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Is going to a gay bar alone odd?

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 5:32 AM GMT


    "Do you ever go to the bars alone? For what purpose? What do you do when you're there? Am I just being a wimp?"

    I used to go to bars alone. I learned how to start conversations and meet new people. Endless practice talking to strangers. And hey, it's pretty normal to feel a bit unsure or awkward at first, but you eventually get the hang of it.


    -Doug
  • QuietontheWes... Posts: 1484
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 5:37 AM GMT
    Maybe it's just New York, but it seems to me that in New York, it's not unusual for guys to go to gay bars alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 5:44 AM GMT
    It is not odd to go to the bars alone. I used to do it all the time. If you always show up to the same bar with the same person people will think your dating. If you always show up with a group of friends and never venture out alone people might think you are unavailable. How many people actually infiltrate a crowd just to talk to that one guy. The feeling that you may get shot down is bad enough. Getting shot down among someones friends can be worse.

    Go alone a few times and see how you like it.
  • Mash4077 Posts: 44
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 7:05 AM GMT
    I go to bars solo all the time. It's a by-product of being a corporate "road warrior"...being in a different town/city every other day for work. You have to eat and drink alone. I walk into the establishment not with the attitude of "oh poor me, I'm alone again" but rather with swagger and nod of head of to anyone who catches my eye. The regulars will be very intrigued by the new confident solo guy. It's like fairies to the honey pot

    Get the bartender on your side. Pay for 1st drink in cash with a great tip and then start the chit-chat with the bartender. They KNOW the locals, their history, and their relationships. I have met some great and interesting people this way.

    I so comfortable going solo that I have booked Cancun vacation for Cinco de Mayo. Swagger....head nod....wink....anyone else want to join??
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    In my humble opinion, it's best to go with friends for various reasons. One, you got someone to talk to once you arrive. Two, you got an extra set of eyes and ears to watch your back and help you if you judgement gets impaired. Three, there's less chance you get cornered by the dramatic people whom frequent random bars. Four, you got someone to dance with when you can't get yourself to dance on the floor. Five, less chance for some random person to spike your drink with pills and take advantage of your ass cause noone's around to account for you. But it's really up to you and your luck. You may not have those things to worry about?
  • dionysus Posts: 420
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 7:23 AM GMT
    depends on the bar. so its whatever and some you just feel awkward. and also if you meet up with friends there and whatnot.

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 7:36 AM GMT
    I did once and met some guys.. we'd go out together and then I met a guy who I went to high school with there.. met his boyfriend met his boyfriends friends.. Then met these guys who I became pretty close with.

    One of the guys introduced me to his best friend Erica who I got to know and she became close to me and ultimately she is my best friend today..

    You have nothing to loose by going out alone. For me it was a great chance.. I was supposed to go out that night with my breeder friends but then changed plans last minute and wanted us to all go to a straight bar.. I made the choice to not go with them. And its great that they did cancel, because if I did go to the gay bar with them i'd probably be too into my friends to meet the new people I did end up meeting that night.

    Guys use to come up to me all the time back then.. making friends was easy.. now they be scared of me or something..
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 11:13 AM GMT
    Guys use to come up to me all the time back then.. making friends was easy.. now they be scared of me or something..

    Wow back then, sounds like the last century or something. I would have been scared to talk to you, you are bigger than me. Only kidding, you look like a friendly guy in your photos.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 11:48 AM GMT
    Nah, it's not odd. As you can see from above, there appear to be plenty of men who do it. Who knows? Might meet another solo guy there...
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 11:59 AM GMT
    Only if you don't get really really drunk and end up in a room full of naked female midgets at 8am the next morning.
  • Tiller66 Posts: 380
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:08 PM GMT
    Well for me going to the gay bar alone was the only choice cuase when I started I did'nt have any gay friends to go with.And as for looking like your just there to hook up is at least one of the top three reasons a singal gay man's reason for being there.So i've gotten over being intimitated by it.So far I seem to find company of some type.As far hook up odds if I haven't gotten tagged in half-hour I'm not finding any action but I ususally find the chatter pack pretty easy(damn)
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:15 PM GMT
    I agree with Mickey-

    Go to the bar and talk to the bartender. If you connect with him, generally, he will watch out for you or steer you in the right direction.

    Then have fun.

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:21 PM GMT
    Tyler-
    You are a wimp. Gay bars are just like any other bar. Walk in, see someone interesting, and make small talk. Ask them about themselves.
    People love to talk about themselves. Ask them anything and let them talk. You will quickly find if you like them or not. If not, move on. Then do it again. That always works for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:39 PM GMT
    for somepeople it can be odd for me i been doing it longtime it dont bother me plus that means your not in a click it give a chance to meet new people out in the bar there plus to it but the odd parts so it give and take thing
  • cityguy39 Posts: 943
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:50 PM GMT
    I think it's good for guys to experiance going out to a gay bar alone. It can be a very eye opening and humbling experiance. When I was single and much younger, I would go to the bars alone all the time. That was the only way to meet people and get laid. I'm a more aggressive type of guy so I never had problems approaching guys. I had some times out when I expected to meet people and didn't meet anyone, other times when I didn't expect anything I would meet really cool guys. So give it a chance alone, you might have to go more then once to feel really comfortable with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    Going by yourself is no big deal. On weeknights it would be pretty much like any str8 bar after work, so there's no big cruise agenda. The atmosphere is a lot more relaxed without the urgency to pick somebody up, and the crowd will be a lot smaller. So it's easier to start conversations, you won't have to shout to make yourself heard, and the talk won't immediately turn to "your place or mine." Chatting up the bartender is a good idea because he will tend to include you in any conversation he may have with the guys around you.

