Making Friends At Gym

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 16, 2016 2:18 AM GMT
    So I am pretty good at making gym friends. I have no issue talking to guys and girls at gym for whatever reason (a question, a spot, etc). I know a lot of the guys at the gym since I go 5x week and they are consistently there as well. My issue is that I would like to take those gym "friendships" or acquaintances outside of the gym and make a real friend. Doesn't have to be a gym buddy but just a friend to make hang out with after. I have no sexual intentions and am not even thinking about their sexuality. What are some steps to do this without sounding too forward or like you're asking someone out LOL I don't wanna seem like I am coming on to anyone or anything, just platonic
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    Jun 16, 2016 2:31 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidSo I am pretty good at making gym friends. I have no issue talking to guys and girls at gym for whatever reason (a question, a spot, etc). I know a lot of the guys at the gym since I go 5x week and they are consistently there as well. My issue is that I would like to take those gym "friendships" or acquaintances outside of the gym and make a real friend. Doesn't have to be a gym buddy but just a friend to make hang out with after. I have no sexual intentions and am not even thinking about their sexuality. What are some steps to do this without sounding too forward or like you're asking someone out LOL I don't wanna seem like I am coming on to anyone or anything, just platonic

    If you guys have other common interests outside of the gym, then invite that person to join you. If you want to be extra cautious about sending the wrong message, then make it a group thing with other gym members that know each other.
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    Jun 16, 2016 3:10 AM GMT
    I've had meals or coffee with several casual friends from the gym.
    The scenario can start in the gym with one of us asking if the other wants to grab a meal or a coffee after the workout.
    Or we see each other out and one of us asks "Can I join you?"

    Asking your potential friend along for a bike ride or hike is a good idea but make your offer very specific.
    Ask him/her if they want to go "this weekend" rather than "sometime".
    If you give the impression that you're free anytime, you'll seem needy.

    Most people, male or female and without regard to their sexuality, will be happy that you made the offer even if they can't join you now.
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    Jun 16, 2016 7:02 AM GMT
    Good point kick starting made. I actually ask myself the same thing so I'll be open to reading more responses.

    My only thing is: Making friends at the gym has always been a risky proposal. I've struck up conversations with so many guys at the gym, but for some reason haven't come out with much more than a phone number and small talk. Maybe I'd have better luck at a more gay friendly gym rather than these national chains though. I had a guest pass for a small gym in San Francisco and I had the feeling I could make friends there easily.

    I think 2 things: one you never know what kind of lifestyle the guy at the gym has. Even if you don't care they're straight, they may care that you're gay. They may not be bothered by it, but they may not know how to approach it. And then, we just don't know them. Half the time, they have kids, they may just work, gym, daily rinse and repeat and only want to make friends with the same co-workers and People in their circle.

    It's kinda sad but, most times when I've tried to meet random friends out and about...you learn there's things about them that aren't compatible with you. After the last guy at the gym I spoke to, got his number, and then him later mentioning he wasn't gay or bi, but was not judgemental about it...but then flaked whenever we tried to make plans...I'm kinda over guys at the gym.

    These guys at the gym are all dick teases. They're working out in their prime to try and find/keep a girlfriend or whatever, and then once they get married they end up getting fat anyway. If it weren't for me being a model/escort, I'd of stopped going to the gym awhile ago. I like the gym, but it's almost a unfair that after all this time I've not snagged a friend or boyfriend actual FROM the gym.
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    Jun 16, 2016 12:56 PM GMT
    This is a pretty good question considering how hard it is for me to even make GYM friends or even, God forbid, get a workout partner.

    While I'm congenial with the staff, unless a fellow member wants to use equipment I'm on no one's ever said Word One to me, whether it's a hardcore gym or national chain, with the exception - years apart - of two very young, attractive and presumably straight guys who were continuously friendly, coming over to chat whenever they saw me, which seemed suspicious until they revealed they were on Adderall and I'm a good listener.




  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jun 16, 2016 4:34 PM GMT
    I don't think men make many friends past about the age of 25 or so. And the ones they do result from a shared common interest, usually their work. Even then there has to be a group dynamic of why you're looking to get together elsewhere, like putting together a golf foursome or someone to play tennis with. A group that runs together on weekends or rides motorcycles together. You could say the gym is a shared interest but unless they're gay, they've probably got a life outside the gym that makes them happy and an invitation to just hang out means giving up something to do... what? I've got a handful of "gym friends" that I see at the beach here or other common entertainment spots (I live in a resort town) and if I run into one of them somewhere they're super friendly (one super cute young guy likes to give me a big shirtless bro-hug when we see each other) but I doubt I could ask him to "hang out."

    If you know them well enough to know what they like to do outside the gym, and that interests you, you can ask to tag along next time or even invite him to join you but you'd better make sure you're being honest with yourself why you want to be with him. And don't expect a straight guy is going to feel comfortable in a group of gay guys.

    Back in my days of being married to a woman, I even then noticed that putting groups together was one of the best things about women. They don't need an excuse. Guys I'd meet through these gatherings could and did become good friends. But guys just don't do that and the gay/straight thing does complicate it, at least from the straight side.
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    Jun 16, 2016 5:49 PM GMT
    The two main ingredients are time and common interests besides the gym. If you see the same person and chat with them on multiple occasions over at least a month, and it turns out you have some sort of interest in common other than the gym, then things will often naturally lead to a friendship outside of the gym. It's not too hard to do ... you just have to develop a sense of when the time is appropriate to take the next step, which should be easy if the groundwork has been laid.
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    Jun 16, 2016 6:31 PM GMT
    I wish guys would talk to me at the gym. Not for hookup purposes or whatever, I am in a new area and looking for friends. It would be nice to have gym buddies to help push me/keep me on track to my goals. I'm not very good at talking to random strangers, especially in a place like a gym, so I go in and do my workout and leave. How do you guys even approach people (strangers) while they're working out? That seems like it would be disturbing to them.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jun 16, 2016 8:31 PM GMT
    Jinzo saidI wish guys would talk to me at the gym. Not for hookup purposes or whatever, I am in a new area and looking for friends. It would be nice to have gym buddies to help push me/keep me on track to my goals. I'm not very good at talking to random strangers, especially in a place like a gym, so I go in and do my workout and leave. How do you guys even approach people (strangers) while they're working out? That seems like it would be disturbing to them.

    I know I get in a very specific rhythm in the gym with consistent intervals between sets and exercises. I don't even talk to my partner much except to ask for a spot or how much longer he'll need to finish. But usually I'll see someone I know during warmup exercises and have a short chat or at the water cooler. The guys I've met I met by simply by seeing them there consistently (and vice-versa), know them to be serious about the work by observation, and just acknowledging them with a nod after a while. If they're interested in being friendly, after a while conversation will start. Just keep it short and be aware of where they are in their workout so you don't throw them off. And the ones that turn into talkers, I just excuse myself with some comment like "Back to work!" and walk off to work.
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    Jun 17, 2016 12:20 AM GMT
    I know for me, I usually would make a comment on their excercise, or that they're really looking good and keep up the good work. Then I would find out if they work in the area, what kind of work do they do, and so. Then I would say, "I'd love it if you join me for lunch sometime. How's next week?" When you meet for lunch, you learn more about them, and they about you. It's all about the initial introduction. I'm not about hooking up with them either, but it's nice to know people at other companies... (networking)

    Cheers,

    Sean