Can being single and alone be so bad? Perhaps not as bad as some think.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2016 6:26 PM GMT
    I wrote a forum last based on "Finding Love is Challenging" and read and replied to another forum based on "Still Single ". I think in a way that it actually helped me get a better handle on my situation and I also felt that I was trying to help others as well too that are facing the same challenges.

    To be perfectly honest, I found that all this that was going on with me wasn't so bad after all. I had to take a good look at myself and look back to all the other wonderful people and things I have and accomplished in life, and get a better understanding of myself that maybe I'm not so alone after all. Yes, I met some people here and I think over time I showed them I was being in need of having a date and all the sudden I think they stopped talking me because I said something that turned them off with me. So, after figuring that out, I took that as a valuable lesson and also learning how to be careful about people you meet on the internet. And apparently the ones I met here are obviously doing the right thing by protecting themselves as well and I think something unknown is looking out for me as well.

    So apparently finding a date and romance shouldn't have to be at the top of my list. Do I regret meeting people here on this site? No I don't regret it. I think honestly it was a great experience and perhaps a lesson too on how I talk to them here.

    I was told by a friend of mine that the old saying of "it will come when you least expect it". Perhaps that's so true. You can't take everything for granted. So, I started keeping that kind of thinking and still go out in my free time and just meet new people and make more friends is way better than going out asking for a date. Of course you never know what may come next of out it. But, I'm just taking things slow and trying to enjoy everything I got and not be so needy. Generally speaking that being single and alone is so bad, well, it's really what you make of it and the choices you make the lead you in different directions in life and fixing the current situation that's making you feel negative about the situation.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 06, 2016 7:05 PM GMT
    I liked being single. Freedom, new guys, control of my entertainment. I like being partnered. Loving and being loved. Watching and being watched over. Teaching and being taught. Boring guys get bored. I think the trick is to love life however it comes at you and make a dent in it yourself as well. I've never sought out love but instead a new friend or lover. And once, a casual lover turned into a partner. Now just a month shy of nine years.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Jul 06, 2016 11:17 PM GMT
    "Can being single and alone be so bad? Perhaps not as bad as some think."

    Yeah...something vital is missing.

    Being alone hurts me on an emotional level...there is no one-to-one intimacy. There has been no mutual opportunity to meet and see/be seen, discover mutual harmony which leads to accepting/be accepted..and let "inside".

    Single life is forever on the outside looking in. Partnership, to me, is being on the domestic "inside" with all of the duties and preoccupations. For me, there would then be something to do, an "emotional place to be". I may gaze "out" from time to time but as long as the harmony between us continues, I eventually turn attention back to the rhythms of the partnership.
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    Jul 07, 2016 12:45 AM GMT
    It varies based on the person. I believe that ^FBC's^ comments are completely accurate for him. For me? I'm pretty content with being single. I'm independent, recharge my batteries better when I'm alone, and surround myself with some great groups of friends who truly give a damn about me. I've even learned to travel alone if/when my friends are unable to do so. And quite frankly, I'm just used to it at this point. I'll be ridiculously happy if/when I find the right lifelong partner, but I don't feel any kind of "emptiness" by not having one at the moment.
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Jul 07, 2016 2:42 PM GMT
    I've considered myself single and happy for a while now. I like my independence and autonomy. I have good friends and what feels like a mostly-fulfilling life, so I'm not lonely. Relationships are A LOT of work and frankly, anytime I think I'm missing out on something I just look at a couple of my friend's situations where one person is always unhappy and the other one has to practically light themselves on fire and jump through hoops to appease him/her. I'd rather enjoy Happy peaceful drama-free life, than torture myself because I haven't found "the one"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2016 4:00 PM GMT
    Coupling can have huge benefits be that emotional, someone to talk to, to be there, security in whatever sense, finance building, helping each other age, kind of an unavoidable aspect of living, etc. Though of course it's rare that both die together so even in the longest relationships, one generally winds up alone anyway, and with we gay people, we often don't have children to fill in that gap. So some difficulties are built into this.

    Having very much enjoyed long term relationships, I'm also okay within myself with being single but I don't care much for losing so many relationships to death or even to time. If you've fucked up a relationship, if you did something bad and you can figure that out, if, as the OP notes, you've said something wrong and you can correct how you think, that's empowering--even given collateral damage, about which you ought to then accept some responsibility--that we can make those corrections and move on as a better person and not a cancer. Though of course, you've still damaged the person in your last encounter, so try to wake up and fix that shit before your teens please. But even when you are doing everything right, relationships can fall apart not because of what we do, but simply by situations changing (as many relationships are artificial, situational though they seem natural at the time -- a work relationship or a relationship with a friend of a friend, for instance) or by the other person's issues (their intimacy issues or maybe they were just faking it the entire time or that they "changed" or so they like to tell themselves). So you can do everything right and still get fucked.

    And even if you do everything right and don't get fucked, time itself will strip you of your relationships because the longer you live the more you outlive those you spent time with. That needn't be as bleak as it sounds but maintaining some happy requires some skills, the first being to know how to have a good relationship with yourself, because reality is that...

    "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we are not alone."~~Orson Welles
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2016 2:58 PM GMT
    Because of my military career, which imposed many living conditions upon me I would not have chosen for myself, I developed the philosophy of "thrive where you're planted". No sense being miserable. Make the best of what you've got.

    And that may include your age, your geographical location, a thousand aspects of your circumstances. When I found myself single I made the best of it. In fact, I exploited the fact, that I could date without restraint. Even though I ultimately wanted to settle down with one guy. In the meantime, why not enjoy the cards I was dealt, until I get another hand?

