Married guy on grindr

  • Syther

    Posts: 19

    Jun 23, 2016 1:49 AM GMT
    So I was chatting to nice guy on Grindr. He seemed nice, very handsome pic, gym fit and single.

    All was going well.

    Then a few days into chatting he tells me he is actually married to a woman and has two kids......."What can a guy do when he realises he is gay too late" is what he said.

    "I had to tell you the truth, please don't hold it against me."

    I was really disappointed, but he kept messaging me and I kept responding.

    Had he told me he was married straight away I would have ran! But he had me sucked in before he revealed all.

    I find him really attractive and he seems to like me too.

    Now he wants to meet and there is a major moral conflict going on in my head.

    One side - It's totally wrong, he is married with kids!
    The other side - You've been waiting to find a guy like him for ages! Fit, into the gym, in his 30's, cute, and nice.

    I know what I should do, and that's tell him I can't meet.

    I'd just like to here what you guys think.........
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Jun 23, 2016 3:24 AM GMT
    you dont want to know what we think, you know what the correct answer is and you wanted someone here to assuage your guilt at fucking a married guy that hasnt told his wife. offer to tell his wife that he is gay and if he still wants to fuck then tell her and then do him, he will be free at that point.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 23, 2016 3:33 AM GMT
    think of him as just a temporary trick and have fun icon_biggrin.gif
    his private life is his business, why are you making it your business?
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Jun 23, 2016 4:43 AM GMT
    ^^People like you ruin the world.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 23, 2016 5:54 AM GMT
    ^^
    People like you are such 2 face phonies
    What people do with their lives is not your business
    Here you probably bitch about the government interfering with your life to fuck and love who ever you want, yet you want to dictate how others should live.
    He didn't go after the guy knowing he was married, the guy didn't tell him until after they had met. What ever he does now is his choice but that ain't going to change the guy.

    So now these two guys have met and doing who-knows-what with each other so you think you can come along with a moral compass and tell them that they need to stop now.

    Obviously this guy was on Grindr because he is trying to figure things out. How can you judge his personal life even if he does have a wife and two kids. If everything was going great at home he definitely would not be on Grindr.
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    Jun 23, 2016 9:12 AM GMT
    Syther said...One side - It's totally wrong, he is married with kids!
    The other side - You've been waiting to find a guy like him for ages! Fit, into the gym, in his 30's, cute, and nice...
    likely your wasting your time if your looking for a relationship
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jun 23, 2016 11:16 AM GMT

    Well it's kind of sweet that you seem to be conflicted about it. I mean, it's not like you signed him up for Grindr?

    It sucks that he has a family and is out sucking dick on the side but people are scum. I am not sure why you are seeing this person as a "nice guy" though if he's cheating on/lying to his wife about who he is and putting her health at risk. He's also jeopardizing the stability of his family, i don't know how old his kids are but maybe he could just not get his dick sucked for a few years? Does he think things are going to go well if his wife finds out by finding pics of you or someone else on his phone?

    Anyways, i don't see any problems really on your end. He's going to do what he's going to do. But i just wonder why you think, despite all the lying and risk to his family just so he can cum slightly better than he can with his own hand, that he's some wonderful catch? Do you think he might be lying to you? Or about himself? I mean he's lying to his wife who he has kids with isn't he, who the fuck are you?

  • andres_1987

    Posts: 36

    Jun 23, 2016 12:26 PM GMT
    If you are looking for a relationship you are wasting your time. However, if you just want to have fun... it is not your fault that this prejudiced world of shit is making the poor guy living in a bearded closet. Think of it as you are doing a favor to the poor guy and have fun. Am I a world ruiner? dunno, the only thing I know is that if you close your door it will not change anything bucause I am pretty sure the guy will keep looking for dick. And personal life is a prvate bussiness. A hug.
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    Jun 23, 2016 12:55 PM GMT
    Syther saidThen a few days into chatting he tells me he is actually married to a woman and has two kids......."What can a guy do when he realises he is gay too late" is what he said.


    UTTER BULL SHIT

    I divorced at 50, with a 14 year old kid, in order to be my authentic self.

