Where've you found the LTR-types?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2016 6:33 PM GMT
    What’s up? Joined a year ago but rarely visited and didn’t really create a profile until now. Figured I’d jump-in with a topic and see where it goes from there.

    Where've you had the best luck finding quality LTR-oriented folks (non-hookups)? A certain website? Gym? Bar? And yes, I know they can be anywhere, but probably easier to find on a site like OKC than, say, Grindr.

    Context: I'm not into the bar scene, I avoid hookup sites completely (I'm not wired that way), and my sexuality isn't exactly well-advertised, so that certainly limits the options. That, and geography. My gym is small, but it's tough to tell who plays for which teams (although I'll send a non-threatening hint on occasion).

    Not complaining or whining at all; I'd put myself out there more if I were desperate. And I've admittedly/probably got a few too many standards I'm still stubbornly holding onto; ha. OKC has been the best for me over the last few years, but it's still hit-or-miss.

    Like I said, just curious and throwing it out there. Seemed like as good of an initial post as any!
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    Jun 10, 2016 8:30 PM GMT
    try meetup.com
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jun 10, 2016 8:59 PM GMT
    I haven't found one myself, but i hear that you can find him in an igloo,in the north pole, next to the inteligent blond and superman. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 10, 2016 9:59 PM GMT
    grindr
  • Kazachok

    Posts: 415

    Jun 10, 2016 11:32 PM GMT
    Ashdod saidI haven't found one myself, but i hear that you can find him in an igloo,in the north pole, next to the inteligent blond and superman. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Sounds about right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2016 12:08 AM GMT
    Reminds me of the second Addams Family movie, when Morticia is asked:

    "Where DO you find these Addams men?"

    "It has to be damp."
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jun 11, 2016 1:31 AM GMT
    it doesnt matter where you find them. remember, YOU are in all those places looking for a LTR why would you think YOU were special. The key is to tell people what you want, and ASK out guys constantly til you find what you need. Everyone wants to sit back and be asked, and that obviously doesnt work, and if they are the type that everyone asks..they just fuck around, so you want everyone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2016 2:34 AM GMT
    what is a "LTR" ........ ; )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2016 3:38 AM GMT
    My first I met in a bar. My second I met on Grindr.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jun 11, 2016 6:18 AM GMT
    I doubt that the site/place is what really matters.

    What matters is your projection of who you are and who do you want to be in an LTR with. It really is very much about the contents of the LTR much more than about asking a dude if he really wants an LTR or not.

    Based upon what you have written here, it seems that you are not a hook up kinda dude, so you are most probably looking for another guy who shares your sentiment. There is really nothing wrong with this at all. Yet, this element alone won't probably hold you together for a very long time. You need shared interests, shared visions, shared plans...

    In principle, many guys out there are neither for nor against an LTR. They just need to see themselves as benefiting from one in some important way.

    SC
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    Jun 11, 2016 12:41 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidI doubt that the site/place is what really matters.

    What matters is your projection of who you are and who do you want to be in an LTR with. It really is very much about the contents of the LTR much more than about asking a dude if he really wants an LTR or not.

    Based upon what you have written here, it seems that you are not a hook up kinda dude, so you are most probably looking for another guy who shares your sentiment. There is really nothing wrong with this at all. Yet, this element alone won't probably hold you together for a very long time. You need shared interests, shared visions, shared plans...

    In principle, many guys out there are neither for nor against an LTR. They just need to see themselves as benefiting from one in some important way.

    SC

    Some very insightful observations, IMHO.

    In my own case, I dated and hooked-up very casually when single, as often as I could. My tactic was that the more guys I was with (safely) not only would I have more fun, but I got to "sample the wares". No better way to check a guy out for possible LTR value than to take him for a test spin. icon_wink.gif (OK, my decision process also went beyond getting easy sex, but hey, it didn't hurt)

    And I got into a few enjoyable LTRs that way, plus 2 partnerships. My present, and the previous one that tragically ended in his premature death. But as I said, I had a good time getting there, and by increasing my contact pool I increased my choices, thereby hopefully improving my chances of eventually finding Mr. Right. Which was always my long term goal, but a goal I was careful not to reveal even subtly and so not make me appear desperate for an LTR, nor to make ill-advised decisions in desperation regarding entering one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2016 5:36 PM GMT
    Some great answers here.

    Contrary to popular belief you can find a lot of gay guys seeking LTR just about anywhere.

    I would add increase your circle of friends, try to become the best version of yourself, work on ways to increase your confidence and overcome your gear of rejection from guys you're attracted to. This really helped me get into the right mindset which carries through on how you come off to guys.

    I met my former BF who I was with for nearly 3 years through a mutual friend. We hung out as a group and then after awhile just me and him. We naturally fell for one another and started officially dating after a few months of being friends with each other.

    It's more about being in the right place at the right time within the right frame of mind. Offline and online, wherever that is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2016 9:31 PM GMT
    Under a bridge.


    There's a pun in this about a mythological creature, hidden in plain sight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2016 12:26 AM GMT
    Walked into my apartment on the arms of another guy

  • Jun 13, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    I've looked now since summer '96. Nothing. What I've learned is that gay people overestimate their odds of finding someone often because the internet makes the field appear much more diverse than it really is. No matter what, the percentage of men who identify not only as gay, but as gay men who are ready to live their lives openly with another man - is probably not even one percent of the male population. The larger the city you go to, the more expectations, the more unrealistic the expectations and the nastier these men are. If you don't have money, looks or something of value to THEM, they won't respond. The ones who genuinely are looking for a quality relationships where both partners contribute and love - are winning lottery tickets. There's no right place to meet them. You just happen to be there when they are. Could be in the bus depot, the sauna, in line at the supermarket, sitting down at McDonald's.

