Can Women be homophobic?

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    Jun 12, 2016 11:06 AM GMT
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/lee-suckling/its-not-just-straight-men-who-are-homophobic/
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    Jun 12, 2016 1:00 PM GMT
    Is this a serious question?? phelps
    Gotta love a bit of Shirley Phelps-Roper
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Jun 12, 2016 1:40 PM GMT
    I'm glad you brought this topic up. Women certainly can be homophobic, and they do so without realising it.

    I've mentioned on other threads how i get annoyed with women that want to make me into their stereotypical gay best friend, trying to talk to me about boys and shopping and dance clubs. I've also had women asking nosy questions about my sex life and try to get blow job tips from me. Now you might say it's not homophobic because they are not calling me fag and poof, and they are trying to be friendly with me and connect with me over my sexuality, and some of you might appreciate that kind of treatment from straight women. But it is the wrong approach for a girl to take if she wants to be friends with me.

    It takes me back to that uncomfortable feeling I had when I was younger and bullies in school targeted me for being gay. Even though I was in the closet at school, and I would not say anything about my sexual thoughts and feelings because I didn't want to be found out, the other kids called me gay and accused me of having gay sex anyway, as if it were their right to do so. I find it intrusive when people bring up my sexuality without me mentioning it.

    I don't often discuss my sexuality with women - it's not because I'm ashamed of my sexuality at all, but because it is my sexuality and it is entirely up to me whom I express it with. And, funnily enough, I don't want to discuss my sex life with women, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I don't want to hear about their sex lives, I don't want the image of them in my head shagging their boyfriends. Yet I meet straight women who want to know about who i'm shagging. They want to introduce me as their gay friend - not their friend - their GAY friend. They want to wave my flag for me, as if it's theirs to wave.

    This might not seem like homophobic behavior to you, but think about how a straight woman feels if a rowdy straight man comes up to her trying to get her attention, spilling his drink on her, being overfamiliar and calling her darling and sweetheart, making crude comments about her tits, and generally causing embarrassment and making an ass of himself. That's the sort of impression these girls make on me. they are using my sexuality as an excuse to express their own sluttyness. And I don't consider that a positive way to treat homosexuals.
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    Jun 12, 2016 8:04 PM GMT
    Nice commentary nice_chap. Your points were more insightful than the article. Thank you.
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    Jun 12, 2016 10:38 PM GMT
    Why would anyone would assume women can't be homophobic? However, let's be fair here. The writer has some issues that made him a very easy target. He's a grown man who's still very emotional about the little school girls that "bullied" him; how can you expect people to not rail on such a pathetic pussy? I'm sure they got him good with a last name like Suckling. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 12, 2016 11:10 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidI'm glad you brought this topic up. Women certainly can be homophobic, and they do so without realising it.

    I've mentioned on other threads how i get annoyed with women that want to make me into their stereotypical gay best friend, trying to talk to me about boys and shopping and dance clubs. I've also had women asking nosy questions about my sex life and try to get blow job tips from me. Now you might say it's not homophobic because they are not calling me fag and poof, and they are trying to be friendly with me and connect with me over my sexuality, and some of you might appreciate that kind of treatment from straight women. But it is the wrong approach for a girl to take if she wants to be friends with me.

    It takes me back to that uncomfortable feeling I had when I was younger and bullies in school targeted me for being gay. Even though I was in the closet at school, and I would not say anything about my sexual thoughts and feelings because I didn't want to be found out, the other kids called me gay and accused me of having gay sex anyway, as if it were their right to do so. I find it intrusive when people bring up my sexuality without me mentioning it.

    I don't often discuss my sexuality with women - it's not because I'm ashamed of my sexuality at all, but because it is my sexuality and it is entirely up to me whom I express it with. And, funnily enough, I don't want to discuss my sex life with women, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I don't want to hear about their sex lives, I don't want the image of them in my head shagging their boyfriends. Yet I meet straight women who want to know about who i'm shagging. They want to introduce me as their gay friend - not their friend - their GAY friend. They want to wave my flag for me, as if it's theirs to wave.

    This might not seem like homophobic behavior to you, but think about how a straight woman feels if a rowdy straight man comes up to her trying to get her attention, spilling his drink on her, being overfamiliar and calling her darling and sweetheart, making crude comments about her tits, and generally causing embarrassment and making an ass of himself. That's the sort of impression these girls make on me. they are using my sexuality as an excuse to express their own sluttyness. And I don't consider that a positive way to treat homosexuals.


