends/relationships via the internet...especially using an app. What poor social skills if you can't even get off your ass and go out to meet people.

    Just my 2 cents worth.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jun 09, 2016 6:50 AM GMT
    zoltar said I've tried hooking up in the past but it normally leaves me feeling grossed out afterwards. Sure I have an orgasm but it isn't even that good. Does everyone else feel the same way? It's almost like drugs or alcohol the prowl, the hunt is exciting. The actual act is sorta revolting. The orgasm is mediocre at best.
    I know it's not love. People are looking for sex. Am I the only one who craves that intimacy and affection that a relationship offers in order to have sex? I feel like some people can just easily separate the two. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic with ideological views.


    You may want to look at the infamous 'bigger picture' here. There are many guys out there who are not in a position to start any serious relationship for a myriad of reasons. They are just folks like everyone else and have their needs, too. They are hooking up for sex only, quite possibly because, at this time, this is the very best they can afford to do.

    Many people are not relationship-minded for a host of reasons. They are neither good nor bad folks per se, but they do not feel well in any form of relationship. They also have the wisdom of recognizing this, and are not making false promises, etc., involving other people. They run their lives as they find fit, and are looking for available and willing guys.

    So much about the others. If you want/need intimacy in order to enjoy sex, well, more power to you! Look for the guys who share your approach to sexuality, and try to find someone whom you share the vibe with. This is what you want to focus on.

    Yup. Many men out there are perfectly capable of having sex (even very enjoyable sex) without having any emotional bonds at all. I guess that much of it has to do with their mental attitude. They see the necessity of emotional bonds as something that is very heteronormative and has been imported into the gay discourse during the process of developing general gay acceptance in society. When you come to look at evolutionary side of it, you can easily understand that evolution almost dictates emotional bonds between the heterosexual partners in order to secure the survival of the offspring in the best possible way.

    Evolutionary cost of the m2m sexual intercourse is very close to naught. This is one possible explanation why so many men can have enjoyable sex without any emotional bonds between them.

    SC
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    Jun 09, 2016 3:46 PM GMT
    Stretchedboxers saidWhat poor social skills if you can't even get off your ass and go out to meet people.


    You're right. It's not that I don't want to get up off my ass as you say or that I am lazy. I was a "str8" guy who was devoted to his wife and kids. I am new to this gay world. It's overwhelming on where to start so if you have suggestions I am all ears. I'm not into the bar scene and when you look up gay activities that is what normally pops up.
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    Jun 09, 2016 3:54 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidSo much about the others. If you want/need intimacy in order to enjoy sex, well, more power to you! Look for the guys who share your approach to sexuality, and try to find someone whom you share the vibe with. This is what you want to focus on.


    So I realize that apps like Grindr, Scruff, Growlr, Adam4Adam, etc are basically about sex with a few exceptions. Given the fact that right now I'm interested in forming friendships and eventually a life partner. I'm not the most social individual in the world but I know that I need to put myself out there. I don't want to get caught in hook up hell or being reclusive and prowling Grindr all night long. I know I need to get out but going to a bar isn't that much fun for me. Knowing this what is your advice?

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 09, 2016 4:58 PM GMT
    Well to start with, your profile is blank except to say you're in a monogamous relationship. Gee, I wonder why you can't find a guy who wants a relationship? You think some good guy is going to magically recognize that behind zero and off-putting information, there's a warm, nice guy looking for a relationship? Get real.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2016 5:15 PM GMT
    start here
    http://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeetups=false&keywords=gay&radius=50&userFreeform=San+Diego%2C+California%2C+USA&mcId=c92101

  • Jun 09, 2016 10:26 PM GMT
    zoltar said
    Stretchedboxers saidWhat poor social skills if you can't even get off your ass and go out to meet people.


    You're right. It's not that I don't want to get up off my ass as you say or that I am lazy. I was a "str8" guy who was devoted to his wife and kids. I am new to this gay world. It's overwhelming on where to start so if you have suggestions I am all ears. I'm not into the bar scene and when you look up gay activities that is what normally pops up.


    If you read what I wrote, I mentioned "hook up apps". I do not consider here a hookup app. I mentioned Grindr which definitely is. Another site you may wish to check out is gay.com. Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2016 10:46 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWell to start with, your profile is blank except to say you're in a monogamous relationship. Gee, I wonder why you can't find a guy who wants a relationship? You think some good guy is going to magically recognize that behind zero and off-putting information, there's a warm, nice guy looking for a relationship? Get real.

