Coming out at age 65, need to get in shape - is this the right forum?

  • gypsyjazzer

    Posts: 5

    Jun 26, 2016 1:36 AM GMT
    Got tired of holding back. Big life changes all around...just had TURPs Prostate Surgery, daughter going off to college, wife and I are splitting up, selling the house, and I have a bit of ED. Nice Package, eh? Well, I am healing it all. Just telling the truth a lot more. Turns out wife thought I might be gay or bi but just starting to admit it. She is obese, and it just became too much of a chore. I need to work out, loose my gut, get my sugar maintenance back in control... and so I need a bit of direction here and there. I know no one who is gay or bi. I live in Cumming, GA.
  • gypsyjazzer

    Posts: 5

    Jun 26, 2016 2:01 AM GMT
    That scenario with wife may in fact be an option. Makes sense. I may have to take work out of town as a necessity or I have a job pending in Dunwoody...so selling house may not happen so fast.

    In the end I am just looking for some intimacy, friendship and warmth. no big rush.

    I am creative, IT Sr. Delivery/Program Manager, jazz & r&b musician (semi-ret. pro), singer, electronic composer, ex-sailor, surfer, skateboarder, runner, meditator......

    Thanks for your suggestion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 4:09 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidCumming, GA.

    A gay man in a place called cumming. Classic!

    You want honesty? I'll give you honesty.

    Patch things up with your wife. Live as brother and sister. You do your thing. She dies hers. As it is it doesn't sound like you two have much of a sex life anyway. In a years time (or less) after you've been rejected by gay guy, after gay guy, after gay guy, you'll be glad you didn't divorce and walk away with only half of what you worked an entire life for.

    You will soon discover there is NOTHING for you in the gay world. Youth, Beauty, and Abs are the holy trinity of gay culture and you got none of 'em. Mark my words you will thank me in time for these wise words of advice.

    He's right. As someone who came out at 34 I'm on the verge of that ominous 40 age where you are treated as less desirable. 50 OMG that's a death sentence. And if you don't go to the gym everyday you won't fit in. Gay culture is all about looks. If you've got a huge penis someone might want to have sex with you but not a relationship
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 4:20 AM GMT
    This song comes to mind!!
    I wish you the best

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 5:09 AM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif

    As I've mentioned here in the past I started going to the gym in the second half of my forties after two close relatives commented on my suddenly noticeable beer belly. In one day I made the decision to get serious about eating, exercising and TV watching. In a way I traded watching tv shows for working out.

    The lesson I learned is that it's never too late to get fit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 5:29 AM GMT
    Coming Out To Yourself is the important step.
    Acknowledging that you are attracted to the male energy and temperament is "coming out".

    The next step is seeking intimacy of some kind. I suggest you make yourself open to all forms of intimacy, including the nonsexual.
    Start there and see where things go .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 6:43 AM GMT
    gypsyjazzer said... I live in Cumming, GA.


    Well, for starters, you sure live in a sexily named town!! grin!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 6:44 AM GMT
    Dude. Lose some weight. Everything else comes second.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 6:55 AM GMT
    Just curious? Why did you wait so long?
  • gypsyjazzer

    Posts: 5

    Jun 26, 2016 7:08 AM GMT
    thanks for all your really truthful answers.

    Losing weight is easier said than done, and it takes a lot of commitment: exercise, diet and consistency. I done it before and will do it again.

    'All else will follow' ..... health, sex, then friends.

    Ok, then, maybe I need to rethink this whole thing.
  • gypsyjazzer

    Posts: 5

    Jun 26, 2016 7:13 AM GMT
    2Bnaked saidJust curious? Why did you wait so long?


    Shame, 3 painful marriages, slave to belief systems, many factors.

    It just is what it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 7:51 AM GMT
    gypsyjazzer said
    2Bnaked saidJust curious? Why did you wait so long?


    Shame, 3 painful marriages, slave to belief systems, many factors.

    It just is what it is.



    Took you 3 times to get out. Oh, I am sorry. Well, enjoy being FREE!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 10:42 AM GMT
    gypsyjazzer said
    2Bnaked saidJust curious? Why did you wait so long?

    Shame, 3 painful marriages, slave to belief systems, many factors.

    It just is what it is.

    To answer your original question: Yes, this is a good site to get into shape. It has many forums, and lots of general articles about exercise, training, plus diet & nutrition. This particular forum is our default when you post, "All Things Gay", where things can get kinda rough and free-for-all. Explore the entire RJ site, you may find exactly the info you want.

    You & I are in a similar boat, so listen to a guy who's been where you are, closer than some others here. I came out late, as my second marriage was ending. I know firsthand many of the things you're experiencing.

    At nearly 46 I was younger than you, but don't let some of the discouraging smug cubs here tell you it's ever really too late to start. From 46 to 58 I never had so much dating, socializing, and just plain sex in my entire life. I only slowed a bit to a more monogamous pace when I settled down with my second partner at 58 (my first having died), and then I developed cancer and other medical conditions that clipped my wings a little.

