Should I give this guy a chance?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 7:35 AM GMT
    So there is this new guy at my work, I noticed him at my break and we made eye contact but didn't really thought much of it. The next day I saw him again, and we made eye contact but I decided to sit facing away from him. To my surprise, he came over my table and sat in front of me and he introduced himself. At this point I was being polite and forced a smile thinking to myself how much I wanted to just sit alone in peace and eat my food in solitude. We ended up talking for a good while until a girl came over who obviously had a thing for this guy by the way she kept playing with her hair, and the forced laughs and smiles. Thinking to myself thank god, I can finally eat in peace. However he brushed her off and continued to talk to me. She wasn't an ugly girl so I was a bit baffled as to why he would do that.

    The next two weeks for my lunches I had chicken, with veggies, and this guy in front of me. Everyday he would sit in front of me. I'm starting to question his sexuality a bit as he would often make remarks like "gosh I don't want to go back, I get so bored. Can I just sit in front of you and watch your face all day?" or "see you later handsome" "beautiful/handsome" "we should hang out sometime outside of work" "we should watch a movie together".

    The more I talk to him the more I find him a bit interesting. His past was a bit deeper then I would give him credit for, making him a bit more 3 dimensional instead of some other guys I met in my past. But the more information he shares with me about him the more I've told myself this guy is wrong for me on paper. First of all he told me he had a girlfriend. That was the first indicator that there is nothing ever going to happen between us. One he could be straight, or two he is bisexual and I don't deal with bisexual men. He smokes weed, I don't mind it as long as you are not anywhere near me. By the way he talks he seems like an excessive drinker when he drinks. It's been a hassle trying to keep him at bay with his requests to hang out. I've given every excuse not to see him from I don't feel well, to- oh a relative of mine has a wedding. I'm running out of ideas to dodge what seems like an immanent and futile request for us to hang out together. I wish I could just tell him no but there is something that is holding me back from just completely forgetting about this guy. I pray that, that one girl would come back and he decides to spend his lunches with her then me, so I can finally be free from this burden of uncertainty and confusion.

    I don't know if I should just follow my curiosity and just hang out with this guy? or I should follow my head and just friend zone him hard, and forget all of this is even really happening. I'm always telling myself "curiosity did kill the cat"
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 25, 2016 8:24 AM GMT
    yes he is gay ... But if you're not attracted to him then brush him off ... Otherwise you're making him work too hard and his intrest in you might soon die ... Opportunities don't grow on trees
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 271

    Jun 25, 2016 12:53 PM GMT
    You already gave him a chance and your reasons for rejecting him are solid.
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    Jun 25, 2016 2:03 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said yes he is gay ... But if you're not attracted to him then brush him off ... Otherwise you're making him work too hard and his intrest in you might soon die ... Opportunities don't grow on trees


    actually, the guy is quite attractive, yes he is good looking to me, however, there are somethings more important then looks alone.
  • TheGoodGuy

    Posts: 20

    Jun 25, 2016 3:09 PM GMT
    If the guy is bi, you must run as fast as you can. Most of them (like some gays) are only looking for sex. Live isn't only about acting like a dog on heat. Tell him to get lost!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 4:51 PM GMT
    I think he wants to use you as a sex toy and then throw you aside.... your call on whether you want/enjoy that or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 8:21 PM GMT
    ^^^ This

    In addition, once he gets what he wants and tells you to fob off, it is going to get REALLY awkward at work. Please keep it professional and nothing else.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jun 25, 2016 8:24 PM GMT
    Well I wouldn't say he wants to use me. Most of our conversations are game of thrones and some anime we watch. He's secretly geeky like I am so I can relate to him with our interest.

    He also said in front of other people that I'm his favorite person at work. Also he shared a lot of information about his past which to me doesn't strike like someone who would use another person. But I don't know maybe he does want to use me, and i'm just blinded by our enjoyable conversations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 8:31 PM GMT
    I think it's weird that you even ask this question when you could not find a single positive thing to say about him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 8:40 PM GMT
    swimmersf saidI think it's weird that you even ask this question when you could not find a single positive thing to say about him.


    I find it weird myself that I have to resort to asking this in a forum. But there are good things about him that I enjoy. Like his company the way we laugh about stupid things things that has little to no significance. The way he is always makes time out of his way to come see me just to say hello. The small things, you know?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2016 8:44 PM GMT
    GTPSean said^^^ This

    In addition, once he gets what he wants and tells you to fob off, it is going to get REALLY awkward at work. Please keep it professional and nothing else.

