Why am I still single?

  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Jun 28, 2016 5:30 PM GMT
    I ask this now and then. My straight friends say dang you would be a good catch. 5'10", 188, not the body I had at 33 but at 53 I don't look much different. I was huge muscular then more lean now. I am more active than most. Hike, bike, waterski almost every weekend. I am in the gym everyday, I love lifting and have done it for 35 years. Not Arnold but he was definitely an example of what was possible. I look 39, bodywise, but my face says 43. Thanks genetics for that. Since I am 53. All my buddies got married, though most did nothing for Gay Marriage. They could not be bothered to demonstrate or protest. I did. Arrested twice for demonstrating for marriage. I am everyone's best friend. I am godfather to half of my friend's kids. I am the guy you call if you are moving houses or having a dinner party. I am considered handsome though I don't see it. George Clooney mixed with George Costanza. I am well read and witty, not in a gay way, but I can talk with anyone. Spent last weekend with a bunch of truckers. I can speak their language. Can wear a tux and talk Brexit or the fall of the Brazillian economy in depth. My happiest times are on my boat with a mix of folks. I put up with liberals and I tolerate conservatives. I am a realist, not an idealist. But at some point you have to say, why are all my friends getting married and I am not? Part of it is me. I like independence. I like the fact that I can lock my door, jump on my motorcycle, and drive anywhere. I have strong opinions but listen to most anyone and sometimes change my mind. I like kids and pets, but don't want either. I am a better Uncle than Father. I look damn good, have a great job, am very presentable in any situation. Why am I still single?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2016 5:39 PM GMT
    It's hard to say but I think that your comment about your love of independence is important. And it makes sense to protect your independence since it sounds like you have a full life that you enjoy.
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    Jun 28, 2016 6:08 PM GMT
    Triggerman saidI ask this now and then. My straight friends say dang you would be a good catch. 5'10", 188, not the body I had at 33 but at 53 I don't look much different. I was huge muscular then more lean now. I am more active than most. Hike, bike, waterski almost every weekend. I am in the gym everyday, I love lifting and have done it for 35 years. Not Arnold but he was definitely an example of what was possible. I look 39, bodywise, but my face says 43. Thanks genetics for that. Since I am 53. All my buddies got married, though most did nothing for Gay Marriage. They could not be bothered to demonstrate or protest. I did. Arrested twice for demonstrating for marriage. I am everyone's best friend. I am godfather to half of my friend's kids. I am the guy you call if you are moving houses or having a dinner party. I am considered handsome though I don't see it. George Clooney mixed with George Costanza. I am well read and witty, not in a gay way, but I can talk with anyone. Spent last weekend with a bunch of truckers. I can speak their language. Can wear a tux and talk Brexit or the fall of the Brazillian economy in depth. My happiest times are on my boat with a mix of folks. I put up with liberals and I tolerate conservatives. I am a realist, not an idealist. But at some point you have to say, why are all my friends getting married and I am not? Part of it is me. I like independence. I like the fact that I can lock my door, jump on my motorcycle, and drive anywhere. I have strong opinions but listen to most anyone and sometimes change my mind. I like kids and pets, but don't want either. I am a better Uncle than Father. I look damn good, have a great job, am very presentable in any situation. Why am I still single?


    Where's the other guy in that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2016 8:09 PM GMT
    The OP should have a consistent gay family around him. seems missing the OP's initial post but maybe loosely implied
    this says a lot

    what would the OP expect to get out of relationship and what is he willing to give up. yes give up.
    Would the OP partner up with someone significantly different from him self.

    Living alone there are times you dont love your self as much. Relationships are a lot of work. given enough time almost everything will go wrong. Bad enough you have to forgive forget your partners failings but given enough time you will commit some sin he will have to put aside. Some times they dont want to do this, especially if it is way past some arbitrary line he has drawn. What if in your relationship there is less love for a looong period of time.

    marriage
    couples that have been together >3years are more successful at marriage. Again what would you expect to get out of being married. Your expectations should be real and you should be able to write them down.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jun 28, 2016 8:29 PM GMT
    I don't know you (obviously) but from what I read here, and from reading your profile, you sound kind of full of yourself. Sorry, but that's the way it comes across to me. Everything is about you and what great stuff you do and what great accomplishments,etc, etc. I hear no talk of camaraderie, appreciation of others, flexibility. You sound very much like you want a clone of yourself (though you may be willing to tolerate someone who hasn't quite reached your level of accomplishment). My guess is you dominate the guys you're with and offer little air to breathe. You're in constant competition. None of that may be true but at least in print, that's the impression I get. I bet if you think about it, over dinner with someone new, you do 90% of the talking. If I'm wrong, it wasn't because I mean to be mean. Just trying to help you answer your own question.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 800

    Jun 28, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    "Why am I still single?"