    But at 67 today and older than you I'm still as active in our gay community as anyone has a right to be, regardless of age. And I've never been happier. Oh, and BTW, the gay sex is better than anything I ever did when trying to conform to the straight world. My excuse is confusion & ignorance, I was never closeted in the sense I knew but was pretending. But my miserable marriages kinda confirm that I was in the wrong "business" from the start, whether I realized it or not.

    Part of my success, if I may call it that, was due to having come out in a big, gay-active city, Seattle. And I had a great gay mentor to advise me, be my wingman (but never my sex partner). So that when I moved to a much smaller, much less friendly city I had acquired some skills that kept me going on my own.

    And now I'm here in Wilton Manors, presently Gay Central for South Florida, where you can be out & open like you've probably never experienced. If you can't find dates here around every corner, and at our ages, too, then you're not doing it right. Especially with all the single gay retirees here, who would give their arm to date, and found the best way to overcome the ageist prejudice that says old gays are undesirable (or are easy marks for young gold diggers) is to simply date their own age group. DUH!

    But first you gotta live where you have that abundance. You aren't very far from Atlanta, which offers some options. But lots of closet cases there, protecting careers and reputations, sometimes difficult to break through those barriers they've erected for themselves. Because Georgia still is, well, Georgia.

    As I've said, South Florida is very friendly (for now). Traditionally California and especially SF are, too, but ruinously expensive & pressured. So is NYC on all counts, plus I no longer like the winters there. Seattle remains friendly with a large, out population, but the demographic a bit skewed to the younger professionals & college crowd.

    So if you have the opportunity and the means then explore these places on vacation for yourself. You've made some big changes in your life already, perhaps a change of scenery should also be considered. Because aside from driving into Atlanta, I'm not sure I see much potential where you are at present.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 12:38 PM GMT
    even tho they are less than they once were look up a LGBT center where you live. The local one here has evening talk sessions. Consult a tax attorney on the house sale. best of luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 12:54 PM GMT
    Really shocked that some people think you should just settle and continue living a lie.

    Yes, it's a viable option, I suppose, but certainly not THE way forward. It's never too late to start getting fit, it just gets harder. And as for the sex/relationship thing, etc, hello? Setting aside the thousands of older gay men on this planet, there are plenty of younger guys who ENJOY being with older men.

    It won't be easy, but is that a good reason to give up?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 12:58 PM GMT
    Don't listen to the young guys with regard to not being desirable in your 60's. Came out 2 years ago at 50 and have had no problems with finding hookups, and 2 months ago got engaged to my 20yo boyfriend.

    Take care of your 'sugars,' really all carbs. I'm a type II diabetic and keeping it under control helps out the most
  • monstapex

    Posts: 478

    Jun 26, 2016 1:38 PM GMT
    If you are looking for intimacy ,you should try Silverdaddies.com. Lots of older( and younger ) guys there looking for love .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 1:58 PM GMT
    First of all I want to say congratulations! I wouldn't worry too much on finding someone right now, that will have to wait if I were you. As someone mentioned above you should patch things up with your ex wife, and just explore being who you are by yourself. And focusing on your health if that means to you watching your sugar intake or going to the gym then that is up to you, do what you feel is right for you at the time being. I know for you it might sound kind of silly since a lot of people seem a bit concerned about age being a huge factor here in the forums. I mean to one guy age, looks, money could be a huge factor, but honestly do you really want someone like that? and to another all of those things wouldn't matter. Those kind of guys are really hard to find though. But I wish you the best.

  • Jun 26, 2016 2:09 PM GMT
    gypsyjazzer saidGot tired of holding back. Big life changes all around...just had TURPs Prostate Surgery, daughter going off to college, wife and I are splitting up, selling the house, and I have a bit of ED. Nice Package, eh? Well, I am healing it all. Just telling the truth a lot more. Turns out wife thought I might be gay or bi but just starting to admit it. She is obese, and it just became too much of a chore. I need to work out, loose my gut, get my sugar maintenance back in control... and so I need a bit of direction here and there. I know no one who is gay or bi. I live in Cumming, GA.


    Good luck, you sound like you are on the right track and you will do awesome!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 2:16 PM GMT
    Talon said... and just explore being who you are by yourself. And focusing on your health... I wish you the best.
    ^^very wise words indeed.
    gay men your age have gone through a lot so do you really want someone like that in your life?
  • gypsyjazzer

    Posts: 5

    Jun 26, 2016 2:23 PM GMT
    Thanks "Art Deco" and the next 10 replies for your positive encouragement. My wife and I are pretty well patched up. We probably will sell the house. I am waiting to see about a new opportunity for me in S. FL, where we used to live in Plantation, Pembroke Pines, & Cooper City. I love S. FL, speak fluent Spanish, and it feels like my 2nd home.