    What you do is your decision, but what he is doing is unfair to his wife and kids.
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    Jun 23, 2016 1:40 PM GMT
    You already know that it's wrong. He already knows that it's wrong. This idea that "he's going to do it anyway" and "it's his life" is bullshit. I'm speaking as the kid in this situation. When my mother found out that my father was cheating (with a woman, not that it matters), it resulted in a messy war, wrecked my family, and left all of us with a few more invisible scars than I'd care to admit. You think I just blamed him? Nope. A good share of my anger was directed at the other woman who didn't have the sense to leave a married man alone. It takes two. If it wasn't her, it could've been someone else. But the fact is, it WAS her and she'll have to live with what she participated in for the rest of her life. Think about more than the guy and his wife. Don't risk effing up the kids' childhood, their emotional well-being, and their ability to trust someone in a relationship.you don't want that kind of blood on your hands. It's not worth it.
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    Jun 23, 2016 1:56 PM GMT
    My advice is to not pursue a romantic relationship with him unless he is single. Keep it platonic. But, if you feel that the temptation is too great, then cut off all contact and move on. You do not want to be the one who contributed to the breaking up og his family home. Besides how do you know if he wants to be with you exclusively? He may just want you as his side piece and have no intentions in leaving his wife for you. This speaks to his character. At most, you can be his friend and provide support if he wants to come out. Anything more than that is a no in my book.
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    Jun 23, 2016 2:57 PM GMT
    I agree with the general consensus here, especially Badbug... People ARE scum. The guy is married, and has young kids, yet he's too selfish to communicate his feelings with his wife, with whom he has a lifelong commitment. He's out doing this on the side, to fulfil HIS own desires. This guy doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. People have choices. He can hold it together until the kids are older, as kzen64 did, or just call it quits with wifey and he can get get all of the dick he wants.

    I had the same with a gym buddy a few years ago. This guy was cool. We used to work out together at the gym, etc. Met his wife... SWEETHEART! After about a year and a half of knowing each other, he expressed a desire for me to screw him anally. He said he's always had gay feelings, but for the sake of his wife, we would have to be discreet. I told him that I'm not the guy for that. He kept pushing, texting me late at night about coming over and him sucking me off and fucking him in his garage while his wife sleeps. Again, I told him, tell your wife you're gay and split, and then we can talk. Long story short, I cut all communication with him, since he seems to not understand that I'm not going to assist him in cheating. Karma can be a bitch. Not interested.

    I say that to say this... OP, suppose wifey finds your communication/pics/sexts with him. Would your conscience allow you to know that you were the one that caused mayhem in his marriage? Also, he's lying to his wife, with whom he sleeps... What's to say he's not lying to you? You will always be the side piece. You're worth more than that. Or maybe not?

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jun 23, 2016 3:19 PM GMT
    I've been in this situation a few times. Many middle eastern and Muslim guys are in the closet. They tell me they are married after the second or third date. The best thing to do is walk away and block their number. It's hard if you started to like the person. Remember to think with your head as well as your heart.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Jun 23, 2016 4:12 PM GMT
    I don't think it is your responsibility to be a moral cop. The guy can manage his life as he sees fit. I don't agree with what he's doing but I've seen the situation often enough to know that the reason he doesn't tell his wife, divorce, and move on is because he genuinely does care for her and probably is mad crazy for his kids and loves living in an intact family unit and providing for them. Except he's decided he can no longer suppress his need for dick. He's in a tough spot. But, I don't recommend you be the guy he's seeing. While his motivation for living a dual life may be honorable and an honest attempt to cover all bases, ultimately he can't sustain it and shouldn't. The situation just isn't sustainable. You don't want to be in the middle when all hell breaks loose. Divorce is always ugly and almost violent. Just tell him, wish him well, and offer to be a good listener but that you will not meet with him (I mean even for lunch).

    (I'm always surprised at how many morally smug people are out there. Life can be difficult and people find themselves in tough spots sometimes. Most do. And when they do they need understanding. There's no superiority in being sanctimonious. Leave that to Westboro.)

  • Jun 23, 2016 4:49 PM GMT
    LOVE OOOH what is love...may be some day we can both marry twice
    bi people...hahahaha
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    Jun 23, 2016 5:02 PM GMT
    That's not a very uncommon scenario. Maybe u think it is only happening to you and that it is unfair, but trust me, those scenarios happen all the time.
    I wouldn't do it.
    I don't mess up with Karma
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    Jun 23, 2016 11:47 PM GMT
    I don't get it ... you have to resort to married men cheating on their wives? Have you ever considered what that says about you?
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    Jun 24, 2016 12:14 AM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    (I'm always surprised at how many morally smug people are out there. Life can be difficult and people find themselves in tough spots sometimes. Most do. And when they do they need understanding. There's no superiority in being sanctimonious. Leave that to Westboro.)