    Maybe you have an aura...maybe a "disturbing" presence that both attracts and repels. I recall a comment you made to being called a faggot.

    " I sat in the parking lot and watched what this prick drove. Took an ice pick to three of his four tires. No AAA for three tires. Not the same satisfaction of punching him in the mouth. But felt good."

    That's potent, bro! Then there is your profile. You say:

    "I don't date often. I rarely date to be honest. My life is full, I have friends to keep me busy, I am close to my family, and I have a God-Daughter that I have helped raise that takes up most of my time."

    You appear to be giving all sorts of reasons why you are NOT available. Perhaps you could make some meaningful changes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2016 10:36 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI don't know you (obviously) but from what I read here, and from reading your profile, you sound kind of full of yourself. Sorry, but that's the way it comes across to me. Everything is about you and what great stuff you do and what great accomplishments,etc, etc. I hear no talk of camaraderie, appreciation of others, flexibility. You sound very much like you want a clone of yourself (though you may be willing to tolerate someone who hasn't quite reached your level of accomplishment). My guess is you dominate the guys you're with and offer little air to breathe. You're in constant competition. None of that may be true but at least in print, that's the impression I get. I bet if you think about it, over dinner with someone new, you do 90% of the talking. If I'm wrong, it wasn't because I mean to be mean. Just trying to help you answer your own question.

    Your analysis dovetails with the OP's previous post about planning a motorcycle ride with a former Marine from his gym where he felt the need to tell the other guy that he's gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 12:54 AM GMT
    Because you are Very Single. It's a type. You don't need, you don't take .You put yourself before others and giving to you is very selective and self centered.

    Do you own a motorcycle so you can give people rides? Some single guys but four door sedans so there is always room for others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 1:38 AM GMT
    An intimate partner is not something you just acquire because other people say you ought to have one. You have to have room in your life for one. You have to have a sense that your life would be deeper, richer, if you shared it with the right person. If you actually felt this way, you would already have found someone. Since you haven't, it means you haven't left an opening to let anyone in.

    But if your life is totally satisfying just as it is, why change?
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1122

    Jun 29, 2016 5:32 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI don't know you (obviously) but from what I read here, and from reading your profile, you sound kind of full of yourself. Sorry, but that's the way it comes across to me. Everything is about you and what great stuff you do and what great accomplishments,etc, etc. I hear no talk of camaraderie, appreciation of others, flexibility.


    The OP is a walking paradox. I clearly remember him stating in multiple threads over the years how he was happily single.

    Now we have this "Poor me, I'm so wonderful. I'm so great. I'm such a catch. Why am I still single?" nonsense.

    Which is it? Make up your mind, for crying out loud. icon_rolleyes.gif

  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1122

    Jun 29, 2016 6:06 AM GMT
    MaleElement saidBecause you are Very Single. It's a type. You don't need, you don't take .You put yourself before others and giving to you is very selective and self centered.

    Do you own a motorcycle so you can give people rides? Some single guys but four door sedans so there is always room for others.


    Actually, motorcycles makes a great way for two to travel intimately. There's something incredibly sensual about a couple riding on a motorcycle. Either him tightly holding onto you from behind or vice versa. It's also very cozy and intimate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2016 1:07 PM GMT
    Triggerman said I look damn good, have a great job, am very presentable in any situation. Why am I still single?


