Question to tops

  • TB_in_KC

    Posts: 4

    Jul 12, 2016 5:46 AM GMT
    Obviously I'm asking for responses, but please be kind.
    I'm still emotionally dealing with a diagnosis of a rare form of muscular dystrophy. There's a couple of forms of the disease, and I have the one that doesn't usually present itself and it's symptoms until adulthood. For me, it was late 30's.
    To look at me right now, I don't think you'd ever know. It seems it's affected internal muscles the most in my case. I get shortness of breath due to a weakening diaphragm (but still breathing fine on my own), as an example.
    The point of my question is because it has also affected my anal sphincter muscle.
    Most of the problem seems to stem from a surgery I had in my early 20's for a fistula, which involved cutting part of the sphincter muscle. I didn't know I had the muscle disease back then. So between the surgery and the disease, I'll just bluntly say I don't have a tight asshole. And I guess I'm making it pretty apparent that I definitely prefer to bottom.
    My question is directed at tops and that is, how much does the tightness of a bottom's hole matter? Is it a turn-off if a guy's not tight? We've all heard jokes or comments about a guy being loose and equating that with being a slut and getting fucked a lot.
    I knew after the surgery that I wasn't as tight as before. But as the years went by I noticed the tightness decreasing slightly. Then when I got the muscle disease diagnosis, that explained it. But I've been so self conscious about it, that I haven't had anal in over five years.
    I suppose if I meet "the right one", I can tell them what's going on. But until then, I'm trying to figure out how to go back to having a sex life without being embarrassed.
    Also, anyone with medical experience on the subject, I'm open to suggestions. I've talked with my doc briefly about it, but not the sex part. I'm sure as soon as I mention anal sex, any motivation to help will be gone (I'm in the Midwest and can't find a doctor I'm comfortable talking about that with).
    Thanks for reading.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3484

    Jul 13, 2016 1:05 AM GMT
    most guys are just happy you let them fuck you. If you are really embarrassed tell him to bring a friend to fill the gap.
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    Jul 13, 2016 1:33 AM GMT
    I usually prefer looser, hence I've fucked pussy with a hot ftm before. Looser to a degree I guess. Need pics to tell lol
  • UMayNeverKnow

    Posts: 960

    Jul 13, 2016 2:35 AM GMT
    Just when you thought you heard it all.
  • David3K

    Posts: 228

    Jul 13, 2016 3:08 AM GMT
    Find a top with a thick cock
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Jul 13, 2016 3:25 AM GMT

    No idea. In your position, this would be by far the least of my concerns.

    I suppose the only thing i would even begin to hazard a guess at suggesting is human growth hormone. I have no idea how that would jive with your condition, it would be worth looking into any research on it.

    Human Growth Hormone and kegels? I don't know.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 577

    Jul 14, 2016 2:39 AM GMT
    I like a bottom who isn't too tight. No scratch that, I REALLY like a bottom who isn't too tight.
  • mizzou_guy

    Posts: 4

    Jul 16, 2016 2:42 AM GMT
    When I top, I like a bottom who is right in the middle on tightness. Being too tight can be awful - I once fucked a guy, and he was so tight that it felt like he was crushing my cock like a beer can. I started cringing, which caused him to tighten up even more, and I ended up having to pull it out (with effort).
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    Jul 19, 2016 4:15 AM GMT
    Most guys would not care. So forget about the issue, and get laid. If somebody rejects you becaus you're not tight enough for them - well he wasn't going to be your LTR anyway. And if perchance you're a troll, it is one fo the best trolling posts on here so far.
  • TB_in_KC

    Posts: 4

    Jul 28, 2016 4:03 AM GMT
    I'm the original poster and I'm definitely not trolling. True life story.
    Had I not written this myself and just read it, I probably would think it sounds a little weird or pathetic. But it's real.
    Thanks guys that responded. Obviously it's an issue I'm very self conscious about. And I guess I just needed to hear that it might not matter so much for some guys. I've not been in the dating scene in a long time and a bit nervous.

