Boyfriend left lastnight…feeling extremely sad.

  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Jun 20, 2016 6:43 AM GMT
    My boyfriend just left last night after being together for three years. He’s moving away for a new job in a new country because his employment here was suddenly terminated. I couldn't stop crying at the airport, and it hurt so much to see him go through security and leave.
    I can't stop crying, and it hurts so much to be in a place where he was and I have to remain without him. We love each other and neither of us wants to break up. It's going to be so hard to not hold him or kiss him for so long. But I guess I'll have to, come to terms with the reality that he is gone and I need to move on with my life and not be depressed and alone forever.

    I've thought about quitting my job at the end of the year to be with him, but it's already torture now when I don't see him for one day, I can't imagine not seeing him for weeks, months on end.

    I don't think there's much advice that can be given here, but I'd really be interested in hearing if anybody has any similar stories from their own experience. I'm just so depressed--it's one thing if a relationship doesn't work out, but it's twice as hard to be forced apart like this...
    icon_sad.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 20, 2016 7:02 AM GMT
    I feel badly for you, that you're having to go through this.
    Don't quit your job.
    As the saying goes, "Time heals all things."
    Stay busy.
    Spend time with your friends.
    Do the things that make you happy.
    Hugs.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Jun 20, 2016 10:25 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI feel badly for you, that you're having to go through this.
    Don't quit your job.
    As the saying goes, "Time heals all things."
    Stay busy.
    Spend time with your friends.
    Do the things that make you happy.
    Hugs.


    You are right I shouldn't just drop everything and go.
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    Jun 20, 2016 11:30 AM GMT
    Just continue to focus on your drag - sew a few sequins, try some different makeup techniques and you'll soon forget him since he didn't exist to begin with or at least not in your profile. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 20, 2016 12:02 PM GMT
    RainBow_Dragon2000 said
    I can't stop crying, and it hurts so much to be in a place where he was and I have to remain without him.

    ...I'd really be interested in hearing if anybody has any similar stories from their own experience. I'm just so depressed--it's one thing if a relationship doesn't work out, but it's twice as hard to be forced apart like this...

    I know your pain very much. Except in my case it was due to my partner's rather sudden death from illness. A story I've related on RJ a number of times.

    Death is a door that doesn't reopen, in which neither of us had any choice whatsoever. I was never going to see or hear from him again, at least not in this life. And I never considered suicide to rejoin him, since I seriously doubt that a hereafter exists.

    But like you I couldn't bear to be in that place we had shared. I couldn't enter our bedroom for months, nor go into "his" kitchen, sit in the living room on the same sofa and watch the same TV that he did, or play the piano I had gotten him. But I still had a long lease on the townhouse, didn't have the energy or will to attempt to break it and relocate. And I found the gay nightclub we loved full of too many memories, but there wasn't any other in that upper midwestern city. Nor would I go alone to the straight bars just to be around people, where I was an outsider in more ways than one.

    So instead I confined myself to a single room, our office where there was a sleeping futon. I had the groceries and liquor delivered, food I could eat from the can or package without using the kitchen or needing a refrigerator, hardly ever stepping outside that room, glued to the TV & computer. Saw no one, went nowhere, stopped teaching high school. At times I would collapse to the floor and just start pounding it with my fists and screaming: "I want my Tom! I want my Tom back!" With no one there to hear me.

    Of course I realize now I likely had a complete nervous breakdown, despite my self-image of tough military stoicism. Maybe I can be tough for others, but for myself, not so much. And finally after 3 months our gay friends did an intervention. And with their support I finally started socializing again, my life slowly returning to normal.

    My message to you is this: first, don't slip into the pattern of withdrawal that I did myself. Second, rely upon your friends for emotional support. Don't abandon them. Third, listen to Webster666's advice: "Time heals all things". (Alternately, time heals all wounds).

    It took about a year before I was largely recovered, didn't happen all at once. But I was even able to start dating again (beware the rebound effect), and today I've had a partner for 9 years, whom I consider my husband, although we haven't taken marriage vows yet.