    I knew where I was headed, I wasn't gonna settle for less than what I wanted. And seeing & dating lots of guys actually advanced my long-term goal. Finding love can indeed by challenging. But I also made it a lot of fun. So that being single wasn't a terrible thing, it was enjoyable and my "transition" to what I wanted. And some guys are happy at that point. Good for them.

    Living alone can be good, dating guys can be good, settling down with a man can be good. It can all be good. Making it good is entirely in your own mind.
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    Jul 09, 2016 8:58 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2016 11:04 AM GMT
    Gets better. I've actually started dating now. Been patient and good things come.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2016 12:03 PM GMT
    I think you have to be happy with yourself first in order to be able to offer something to a partner. I'm single now for the first time in my life at 35. It's an incredibly difficult transition because I long for that intimacy that only a partner can provide and I'm so used to having someone to talk to and share things with. I realize I cannot just jump right into another relationship. I need to work on being a secure and confident single man first. Other people can't make you happy with yourself. I have to train myself to stop thinking that being alone is this horrible miserable existence. I've just begun my journey and I see somewhat of a long road ahead for me. I'd rather take this path though then jump into another crappie relationship. No thank you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 01, 2016 3:31 PM GMT
    JMS475 saidGets better. I've actually started dating now. Been patient and good things come.

    Good. Glad to hear it. But I think your original statement also showed some insight that while waiting for good things to come, you take the initiative and seek it out. Enjoy the ride!
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    Sep 21, 2016 8:51 PM GMT
    "Can being alone and single be so bad?"

    No. It's good to be single and out there dating a few guys when you're between long term relationships. This keeps you feeling up and alive. Being single has it's perks. The worst thing that can give you heartaches is being with the wrong person, such as a vicious, violent alcoholic or druggie. Those guys just spiral down, and will take you with them if you don't get away from them.
  • BambiBoy98

    Posts: 52

    Sep 27, 2016 2:02 AM GMT
    In the one brief relationship I've been in. I do say its rather nice having someone to love and loves you back as well. But being single I can window shop cute guysicon_lol.gif. But with the kind of person I am, I prefer relationships to being single.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2016 3:38 AM GMT
    Being single and alone, it's not as bad as people think. I mean, I've been single for a while now, I'm just dating around for now. Work
    is taking up most of my time and yes, maybe this is a cliche, I haven't' find the right guy yet. But having said that, I've been in about 2-3 serious
    relationships in my life. I'm hoping the next relationship will last and I can find at last, my prince charming and happy ending. icon_biggrin.gif
  • mavisblue

    Posts: 3

    Oct 13, 2016 2:51 PM GMT
    Doesn't realize it before. But i think this is make sense. I 've been stressed out looking for relationship. But its like nobody wanted me.
    Im thinking now, thats all just emotional bcause my ex now close with somebody and i want prove it, so do i.
    Thats a stupid think, i guess. Lol

    Thats because he is cheating on me, and he now already have someone (again, i just realize thats why his cheating).

    I think i have to be more patient, and just wait till someone right comes. Lol
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 13, 2016 4:24 PM GMT
    mavisblue saidDoesn't realize it before. But i think this is make sense. I 've been stressed out looking for relationship. But its like nobody wanted me.
    Im thinking now, thats all just emotional bcause my ex now close with somebody and i want prove it, so do i.
    Thats a stupid think, i guess. Lol

    Thats because he is cheating on me, and he now already have someone (again, i just realize thats why his cheating).

    I think i have to be more patient, and just wait till someone right comes. Lol

    Good for you, man. Sounds like you're learning to be happy just being you. You shouldn't be worrying about finding a relationship but do continue to look for a nice guy to get to know. Someone to laugh with. The world is full of nice guys and though this one or that one may not be "the one," you will still enjoy their company and they will enjoy meeting you. Be happy and make others happy.



  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Oct 15, 2016 1:57 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidThe shit people tell themselves to convince themselves they're happy being alone. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Your answer sickens me. You must be a miserable nothing of a human being.
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Oct 20, 2016 2:32 AM GMT
    I just had a guy stay with me while interviewing for a job here where he used to live. We never had a sexual relationship but we were flirty friends a few years back when we both lived here. I am back for a year and he is moving back. I have many friends and an active social life. But it was fun having someone living here and making each other dinner and grabbing coffee in the morning. Is that enough to want a full time partner? Sure, if everything else was perfect. But I love living alone. I enjoy having my place to myself. He was fun as heck, watching Netflicks series together and eating popcorn. I am undecided. Been with a few partners for 10+ years and loved it and could scream sometimes. If it works, great. If you want to live alone, it is not the end of the world. I love my peace and quiet and freedom. I can run off to some city and not explain to anyone. But having someone have dinner ready, priceless.
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Oct 20, 2016 3:02 AM GMT
    I don't get Mybud's post. Is he trying to be a Brutal Top Stud? From his pics, that would be a stretch. He thinks single people are not fully engaged and happy? Might be his experience. Half formed people need another half formed person to feel whole. Any guess is as good as mine.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Oct 27, 2016 2:15 PM GMT
    Triggerman saidI don't get Mybud's post. Is he trying to be a Brutal Top Stud? From his pics, that would be a stretch. He thinks single people are not fully engaged and happy? Might be his experience. Half formed people need another half formed person to feel whole. Any guess is as good as mine.
    Re -read Umayneverknow's post
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Nov 08, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    I reread his post. Reread mine.

  • Nov 12, 2016 10:38 PM GMT
    I don't mind being single. It's good time to reevaluate oneself and learn who you are and what you need.
  • rvmj_05

    Posts: 32

    Nov 13, 2016 5:51 AM GMT
    sometimes it can be lonesome but thats why u have friends and family to hang out with, i'd rather be lonely than to sell my body to those who only love to fuck i might get std's by that .. ( gross )