Sports...Physical Activity...Boyfriends...a Buddy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2009 8:31 PM GMT
    I grew up with two other brothers and lots of male cousins. We were always playing sports and physically active. In high school I was on the Junior varsity football team and enjoyed other sports.

    I think sports and competition is a very healthy way for men to burn off energy and testosterone, experience the power of winning, experience the feeling of loosing, being a good sport about things, and to "communicate"......without getting too talky and feely and wordy.

    My problem is finding a gay guy who enjoys it too. All to often, I hear from a guy " I don't play sports".

    Working out at the gym doesn't do it for me.

    What is there to be afraid of? Why the avoidance of sports and the timidity of trying new things in life? I'm certainly not a pro and don't expect the other guy to be an expert either.

    But at least be willing to shoot some hoops and throw the football back and forth. For me, its even fun just to dribble the basketball........

    So guys, the next time a date or gay friend invites you to the playground or game park, go with him. The worst thing that can happen is both of you will work up a sweat and have to get in the shower together to wash off the stink.

    Another thing. I enjoy going to sports bars (gay) to watch the games. I may not know the stats of the players and neither do I particularly have favorite teams ans such. But it is fun to see the players doing their skills and the strategy of the game.

    But sometimes a gay guy will criticise the very idea of a "gay sports bar"....saying that it is a farce and that nobody really pays attention to the games.

    I do. Does anyone else enjoy it?

    Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
    One of my favorite bars is a sports bar... but I am with you - aside from a small bout of following cycling I don't really keep up with the teams. However, they are fun to watch from time to time.

    As for sports... I don't like being competitive with the person I am sleeping with (probably because I am competitive so much in other areas of my life). Some fooling around sports is fun, but if it is at all serious - I am not game.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    I can take or leave gym bunnies. But I'm so turned on by athletes. There can be a world of difference between the two. When people ask me my "type," and I say, "athletes," they sometimes dismiss me as being all about a good body. Now I do love a good body, but it is so much more than that - there is something about a guy who is really into sports, especially outdoor sports.
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Feb 11, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
    My boyfriend would like us to join a soft ball team. I wanted to this year but have to work on Sundays, the practice day. I was hesitant at first about joining a gay softball team but warmed up to the idea. Definitely next year we're going to try next year, but in the mean time a game of catch and going to batting practice is SOME training we can do together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 3:30 AM GMT
    Yeah I feel your pain. Try finding a guy that enjoys the more extreme sports, skydiving, rock climbing, UFC/Martial Arts. I frequently get asked if I am sure I am gay since I happen to like football. I can barely find people to get on a bike and hit the trails, in fact most of the time I can't so I go by myself. As for a game of hoops, or shit a game of pool for that matter, I pretty much have to turn to my straight bros. I think it's a universal joke that I am mostly attracted to straight guys, largely for this reason. I keep hoping someone will surprise me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 3:42 AM GMT
    Hey brothers, (yes I use the word brothers, not sisters):

    I hear you. I love trail-running in the mud, hiking in the cold, road-riding for long days, mountain biking the trails, kayaking, martial arts, working out hard, and generally getting cold, wet, and muddy. Okay, not that cold. Maybe warmish, wet, and muddy? And I have met very few gay guys in my life who think that playing outside to that degree is fun.

    But I have to say that this site has helped me have more hope and I have also met a few guys here in SF who are more active and athletic as opposed to being just gym fit.

    Yng, I'm just like you. I'm always attracted to the sorta rough around the edges, don't care about the ratty ball cap, take me as I am sort of straight guys. I once hit on a straight guy at the edge of the Pride Parade. He was on his mountain bike, had great calves, a killer smile...so I introduced myself and he very kindly smiled and said, "uhh..I'm here to watch but I'm not on the team...but thanks for the compliment." Unfortunately I hear that statement alot since I tend to fall for and then hit on the straight ones.

    But there is hope. We ARE out there. I just attended two of the Realjock bootcamps that Diakadi threw and it was fun to watch them make the guys lay in the mud and do their workouts. It was like watching somebody bathe a cat! Good for humor and the guys were fun about it but you could see it was definitely not their thing.

    We're out there. Let's just keep connecting and getting out and doing stuff.
  • Run4Life83

    Posts: 207

    Feb 11, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    I'm a definate sports guy, I'm more comfortable at a sports bar than a gay bar, to my knowledge we haven't combined the two yet in Colorado, but I'm going to look into it. My friends are similar to your experience though, they have no interest in sports at all, which makes Bowl Season, and baseball season especially interesting. We've just learned to make concessions, like at my Superbowl Party this year we had Commercial Bingo to keep them entertained, or on Big Game day they drink and I drive. When we go clubbing, I dance and they drink.