    +1
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jun 13, 2016 12:13 AM GMT
    nice_chap saidI'm glad you brought this topic up. Women certainly can be homophobic, and they do so without realising it.

    I've mentioned on other threads how i get annoyed with women that want to make me into their stereotypical gay best friend, trying to talk to me about boys and shopping and dance clubs. I've also had women asking nosy questions about my sex life and try to get blow job tips from me. Now you might say it's not homophobic because they are not calling me fag and poof, and they are trying to be friendly with me and connect with me over my sexuality, and some of you might appreciate that kind of treatment from straight women. But it is the wrong approach for a girl to take if she wants to be friends with me.

    It takes me back to that uncomfortable feeling I had when I was younger and bullies in school targeted me for being gay. Even though I was in the closet at school, and I would not say anything about my sexual thoughts and feelings because I didn't want to be found out, the other kids called me gay and accused me of having gay sex anyway, as if it were their right to do so. I find it intrusive when people bring up my sexuality without me mentioning it.

    I don't often discuss my sexuality with women - it's not because I'm ashamed of my sexuality at all, but because it is my sexuality and it is entirely up to me whom I express it with. And, funnily enough, I don't want to discuss my sex life with women, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I don't want to hear about their sex lives, I don't want the image of them in my head shagging their boyfriends. Yet I meet straight women who want to know about who i'm shagging. They want to introduce me as their gay friend - not their friend - their GAY friend. They want to wave my flag for me, as if it's theirs to wave.

    This might not seem like homophobic behavior to you, but think about how a straight woman feels if a rowdy straight man comes up to her trying to get her attention, spilling his drink on her, being overfamiliar and calling her darling and sweetheart, making crude comments about her tits, and generally causing embarrassment and making an ass of himself. That's the sort of impression these girls make on me. they are using my sexuality as an excuse to express their own sluttyness. And I don't consider that a positive way to treat homosexuals.


    A very well written response and one I agree with. It's a stereotyping of a class of people, the same as having a Black friend and then wanting to immediately starting to ingratiate themselves with a "Yo, wassup homie?"-type approach and automatically thinking you are entitled to encroach upon an individual because you deem it "okay," which is a form of racism - not that you are racist, but as a writer put it, you have racism in you. Same thing with people - in this case, woman - and homophobia.
    I encountered that as an ongoing issue when I lived in San Francisco with a boss, about 15 years ago, who would tell me everything about her personal life - which she wouldn't dream of doing with a straight guy. I simply pulled back and no longer responded to the unwelcome intrusion. The majority of gay men will be out in SF anyway, so it invites, from women, a boundary-crossing element, without them ever thinking that they are stereotyping every gay man as a "Will-And-Grace-Best-Friends-Forever" fantasy and wanting him to be their confidant because he's "safe." It could easily be construed as sexual harassment and yes, even a kind of homophobia - only in reverse: they mean well, but they're doing the same thing that, if a man was discussing his sex life with them, they would term him misogynistic and it would certainly be grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.
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    Jun 13, 2016 12:45 AM GMT
    mcbrion said
    nice_chap saidI'm glad you brought this topic up. Women certainly can be homophobic, and they do so without realising it.

    I've mentioned on other threads how i get annoyed with women that want to make me into their stereotypical gay best friend, trying to talk to me about boys and shopping and dance clubs. I've also had women asking nosy questions about my sex life and try to get blow job tips from me. Now you might say it's not homophobic because they are not calling me fag and poof, and they are trying to be friendly with me and connect with me over my sexuality, and some of you might appreciate that kind of treatment from straight women. But it is the wrong approach for a girl to take if she wants to be friends with me.

    It takes me back to that uncomfortable feeling I had when I was younger and bullies in school targeted me for being gay. Even though I was in the closet at school, and I would not say anything about my sexual thoughts and feelings because I didn't want to be found out, the other kids called me gay and accused me of having gay sex anyway, as if it were their right to do so. I find it intrusive when people bring up my sexuality without me mentioning it.

    I don't often discuss my sexuality with women - it's not because I'm ashamed of my sexuality at all, but because it is my sexuality and it is entirely up to me whom I express it with. And, funnily enough, I don't want to discuss my sex life with women, because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I don't want to hear about their sex lives, I don't want the image of them in my head shagging their boyfriends. Yet I meet straight women who want to know about who i'm shagging. They want to introduce me as their gay friend - not their friend - their GAY friend. They want to wave my flag for me, as if it's theirs to wave.

