Confused Bi Guy In First Relationship And Unsure If Its Love!! Don't Want To Hurt The Guy! And So Don't Know What To Do!!

  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 15, 2016 1:28 AM GMT
    Ok, first up... I had a realjock profile ages ago and deleted it... Then I re-joined, although this is my first post under my new profile – so I’ll start by saying hi!..

    Second, I'm 29 and it feels kind of pathetic posting this, as if I am a lovestruck teenager! I think part of the issue is that I'm quite inexperienced in terms of relationships whilst I'm also simultaneously confused because of different, unrelated reasons and don't really know where to turn.

    The below might appear a bit muddled – but it is a representation of my head at the moment!!!

    So, hear I go... with a summary of my key points (I try to be a logical thinker, hence the list approach!!)

    - I suffer a bit from depression – not really relevant, but my head is a mess because of an early midlife crisis (hating work, and stressed about the lack of a career … ugh!)

    - I haven’t had many relationships but I always thought of myself as more straight than gay, fooled around with guys as a teen and not really again until a couple of years ago.

    - I had a thing with a girl last summer, but it didn't work out and James is the first person that I've met since who I have liked a lot. Obviously a guy (and no surprise, because I haven't been on any dates with girls since the short mf fling last summer).

    - I haven’t come out to any family or friends – but I think I would happily do this with James – but I only really want to if it is going to be a full relationship. I feel like we’re almost there, but not sure!

    - He is the first guy that I’ve actually got past the “hook-up” phase with. I love spending time with him… going on trips to the beach, bowling, cinema, playing squash, whatever!!... As well as of course lying in bed naked together … 

    - We have stayed in each other’s company for several consecutive days. It’s his first proper relationship too – so sometimes seems as if we’re moving too quick. But where’s the harm if we both enjoy each other’s company. He’s on holiday just now, and I am missing him, looking forward to his return at the weekend. For sure, I know that I would much rather be with him than on my own!

    - But I worry that I don’t fancy him enough. He is definitely cute and I really enjoy his company. But he isn’t perfect (of course no-one is!!), although I sometimes think about other hot people and hate to even think of cheating.

    - I also sometimes think I might prefer if he was a girl! It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I look at his cock and think I’d prefer a pair of breasts haha!!... I mean what the f**k!!!

    - I definitely wouldn’t hurt him though I know that much for sure. I really like and respect him as a person. This is also part of the reason why I am scared about getting in too deep – I don’t want to hurt either of us – and I know that, as this would be his first serious relationship

    Ok, thanks for listening!! I’d love to hear some advice!

    Thanks to all..

    Completely separate topic, and irreleveant, but I feel I should mention what happened in Orlando. If anyone is reading this from there, then I hope that you feel the peace and love from the UK 

    xx
  • KyleKyu

    Posts: 6

    Jun 19, 2016 3:11 AM GMT
    If you really want it to work, you shouldn't look down on his flaws; learn to love them, cherish them.. hell, praise them.
    Instead of thinking about these things, venting, and/or pondering. why not trying to talk to him? Be as open as possible, tell him EVERYTHING don't leave anything out because if you're really interested in pursuing this, letting him know you want to work on something and you're just not sure what it is will determine the future of you both.

    Tl;dr
    love the flaws
    talk to him

  • Jun 19, 2016 3:16 AM GMT
    I'm on the same boat bro, I feel pretty much straight, its odd how my mind works with sex. I'm young and unwise but i would suggest that you be true to yourself. Don't push this relationship to far, your straightness might kick in and the whole situation could backfire if you move along with the relationship to seriously. Take your time and organize your thoughts bro
  • confusedbi

    Posts: 9

    Jun 21, 2016 7:16 AM GMT
    I was in a similar situation last year (and we're the same age). Things were going well, but it didn't get a chance to develop into a full blown relationship. I took a month to really think about whether I like this guy or not, do I love him, if I can really be out and date him, don't want to hurt him, etc. Eventually I decided to just go for it and tried to find an opportunity to tell him. However, I waited too long. By the end of the month, he found someone else and they have been dating ever since. Don't make my mistake. Talk to him. Tell him what you're feeling and maybe you two can work through it together.
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 21, 2016 4:44 PM GMT
    KyleKyu saidIf you really want it to work, you shouldn't look down on his flaws; learn to love them, cherish them.. hell, praise them.
    Instead of thinking about these things, venting, and/or pondering. why not trying to talk to him? Be as open as possible, tell him EVERYTHING don't leave anything out because if you're really interested in pursuing this, letting him know you want to work on something and you're just not sure what it is will determine the future of you both.

    Tl;dr
    love the flaws
    talk to him


    Thanks mate...I've told him pretty much all of my original post - except maybe that I fancy other people! Although he does know that I am confused!!... Cheers anyway
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 21, 2016 4:50 PM GMT
    Researchpurposes saidI'm on the same boat bro, I feel pretty much straight, its odd how my mind works with sex. I'm young and unwise but i would suggest that you be true to yourself. Don't push this relationship to far, your straightness might kick in and the whole situation could backfire if you move along with the relationship to seriously. Take your time and organize your thoughts bro


    Thanks man!... It's a toughie for sure!!
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jun 21, 2016 5:23 PM GMT
    confusedbi saidI was in a similar situation last year (and we're the same age). Things were going well, but it didn't get a chance to develop into a full blown relationship. I took a month to really think about whether I like this guy or not, do I love him, if I can really be out and date him, don't want to hurt him, etc. Eventually I decided to just go for it and tried to find an opportunity to tell him. However, I waited too long. By the end of the month, he found someone else and they have been dating ever since. Don't make my mistake. Talk to him. Tell him what you're feeling and maybe you two can work through it together.


    Thanks man, I feel your pain though. We've all been there! So it is a good point that I don't let it happen again!!... For me the deciding factor is that I am happier with him than I am without!! So I just need to clear it in my head as to how I tell my mates & parents!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 22, 2016 10:17 PM GMT
    I think you should definitely go for it. It's common, particularly in the social media and online dating age, to compare the options we have with the endless options that are out there. I always try to remind myself that the guy with the ideal body flexing on Instagram could well be a vain personality-vaccuum. You seem to have a proper connection with this guy so I think you owe it to yourself to pursue it. It may not work out, but it will be good experience for you both if something else comes around in the future. Good luck.
  • linclark86

    Posts: 17

    Jul 11, 2016 5:37 PM GMT
    nugget2011 saidI think you should definitely go for it. It's common, particularly in the social media and online dating age, to compare the options we have with the endless options that are out there. I always try to remind myself that the guy with the ideal body flexing on Instagram could well be a vain personality-vaccuum. You seem to have a proper connection with this guy so I think you owe it to yourself to pursue it. It may not work out, but it will be good experience for you both if something else comes around in the future. Good luck.


    I'm in with both feet now lol!.... Still some of the same worries, but getting on really well and still want to see each other as much as we can.. so makes sense to me that I keep doing so.. x