    Innerathlete I'm with you, there's a difference between an athlete and a gym rat, in that an athlete is so much more than just the muscle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    Speaking of such guys, as I was coming back in from taking the garbage out today, there were four young guys coming out of the pool clubhouse. All of them pretty good looking, and with one in particular being one of the hottest guys I've seen in quite awhile. Since he was wearing only a towel and since I held the door open for him (locked building) I couldn't help but notice the killer body and the nipple piercing. The brown hair, the brown eyes...the killer abs...ahhhhhhhhhhh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 3:58 AM GMT
    I'm game...

    funny pictures
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    I love to get out and do stuff. Golfing, hiking, biking, going out on the lake for tubing or riding waverunners, skiing, tennis, bowling, playing pool. I'd even shoot hoops, although 1-on-1 isn't my thing, I prefer around-the-world or HORSE(whatever you call it). I'd even just go and run bleachers or run (although I'm not much of a runner. I kind of jog and then walk and then jog some more. I have a troublesome ankle so my track days are over. Oddly, running bleachers or steps is more fun to me than running across flat ground. If someone said 'lets go to this 20 story building and run up the stairs and back, I'd be like - sounds like a fun challenge. Someone says 'lets go run 3 miles around the track' and I'd opt to be shot in the head.)
    I will watch college football - GO BUCKS!!!
    I will watch the superbowl. Tennis I'll watch, but I can't watch soccer or basketball or baseball on tv.
    I also enjoy going to hockey games - BlueJackets! - or baseball games - Clippers. This year the Clippers are getting a new ballpark, it's a couple blocks from where I work, so I might just walk over there after work this year for some evening games.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 4:19 AM GMT
    Whats the point of working out if you don't use it?
    Its like having a car and leaving it parked in a Garage.

    I run and it helps me play ultimate frisbee. My upper body work will help me block the frisbee and, even just a little, help through it. If I didn't run or do any type of work out it'd be harder and I'd be worse. Plus the combination makes me more dedicated to both. If I didn't do Ultimate Frisbee I would still run, but I would not work out my upper body.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 4:28 AM GMT
    Never really been into sports. More because of the lack of any kind of decent facilities and enough people to play with here. That said, I was pretty much an outdoors kid with my younger brother before. Used to sneak out of the house just to go catch fish for my pond or go hike in the jungles somewhere.

    The few times I've played in team sports, yes it felt good. The team spirit especially and the exhilaration afterward. The thing I miss the most though is the camaraderie of army training back in school. Never thought I'd say this, but I miss those 4AM jogging drills.

    Sadly, not anymore. icon_sad.gif More so with my core friends drifting away as we start looking for work and getting into the 'adult world'. I seriously want to get back into it someday, though i really do not care much for spectator sports.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Wait.. Isn't that what this site is for? To meet other gay men who are into sports, fitness, and other physical activities? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    innerathlete> I can take or leave gym bunnies. But I'm so turned on by athletes. There can be a world of difference between the two.

    Exactly. On this site there is blurring between the two, but I've been known to say (e.g. in gay.com chat rooms - where about 20% of user names have the word "jock" in them for no discernable reason) that there are "so many jocks, so few athletes".


    Indeed, many members of my "coming out class" (most of whom were ahead of me) kept telling me that my love for football will diminish (and then I'll get my gay card). Sorry, but when you grow up a few houses down the street from Bo Schembechler and you've already been to something like 100 games at the Big House (and listened to Bob Ufer - another neighbor - broadcast the away games)... that's not something that's going to evaporate just because you come out - nor should it. Resistance was not futile, I was not assimilated! (:

    Hey, if I learn to put product in my hair can I finally get my gay card even if I still love football? Or am I only eligible for a GED (Gay-card Equivalent Designation)?

    We always demand that others be inclusive of us and yet some expect us to conform to a gay "norm"? To not be true to ourselves?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 11, 2009 5:06 AM GMT
    LGWC saidWhats the point of working out .....?

    To have the bumps and bulges for the boys, silly! ...I dont do any of this to go chase a stupid ball. ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    funny pictures
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidYeah I feel your pain. Try finding a guy that enjoys the more extreme sports, skydiving, rock climbing, UFC/Martial Arts. I frequently get asked if I am sure I am gay since I happen to like football. I can barely find people to get on a bike and hit the trails, in fact most of the time I can't so I go by myself. As for a game of hoops, or shit a game of pool for that matter, I pretty much have to turn to my straight bros. I think it's a universal joke that I am mostly attracted to straight guys, largely for this reason. I keep hoping someone will surprise me.