    It is all just one step at a time. Each area will improve as it does as I move through it. Thank you all for your kind replies. If I stay in ATL, I will likely move more towards Dunwoody or even Mid-Town. I will get in shape, that in turn will help manage the 'sugars'. None of it is as bleak as it sounds. It is just here all at once. I am good, and can handle it. For me it is a beginning of a new life - bi, gay, or straight (to which I am not sure I can go back exclusively).

    Thanks again. It would be nice to meet some of you if that were possible.

    Is this forum local to ATL or broader?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 2:44 PM GMT
    gypsyjazzer saidThanks "Art Deco" and the next 10 replies for your positive encouragement. My wife and I are pretty well patched up. We probably will sell the house. I am waiting to see about a new opportunity for me in S. FL, where we used to live in Plantation, Pembroke Pines, & Cooper City. I love S. FL, speak fluent Spanish, and it feels like my 2nd home.

    It is all just one step at a time. Each area will improve as it does as I move through it. Thank you all for your kind replies. If I stay in ATL, I will likely move more towards Dunwoody or even Mid-Town. I will get in shape, that in turn will help manage the 'sugars'. None of it is as bleak as it sounds. It is just here all at once. I am good, and can handle it. For me it is a beginning of a new life - bi, gay, or straight (to which I am not sure I can go back exclusively).

    Thanks again. It would be nice to meet some of you if that were possible.

    Is this forum local to ATL or broader?

    All of RealJock is international. Which is why I often write my posts adapted for members who may not know our US customs, laws, phraseology, a thousand different things foreign to them, in a way to understand them better.

    My sister used to have a home in Pembroke Pines, back when it was still on the edge of the Everglades. And where I would stay on some of my Army leaves. If you do visit South Florida please PE me. I'd be happy to meet you, and your wife if she accompanies you.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 280

    Jun 26, 2016 4:08 PM GMT
    gypsyjazzer saidI need to work out, loose my gut, get my sugar maintenance back in control...


    Plenty of hot sugar daddies on this site icon_wink.gif although not everybody uses the forums. I'm sure if you do a search for RJ users who are closer to your age and message them directly from their profile they'll be happy to give you some advice and encouragement.
  • mstone18

    Posts: 84

    Jun 26, 2016 7:30 PM GMT
    Diet.

    In truth diet is more about keeping your options under control and keeping things simple. Find a few foods (4 or 5) that are easy and accessible and you know whats in them and how much you can afford to eat of them.

    Drink lots of water.. nothing else.

    Don't hunt for a magic pill, but there are a few things anyone over 40 is short of, Carnitine, ALA, Magnesium, Vitamin D.

    Whatever you do.. don't just keep eating the way you are eating.. I'm from the US and people eat themselves to death here.. literally.

    Variety.. and all the 'scare talk' about anorexia.. are coping mechanisms for a lot of very sick people.

    Two fairly good options are baked or grilled chicken breast and brocolli or cauliflower ( i really dislike it when there isn't a solid example provided )

    Gyms take a little committment, and timing.. but never hurt yourself so much you don't go back for days and days.

    For older guys.. weight lifting.. and not cardio are more important.

    Never think exercising can replace diet.. at most a 20 year old can burn off 30% more calories in a day.

    Coming down from a calorie "rush" or addiction.. is categorically going to have withdrawl symptoms. Sleep more.. drink water more.. and just hang on. Get a scale and do monitor it.

    It may seem like its all about good looks, but really its about [going back] to the way your actually supposed to be.. healthy.. and that makes you feel good and feel more like doing things.. and being happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2016 7:58 PM GMT
    Joet94 saidReally shocked that some people think you should just settle and continue living a lie.

    Yes, it's a viable option, I suppose, but certainly not THE way forward. It's never too late to start getting fit, it just gets harder. And as for the sex/relationship thing, etc, hello? Setting aside the thousands of older gay men on this planet, there are plenty of younger guys who ENJOY being with older men.

    It won't be easy, but is that a good reason to give up?



    Yeah, it's amazing to me the things people say. There is so much ignorance on this site it's absolutely astounding. You can find love and romance at any age. And to the guy who suggested he stay married to his wife instead of allowing himself to blossom and grow needs a slap in the face. How dare anyone discourage someone from being themselves.

    I may not know what it feels like to be 65 but I can tell you I get 10 times the attention now that I got when I was in my 20's, and honestly that's probably a conservative figure. I've found that gay men aren't so much hung up on age as they are you being in shape. If you're in shape, they really don't seem to give a shit how old you are (in real life.)

    Gypsyjazzer.....I suggest you get yourself motivated in whatever way you can to whip yourself into shape. Not only to attract others, but mostly do it for yourself and your health. It's a win-win situation. There is literally no down side to getting in shape. Do a search here for other guys your age and you will be amazed at what can be done with a little hard work and determination. Good luck to you and keep us posted with your progress!