Does anyone still has feelings for your ex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2016 4:58 AM GMT
    Dear RJ'ers,
    I can assume how does it feel when we feel to quit a relationship. But I would like to know :
    1. Is there anyone has still feelings for your ex?
    2. Can we continue as friends?
    3. Give me an advice for keeping the good friendly relationship with my ex-who is staying far away from me. I still do have feelings for him which I find out recently but I am dating someone else who loves me more than himself. I don't wanna hurt him.. but I don't know why I can't love him back just like he does love me!!!! ( I am not looking for a below standard sarcasm.... please give me handy support on this)
    Thanks ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2016 5:47 AM GMT
    sudeep saidDear RJ'ers,
    I can assume how does it feel when we feel to quit a relationship. But I would like to know :
    1. Is there anyone has still feelings for your ex?
    2. Can we continue as friends?
    3. Give me an advice for keeping the good friendly relationship with my ex-who is staying far away from me. I still do have feelings for him which I find out recently but I am dating someone else who loves me more than himself. I don't wanna hurt him.. but I don't know why I can't love him back just like he does love me!!!! ( I am not looking for a below standard sarcasm.... please give me handy support on this)
    Thanks ..

    Your ex is staying away from you, yet you want to keep being close to him?
    Why are you focusing on being friends with your ex, when you should be thinking about your current boyfriend?
    If your mind is with your ex instead of your current boyfriend, then be fair to your boyfriend and be honest about your feeling to him and your feeling about your ex.
    Better "hurt" him right now, rather than drag him along for years into relationship where you probably will hurt him eventually. and that will be worse.
    About being friends with your ex, friendships cannot be forced, it's a choice that people have to make mutually. Does your ex wants to be friends with you? Is being friends with him really what you want?
    Probably there are a couple of things that you should think over. About your boyfriend and your ex. Think it over. Make a decision. Then do it.
    Hope that helps.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 10, 2016 6:36 AM GMT
    As far as I'm concerned, I don't have any X's ... I've always been single ... that's my story and I'm sticking to it icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2016 5:59 PM GMT
    Most humans "have feelings" for their ex. But "having feelings" is a collection of emotions and memories, good and bad. And understanding what those feelings mean to/for you is critical to being able to love someone.

    I wonder if you should maybe remain single for awhile until you figure out what your true needs are. I don't mean this to be hostile in any way. But it feels like you don't really know what love means for you just yet. And that's ok. Sometimes it takes a few relationships to understand yourself. Sometimes it takes being alone to understand your needs. But even the way you describe your current boyfriend sounds like you are the recipient of love but not the giver of love. And again, it's hard to give love when you don't know what your feelings mean to/for you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 12:00 AM GMT
    X's are dead to me
    if you carry on a relationship as a friend with an X seems to me you did not give him a chance when he was your BF.
    -You should have over looked his bad and tried to fix the relationship.
    -I might need a friend to help me with a car project, put up some drywall. I have always been able to solve my emotional relationship issues myself
    -Why complicate a new budding romantic encounter with a bunch of active baggage from the past.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 1:09 AM GMT
    No sentimental feelings for my Ex at all. I take no joy in her hardships, but also take no joy in her successes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 2:40 AM GMT
    No attraction to my ex. We became "fiends" a couple years after the separation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 6:04 AM GMT
    I personally don't...I have never gotten back together with an ex and don't plan to.
    It's over for a reason.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 10:17 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidMost humans "have feelings" for their ex. But "having feelings" is a collection of emotions and memories, good and bad. But understanding what those feelings mean to/for you is critical to being able to being able to love someone.

    ...



    ^This.

    One doesn't get "closure," a spurious concept. What one lives remains with one forever, the "collection of emotions and memories, good and bad." One of the problems of life is to learn to live in a healthy manner with this collection, which includes letting go of the pasts and embracing the futures. Life is a journey.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2016 7:05 PM GMT
    I have good feelings for my recent ex. We still meet a few times a month for an hour or so to chat, & let our two dogs run together. (We each took one dog when we parted six months ago). I guess there is about a 50/50 chance we could get back together some day. We had met on RJ in 2008 & had a number of good years together.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 11, 2016 8:34 PM GMT
    JonSpringon saidNo sentimental feelings for my Ex at all. I take no joy in her hardships, but also take no joy in her successes.

    Ya, same here. I wish her well but mainly for the boys' sake. Took a long time to get to where I am on this, though. Weeding through anger and remembering when it was good. And everything in between. She and that time were my life then and that part of my life is both sweet and bitter, like most of life.
  • Arcangel7769

    Posts: 106

    Jul 11, 2016 8:36 PM GMT
    Just gonna throw this out there, but it IS possible to miss someone yet absolutely NOT want them back in your life.
  • interesting

    Posts: 573

    Jul 11, 2016 10:22 PM GMT
    Still good friend with my ex, we weren't really meant to be anything more than friends.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 12, 2016 4:46 PM GMT
    The people who aren't past their ex who harbor angry or dismissive feelings have not put the relationship behind them: they are still holding grudges. The relationship is not over: they live it in their heads constantly. This is called "having baggage."
    The people who just have poignant feelings: that's natural if you actually cared for someone and it ended because you could come together emotionally and spiritually, but aren't angry with each other.
    And some people were never truly connected to their "partner." Which is why they think "nothing" of them.

