Anyone attracted to their opposite?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2016 10:59 PM GMT
    Here's a general question - are you attracted to your opposite? I am. I find myself attracted to much bigger guys than myself. I like a guy with muscles, someone who is taller, etc. Are there any bigger "jock" type guys who say, "Hey, I like a smaller, skinnier guy than myself!"

    I ask this because I'm surprised at how many profiles where a guy describes himself and then says, "and looking for the same." I see this on lots of different dating sites/apps, not just here. Different strokes for different folks, but I don't go for my exact self. I tend to go for people who have traits I don't have.

    So what are your thoughts on this - what do you go foricon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 30, 2016 11:47 PM GMT
    I think it depends. Many of those guys "looking for the same" have worked hard to achieve a certain aesthetic because that's their "ideal". For example, the body-type I'm aiming for personally is the same one to which I'm attracted. Having confidence in your looks is *almost* (but not quite) like having an attraction toward yourself (someone help me find a less ridiculous way to get that point across). So, being attracted to that same aesthetic *in someone else* isn't much of a stretch. To each his own, I guess.
    (But when a dating couple look like twin brothers, that's a bit much...)
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jul 01, 2016 3:00 PM GMT
    not in looks ,but yes in caracter
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 01, 2016 5:47 PM GMT
    U_K_Y saidI think it depends. Many of those guys "looking for the same" have worked hard to achieve a certain aesthetic because that's their "ideal". For example, the body-type I'm aiming for personally is the same one to which I'm attracted. Having confidence in your looks is *almost* (but not quite) like having an attraction toward yourself (someone help me find a less ridiculous way to get that point across). So, being attracted to that same aesthetic *in someone else* isn't much of a stretch. To each his own, I guess.
    (But when a dating couple look like twin brothers, that's a bit much...)

    This is it. The guys you see saying "looking for same" generally are fit and worked out. They like the aesthetic and have put in years achieving it. Or, they're distinctive in some other way, i.e. bears, or skaters, etc. The twin phenomenon is kind of funny but it is true. I notice it in the gym a lot, even among straight guys. But it makes sense. You buy a good shirt, your friend/partner/whatever sees it and likes it so he gets one, too. After a while it kind of takes over. I've noticed it even applies to haircuts. Twin. My guy and I frequently get ready to go somewhere and look over and we have on identical clothes. (We change.)

    But opposites are out there, too. Bigger/smaller is a thing in certain porn. Older/younger. But sorry to say, just saying I don't want to work out and put in years of effort and sacrifice to get gym buff but that is the kind of guy I want just doesn't cut it. It is a bit of a cliche, actually. And especially with gym guys because they obviously focus on that specific goal. That is what looks good to them. I don't think many guys who don't work out realize how much sacrifice and effort it takes. And dedication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2016 8:07 PM GMT
    This begs the question: You are young and skinny, so are you attracted to guys in their 60s? What about obese guys? They are pretty "opposite"

    Attraction to opposites makes sense when you're talking about people on the same league. Wanting someone above your league is very normal, just don't sugarcoat it with this "attraction to opposites" label because it prevents you from having the reflection about what you (don't) bring to the table and what are the expectations of your target audience, many of whom were at one time as skinny as you are today.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jul 01, 2016 9:49 PM GMT
    bachian saidThis begs the question: You are young and skinny, so are you attracted to guys in their 60s? What about obese guys? They are pretty "opposite"

    Attraction to opposites makes sense when you're talking about people on the same league. Wanting someone above your league is very normal, just don't sugarcoat it with this "attraction to opposites" label because it prevents you from having the reflection about what you (don't) bring to the table and what are the expectations of your target audience, many of whom were at one time as skinny as you are today.


    Yes the "opposite'",for young and skinny would be older, fatter or more muscular. But the assumption that muscular men are in a superior league establishes a very idiosyncratic hierarchy that seems designed to diminish men who don't conform to your own particular taste. Also the "expectations of your target audience" do not necessarily conform to the object of your desires. Muscle is a turn on for many gay men but some muscular men prefer thin men, they reflect the French attitude, "viva la difference!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2016 10:33 PM GMT
    ^
    The hierarchy is established by the demand. People who are more sought after (for whatever reason) have more power to select. Muscular men are more sought after than skinny men, so OP is in a lower place in the hierarchy with little power to select. This is an objective hierarchy which has nothing to do with my preferences as there are several guys above my league I don't desire.