    Cheers,

    Sean


    Yes I should try and keep things platonic. I'm smarter then this. I just wish he would just leave me be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2016 12:15 AM GMT
    swimmersf saidI think it's weird that you even ask this question when you could not find a single positive thing to say about him.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • TallAsian

    Posts: 27

    Jun 26, 2016 12:41 AM GMT
    There is much to be said for not fishing off the company pier. Work relationships are fraught with difficulty at the best of times and regardless of how discrete one tries to be. Things have a way of going public really fast and if the man in question has a girlfriend things could get messy at an entirely different level. It is generally good practice to keep the working relationship professional. If you minimize the amount of information of your personal life in your work communication you can maintain civility without compromising your professional status. It is good to remember that even if nothing terrible results, it is one of those things that could potentially be damaging to your work reputation, especially in the eyes of your superiors who might question your judgement in fostering such a relationship. Just something to consider.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Jun 26, 2016 1:31 AM GMT
    "Should I give this guy a chance?

    Don't shit where you eat.

    Romances at work are a disaster waiting to happen and to spread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2016 3:57 AM GMT
    TallAsian saidThere is much to be said for not fishing off the company pier. Work relationships are fraught with difficulty at the best of times and regardless of how discrete one tries to be. Things have a way of going public really fast and if the man in question has a girlfriend things could get messy at an entirely different level. It is generally good practice to keep the working relationship professional. If you minimize the amount of information of your personal life in your work communication you can maintain civility without compromising your professional status. It is good to remember that even if nothing terrible results, it is one of those things that could potentially be damaging to your work reputation, especially in the eyes of your superiors who might question your judgement in fostering such a relationship. Just something to consider.


    Quite true. Two weeks isn't long enough to jeopardize my reputation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2016 4:33 AM GMT
    Its simple, Follow your gut feeling.......you know the answer, dont question yourself.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jun 26, 2016 7:23 AM GMT
    The girlfriend would turn me off. If you want to just be friends that is OK but if this guy has another motivation, I would forget it.
  • TheGoodGuy

    Posts: 20

    Jun 26, 2016 4:29 PM GMT
    Take your time and think what you do. I was used and all the time I was thinking it's love. Lol I know I was an idiot. I wented to hell and back looking for love. I know you will do better then me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2016 6:03 PM GMT
    TheGoodGuy saidTake your time and think what you do. I was used and all the time I was thinking it's love. Lol I know I was an idiot. I wented to hell and back looking for love. I know you will do better then me.


    Sorry to hear about that. Love doesn't come easy for me, nor does trust. I don't love this guy, but I can see myself eventually loving him since I enjoy our time together, If we continue the way we are heading right now. However I learned to ground myself over the years and not let my fantasies and emotions carry me off my feet. We all want to find love, and happiness, however I feel that where people fail is that they truly don't know the other person fully to fully invest their time and energy, all for the mere satisfaction of the "what if" scenario.

    The way I see it is, if it was meant to be, it was meant to be and you yourself shouldn't have to force anything to make something natural happen. But that is what I learned over the years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2016 11:52 PM GMT
    Make a choice. Either you want to give him a chance, socially, or you don't. If you hang out and he turns out to be gay, and interested in you, what's stopping you from setting boundaries? Or having a conversation about how you're not interested in a partner who makes drinking, or recreational drugs a part of your life? It's possible to make friends with gay guys, and not date.

    If you can't be bothered with that, then just tell the guy. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jun 27, 2016 2:12 AM GMT
    No, you should not.
    It sounds as though you're 'granting him an audience' with you instead of looking at him as someone you have a mutual interest in. Don't waste his time. Don't waste yours.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 1:35 PM GMT
    Go out with him since he piques your interest. It is just ONE date. It won't hurt you. You can then find out more about him and talk about your feelings regarding bisexual men, smoking weed, and excessive alcohol consumption.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 2:06 PM GMT
    An important point that's been stated in this thread several times is the consequences within the work environment. Think ahead and consider them. What happens when this doesn't work out? What will the comfort level be for both of them, to remain employed together?

    Or, what happens if it DOES work out? I dunno the work atmosphere there, but can it be kept professional? Will management object to a friendship that's a little too buddy-buddy? And what about fellow workers? Will they resent an exclusive relationship, that they may see as excluding & disadvantaging them? People do pick up on these things.
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    Jun 29, 2016 2:56 PM GMT
    TheGoodGuy saidIf the guy is bi, you must run as fast as you can. Most of them (like some gays) are only looking for sex. Live isn't only about acting like a dog on heat. Tell him to get lost!


    That is true of a proportion of all men, gay, straight, and in between. Whether a person is promiscuous, a player, or an upstanding gentleman, is not due to his sexuality.

    I was in a marriage for 21 years, never cheated. I've been with one guy for the last 13 months, neither of us have ever cheated on the other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 2:58 PM GMT
    OP - you sound confused as to what you want. Figure it out, then act on it. If you don't want anything to do with the guy outside of work, say that to him. Be tactful, be blunt, but communicate. If he is semi-tolerable because of shared interests, invite him over with other of your friends for video game marathon or whatever.