    I have feelings of warmth towards most of my former boyfriends. They were kind and sweet, but we were different in other ways that would have allowed us to stay together, but not make each others' lives wonderful, so we decided to part - as friends.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 12, 2016 4:52 PM GMT
    The people who aren't past their ex who harbor angry or dismissive feelings have not put the relationship behind them: they are still holding grudges. The relationship is not over: they live it in their heads constantly. This is called "having baggage."
    The people who just have poignant feelings: that's natural if you actually cared for someone and it ended because you could come together emotionally and spiritually, but aren't angry with each other.
    And some people were never truly connected to their "partner." Which is why they think "nothing" of them.

    I have feelings of warmth towards most of my former boyfriends. They were kind and sweet, but we were different in other ways that would have allowed us to stay together, but not make each others' lives wonderful, so we decided to part - as friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2016 9:29 PM GMT
    Ronar2 said
    sudeep saidDear RJ'ers,
    I can assume how does it feel when we feel to quit a relationship. But I would like to know :.........


    1. About your boyfriend and your ex. Think it over. Make a decision. Then do it.
    Hope that helps.

    Thank you Ronar2 for your valuable comment.
    My ex is the best guy I have ever dated who treat me good than anyone else...but we both are versatile and he dated a top guy and it clicked. So I moved on. I am happy for him but I couldn't handle the pain. That's the only reason I dated my new bf. He is a good person but I can't forget my ex. It hurts....a lot. We are still good friends. He left Bahrain but still we keep in touch through WhatsApp everyday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2016 9:38 PM GMT
    mcbrion saidThe people who aren't past their ex who harbor ........because you could come together emotionally and spiritually, but aren't angry with each other.
    And some people were never truly connected to their "partner." Which is why they think "nothing" of them.

    .......ends.

    I do understand but I don't know why I can't be just friends with someone I was madly in love with "
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2016 9:40 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI have good feelings for my recent ex. We still meet a few times a month for an hour or so to chat, & let our two dogs run together. (We each took one dog when we parted six months ago). I guess there is about a 50/50 chance we could get back together some day. We had met on RJ in 2008 & had a number of good years together.

    I bet you still have feelings for him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2016 9:46 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidMost humans "have feelings" for their
    ....... But it feels like you don't really know what love means for you just yet. And that's ok. Sometimes it takes a few relationships to understand yourself. "



    I loved him more than anyone in this world. He are good friends now. He even ask my suggestions and opinions whenever he feels difficult to take a decision. I am trying my best to be friends but I feels so bad myself loosing him.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jul 13, 2016 3:08 AM GMT
    Just gonna throw this out there, but it IS possible to miss someone yet absolutely NOT want them back in your life

    Yeah, because you are missing the good times and the special odd quirks they had that no one else can really replace. I have had a few friends like this, that i wouldn't want to bother with again but i miss the connection we had in certain moments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 13, 2016 5:21 AM GMT
    badbug saidJust gonna throw this out there, but it IS possible to miss someone yet absolutely NOT want them back in your life

    Yeah, because you are missing the good times and the special odd quirks they had that no one else can really replace. I have had a few friends like this, that i wouldn't want to bother with again but i miss the connection we had in certain moments.
    and how did you managed to do that?
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 17, 2016 7:38 PM GMT
    sudeep said
    mcbrion saidThe people who aren't past their ex who harbor ........because you could come together emotionally and spiritually, but aren't angry with each other.
    And some people were never truly connected to their "partner." Which is why they think "nothing" of them.

    .......ends.

    I do understand but I don't know why I can't be just friends with someone I was madly in love with "


    It sounds as though you have not let go of the "other" relationship, when you were a couple. Relationships don't just change overnight into friendships. A therapist would suggest you agree to not be in touch - 3 months is the minimum recommendation in these case - and in some situations, when there was a perceived betrayal of some kind, 6 months. That's just a guideline.
    Feelings will not change if you are still in constant communication with the other person: you still remember the "when...." You need to be away, you need to acknowledge the loss/death of the relationships (because it is a form of death: you've lost something and it is not coming back), and then be sad. And not just for a week. Too many people say, "I moved on," when what they have not acknowledged - even to themselves - is that they simply repressed the pain and sadness and immediately found something else to distract them (another person, usually) from the pain they were in. People rush emotions: it's a point-and-click generation, and people find emotional pain tedious and bothersome. They want it to be gone. Emotions don't work like that: just like a broken arm, heart surgery or whatever take months to heal, so does the heart. And unless there is a new form of human being, this holds true for nearly everyone, except for those who still struggle with rejection and/or abandonment issues. Rejection issues mean you have shame about yourself because you feel "unworthy": abandonment issues mean someone has extreme trust issues and never completely trusts anyone (usually connected to the mother not having been stable and "shutting down" your emotions when you were very young (1-4 years old). That's assuming there is no pathology involved. Those two types of issues are very hard to overcome because you've internalized them, and every time someone rejects you, that tape that's stored there, comes out and says quietly "you weren't good enough for him. You're not good enough/ not good-looking enough/don't have the 'perfect body'. The (imaginary) list is of reasons you weren't good enough is endless. Don't help it by affirming those damaging subconscious messages. As Zelda Rubinstein, the psychic, in the original movie Poltergeist, said to JoBeth Williams about the 'demon' she (Zelda) is trying to exorcise, "Don't give it any help. It already knows what you're afraid of..."

    Come to an agreement on a period of time when you will remain(assuming you both wanted this to end and it was not a unilateral decision on his part) separated and then SEPARATE. No calls. NO TEXTS. NONE. Not ONE. No "I sent you this article because I know you're interested in this..." or any of the other thousand excuses (rationalizations) people use to get in touch with the person. When the time is up, contact each other and see how you feel. You cannot have a genuine friendship (one without ulterior motives) until you have let go of the past relationship altogether.