    He deserves understanding, absolutely! And if the married guy were my friend, I'd be the first person to offer him a shoulder and an ear (...no other parts...). Life is complicated / tough sometimes and it can't be a picnic for him right now. BUT, I'd also hold him accountable. He's a grown man. He's responsible enough to have a wife, to raise multiple children, probably has a mortgage and a car payment, etc. Even though he could be dealing with the same level of sexual confusion as a teenager, he's old enough to be held to a higher standard. He's in a scenario where he should "man-up" and handle his responsibilities in an adult way, not risk everyone's health, emotional well-being, and selfishly follow where his hormones lead him. Taking marriage vows and bringing another life into this world mean putting someone else's needs at the same level of importance or above your own. Based on what little we know here, I'm not so sure that he's handling it the right way. Tough spot to be in, for sure. I hope to never be in his shoes. But if I were, I'd hope someone would remind me that it's not just about what *I* want.
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    Jun 24, 2016 3:04 AM GMT
    The complexities of bisexuality. Found out I was gay to late; pfft please.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2016 4:03 AM GMT
    It's Grindr. When you do finally meet him, he won't anything like his profile photo, probably 20 years older and there never was a wife. Problem solved! lol
  • Aldente

    Posts: 22

    Jun 24, 2016 9:15 AM GMT
    Remain friends, no not the kind with benefits.
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    Jun 26, 2016 12:53 AM GMT
    Syther saidSo I was chatting to nice guy on Grindr. He seemed nice, very handsome pic, gym fit and single.

    All was going well.

    Then a few days into chatting he tells me he is actually married to a woman and has two kids......."What can a guy do when he realises he is gay too late" is what he said.

    "I had to tell you the truth, please don't hold it against me."

    I was really disappointed, but he kept messaging me and I kept responding.

    Had he told me he was married straight away I would have ran! But he had me sucked in before he revealed all.

    I find him really attractive and he seems to like me too.

    Now he wants to meet and there is a major moral conflict going on in my head.

    One side - It's totally wrong, he is married with kids!
    The other side - You've been waiting to find a guy like him for ages! Fit, into the gym, in his 30's, cute, and nice.

    I know what I should do, and that's tell him I can't meet.

    I'd just like to here what you guys think.........

    You're story hit close to home. I was that married guy with two kids. I did the same thing and went on Grindr. I didn't know I was gay and needed to figure it out. I decided to do that before getting a divorce just in case I was wrong. Having sex with a man made me almost positive I was gay, but it wasn't until the kissing, cuddling, and affection started that really made me realize I want to spend my life with a man. Sounds like this guy knows he is gay. I of course am sympathetic to his situation. Just know he is really struggling inside. He probably has struggled for years. He is petrified of making life altering decisions without testing the gay waters first. If you think there is something there don't give up on him. I understand your position that you don't want to be the home wreaker or get involved in a difficult situation. Meet him. Experiment with him. But make it clear that you aren't going to be the extra on the side from the start. I decided to get a divorce. It's been difficult and if you've read any of my posts you know just how difficult.
    The other part of this is the kids. You have to know if that is something that you want. Kids are life altering. I love mine more than anything, but it means you can't go and do whatever you want whenever you want because they always come first.
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    Jun 28, 2016 9:40 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said
    Aunty_Jack saidThe complexities of bisexuality. Found out I was gay to late; pfft please.


    I've NEVER bought into that "I didn't realize I was gay" crap. BULLSHIT. You know. You know very early in life. You just waited until later to deal with it.

    To the OP: How would you like to be named in divorce papers and/or possibly called to testify in divorce proceedings?

    NOT true at all. I realized when I was 29 that something wasn't right. I did NOT know at an early age because all I knew of gay people were flamboyant stereotypes which I didn't identify with at all. I began to look at gay porn at 29. I was already married at that point. I was honest with my wife and told her I thought I was bisexual. It was swept under the rug and we didn't discuss it. I was foolish enough to believe I didn't have to act on those feelings. By 34 I was being eaten alive inside and I acted on it. Everyone's journey is different. Be grateful you figured it out early don't put others down.
    You are right about one thing the OP doesn't want to get involved in a messy situation and or a nasty divorce