    Me too. I have to turn to my straight bros. They play.they win.....they loose.....we laugh.....sharpen our physical skills........and we are not concerned about what we look like.......AND......any guy who comes along who wants to join us is welcome with no regard to his athletic skills.

    The very idea of a guy taking a chance and putting himself out there is what most men (I think) admire and seek out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    i think it comes down to competitiveness.
    i, for one, love being active- working out, swimming, sailing, hiking, yoga/pilates, rowing, running, etc., and would love to try sky diving eventually...... but i have just never been competitive. i can't mentally get into it. i just don't care. so when i did sports, i only enjoyed the ones where i was beating myself- gymnastics or swimming for example- i didn't really care if the 'team' won or lost; when i play tennis with friends, i'd rather just hit the ball back and forth than have an all out game. i think its rediculous when guys yell at the tv during a football game. they can't hear you. does this make me less of a man, or more 'gay,' or do i feel im lacking anything? i think you can pick up on the rhetorical nature of those questions- of course not. some get into it, some don't, and for whatever reason, it seems that a majority of gays just aren't physically competitive. so just play with your straight friends if you're one of those anomalies.

    is it important to you that your boyfriend be active and fit and be able to get outdoors and rough it with you? that's legit.... but i don't understand the need to wipe a basketball court with their ass and then head in for lunch. in any case... if you're gonna be so picky, what you're looking for is rare- get over it. good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    Why does sexuality have to be integrated with sport?

    When I play hockey, I don't say "is he gay?" or "is he straight?"

    When I'm lifting, doing cardio, riding my bike, etc., I'm there to train. It adds almost no value to bring a sexual element into it.

    I've never quite understood it (the focus on sexuality constantly).

    I'll workout with someone and my skinny friend will ask, "is he gay?"

    Regular folks ask things like "is he a cool guy?" or "he looks built, is he good?"

    My sexuality is a small part of my life.

    Sadly, a site like Real Jock draws people out the word work that are clueless about sport, how it feels, the mindset, and that think if they like you you should like them. It's called Real Jock for a reason, I suspect, and it implies a certain mind set.

    Lots of gay guys don't have the self-esteem that being an athlete brings. They simply don't get it. Often, they resent that, too. They find athletics a very frightening place.

    I'd a lot rather spend time with a guy with a passion and knowledge of the game than force a fairy to be a Richard Simmons.

    All that being said, there are guys that are gay / bi, and are great athletes, too, but, in gay culture, folks are often head-fucked for a long list of reasons. You may not find someone who knows how to behave, that has a passion for the game, and that is a certain way and open about it.

    When it comes to athletics, sexuality should be set aside, like color, culture, and so on. If you wanna' form a gay team, though, more power to you. Be prepared for the fairy brigade when you do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    is it important to you that your boyfriend be active and fit and be able to get outdoors and rough it with you? that's legit.... but i don't understand the need to wipe a basketball court with their ass and then head in for lunch. in any case... if you're gonna be so picky, what you're looking for is rare- get over it. good luck. [/quote]

    Yeah, I guess you are right. Some guys might consider dribbling the basketball to aggressive and feel like their ass is being wiped on the court.

    And I guess I am being picky when I seek out people/ things that are not common.

    Yeah.....I think I would be happier if I got over it. I should be happy and satisfied with going with the flow and following what most people like.

    I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to feel challenged or inadequate. God Forbid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 6:11 PM GMT
    the funny thing is that you're shooting for sarcasm and facetiousness but everything you say is true and appropriate lol.

    just isn't a need to 'challenge' your significant other- i genuinely wish you good luck finding someone who likes it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 6:21 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidi think it comes down to competitiveness.
    i, for one, love being active- working out, swimming, sailing, hiking, yoga/pilates, rowing, running, etc., and would love to try sky diving eventually...... but i have just never been competitive. i can't mentally get into it. i just don't care. so when i did sports, i only enjoyed the ones where i was beating myself- gymnastics or swimming for example- i didn't really care if the 'team' won or lost; when i play tennis with friends, i'd rather just hit the ball back and forth than have an all out game. i think its rediculous when guys yell at the tv during a football game. they can't hear you. does this make me less of a man, or more 'gay,' or do i feel im lacking anything? i think you can pick up on the rhetorical nature of those questions- of course not. some get into it, some don't, and for whatever reason, it seems that a majority of gays just aren't physically competitive. so just play with your straight friends if you're one of those anomalies.

    is it important to you that your boyfriend be active and fit and be able to get outdoors and rough it with you? that's legit.... but i don't understand the need to wipe a basketball court with their ass and then head in for lunch. in any case... if you're gonna be so picky, what you're looking for is rare- get over it. good luck.


