Finding love is challenging.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:10 PM GMT
    It was really tough for me to come out late last summer to my family and friends knowing I've been gay all my life. Luckily I'm happy that all my friends and accept me for who I am. So that was half of the battle for me finally done. The other half is that I have not dated in years since I was 18. Now I'm in a very brink situation trying to explore this whole thing between trying meet new people and my overly occupied work schedule. I get lucky to get out once a month to go explore the gay life and try to some new people. But unfortunately I got very little success. I sometimes say to myself what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just letting myself get overloaded with work and stuff and finding love at the same time. I'm hoping by this fall that work schedule will be reduced and try to get out more often and meet some new people in my life instead of trying to battle and torture myself in between work and having a social life. I'm just to the point that I'm just done overworking myself and feeling like I'm not achieving anything special in my life.
  • KyleKyu

    Posts: 6

    Jun 20, 2016 1:23 PM GMT
    I used to preoccupy my time by focusing on so much i wouldnt have to worry.about finding the right guy. Honestly, you only need 1 day to meet someone, day 1 is qctually where you decide if ur going to invest some time in a person or if youre going to move onto the next. Dont look at it like a chore, more like something to do in your free time. A fun activity
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:57 PM GMT
    Thank you Kyle. All I can do is just try to keep my head up and positive. I at least try to everyday and sometimes it can be hard. Of course everything else is like riding a bike. Thanks again and best wishes to you.
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    Jun 20, 2016 2:07 PM GMT
    people always get what they want but is it what they need.
    start by make some room for your self
  • Coast

    Posts: 24

    Jun 21, 2016 4:03 AM GMT
    It sounds you need to get to know yourself a little more. It just takes time getting comfortable in your own skin first before looking for that significant other. It's a process that really shouldn't be rushed and the more you rush it, the more helpless it seems. It's also a process that will be different for everyone, so yours won't be similar to the next guy's.

    Like what the previous poster alluded to, you just need to make some time for yourself, first and foremost, then look to find a special someone.

    All the best icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 21, 2016 11:18 AM GMT
    Thanks Guys.

    I appreciate all your advice. I realize that this can't be overthought of. I'm going to keep my head up and keep positive and I'm definitely looking forward to in the next coming couple of months that my work schedule will definitely lighten up and get a lot more time to myself and hopefully something will come as it comes when least expected.

    I had a talk with my cousin last night and he's facing the same issue as well. We talked about it for quite a while and after all that was done. I felt a lot better about it as well as he did because I felt that we helped ourselves and each other in a way that sometimes talking to a good friend or a family member really helps and especially to someone who's facing the same issue and you realize that we're not really alone at all. It did help give us a lot encouragement that maybe everything is meant to happen a certain time we don't know when and its definitely for a reason and we don't know that reason either. We told each other that we just have to take things as they go and not take it all for granted. It's basically boils down to is to be thankful for everything we already have. Can't ask for more. It really helped us and I definitely feel a lot better about it. My way of handling issues is try to talk about with someone because I don't like holding back on things. Yes sometimes it can be hard and overbearing but I always try find a way get past it.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jun 21, 2016 2:58 PM GMT
    Good luck, mate. Finding "THE ONE" is both luck and discipline. It obviously can't be just anyone so looking takes time and effort and prioritization. And thanks for curling back with an update. Too many guys who start help threads here don't bother. Nice that you did.

  • Jun 21, 2016 4:17 PM GMT
    my experience with love ....icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif....love is like a seed ...it needs water fertilizers to grow into strong tree that challenge any storm....
    but most of us not green thump
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2016 5:13 PM GMT
    If you are still new to going out with guys, I'd concentrate less on finding love, and more on finding guys to meet and have fun with. Love takes time.

    My experience, I divorced at 50, coming out at the same time (bisexual.) Started hooking up as soon as the papers were filed, felt like cheating before then even though I had moved out. Got on grindr, et al, to see what was out there. Hooked up with about 8-10 guys in the first 3 months. Was finally starting to feel comfortable with going to bars and getting friendly with guys. I had never been comfortable with that when I was just dating women. Met several guys who I was interested in pursuing more regular relationships with, wasn't sure at the time if that was going to be FWB, or LTR, or what. Drop dead gorgeous guy walks into my apartment with a casual friend I'd invited over to party with and I fall head over heels for him, and it was pretty mutual. Been living with him since a week after I met him, and we are now engaged.