    There are countless threads from skinny guys asking the exact same question but curiously there are no threads from muscular guys asking if skinny guys like them. Reality doesn't validate OP's beliefs so he's coming to a forum to try to obtain validation for his fragile ideas.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jul 02, 2016 12:01 AM GMT

    ^
    Certainly if we buy into your belief that the world is organized as you have decided to describe it , most gay men seem to prefer muscle but maybe most gay men would put muscularity lower on their desire list than other traits. Higher on their list might be kindness, brains, emotional reciprocity and a refusal to put others down because they are not "in their league".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 2:23 AM GMT
    Edepic said
    ^
    Certainly if we buy into your belief that the world is organized as you have decided to describe it , most gay men seem to prefer muscle but maybe most gay men would put muscularity lower on their desire list than other traits. Higher on their list might be kindness, brains, emotional reciprocity and a refusal to put others down because they are not "in their league".


    It all depends on what you are looking for. If all you want is a hookup or a few dates, looks are going to be a priority. Muscle is a huge enhancement to looks and in this sense the hierarchical model reflects what is actually going on.

    On the other hand, if you are interested in developing a relationship then character, intelligence, values, etc. become more important. There is no hierarchy in true love.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jul 02, 2016 3:03 AM GMT
    ^
    That may all be true for many men but not all men. Many other physical and chemistry sparks contribute to hookups too.
    I find the imposition of hierarchy offensive. It has contributed to racism, ageism, paternalism and now muscleism.
    Give the skinny guy a break.
    I weighed 7.5 lbs when I was born. We are all growing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 4:03 AM GMT
    ^
    You mean false hierarchies.

    People shouldn't base their feelings of dignity, self-love and self-worth based on where they are in a hierarchy, otherwise they will need to fabricate qualities they don't have in order to justify their self-love. Only people who truly love themselves are capable of seeing themselves as they really are, with all the flaws included. It's harder to see your disadvantages as such if this realization threatens your feelings of dignity. No wonder this rejection of hierarchies, in spite of what reality tells you every single day.

    BloodFlame is an example of someone who's also very skinny but who is not delusional. He is fully aware of what the world wants and where he stands.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jul 02, 2016 5:51 AM GMT
    ^
    Thanks for telling me what I mean
    It must be very empowering to be able to tell people what they realy mean and where they fall in the heirarchies that you have constructed for them.
    This site attracts men who are interested in muscle. This is not the entire gay world.
    I wonder if most gay men would choose a big cock over muscle, or perhaps a tight hole or a hairy or smooth body or blue or black eyes.. Sexual preference is variable and very personal.
    Making it into a heirarchial contest, or a zero sum game, is just a self deception to make you feel like a winner at the top of the heirachy that you have invented.
    Read "Between the world and me", where Ta Nahisi Coates talks about the invention of white people, another heirachy that puts black ( as opposed to skinny) folk down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 11:25 AM GMT
    not as much the body as character but i guess both interact in some ways.

    -finding a partner who has the same interests is a good starting points but the gay dating pool is somewhat limited and you often have to open up expectations.
    -The other 96%, the straights, their partners have nothing in common

    A partner should bring things to the table you do not do well, to make a house hold function. A little degree of separation between the guys can lead to less friction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 12:32 PM GMT
    Edepic said^
    That may all be true for many men but not all men. Many other physical and chemistry sparks contribute to hookups too.
    I find the imposition of hierarchy offensive. It has contributed to racism, ageism, paternalism and now muscleism.
    Give the skinny guy a break.
    I weighed 7.5 lbs when I was born. We are all growing.


    Imposition of hierarchy? By whom?
    As we all know, men respond to visual stimuli. Stimuli that activate pleasure are those that get the most prompt responses.
    If you are on this site it's because you respond to muscle-related visual stimuli.
    If there is a hierarchy it's self-imposed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2016 12:59 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidImposition of hierarchy? By whom?
    As we all know, men respond to visual stimuli. Stimuli that activate pleasure are those that get the most prompt responses.
    If you are on this site it's because you respond to muscle-related visual stimuli.
    If there is a hierarchy it's self-imposed.


    Gee, I came here mostly for exercise advice.