    Give yourself a time-out for a little while, but don't totally isolate yourself. Stay in touch with friends, accept their support. Slowly but surely you'll feel better. It happens naturally, if you let it.
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    Jun 20, 2016 12:33 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry about that. Everything takes time to heal. I'm having trouble myself finding a boyfriend due to my busy and hectic work schedule and I sometimes torture myself over it too. I generally just try not to overthink it too much. It's hard sometimes. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Just try to stay positive and knowing he's still in your heart. I feel for you. Hang in there bud. Something will always come in time.
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    Jun 20, 2016 2:00 PM GMT
    be practical; how stable is your life as a single man vs in the relationship?

  • Jun 20, 2016 6:39 PM GMT
    icon_idea.gif ...my sweeeeeet icon_rolleyes.gif,,,,,,,haaaaahhaaa....this life ups and downs..but it's a beautiful as long as you strong...people love tuff guys
    ....same old story ....he will back 4 sure
    icon_lol.gif
    birds love to feel free to never escape again
    just waiticon_idea.gif
  • fitartistsf

    Posts: 638

    Jun 20, 2016 7:28 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your pain... But why can't you keep in touch over social media, or Skype, or even plan short visits every couple of months? Why does it have to be so final? Work on keeping it, even at a distance, you have the history together, work on keeping it!
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    Jun 20, 2016 10:17 PM GMT
    Wait.....your partner of three years left you for a job? If I were offered a job away from my partner, I wouldn't entertain the thought for even a second. This sounds sketchy to me. icon_confused.gif
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Jun 21, 2016 4:51 AM GMT
    Radd saidWait.....your partner of three years left you for a job? If I were offered a job away from my partner, I wouldn't entertain the thought for even a second. This sounds sketchy to me. icon_confused.gif


    Thats what I thought surely there are jobs nearby or lon so far?
    Anyway chin up.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 21, 2016 5:01 AM GMT
    ATLANTIS7 said
    Radd saidWait.....your partner of three years left you for a job? If I were offered a job away from my partner, I wouldn't entertain the thought for even a second. This sounds sketchy to me. icon_confused.gif


    Thats what I thought surely there are jobs nearby or lon so far?
    Anyway chin up.

    If he was suddenly terminated, how did he get a job so quick in another country.... did he join the French foreign legion or what? And why wouldn't he stay where you are and look for a job, or why wouldn't you leave together to some place new?
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    Jun 26, 2016 3:53 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    ATLANTIS7 said
    Radd saidWait.....your partner of three years left you for a job? If I were offered a job away from my partner, I wouldn't entertain the thought for even a second. This sounds sketchy to me. icon_confused.gif


    Thats what I thought surely there are jobs nearby or lon so far?
    Anyway chin up.

    If he was suddenly terminated, how did he get a job so quick in another country.... did he join the French foreign legion or what? And why wouldn't he stay where you are and look for a job, or why wouldn't you leave together to some place new?


    My guess is the boyfriend isn't a US citizen. If so, when he loses his job he loses his visa and has to leave suddenly.
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    Jun 27, 2016 5:18 AM GMT
    So, Part 2 has come to pass as predicted by me back in April ...

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4207427/

    Apr 23, 2016 9:15 AM

    This. Part 2 of this drama will eventually come up. Flowers, apologies and chocolate are nice and due, in this case, but the silence of what triggered the accusations is telling. "

    Undercover Man also warned you....
    "In vino, veritas"
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    Jun 28, 2016 2:31 AM GMT
    fitartistsf saidSorry to hear about your pain... But why can't you keep in touch over social media, or Skype, or even plan short visits every couple of months? Why does it have to be so final? Work on keeping it, even at a distance, you have the history together, work on keeping it!


    >OP
    Understand that you are venting here. But jobs are not forever - so moving away for a job does not have to be forever - unless he wants it that way. Even if it is far, OP, you (or he) could visit. I would assume that you discussed all this with the BF before he left.