Gay but despise LGBT community?

  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jul 09, 2016 12:13 PM GMT
    Is it normal to be gay and hate the gay community. I've literally come to despise it and everything it stands for... A superficial community of people that are mentally stuck at age 18 where the only thing that matters is going from bar to bar sleeping with as many guys as they can while saying stupid stuff like "yaaaasssss bitchesss," and having open relationships(still haven't gotten the concept of that one). There's no sincererity, nobody has any old fashioned values such as the meaning of monogamous relationships and simultaneously judges every single other gay guy based on superficial qualities. A community of guys that demands and has rallys and parades to earn acceptance while being unable to accept their own is pathetic.

    Any thoughts? Can't wait to hear the backlash of excuses and justifications on this one.
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    Jul 09, 2016 12:23 PM GMT
    The gay community has meant different things to me at different times. When I was going out a lot, I did find shallow people...but I've also found that in the straight community. Now that I'm in my 50s, it's important for me to surround myself with people who are supportive, people who are there for me when I need them. People who will tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it. People I can talk to when I'm going through a rough time. So now, for me, the gay community means loving, respectful, mature, and supportive people who are like family. The community means people I can trust to have my back. Right now, I need my community more than ever.
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    Jul 09, 2016 12:52 PM GMT
    italiano027 said... A superficial community of people that are mentally stuck at age 18 where the only thing that matters is going from bar to bar sleeping with as many guys as they can whole saying stupid stuff like "yaaaasssss bitchesss,"...

    and you obviously know where to find them.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 274

    Jul 09, 2016 1:01 PM GMT
    I'd say its pretty normal to feel you don't fit in with the LGBT community. If I go to a gay club or pride event, there's this certain look that I get from a lot of gay men, and it's not a warm and friendly look that makes me want to join in and say hello, it's a sort of judgemental look that makes me feel uncomfortable, as if I'm not wearing the right sort of clothes to fit in with them or I'm not acting fabulously enough. First of all we weren't butch enough to fit in with the macho guys we were growing up with, now we're not campy and bitchy enough to fit in with our fellow gay men.icon_neutral.gif

    The people having the most fun at clubs and pride events are straight girls and guys that like to prance around dramatically. I'm not bashing them - it's a party hosted by the lgbt community and as long as there are people enjoying it, then that's great, it's just not my kinda scene. i can't relax around people like that.

    This is the reason I've become a fan of gay saunas. You go to a sauna and people can't judge you for what you're wearing, because everyone is naked except for a towel. And there are no drunken women around to get under your feet. I don't need the noise and bitchiness, I just want a place to chill and shag without the awkward peer pressure BS.
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    Jul 09, 2016 1:05 PM GMT
    It all depends on what you mean by "gay community." If it's bars and parties, of course the superficial beauty-contest aspects of gay life are going to be the most visible.
    On the other hand, over time you will develop a network of friends and relationships. You will come to appreciate the supportive and nurturing role that people can play who share your life experiences.

    Much of the shallow and immature behavior comes from the fact that most gay men haven't had the experience of dating as teenagers. In terms of learning how to choose dating partners and form intimate relationships they may get stuck in delayed adolescence.
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    Jul 09, 2016 2:24 PM GMT
    Italiano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.



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    Jul 09, 2016 2:56 PM GMT
    Hey mate...

    I do understand your concern, but it really is up to you to allow the negativity that exists to affect you. There are good guys out there, and as my best friend always says, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs!"

    I too, have seen first hand, gay guys being superficial... Wanting you because you are handsome, in good shape, have a nice job, etc. I usually can tell if a guy isn't a good fit right away if he is pulled towards things physical or materialistic, and has little desire to get to know me.

    Only you have the power to let it or not let it upset you. For the guys in the past whom have judged me, guess what? It is their loss they didn't take the time to get to know me.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14310

    Jul 09, 2016 3:09 PM GMT
    italiano027 saidIs it normal to be gay and hate the gay community. I've literally come to despise it and everything it stands for... A superficial community of people that are mentally stuck at age 18 where the only thing that matters is going from bar to bar sleeping with as many guys as they can while saying stupid stuff like "yaaaasssss bitchesss," and having open relationships(still haven't gotten the concept of that one). There's no sincererity, nobody has any old fashioned values such as the meaning of monogamous relationships and simultaneously judges every single other gay guy based on superficial qualities. A community of guys that demands and has rallys and parades to earn acceptance while being unable to accept their own is pathetic.

    Any thoughts? Can't wait to hear the backlash of excuses and justifications on this one.
    I am a gay man who has also gradually pulled away from the gay community because of all the nonsensical bullshit of endless partying, one night stands, and all the superficiality. Allowing the gender bending radicals known as transgenders in our community only reinforced the highly negative image of the gay community as a bunch of heavy partying, getting laid, irresponsible lowlifes who don't give a damn about themselves or anyone else around them. Horribly sad but trueicon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2016 3:35 PM GMT
    Why should it be a gay community ?
    We should be able to mix with everyone without sexual orientation becoming a question ..
    Most of my mates are a mix of gays , bi and heterosexuals , i never had any problem to insert myself among none " i suck a cock " people icon_smile.gif
    We don't have to put a fence around us , it should be an open field ....
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jul 09, 2016 3:58 PM GMT
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.





