When is the right time to tell your new boyfriend your skeletons in the closet?

  • thisismynow1

    Posts: 6

    Jul 12, 2016 1:15 AM GMT
    Hi guys-

    So, I've been going on a few with this guy. It's been about 3 weeks and we seem to connect and get along really well.

    There's something I (obviously) haven't told him because everything is still pretty new and I'm not sure when I should tell him. A couple of years ago, I started balding at a pretty fast rate. I got scared, so I went to a hair specialist who prescribed me on a pill that will diminish hair loss and grow new hair and made me go on rogaine which I've been on for about a year. Every night, I do this. Both medications have worked REALLY well and all I have that's noticeable is just a thin spot of hair on the back of me scalp. It's not completely bald, but it's definitely thin back there still. I use a product called Toppicks hair fiber that basically is a powder concealer that covers it up. You REALLY can't tell I use anything and it looks like I have a full head of hair. I don't need to hear "why don't you just accept the fact that you have thinning hair or just shave it off" because it's just something I'm very insecure about. I'm in my 20's too, so it's hard for me to pull off that look.

    If we start a relationship and start sleeping over, he's going to have to find out eventually and I feel like I should tell him before we make this exclusive. What are your guys thoughts on this? Is using Toppicks a make or break situation to anyone do you think? I'm very anxious about this and haven't told guys this before but he has a right to know. When is the right time to talk about this and how?
  • Edepic

    Posts: 84

    Jul 12, 2016 1:37 AM GMT
    This is a great example of what had gone wrong with the entire same sex love philosophy. If a man is so superficial that he would reject you for such a minor issue, than he is not worth the sweat off your [probably] shaved balls. And if you are so superficial that you worry about such a minor issue than you , I'm afraid, suffer with very low self esteem.
    Read the "The Art of Living " , by Epictetus, a Romam slave in the 4th century, who knew true tragedy and suggested a true remedy. One of his students was Marcus Aurelius, who achieved great things because he was not deterred by false basic assumptions.
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    Jul 12, 2016 2:40 AM GMT
    You should tell him now if it bothers your conscience, but don't act like it's a huge problem, or give off vibes that it makes you less of a guy.....because nobody benefits from those attitudes.

    Humor is often a good way to approach a touchy subject. When you're out at a restaurant, just run your fingers through your hair and joke that maybe you'll shave it all off someday. Or remark that men in your family go bald....but you're fighting for every last follicle, damnit! Fighters and shaved heads are sexy and masculine. This gives him the chance to react without being put on the spot. If he's a decent guy, he'll offer feedback and support whatever you do. And believe me.....more than a few men will offer to buy you the shaver! icon_cool.gif
  • UMayNeverKnow

    Posts: 952

    Jul 12, 2016 3:57 AM GMT
    If you really want this guy, play to his sympathies and tell him a couple of years ago you had cancer and the treatment caused you to lose some hair but you're cured now and the stuff you're using now his helping you to restore your hair. Trust me only a real jerk will dump you after that story, so if he does, better you find out now rather than later what a jerk he is. Honesty is overrated.

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    Jul 12, 2016 1:51 PM GMT
    I'd say trust your instincts. It sounds like you're already gravitating towards telling him.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4347

    Jul 12, 2016 3:18 PM GMT
    OK, ignore all the over-reaction above^^^. Listen, my older son started losing his hair at about 22. He started doing everything you're doing with pills and lotions and was freaking out about it. And I totally get it. At my age I still freak out about it. He tried everything including compensation (beard) and eventually shaved it down to dome status to conceal even the hairline. He's very fair skinned and basically looked like a lightbulb from the neck up. Eventually he said fuck it, let it grow back in, trimmed the beard down, spent a little more on haircuts, and developed a style that works, for him.

    Keep doing what you're doing. But listen, just talk about it like you did with us. Stay chill about it but don't fake it. Let the cat out of the bag now. Do something honest like look in a mirror and scream "FUCK! I'm losing my hair!" And laugh. Every one of us has insecurities about how we look in some way or other. Hell, I used to be insecure because I had muscular legs and all my friends had more elongated calves that made their upper body look bigger. We're all a bundle of nerves, especially in your teens and twenties. I bet your guy laughs and tells you something he feels insecure about. But keep using all that stuff and keep fighting the good fight. As you age, you'll find all kinds of surprises that you need to fight, appearance-wise. Just part of it. Fight and win. But don't think you're alone fighting the fight. We all are. He won't like you less. He'll like you more. You'll be confiding and bonding. But don't be girly about it. Fight it.
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    Jul 12, 2016 3:53 PM GMT
    the OP sounds like he is is trying to push a paid for recommendation for Rogaine and what ever Toppicks hair fiber is.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 232

    Jul 12, 2016 5:25 PM GMT
    You could just shave your head, bald men are cool.
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    Jul 12, 2016 6:37 PM GMT
    A doctor-prescribed treatment for a medical condition is not a "skeleton in your closet"... Things like dead mail-order brides burried under your patio are real things worth keeping a secret... Haha...

    I get your insecurity though... I was always a little worried when I'd get naked or mostly naked with a partner since I wear an insulin pump. It almost never gets in the way, and I've really only ever have one guy freak out... Because he thought diabetes was contagious icon_rolleyes.gif ... But still... I need to let guys know it's there first.

    If things are feeling real, bring it up. Otherwise just keep your treatments with your styling products and treat it like "just another thing" for your hair and don't make a big deal of it.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 12, 2016 7:55 PM GMT
    After three weeks I wouldn't worry about it.
  • Dynamo_spark

    Posts: 217

    Jul 13, 2016 7:11 AM GMT
    Just tell him, if he loves you as much as you say, then he will accept you as you are.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4612

    Jul 13, 2016 8:01 PM GMT
    Fact : For some gays, balding is worse than a missing limb.