    Try it, you're more likely to enjoy yourself than you would on a weekend.

  • MichVBPlayer2... Posts: 132
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
    theatrengym saidMaybe it's just New York, but it seems to me that in New York, it's not unusual for guys to go to gay bars alone.


    I think you're right that it really depends on the city you're in. I've been to the gay bars here in Michigan once or twice alone and the people are really cliquey. They wont talk to anyone they don't already know. On the other hand when I went to San Diego to visit a str8 friend of mine, I decided to brave the gay bars out there alone. I struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar and he and his boyfriend were super friendly. I told them I was from out of town and they offered to show me around. Nothing sexual, just wanted to show a stranger how fun their city can be.
  • Mikeylikesit Posts: 1020
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 1:57 PM GMT
    I actually go alot to gay bars alone. I prefer it. I can come as go as I please. I find that guys will approach you more often if they see you are solo. More so then with a group of friends. Just my experience.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 2:24 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidI´ll go with you if you want Charlitos



    hmmm, you are starting to scare me now
    LOL, I mean really, nah just kidding, no actually you are, well not so much, well yeah kinda... just saying, I'm not sayin
  • rnch Posts: 10869
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    never bothered me to go into a gay bar alone.

    how can you meet someone if you are with someone?
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    I ended up going to a gay club by myself because I thought I was going to be meeting someone right when I got there. I eventually met my friend there, but he didn't show up for over an hour. And then when he showed up late he was being a dick so I left--waste of a Saturday night.

    Overall it wasn't too pleasant. I don't like bars, much less dance clubs (which is what the only gay bar is in my town). Pretty much the whole time I sat in a corner and drank, waiting. I got asked a couple of times to dance which I refused, and told them I didn't like dancing. To which was posed to me, "Then why are you here?" Too much trance and dance music for me to stomach. I basically did a lot of people watching until some a group of guys asked if I'd come and chat with them. I did simply because they didn't want to dance, and I wasn't in the best of moods. The guys were really nice and cooled me down from my bad mood. We talked until my friend showed up. I didn't initiate any type of conversation with anyone because I'm also introverted and shy, but those guys that I talked to made the night a little more tolerable.

    But I'm pretty sure my experience is partly skewed by the fact that I thought I wasn't going there alone. Also it was a Saturday night and there are so many damn cliques that it's difficult to try and pick someone out to start a conversation with someone.
  • rnch Posts: 10869
    QUOTE Feb 11, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    Mikeylikesit saidI actually go alot to gay bars alone. I prefer it. I can come as go as I please. I find that guys will approach you more often if they see you are solo. More so then with a group of friends. Just my experience.....
    SO correct!
  • jgymnast733 Posts: 1776
    QUOTE Mar 03, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    Are you kidding i prefer going out alone, i went to this new place here in manhattan and was there for about an hour before i heard this shrill of a voice calling out..HEY TIFFANY GIRL.......
    Somehow i knew that was intended for me so i turned around and there she was,,in full beat and heels, Miss.lacretia davenport armani coutour...lol
    She carried on and on,,but her antics attracted some hot boys and thats always the icing on the cake.
    GO OUT , BE DARING....
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 03, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    i perfer going to a bar alone because when im ready to leave i dont have to wait on anybody but i cant say its any easyer to meet some alone or with a friend but i am the type person will walk and say hi to someone if like way thay look but that just the out going side of me but everybody has own thing i think up to the person some people scared to go maybe think thay gona get rape lol guys it dont happen like that 99% of the time im sure it has happen somewhere be a man stand up and dont worry about it
  • SxyDrkHair Posts: 9986
    QUOTE Mar 03, 2009 4:36 AM GMT
    Yes... I think it is odd to go to a gay bar all by yourself with hundred strangers around you. That's just my opinion. I am not a gay bar person myself. I only went to gay bar twice and two gay bars. One time in Charlie's in Phoenix with a good friend of mine (he is also a member of REALJOCK.) Second time in Roscoe's on 7th (Gay sport bar) in Phoenix with my college gay friend.

    First experience I was at Charlies and it was a lot of old guys staring at me like I am a supermodel. I wasn't feeling comfortable, because the guys there are all stuck-up wanna be. It was dark inside and very small.

    Second experience I was at Roscoe's on 7th. It was ok and very small gay sport bar. I love that they have sport teams everywhere and tv each corners. This one dude walk up to my table and pinch my nipple. He gave me a nice wink on his face. I was like what the fuck stranger? I don't even know you. So I wasn't that comfortable.

    Any gay realjockers in here from Phoenix... I am sure you know what I am talking about lol