    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?
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    Jul 09, 2016 4:08 PM GMT
    Despise is kind of strong. I would say a lot of gay men have a love/hate relationship with the LGBT community. Gay men can be worse than homophobes to each other. Gay men view each other as potential fucks or potential enemies, and a lot of times they become enemies after the fuck. It's a mess. lol

    nice_chap saidI'd say its pretty normal to feel you don't fit in with the LGBT community. If I go to a gay club or pride event, there's this certain look that I get from a lot of gay men, and it's not a warm and friendly look that makes me want to join in and say hello, it's a sort of judgemental look that makes me feel uncomfortable, as if I'm not wearing the right sort of clothes to fit in with them or I'm not acting fabulously enough. First of all we weren't butch enough to fit in with the macho guys we were growing up with, now we're not campy and bitchy enough to fit in with our fellow gay men.icon_neutral.gif.


    So true. It's rather odd for a supposedly all-inclusive rainbow of diversity (I am so tired of that rainbow). I've found lesbians to actually be quite friendly and welcoming, even to men.Maybe it's what happens when the sexual element is completely removed? They're really not the man-hating feminists people think they are, at least not the ones I know and have known. Gay men are too competitive, jealous and/or horny to be welcoming or friendly (outside of sex or trying to get some sex).
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 09, 2016 4:49 PM GMT
    italiano027 said
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.

    You can't be used unless you let them. It takes two to tango. The one guy is right you know, you are basing the gay community on bars, apps, and other places that are clique and cruisy. Why not find a gay organization where things are a little more positive?



    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?
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    Jul 09, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    italiano027 saidIs it normal to be gay and hate the gay community. I've literally come to despise it and everything it stands for... A superficial community of people that are mentally stuck at age 18 where the only thing that matters is going from bar to bar sleeping with as many guys as they can while saying stupid stuff like "yaaaasssss bitchesss," and having open relationships(still haven't gotten the concept of that one). There's no sincererity, nobody has any old fashioned values such as the meaning of monogamous relationships and simultaneously judges every single other gay guy based on superficial qualities. A community of guys that demands and has rallys and parades to earn acceptance while being unable to accept their own is pathetic.

    Any thoughts? Can't wait to hear the backlash of excuses and justifications on this one.


    Sooooooooooooooooo, In other words: You're a Republican.
    Here's your social group: http://www.logcabin.org/become-a-member/chapters/
    you're welcome.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2929

    Jul 09, 2016 6:14 PM GMT
    I think most of us, with time, make our own "gay community." I was a career guy in my field, and traveled a lot, so I never had the experiences you shave had, but over time I formed my own community of gay friends - all solid, honorable, hard-working people with interesting careers, most in long-term relationships (two of the couples at over 45 years - one younger one still looking). Maybe it's an age thing, or something that takes time to build - but your description sounds nothing like the community of friends I've been lucky. Make a few solid, good friends, and I will bet you can go from there and find the community you clearly want.
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jul 09, 2016 7:52 PM GMT
    buddycat said
    italiano027 said
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.

    You can't be used unless you let them. It takes two to tango. The one guy is right you know, you are basing the gay community on bars, apps, and other places that are clique and cruisy. Why not find a gay organization where things are a little more positive?



    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?


    Because I live in a small town and the only places that gay guys exist in my world are in those places
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jul 09, 2016 7:52 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    italiano027 saidIs it normal to be gay and hate the gay community. I've literally come to despise it and everything it stands for... A superficial community of people that are mentally stuck at age 18 where the only thing that matters is going from bar to bar sleeping with as many guys as they can while saying stupid stuff like "yaaaasssss bitchesss," and having open relationships(still haven't gotten the concept of that one). There's no sincererity, nobody has any old fashioned values such as the meaning of monogamous relationships and simultaneously judges every single other gay guy based on superficial qualities. A community of guys that demands and has rallys and parades to earn acceptance while being unable to accept their own is pathetic.

    Any thoughts? Can't wait to hear the backlash of excuses and justifications on this one.


    Sooooooooooooooooo, In other words: You're a Republican.
    Here's your social group: http://www.logcabin.org/become-a-member/chapters/
    you're welcome.


    Actually democrat
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2016 8:27 PM GMT
    If we're talking about men only, I think the "gay community" probably has the same sort of problems as the "straight community", but exacerbated by the general absence of women and kids, which tend to be the stabilizing factors in most straight relationships (which isn't to say they don't bring other problems).
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    Jul 09, 2016 8:40 PM GMT
    italiano027 said
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.





    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?


    I see your point. The two worst mistakes we make are settling for less and giving up. Another mistake is having self defeating expectations. For example, I knew a guy who insisted on having a relationship with only a doctor, and only a blond doctor at that. To me, that sounded way too limited and more than a bit crazy. But who am I to judge? I lost contact with him, so for all I know, he's happily married to a blond doctor, which would prove that the power of our expectations have the most influence.