    You are working to much if you are only going out once a month. Money can buy comfort, but not happiness. You need to get out more and connect with real people. Try meetup.com to find the activities you enjoy, and see if there are gay meetups around you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2016 6:20 PM GMT
    I definitely need get out more and try to work a little less. But I'm hoping by August I'll be cutting my workload down significantly and start going out on weekends more often. But when you have a good work reputation and being a very knowledgeable technician like myself, I'm pretty high demand. But you're all right and I can't do it constantly all the time forever. But I do pride myself in my work. It's tough and challenging but I understand finding love is really not the top of the list, I definitely want to meet some good gay friends to hang out with and build a friendship and of course anything can happen from there over time.
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    Jun 27, 2016 11:52 AM GMT
    I spent the past few days figuring myself out and I talk to some family and friends. I ended up saying to myself, Let it find me than trying to hunt for it because I ultimately felt I was letting it distract me from from my normal things and it was wasting my time and I basically said to myself enough is enough. I realize that I do have people that really love me and they love me who I am and not for what I got. Because money and things don't buy relationships. If someone wants to love me, I'd rather have them see me from my heart inside than what's outside.
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    Jun 28, 2016 9:54 AM GMT
    coastalas saidIt sounds you need to get to know yourself a little more. It just takes time getting comfortable in your own skin first before looking for that significant other. It's a process that really shouldn't be rushed and the more you rush it, the more helpless it seems. It's also a process that will be different for everyone, so yours won't be similar to the next guy's.

    Like what the previous poster alluded to, you just need to make some time for yourself, first and foremost, then look to find a special someone.

    All the best icon_smile.gif

    Couldn't agree more. I myself just ended an LTR. I went on a few dates and realized I'm just not ready yet. You have to be confident with yourself and happy with yourself in order to offer something to others. Work on yourself. Make friends. The dating and love part will eventually fall into place. I'm guilty of the same thing though, trying so hard because you want things to happen quickly. It's when we just let life run its course that good things happen. That doesn't mean sit back, do nothing, and expect love to find you. It means quit focusing on finding love. Focus on you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 1:20 PM GMT
    Thanks Guys

    I've actually started to get a much better handle on this and it's found it's not having to be challenging as I make of it. I've got out last weekend and went to a gay hangout in my area and met a few people and just sat with them and had a normal conversation in general about life and stuff. I think I kinda started to put my foot in the door and who knows what could happen next. But, I'm just taking it slow and explore the possibilities. I realize that finding love doesn't have to be at the top of the list. It will come when I least expect it. At least now I'm trying have a more positive approach and attitude towards it instead of feeling overwhelmed about it. I feel like I'm back to myself again. I really thank all you great guys out there for the advice and I really took it seriously and realized that I had to do some fixing for myself on this.
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    Jun 29, 2016 2:49 PM GMT
    Good job... journey of a thousand miles starts with one step
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jul 01, 2016 4:33 AM GMT
    JMS475 saidIt was really tough for me to come out late last summer to my family and friends knowing I've been gay all my life. Luckily I'm happy that all my friends and accept me for who I am. So that was half of the battle for me finally done. The other half is that I have not dated in years since I was 18. Now I'm in a very brink situation trying to explore this whole thing between trying meet new people and my overly occupied work schedule. I get lucky to get out once a month to go explore the gay life and try to some new people. But unfortunately I got very little success. I sometimes say to myself what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just letting myself get overloaded with work and stuff and finding love at the same time. I'm hoping by this fall that work schedule will be reduced and try to get out more often and meet some new people in my life instead of trying to battle and torture myself in between work and having a social life. I'm just to the point that I'm just done overworking myself and feeling like I'm not achieving anything special in my life.


    Please find comfort in knowing there is no such thing as not accomplishing enough in life! whoever you are and whatever you do is a huge accomplishment in itself. Explore your new self awareness and the people who may want to join you in that journey at your own pace!