    Apparition - I liked your suggestion. But unless things have changed where I live, it's hard enough finding just one top. Finding two could be a real challenge ... lol. I actually have thought I would like to try DP sometime if ever given the opportunity. Not sure how I could get myself in the situation that it would be possible to try though. Suggestions?

    This definitely has not been a high priority for me. Three years ago I was, without exaggeration, on my deathbed before some amazing docs at the Mayo Clinic were able to diagnose me. Luckily there is treatment for this disease to slow the progression. I've worked hard the three years since to get back to a fairly normal life. Fortunately I've been able to address everything else - this is the last thing. Like I said, I'm finally back to normal and want to get back to dating, or least getting some sex. I just wanted to hear that I might not have to feel as embarrassed about this as I think.

    Human growth hormone ... interesting idea. I'm going to do some research on that and maybe inquire about it with my doc. Thanks.

    I am actually seeing a specialist about it. I debated for months if I wanted to even mention it to my doc and finally got the guts and did. I'm not really looking forward to it, but figure a consult can't hurt anything (besides some uncomfortable conversation), right?

    Thanks again to you guys that were kind enough to response.UNDERLINE TEXT GOES HERE
  • noosy

    Posts: 2

    Jul 30, 2016 1:20 PM GMT
    Iam top only top .....I like to. Break back freshers bottom...even I like to see blood during fuck....don't worry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2016 3:09 PM GMT
    OP, I would be more concerned about bowel control than getting fucked.
    Do you have to wear diapers or is that never an issue?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4360

    Jul 30, 2016 4:00 PM GMT
    It's not a big deal at all. Think about it. With a guy who's tight, the top spends the first 5-10 minutes helping him to loosen up and then you're in. Once you've been in for a few minutes he's much looser than you probably are and that is when the real fun begins! Five years! You've forgotten everything! lol. Also, think about how tight you grip yourself when beating off-- not tight at all. Don't worry, mate. You've just made it easier for the top to go straight to the good part!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2016 4:57 PM GMT
    I sincerely doubt GH is what you need. It is never used for a muscular dystrophy. Do you have Becker type dystrophy?
  • TB_in_KC

    Posts: 4

    Jul 31, 2016 12:58 AM GMT
    OP here again.
    Thanks guys for the additional comments. I appreciate the support.
    This is just an insecurity that's been keeping me from pursuing a sexual relationship. I just need to get over it and most of your comments have helped. I guess if I just make sure to find a sex partner that's at least a little above average or better in size, I think we'll both be satisfied .... LOL! Seriously though, thanks. Ideally I would just switch and be a top since there's no issues there, but just love bottoming (at least from what I recall ... it's been a while). I used to top, but something happened along the way and I just can't stay hard when I top anymore. I'll be hard as a rock the entire time while bottoming, but not when I'm topping. I wish I could just flip the switch and be a top and all would be fine and great. But it's not that easy, right? Guess that should be an entirely different topic.
    No, bowel control is not an issue. My hole is not tight, but doesn't mean I have no control with bm.
    No, it's not Becker type dystrophy. I don't want to say the actual name because it's so rare. But will say it's a glycogen storage disease where glycogen builds up and causes muscles to weaken, which is why it's considered a form of muscular dystrophy. Msg me if you want to know more about it.
  • Ekho

    Posts: 606

    Jul 31, 2016 4:20 AM GMT
    TB_in_KC saidflip the switch and be a top and all would be fine and great. But it's not that easy, right? Guess that should be an entirely different topic.

    switching to becoming a top is as easy as changing the porn you jack off to
    stop jacking off to dicks, switch to ass and think about being in control and the other guy being a bitch. It seems like your body is screaming out I cant get fucked.

    also if it's just the intitial opening of your hole that is loose it shouldn't effect the canal where the dick goes.