    Sounds like because you want to be single.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jun 29, 2016 5:07 PM GMT
    Check out your profile. Under the heading of "Guys I'd like to meet" count the number of "I's, me's and my's' ". There are many many and very few references to the guy you would want to meet. Those references to another are only about physical attraction. Nothing about what's under the skin, like kindness, tenderness or the capacity to establish emotional intimacy.
    Also no mention of being compatible sexually.
    You also say that you are content with yourself and indicate that you are not really interested in finding someone. You state this under guys you want to meet! What a turn off!
    You come across as very impressed with yourself and your accomplishments and as having a very superficial interest in another man.
    Perhaps you should consider your relationship with your God daughter. I imagine that you have had a tender, caring regard for her feelings and did a good job of being there for her emotionally. This could be a good template as you search for a man to share your life. An emotional connection to each other will last while common interests in more superficial activities will disappear.
    Best to you
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    Jun 29, 2016 10:30 PM GMT
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior said
    MaleElement saidBecause you are Very Single. It's a type. You don't need, you don't take .You put yourself before others and giving to you is very selective and self centered.

    Do you own a motorcycle so you can give people rides? Some single guys but four door sedans so there is always room for others.


    Actually, motorcycles makes a great way for two to travel intimately. There's something incredibly sensual about a couple riding on a motorcycle. Either him tightly holding onto you from behind or vice versa. It's also very cozy and intimate.


    As much as Im not a single type guy I don't like Motorcycling with another person onboard. But if I do it's extremely necessary to hold tight as you state so that body weights are one. For those that don't motorcycle it's not a bicycle where you steer with the handlebars .
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jun 30, 2016 12:08 AM GMT
    Triggerman:
    I read your post on being called a faggot. A bit disturbing. You took an ice pick to someone's tires, and slashed 3 of them just because they called you faggot?? That's a violent response to just being called a name. You could have just said, 'Yup, and I like it' but instead you went into a rage and damaged someone else's property. That's like me acting out if someone called me a n****r. That's the kind of thing that would make me roll my eyes and think, "....oh, brother. ANOTHER ONE..." and just ignore them.

    Clearly, man, you hold grudges to the point that you would go after someone and beat them up (when you were younger)?? Do you truly not see that you have a lot of anger in you, as well as a propensity for violence towards others? And it's not even repressed anger: you act on it. There's no impulse control here, guy. I can't imagine this isn't apparent to other guys if the way you write on here is also how you speak to people. Please talk to someone professionally about this: you don't seem to see yourself clearly.
  • musclpa

    Posts: 97

    Jun 30, 2016 1:56 AM GMT
    53 and still single? I have never been single. Kinda late for you.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1122

    Jun 30, 2016 5:12 AM GMT
    Edepic saidCheck out your profile. Under the heading of "Guys I'd like to meet" count the number of "I's, me's and my's' ". There are many many and very few references to the guy you would want to meet. Those references to another are only about physical attraction. Nothing about what's under the skin, like kindness, tenderness or the capacity to establish emotional intimacy.
    Also no mention of being compatible sexually.
    You also say that you are content with yourself and indicate that you are not really interested in finding someone. You state this under guys you want to meet! What a turn off!
    You come across as very impressed with yourself and your accomplishments and as having a very superficial interest in another man.
    Perhaps you should consider your relationship with your God daughter. I imagine that you have had a tender, caring regard for her feelings and did a good job of being there for her emotionally. This could be a good template as you search for a man to share your life. An emotional connection to each other will last while common interests in more superficial activities will disappear.
    Best to you


    Right after his name on his profile he states, "The World's 32nd Greatest Trainer"

    When you begin to read his profile you clearly get the idea that it's all about Triggerman.

    When you thumb through the profiles here on RJ you will see a lot of guys with great builds but in almost all cases the one thing they all have in common is that they're perpetually single. They spend their twenties, thirties and forties thinking they're so incredible and that hardly anyone else measures up. But then when the looks start to fade and they enter their fifties or older they realize that they're alone and will more than likely be that way for life.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 30, 2016 5:45 AM GMT
    1. "I like independence. I like the fact that I can lock my door, jump on my motorcycle, and drive anywhere." You can't be a couple if you are a lone wolf.
    2. Maybe you're out of everyone's league. While opposites might attract, they rarely stay together. The best companion someone can find is some that is most like them. Similar likes and dislikes.
    3. Are you the type that asks a guy out on a date, or are you waiting for the right guy to ask you out. If you are not attracted to anyone enough to ask them out, you need to expand your territory. Don't wait for someone to ask you out, make the first move if you are attracted to them.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Jun 30, 2016 11:45 PM GMT
    you are too busy to date.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jul 01, 2016 2:28 AM GMT
    People are so self centered these days, that they don't realize there is a whole lot of other people just as unique, successful, better looking, and who are happy and satisfied with a job they love!

