mcbrion saidThe people who aren't past their ex who harbor ........because you could come together emotionally and spiritually, but aren't angry with each other.
And some people were never truly connected to their "partner." Which is why they think "nothing" of them.
I do understand but I don't know why I can't be just friends with someone I was madly in love with "
It sounds as though you have not let go of the "other" relationship, when you were a couple. Relationships don't just change overnight into friendships. A therapist would suggest you agree to not be in touch - 3 months is the minimum recommendation in these case - and in some situations, when there was a perceived betrayal of some kind, 6 months. That's just a guideline.
Feelings will not change if you are still
in constant communication with the other person: you still remember the "when...." You need to be away, you need to acknowledge the loss/death of the relationships (because it is a form of death: you've lost something and it is not coming back), and then be sad. And not just for a week. Too many people say, "I moved on," when what they have not acknowledged - even to themselves - is that they simply repressed
the pain and sadness and immediately found something else to distract them (another person, usually) from the pain they were in. People rush emotions: it's a point-and-click generation, and people find emotional pain tedious and bothersome. They want it to be gone. Emotions don't work like that: just like a broken arm, heart surgery or whatever take months to heal, so does the heart. And unless there is a new form of human being, this holds true for nearly everyone, except for those who still struggle with rejection and/or abandonment issues. Rejection issues mean you have shame about yourself because you feel "unworthy": abandonment issues mean someone has extreme trust issues and never completely trusts anyone (usually connected to the mother not having been stable and "shutting down" your emotions when you were very young (1-4 years old). That's assuming there is no pathology involved. Those two types of issues are very hard to overcome because you've internalized them, and every time someone rejects you, that tape that's stored there, comes out and says quietly "you weren't good enough for him. You're not good enough/ not good-looking enough/don't have the 'perfect body'. The (imaginary) list is of reasons you weren't good enough is endless. Don't help it by affirming those damaging subconscious messages. As Zelda Rubinstein, the psychic, in the original movie Poltergeist, said to JoBeth Williams about the 'demon' she (Zelda) is trying to exorcise, "Don't give it any help. It already knows what you're afraid of..."
Come to an agreement on a period of time when you will remain(assuming you both wanted this to end and it was not a unilateral decision on his part) separated and then SEPARATE. No calls. NO TEXTS. NONE. Not ONE. No "I sent you this article because I know you're interested in this..." or any of the other thousand excuses (rationalizations) people use to get in touch with the person. When the time is up, contact each other and see how you feel. You cannot have a genuine friendship
(one without ulterior motives) until you have let go of the past relationship altogether.