    I think the notion of hierarchy is idiodic. Certainly there are stereotypes that guys can be grouped into, but there isn't anything inherantly better or worse in any of those groups. No one is out of your league. The only thing that mindset does is limit your potential friends and partners.

    Are bears better than twinks or jocks or otters? How about older guys with big cocks?

    Most of the X is better than Y talk are just personal preferences.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 271

    Jul 02, 2016 4:14 PM GMT
    I have been attracted to extroverted guys but eventually they tire me out.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Jul 02, 2016 6:41 PM GMT
    U_K_Y saidI think it depends. Many of those guys "looking for the same" have worked hard to achieve a certain aesthetic because that's their "ideal". For example, the body-type I'm aiming for personally is the same one to which I'm attracted. Having confidence in your looks is *almost* (but not quite) like having an attraction toward yourself (someone help me find a less ridiculous way to get that point across). So, being attracted to that same aesthetic *in someone else* isn't much of a stretch. To each his own, I guess.
    (But when a dating couple look like twin brothers, that's a bit much...)


    It is simply narcissism. Appears to be pretty much the rule among mainstream "gay" men.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Jul 02, 2016 11:41 PM GMT
    ^
    I agree with the above.
    But without the attitude.
    Maybe everyone starts out loving themselves most and then progresses to loving others like themselves. Some continue on to love those who are different, bigger, smaller, different color , background even different sex!
    It's all good!
    I would only add that gay men have suffered for millennia because the prevailing hierarchy told them that they didn't make the cut because the majority loved woman.
    Fortunately that small mindedness is in the past.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 12:50 AM GMT
    bachian said^
    The hierarchy is established by the demand. People who are more sought after (for whatever reason) have more power to select. Muscular men are more sought after than skinny men, so OP is in a lower place in the hierarchy with little power to select. This is an objective hierarchy which has nothing to do with my preferences as there are several guys above my league I don't desire.

    There are countless threads from skinny guys asking the exact same question but curiously there are no threads from muscular guys asking if skinny guys like them. Reality doesn't validate OP's beliefs so he's coming to a forum to try to obtain validation for his fragile ideas.


    This is hilarious. Your attitude makes any physical looks you may have worthless. Hierarchy is bullshit. It's about what a person is attracted to, simple as that. I never in a million years want to be some buff muscle "jock" guy. However, I'm physically fit and comfortable in my own shoes. You, obviously are not, since you have come to an Internet forum to turn a simple discussion into an arguement. It's cute you did that because it paints a portrait of your "fragile" mindset that you feel the need to assert when it isn't even warranted. You apparently assume that a skinny guy, such as myself, is insecure with being skinny. Incorrect. You must have been, at one point, therefore, you're projecting those same insecurities on to me. Basic psychology.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 12:52 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]U_K_Y said[/cite]I think it depends. Many of those guys "looking for the same" have worked hard to achieve a certain aesthetic because that's their "ideal". For example, the body-type I'm aiming for personally is the same one to which I'm attracted. Having confidence in your looks is *almost* (but not quite) like having an attraction toward yourself (someone help me find a less ridiculous way to get that point across). So, being attracted to that same aesthetic *in someone else* isn't much of a stretch. To each his own, I guess.
    (But when a dating couple look like twin brothers, that's a bit much...)[/quote

    I can buy this. This is an example of a good response!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 4:10 AM GMT
    FitBlackCuddler said
    U_K_Y saidI think it depends. Many of those guys "looking for the same" have worked hard to achieve a certain aesthetic because that's their "ideal". For example, the body-type I'm aiming for personally is the same one to which I'm attracted. Having confidence in your looks is *almost* (but not quite) like having an attraction toward yourself (someone help me find a less ridiculous way to get that point across). So, being attracted to that same aesthetic *in someone else* isn't much of a stretch. To each his own, I guess.
    (But when a dating couple look like twin brothers, that's a bit much...)


    It is simply narcissism. Appears to be pretty much the rule among mainstream "gay" men.