    I so agree with everything you just said here. I just enjoy the activity, bonding and pulse racing of it all. I could care less who "wins". I feel like I always "win" by just participating!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 6:52 PM GMT

    I think finding a guy who is into competitive sports draws heavily from how they were raised and conditioned. A lot of those who played competitive sports growing up found that they liked the adrenaline rush they got from winning - so they may continue to be actively involved in competitive activities. The difference between the adrenaline rush experienced in competitive sports and in other extreme, challenging physical activities, though, is pretty small.

    A majority of RJers on here like the adrenaline rush that accompanies physical activity (at least I hope they would, considering the website). If you were raised in an uber-competitive family, though, you might (not in all cases, mind you) tend towards playing a competitive sport to experience that rush. If not - or if you drifted from the competitive aspect after experiencing it - you may be more comfortable getting that rush in a non-competitive way. The fact that you make strives in reaching that adrenaline rush still speaks towards your character.

    Long story short - I have straight friends who don't care for competitive sports, and usually tell me they weren't too involved with them in the past. On the other side of the fence, I was raised in a family where releasing your energy and attaining that adrenaline rush meant playing competitive sports. I played almost every sport imaginable growing up (with my parents being the coaches in many of them). So while I realize now that I don't necessarily need to be competitive to feel that way, I still know and take advantage of the fact that playing a team sport and challenging others will get me there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 7:40 PM GMT
    It's a no win situation. I feel the same way as you, I was in sports and still am, I work out every day, I run marathons, etc., every gay guy I've met in the various cities I've lived in stays in shape by smoking, doing drugs, or God knows what else. Sure, some go to the gym, but they do what I call 'girls workouts'. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it's not what I had in mind back in the day when I was thinking about the many different kinds of gay men that might be out there (another fairy tale like the Easter Bunny).

    What I had to do was get out of the gay cities. I had to leave Minneapolis. I had to give up Chicago. I had to get out of the places that seemed to attract the very kinds of gay men I didn't have any interest in: those who gravitated towards those cities because they would never survive anywhere else. It's a double edged sword: gay men like 'progressive, gay friendly' cities, but the kinds of gay men you find there aren't at all what you were hoping would be there. These are the gay guys who live, breathe, walk and talk the stereotype (not all but you know what I mean). So I moved back to a city not so large, and not so gay. Unfortunately, not many gay guys at all, and the ones that are here I knew about within six months which isn't much fun because it leaves no mystery when you know who everyone is and there's no sparks with any of them.

    I let it get me down that I couldn't find another gay person who was really into the kinds of sports and workouts I liked to do. I tried sites like this, other websites; finally i just stopped looking and went along on my own and did my own thing, which I still do. As far as gay guys with sports, well, it's been made pretty clear that we are not wanted in sports and that dates way back to middle school gym classes. Sure, some guys did play sports, but I'm talking about most gay guys who were self-conscious, had this secret that he made sure nobody would ever know about, and sports just wasn't on the radar. But the problem is, now that there's so many straight jocks desperate for money who pose naked on gay websites, every gay guy in America thinks they're magically going to find someone without all these hangups, self esteem and confidence issues who overcame the self doubt and dove right into team sports during high school and college. We are a bit hypocritical when it comes to these things and I think it has to do with the luxury of the internet and - when we go offline - we realize these two worlds collide - the fantasy one where you get whatever hot straight boy you want who magically wants to be with only you for the rest of his life, and the reality which is the fact that your odds of finding this kind of guy are very slim...so I guess you have to adjust your expectations accordingly. Nobody knows how many of us are out there. Nobody knows exactly where we are, what we like, what our passions are or anything so that's what makes this so hard - we live our whole lives hoping we are going to find (for the sake of this topic a sports guy) someone who will make us happy, but from all these posts I see, it appears that it's a damn long wait.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Feb 14, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    KissingPro..I am like you and had brothers and cuosins and friends on teams all throughout as long as I can remember...I remember throwing footballs and baseball and soccer and still do it when I can...Very active outdoors asnd love being out in all weather because I love to run...
    would love a guy to go bike riding or running with to get sweaty and then relax after wards and talk for a while...good luck to you in your pursuit..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    Don't get me wrong, I played high school tennis, soccer and ice hockey and ice hockey in college and played to win. Now when I play sports with friends I just want the enjoyment of physical exertion and the bonding opportunity.

    My gym workout partner is 'mode310' on here and we kill each other when we workout, so I disagree with the generalizations you guys are making.