Is going to a gay bar alone odd?

  • tylerrr

    Posts: 33

    Feb 11, 2009 1:47 AM GMT

  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Feb 11, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    I've been to a bar alone during a weekday. I've gone a few times during the week after a long day at work just to have a drink and there are lots of people there alone for the same reason. It's a good way to meet people because there are others there alone after work.

    Best times to go alone are during the week though, because that's when you'll see people winding down after work.

    I've met several people who are my good friends now.
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    Feb 11, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    Several times I have packed up and moved to a strange city by myself. Going to bars by your onesome is a necessity. I don't mind bars on week nights. There are a variety of people there without an agenda. You can socialize, meet new people, and a little conversation. On weekends everyone has an agenda and most people come in groups. It is really tough on those nights.
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    Feb 11, 2009 2:26 AM GMT
    to me it sounds really odd I dont know.
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    Feb 11, 2009 2:27 AM GMT
    I´ll go with you if you want Charlitos icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 11, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    Not at all. When I was single I would go to bars alone all the time, especially if I wanted to meet someone. I even went to Provincetown alone one year, and a couple of years in a row I went to San Francisco alone. I am a fairly independent person and don't get phased by being on my own.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 11, 2009 2:34 AM GMT
    Never been to a gay bar alone and probably won't. While I don't mind friendly people in a bar, I don't particularly want to be hit on for sex (and in going in alone I think somehow I might be misconstrued as a pick up).

    Some of the feeling goes back to when I was much younger, long before I acknowledged my sexuality and heard all about the Jeffrey Dahmer murders.. pickups from a gay bar. It scared the hell out of me.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Feb 11, 2009 4:30 AM GMT
    I've been to a gay bar alone a couple times, mostly when I was out of town though. You're forced to interact with people you don't know and make friends. It requires you to be a little more active than usual. Last time, when I was in Pittsburgh, I caught a break really early on though. I ended up tripping over a step and spilling my drink all over someone. I bought him a drink and he introduced me to a whole bunch of people.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Well I guess if you're alone, you are easily approachable but if you are with people it's harder especially if you don't like the person.

    IDK if i would go alone, for scary reasons lol.. but it wouldn't hurt. I would approach you. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    to me when i see a guy sitting alone at a bar i think he's looking for some action, but most of the guys i see alone at bars look like tweaked out truck drivers and stare at me and wink at me, but if i saw any of u at the gay bar i would think u were just having a drink and id probably go talk to u
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:37 AM GMT
    I have done it from time to time. But then, I live in a smaller town (for the surrounding area) and on occasion I just need to be around "the gays." So I will drive, have a beer and just relax.
  • Sparkycat

    Posts: 1064

    Feb 11, 2009 4:38 AM GMT
    Being so insecure that you need to ask this question is odd.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Sparkycat saidBeing so insecure that you need to ask this question is odd.


    no need for dooshy-ness
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:43 AM GMT
    I think that it is good for us to get out of our element sometimes. Mix it up a little. You never know; you just might find what you are looking for.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:44 AM GMT
    Sparkycat saidBeing so insecure that you need to ask this question is odd.


    everyone isn't like you man.

    you can see the hottest guy/girl and they would be super insecure and you wouldn't even know it.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:44 AM GMT
    matrix21 saidI think that it is good for us to get out of our element sometimes. Mix it up a little. You never know; you just might find what you are looking for.


    Indeed! Why bitch when you have the power of changing the things you don't like!
    Well, said matrix!
  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Feb 11, 2009 4:46 AM GMT
    I've been once or twice but usually its more of a "bar" instead of a "club". I always feel awkward when it's a club and I'm alone because you can't dance by yourself. When it's just a bar, it's easier to just mosey up to the bar and have a drink.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    tylerrr saidThe thought of trying to broach conversation with someone I don't know and don't have a connection to (e.g. friend of a friend) seems a bit, hmmm, intimidating?
    You know, go. I think the best person to start a conversation with is the bartender. You can ask about activities at the bar, what he/she thinks is the best night to come out to meet similar people. This often encourages the bartender to introduce you to his friend(s). The bartenders know everybody.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Feb 11, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    MichVBPlayer28 saidI've been once or twice but usually its more of a "bar" instead of a "club". I always feel awkward when it's a club and I'm alone because you can't dance by yourself.


    Sure you can. You get on those little tables and take your shirt off!!!

    Instant attention.
  • ueatzit

    Posts: 174

    Feb 11, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    It feels odd at first. I've been out alone in the US and overseas and generally, if you're willing to put up with an hour or so of hanging against a wall then after a few drinks making a friendly move to talk to someone it works out.

    So...in my opinion if FEELS odd, and not necessarily IS odd. Many people are as introverted as you (as am I). But the general idea behind a bar is to get a little drunk and socialize and many people are friendly, if not then they probably aren't truly mean but just socially awkward.

  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Feb 11, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    styrgan said
    MichVBPlayer28 saidI've been once or twice but usually its more of a "bar" instead of a "club". I always feel awkward when it's a club and I'm alone because you can't dance by yourself.


    Sure you can. You get on those little tables and take your shirt off!!!

    Instant attention.


    I'm little too shy to do that. I always feel weird. Or I have to be really drunk.
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    Feb 11, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    I would have to say it can be kind of intimidating esp cause as the others have already pointed out, you do look like you might be cruising.

    Sometimes I feel I have to get out though, so I might go to the pub with a book or just my phone to browse the web and chill out with a beer. I do find there are some people who would approach you but if you look busy it would take someone with some real interest in what your doing to strike up a conversation.

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    Feb 11, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    i've stood inside by the entrance kinda taking a census. Very few guys come in alone..if they do they immediate head for someone that they know that's
    already there.
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    Feb 11, 2009 5:24 AM GMT
    I never like making the first move out of fear of being confused for a slut.
    And if someone comes up to me and starts talking... he's a slut.

    Heh, best I ever did was back in Dayton one time. I was in town for a friends wedding and we went to some (straight) bar the night before. Don't remember how, but I started talking to another guy (who set off my gaydar and was kinda cute, too). Some time later the groom made some comment that the guy I was talking to was a "faggot". I was just recently out of the closet and not out to any of them and just responded with: "he's a nuclear engineer and works for Westinghouse" (heh, as if that proved that he wasn't a "faggot").

    So, yeah, I should learn from my own experience that it is possible to just talk to someone and just make friends.

    On the other hand, there are better places to try and have a conversation and meet people than in a bar with the music blaring away... but for some reason gay people don't tend to congregate in many places other than bars.
  • dux35

    Posts: 6

    Feb 11, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    I don't think it's odd at all. I once had a newly out thirty something I new come up to me in a gay bar, I was alone, he said "OMG you're here by yourself, I would never do that." I said, "you should try it it's very liberating" and I think it is. Why does everyone need a posse to do everything?