    I'm so used to not meeting anyone that now, I couldn't imagine it. The whole marriage thing happened and I didn't care - it's never gonna happen for me - so it was no big deal. Don't take the internet and these dating sites too seriously. These guys will say hurtful, mean-spirited things to try to harm your self-esteem. These are cowards who are too weak to even look you in the eye much less say those things to your face. I don't take anyone seriously unless they come up to me in person and say them - which most will never do. Most of these guys can't even look in the mirror and say the words 'I'm gay'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2016 6:50 PM GMT
    Being honest I haven't found an LTR yet either.

    Even though I have lived in rural areas most of my life, people are much nicer in real life than online. There are a lot of unhappy people who come online just to post hurtful things to you, or pretend to like you to then suddenly break off contact (ghost) or use what they can learn about you to hurt you more later. If someones profile is too good to be true, then don't get too attached since they are probably being dishonest.

    The people I know who are in LTR seem to have known each other through common interests or work.

    Just my two cents,
    FloridaRugbyBear
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    Jun 13, 2016 8:12 PM GMT
    You won't find them--they're all taken and strapped to their King-size beds by their bitchy partners.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jun 14, 2016 3:32 PM GMT
    Profiles can be very helpful in finding the right guys. Too many talk about activities they like to do, instead of talking about who they are inside. If you're an LTR guy, you're looking for someone who is not merely "nice", but also romantic (unless you don't think that's important), kind - and interested in you. Not what you look like (although that helps), but YOU: the you inside any nicely wrapped packages. Someone once told me that that was too personal to talk about what you feel, what you believe. You're wanting, presumably, a loving guy with a heart. People like that respond to warmth and the sense they can connect with you. You can't be impersonal and think you're going to attract someone who's heart is full of Love.

    I notice less emphasis on what be believe, how we feel towards others, and I see a significant number of profiles with rants on them. Anyone who is ranting is displaying their anger: not to way to attract a healthy prospective mate. Talk about your heart, what matters most to you. That will draw the loving guys to your profile.
    I don't care about anything except that I like a guy's looks enough to be attracted to him. Him having 5% body fat is not a turn on for me. His heart should be bigger than his chest, and his attitude kind towards everyone. If you don't have this in your profile, you may be causing guys to pass you by.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2016 5:12 PM GMT
    Appreciate the notes, guys.

    Pellaz: I've looked through the local Meetup list a few times. Options seemed a little limited, but I've considered one or two.

    Apparition: I see where you're coming from, but not quite. I've got no trouble doing the asking, but I'm not looking to go on dates with half the city to find a serious candidate either. Personal preference.

    Silver: No bad points there. Was just thinking that some places/sites might be more heavily frequented by the serious types. Like... when you compare eHarmony to Tinder -- people can find love on either one, but the clienteles are pretty different (on average).

    Deco: Glad it worked for ya, but I'm just not the "test spin" type ;). Guess I've got a few demisexual leanings as well. And the desperation definitely isn't there. I've come across a few people like that myself and it's a huge red flag.

    eRob: All good points. Fear of rejection and lack of confidence aren't huge factors in my case, but the right place / right time thing is definitely true.

    Raz: Troll joke. Got it. ...Not sure what to do with it, but got it.

    Niagara: Sounds a *little* jaded, but I get where you're coming from. It's luck of the draw. Haven't had to deal with too many trolls, fortunately.

    Dominus: Ha! A damn shame. icon_wink.gif

    Mcbrion: Totally agree that people don't take advantage of their "About Me" sections. Do those suck to write? Yeah. But that's a first impression. If you're shallow or bitchy within the first few lines, I'm probably gonna scroll on past. Might miss a few good opportunities that way, but I'll risk it. :: shrug ::
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2016 6:50 PM GMT
    Through friends.

    At gay parties.
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 15, 2016 2:21 AM GMT
    Grindr.. but you just need to surf through the rubbish to get to the good guys icon_smile.gif...

    post a profile and just be honest - pic of your face and state what you're looking for. You'll quickly work out who is genuine and who is not.

    As an add-on, I would also say that I wouldn't neccessarily state outright that I wanted an LTR. You should meet guys that you like the sound of, if only for a coffee or a beer. Go on dates and see what happens.

    Put simply, if you widen the net, you'll catch the fish that you want! Good luck icon_smile.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 15, 2016 2:27 AM GMT
    Animal Shelter or Rescue .... completely loyal and loving ... but if you can't love them back don't bother

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2016 2:55 AM GMT
    linclark86 said
    As an add-on, I would also say that I wouldn't neccessarily state outright that I wanted an LTR. You should meet guys that you like the sound of, if only for a coffee or a beer. Go on dates and see what happens.


    Definitely. I put that on here just to get a point across, but I don't have that written on my OKC. Just that I'm not looking for hookups. Casual dates are fine.
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 15, 2016 3:05 AM GMT
    Keep casual dating then. If you like someone, you go on 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates and sooner or later you'll find a guy that you click with and want to see more of each other. That's the norm anyway!!

    Funnily enough, I did it the opposite way - I was only looking for a hook-up, he was looking for more of a relationship. We messaged on grindr for ages and eventually met for a hook-up. We hit it off though, I stayed the night and next day... and are now pretty much at the point of going out together. We'd have been there quicker if it wasn't for my own mindf**k (about which I've written a monster post above and why I was only looking for a hook-up)

    Good luck anyway!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2016 6:40 AM GMT
    match.com, a long time ago though icon_smile.gif