    Partially, although that's a bit pessimistic for my taste. I believe *everyone* possesses a modicum of narcissism; we're imperfect beings who don't always take the time to understand the how and why of our decisions and preferences. But on the flip side of the coin are insecurity and self-doubt, which I'd suggest are just as prevalent (if not moreso). Many men (any orientation) overcompensate for a diminished self-esteem by seeking partners considered "attractive" by societal standards. I.e.: "I feel better about myself / worthy because I have this beautiful man/woman on my arm".
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    Jul 03, 2016 12:38 PM GMT
    kzen64 said
    TexDef07 saidImposition of hierarchy? By whom?
    As we all know, men respond to visual stimuli. Stimuli that activate pleasure are those that get the most prompt responses.
    If you are on this site it's because you respond to muscle-related visual stimuli.
    If there is a hierarchy it's self-imposed.


    Gee, I came here mostly for exercise advice.

    I think the notion of hierarchy is idiodic. Certainly there are stereotypes that guys can be grouped into, but there isn't anything inherantly better or worse in any of those groups. No one is out of your league. The only thing that mindset does is limit your potential friends and partners.

    Are bears better than twinks or jocks or otters? How about older guys with big cocks?

    Most of the X is better than Y talk are just personal preferences.


    You are taking the "hierarchy" concept too literally. No one (at least I hope no one) is saying that if you are ripped you are superior or more worthy or more deserving than those who aren't. It is simply an observation that some body types get hit on more often than others.
    If you need proof, just observe what goes on at any gay bar or social venue.

    Your self-worth does not depend on superficial details of your appearance. All of us have far more to offer than that.
    Your appearance is just wrapping on the package. But the best-wrapped packages tend to get opened first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 4:56 PM GMT
    kzen64 saidGee, I came here mostly for exercise advice.

    I think the notion of hierarchy is idiodic. Certainly there are stereotypes that guys can be grouped into, but there isn't anything inherantly better or worse in any of those groups. No one is out of your league. The only thing that mindset does is limit your potential friends and partners.

    Are bears better than twinks or jocks or otters? How about older guys with big cocks?

    Most of the X is better than Y talk are just personal preferences.


    The notion of hierarchy is perhaps threatening to your feelings of dignity which is why you reject it.

    People are different and those differences are classified as more or less attractive depending on who's judging you. Because people are free to like whoever they want, you may think naively that this implies no hierarchy, but you only need to do some research asking people "what do you find attractive?" to see that some traits are far more liked than others. Preferences are not equally distributed. The hierarchy is not established by a trait being inherently superior or inferior, but simply how much demand there is for it. This is a hierarchy of power: those with the most sought-after traits have the most power to select.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 5:26 PM GMT
    youngabe saidThis is hilarious. Your attitude makes any physical looks you may have worthless. Hierarchy is bullshit. It's about what a person is attracted to, simple as that.


    This only reveals how egocentric and selfish you are.

    Of course it's not as simple as that and it does not come down to what YOU want. It comes down to what everybody wants. Ever heard of a thing called "competition"?

    youngabe saidYou apparently assume that a skinny guy, such as myself, is insecure with being skinny. Incorrect. You must have been, at one point, therefore, you're projecting those same insecurities on to me. Basic psychology.


    Sorry but that's your projection. Why would I hate myself for being skinny? Why is a willingness to become buff implies you hate yourself for being skinny?

    You are ridiculously selfish and egocentric.

    1. You didn't realize your question has been asked by numerous guys in the exact same situation. No reflection on whether you are part of a pattern.
    2. Thrown to the wind is any regard for what other people - from your competitors to your target audience - want. Only what you want matters. If muscular men want muscular men they're narcissistic, but if you want the exact same thing, then you label it "attraction to the opposite".

    The hilarious thing is that your very thread proves you wrong. Why would you even be asking this if reality didn't prove you wrong time after time? Muscular men for the most part want muscular men, deal with it. The world owes you nothing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 03, 2016 5:31 PM GMT
    (Thanks @eagermuscle for the list)

    Are bodybuilders not into slimmer guys?
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2654902/

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    Muscle for Muscle only?:
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    Do Muscular guys find slim guys attractive:
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    WE TWINKS NEED LOVE TOO!!!!!!:
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    skinny versus muscular:
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    do you guys look for muscle guys only:
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    Big guys who like Smaller guys:
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    What do y'all think of thin/toned guys?:
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    Slim?:
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    Does slim do it?:
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    Is dating impossible if you are NOT muscular?:
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    Are HIV + Muscular Men More Susceptible To Being with Average Bodied Guy More Than HIV - Muscular Men:
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    Does Muscle look for Muscle?
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