    This might not seem like homophobic behavior to you, but think about how a straight woman feels if a rowdy straight man comes up to her trying to get her attention, spilling his drink on her, being overfamiliar and calling her darling and sweetheart, making crude comments about her tits, and generally causing embarrassment and making an ass of himself. That's the sort of impression these girls make on me. they are using my sexuality as an excuse to express their own sluttyness. And I don't consider that a positive way to treat homosexuals.


    A very well written response and one I agree with. It's a stereotyping of a class of people, the same as having a Black friend and then wanting to immediately starting to ingratiate themselves with a "Yo, wassup homie?"-type approach and automatically thinking you are entitled to encroach upon an individual because you deem it "okay," which is a form of racism - not that you are racist, but as a writer put it, you have racism in you. Same thing with people - in this case, woman - and homophobia.
    I encountered that as an ongoing issue when I lived in San Francisco with a boss, about 15 years ago, who would tell me everything about her personal life - which she wouldn't dream of doing with a straight guy. I simply pulled back and no longer responded to the unwelcome intrusion. The majority of gay men will be out in SF anyway, so it invites, from women, a boundary-crossing element, without them ever thinking that they are stereotyping every gay man as a "Will-And-Grace-Best-Friends-Forever" fantasy and wanting him to be their confidant because he's "safe." It could easily be construed as sexual harassment and yes, even a kind of homophobia - only in reverse: they mean well, but they're doing the same thing that, if a man was discussing his sex life with them, they would term him misogynistic and it would certainly be grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.


    You're taking offense to someone being friendly? Some women feel they can let their hair down around gay men because there's no sexual tension in the way. Would you rather the women that view you as as safe because you're gay view you as unsafe or threatening because you're gay? Then you'd be calling that homophobic too. There's just no winning, is there?

    Gay men should totally share some of the blame for this "stereotyping" to which you're referring. Lots of gay men enjoy being the fashion forward "GBF" that always has great advice for dealing with men. It's an image that the gay community has promoted plenty, so to get mad at women for embracing Will & Grace type friendships that have been aggressively pitched, even by the LGBT community, is a bit sensitive and unfair. Your boss may have viewed you as a girlfriend, but isn't that much better than her viewing you as an abomination and denying you a job because of having such a low opinion of you?
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Jun 13, 2016 11:08 AM GMT
    CODY4U said

    You're taking offense to someone being friendly? Some women feel they can let their hair down around gay men because there's no sexual tension in the way. Would you rather the women that view you as as safe because you're gay view you as unsafe or threatening because you're gay? Then you'd be calling that homophobic too. There's just no winning, is there?


    There is such a thing as being overly friendly, to the point that it makes you feel uncomfortable. you can be friendly with someone without sharing too much information, and without expecting someone to open up about every private detail. Just because a girl might find the idea of me having a sexual relationship with another man fascinating instead of gross, does not mean I want to share all of my intimate details with her.

    While a lot of these girls believe they are being open minded and accepting towards us gay men, they are doing it the point that our privacy means nothing. I was once called a secret squirrel by one of my brother's ex-girlfriends because I refused to tell her about an encounter I had with a guy at a party one night. I said to her "do you think I want to hear about what you get up to with my brother?" and that shut her up.
    Do I want girls to feel safe and at ease with me? Sure I do. But I still want them to respect my privacy. Us gay men are still entitled to our boundaries. That is a point that some of our straight female friends need to understand and respect. just because they don't see me as a threat doesn't mean they can see me as a pushover, or treat me as their slutty girlfriend in male form.

    I understand a lot of gay men are happy to live up to stereotypes, but not all of us are here to entertain the straight girls when they get bored of their husbands and boyfriends.
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    Jun 13, 2016 6:59 PM GMT
    nice_chap said But I still want them to respect my privacy. Us gay men are still entitled to our boundaries. That is a point that some of our straight female friends need to understand and respect. just because they don't see me as a threat doesn't mean they can see me as a pushover, or treat me as their slutty girlfriend in male form.

    I've been there but it sounds to me like you're merely dealing with yet another dim bulb woman, not a homophobic woman. A similar situation is a straight person who likes having a gay person as a friend so that they can show how open minded they are.