    You're right. I haven't updated my profile because I originally signed up to get an answer to a specific question. Forgive me for not living up to your expectations.
  • orome

    Posts: 30

    Jun 18, 2016 4:30 PM GMT
    zoltar said I've tried hooking up in the past but it normally leaves me feeling grossed out afterwards. Sure I have an orgasm but it isn't even that good. Does everyone else feel the same way? It's almost like drugs or alcohol the prowl, the hunt is exciting. The actual act is sorta revolting. The orgasm is mediocre at best.
    I know it's not love. People are looking for sex. Am I the only one who craves that intimacy and affection that a relationship offers in order to have sex? I feel like some people can just easily separate the two. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic with ideological views.


    From what I can see on your profile, I think a large part of your post here is connected to where you are in life. Most people go through a period of having their fun before finding intimacy. Some of us get there much sooner, others much later. In your case, you're clearly there but in a place where other people might not be. That's never an easy thing.

    As far as where to start, you've said bars aren't your thing, but not why. Maybe if you can figure out what you don't like about a bar, you'll find places that don't have that thing. For example: I like bars but most times I don't like clubs because I like being able to talk to people and bars are usually better for that IMO.

    I hope that helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2016 5:04 PM GMT
    You can orgasm by yourself.
    Hookups are orgasms with companionship.
    Occasionally, hookups can also become friendships... with all the benefits of a hookup.
    Friendships are the first attempt at an emotional connection with a person.
    Emotional connections, if allowed to flourish, can become love.
    Love, with benefits, is the beginnings of an LTR.
    An LTR comes from all of the above... plus time.

    Every LTR starts with a date and perhaps a hookup. But not every date or hookup leads to an LTR.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2016 7:56 PM GMT
    hairyandym saidThey just leave me feeling somewhat empty. Im not saying they don't happen. Sometimes I just need to feel some affection for a couple of hours. icon_rolleyes.gif


    So true. Even though I know it'd end up feeling that way, when I'm so horny and just need to cuddle up with someone, I just can't help myself. It scratches the itch. icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2016 3:51 AM GMT
    A nut.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2016 12:53 PM GMT
    zoltar said I've tried hooking up in the past but it normally leaves me feeling grossed out afterwards. Sure I have an orgasm but it isn't even that good. Does everyone else feel the same way? It's almost like drugs or alcohol the prowl, the hunt is exciting. The actual act is sorta revolting. The orgasm is mediocre at best.
    I know it's not love. People are looking for sex. Am I the only one who craves that intimacy and affection that a relationship offers in order to have sex? I feel like some people can just easily separate the two. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic with ideological views.


    It depends on where you are in your life.
    If you have just come out, or just come out of a LTR, sex that's no more than sex can be liberating. This is true no matter how much of a romantic you may be.
    And, let's be honest, at times you may feel a strong sexual attraction to someone who in no other way is LTR material. And he may feel exactly the same about you. Life is short, you may as well have a little fun as long as neither has any illusions.
    But sooner or later, hookups become unsatisfying because we are programmed to crave affection, companionship, love and commitment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2016 2:57 PM GMT
    Maybe this is just me. For every guys i had a fling with in the past, deep down i do genuinely liked them and hoped for something more. It's like men are sex driven. Lol if it turns to something great then great. If not, it's an experience and you learn from it. At least i know that i did give it a shot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2016 12:24 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidEvery hook-up is an experience and you learn from it. I consider hook-ups as Continuing Education Credits.

    Want to get some extra credits? icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • MyPersuasion

    Posts: 21

    Jul 24, 2016 5:14 PM GMT
    Its better than being in a abusive relationship with some asshole who doesn't appreciate me. Gay guys tend to be bitches. So, I'd rather fuck and go. No time to play games with retards and mental cases. The best guys I met were one nighters. The worse guys I met were past relationships/dating. Only 2 guys I was involved with were worth it. All others are more trouble than they're worth.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Jul 31, 2016 12:40 PM GMT
    So are you saying that if you enjoy hookups then you are not hopelessly romantic and have no ideological views?
    People who enjoy hook ups must be emotionally blank and have no idea what so ever of what they are doing.

    I am a mature man, over 50 yrs, I am not in a LTR, so in order to have sex I hook up with other mature men.
    I am not picky with my men, anyone that is interested in me, I would be happy to engage in some hook up sex.

    Craigslist, adam4adam, going to the local bathhouse, all have given me interesting experiences.
    Yes, some men are better than others and the better guys I do meet them more than once or twice.
    But when I do meet someone I do not just go through the motions, I make the most of the chance meeting.
    When i do meet a guy, if its a hookup, we expect to have sex, so I think we are both emotionally ready to have sex.
    So if we meet, going through the ritual of back and forth emails, generally we will more or less understand one another. After everything, when we meet I will not be disinterested in my partner.
    I want to make the time we have together very sensual. To be intimate with another man is always amazing for me. I am a bottom, i enjoy having a man inside me. But its not just the penetration, there are so many ways to make our time together an enjoyable one.

    I am not saying hook up sex is for everyone. But if you do get together then have fun.
    IF the act is revolting then dont do hook ups!