    The reality is that you can't predict when love will come into your life. But you do have a lot to offer and I believe that love will happen for you.
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    Jul 09, 2016 9:04 PM GMT
    italiano027 said
    buddycat said
    italiano027 said
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.

    You can't be used unless you let them. It takes two to tango. The one guy is right you know, you are basing the gay community on bars, apps, and other places that are clique and cruisy. Why not find a gay organization where things are a little more positive?



    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?


    Because I live in a small town and the only places that gay guys exist in my world are in those places

    Well there you go. Maybe it's because that's your experience. Maybe you haven't met many yet. The hookup culture in gay male community is certainly strong. But mostly because they're males. No women involved. Having casual sex can be easy. It's so tempting, so they pass on the virtue of having a monogamous relationships. Plus two gay men having a serious relationship is rarer because it's harder to have that in society, rather than having heterosexual relationship.
    But you can be any kind of gay man that you want. It's up to you. Just because they hook up a lot does not mean they can't be good friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2016 11:00 PM GMT
    I have only been out for 2 years and sadly i have come to the same realization.
    I used to volunteer at a gay testing center and most people there just treated me like fresh meat & where touching me inappropriately.
    I should of known not to volunteer there when the guy doing drawing my blood for hiv testing got really handsy and flirty during the whole thing.
    Even the gay group at my work is very cliquish and not very warm and welcoming.
    What to do?!
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jul 10, 2016 2:00 AM GMT
    I don't loathe the gay American subculture, fuck, gays had to go somewhere. I do feel like I don't belong whenever I'm immersed in it. But it's up to this post-gay generation to change that. Drag us out of the darkness!
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jul 10, 2016 7:20 AM GMT
    I think you just have to create your own community.
    In London we have the clubs but also gay professional and business networks which take out much of the juvenile behaviour.
    A lot of large companies now have their own lgbt networks especially in banking, law and consultancies.
    Maybe you can visit other cities and tap into these networks.

    Also on meetup there are special interest groups for gays or just create your own.
  • italiano027

    Posts: 79

    Jul 10, 2016 1:05 PM GMT
    Ronar2 said
    italiano027 said
    buddycat said
    italiano027 said
    S2Ki saidItaliano.....I'd say your thoughts on the gay community are quite healthy and the natural reaction of a good guy.

    The modern "gay community" is really an outgrowth of 1960's counterculture, which rejected time tested values like patriotism, family and faith in God.....all things that encourage us to be responsible for ourselves and respect others.....and replaced them with a "if it feels good, then do it" mentality. So the "gay community" is not a community at all, but just a collection of narcissists. No matter how many drugs or sexual partners or affections of manner they adopt, they'll never find the happiness they've been promised. Unfortunately, some baby boomers still try to push this insanity on unsuspecting millennials through pop culture. Good that you've spotted this early.

    You can't be used unless you let them. It takes two to tango. The one guy is right you know, you are basing the gay community on bars, apps, and other places that are clique and cruisy. Why not find a gay organization where things are a little more positive?



    So what are the good guys like us supposed to do? Never expect to settle down and expect to be stuck in a perpetual dating game of being used until others get their jollies out and move on? And learn to be happy with that?


    Because I live in a small town and the only places that gay guys exist in my world are in those places

    Well there you go. Maybe it's because that's your experience. Maybe you haven't met many yet. The hookup culture in gay male community is certainly strong. But mostly because they're males. No women involved. Having casual sex can be easy. It's so tempting, so they pass on the virtue of having a monogamous relationships. Plus two gay men having a serious relationship is rarer because it's harder to have that in society, rather than having heterosexual relationship.
    But you can be any kind of gay man that you want. It's up to you. Just because they hook up a lot does not mean they can't be good friends.


    Well that's also the thing, they either want to hookup or nothing at all. No friends, no acquaintances, nothing. If they don't get their way which is to have sex they ignore u and want nothing to do with u let alone be friends... Even on the rare occasion u do hookup (we all have needs) they get what they want, have the fun that theyre clearly seeking and then after block your number and never hear from them again.
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    Jul 10, 2016 5:45 PM GMT
    I don't know... It seems similar to judging all college undergrads by what you see at frat-parties and what's presented as typical co-ed behavior in tv and movies. You're interacting with the most visible and vocal individuals in your "community", and their behavior might not be your style, but there are probably just as many similarly disenfranchised gays in your area sitting at home or meeting each other without clubs/bars/etc. They're just going to be much more difficult to find because, like you, they're tired of the game. Doesn't mean they're not out there (and in large numbers).
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jul 10, 2016 8:03 PM GMT
    There's too many sluts and drama queens in the gay community. OMG. I can't even..... icon_rolleyes.gif
    It's like... if you're not some cunty, superficial queen drinking and doing coke at the bar.... or some cum dump, then you're nothing. to anyone. like u could die and no one in the gay community would care. Like u could have AIDS and die and no one would even care. You just gotta have a few good selfies for grindr and the rest of your life will fall in to place.