    Personally I prefer:

    A guy who eats healthy over one who looks healthy!

    I welcome and celebrate individuality and differences in a relationship.
    Living with a clone is soooo boring!

    A good hearted guy over one who is cold hearted any day!

    One who is successful and accomplished in a job or career they love,
    over one who doesn't give me the time of day.

    Humility over narcissism over any other personable quality, big time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2016 11:30 AM GMT
    I've also noticed that putting too much on a profile is asking for too much which is a huge turnoff to most others because other people really need time to figure out one another. I've also seen some key points written in profiles which were pretty negative and in some cases which can be pretty disturbing and potentially asking for trouble. I was advised by a friend of mine to keep your profiles simple and short and basic. If anyone wants to get to know you, they'll probably try to contact you and eventually ask you for more about yourself. Don't give out too much all at one time.

    Yes we all have our own issues and we're not perfect. But you just can't let them hold over you and let it affect you from having a relationship of any kind.

    Still being single is led from the choices you made in life that affected you to this day that caused you to remain in that status. Everything is a choice you make that has effects on everything in your path in life. Only way to cross that hurdle is to fix the problems that's keeping you in that current status.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2016 3:03 PM GMT
    You have been single for 53 years , you are aging and starting to get the fear of finishing your life alone ...
    Being single is great , it is better to be single with great and very loyal mates , than jumping in a relationship for the sake to have one ..
    My thoughts only ..........
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Jul 01, 2016 3:22 PM GMT
    Some very awesome advice is already posted. Being in a relationship means being able to care about someone enough to take and give constructive criticism and make personal changes. I wouldn't beat your self up about things you did wrong in the past, but realize that you, like everyone, is not perfect and have learning to do.

    Here's my two cents worth: keep dating regularly and, where there is mutual interest, be patient and try to show emotional availability, maturity and responsibility. Think about what you can contribute to his life. And try not to emphasize sex right off the bat.

    In my opinion relationships between partners that are close in age work best in the long term.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 9:48 AM GMT
    Triggerman saidI ask this now and then. My straight friends say dang you would be a good catch. 5'10", 188, not the body I had at 33 but at 53 I don't look much different. I was huge muscular then more lean now. I am more active than most. Hike, bike, waterski almost every weekend. I am in the gym everyday, I love lifting and have done it for 35 years. Not Arnold but he was definitely an example of what was possible. I look 39, bodywise, but my face says 43. Thanks genetics for that. Since I am 53. All my buddies got married, though most did nothing for Gay Marriage. They could not be bothered to demonstrate or protest. I did. Arrested twice for demonstrating for marriage. I am everyone's best friend. I am godfather to half of my friend's kids. I am the guy you call if you are moving houses or having a dinner party. I am considered handsome though I don't see it. George Clooney mixed with George Costanza. I am well read and witty, not in a gay way, but I can talk with anyone. Spent last weekend with a bunch of truckers. I can speak their language. Can wear a tux and talk Brexit or the fall of the Brazillian economy in depth. My happiest times are on my boat with a mix of folks. I put up with liberals and I tolerate conservatives. I am a realist, not an idealist. But at some point you have to say, why are all my friends getting married and I am not? Part of it is me. I like independence. I like the fact that I can lock my door, jump on my motorcycle, and drive anywhere. I have strong opinions but listen to most anyone and sometimes change my mind. I like kids and pets, but don't want either. I am a better Uncle than Father. I look damn good, have a great job, am very presentable in any situation. Why am I still single?

    We should totally go out. icon_wink.gif
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Jul 02, 2016 4:33 PM GMT
    I love what everyone wrote. Some guys ripped me but that is cool. My rant was just a thought in my head at that moment in time. It was not a thesis. Some guys said I am self absorbed or only into me. Aren't we all? How life and friends affect me? If not, you are lying. Life is how it happens to you. You are not living someone else's life. Everything in the world only means anything in how it affects you. But I love the constructive criticism. It makes me a better person. I like the posters that ripped me. Makes me think. Thanks!