Turning 30 :( seeking help

  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Jul 14, 2016 12:04 AM GMT
    Hey all
    So I am seeking the advice,experience,and opinions of people who passed this period of their life
    I feel a little bit depressed,anxiuos and terrified coz in the very near future I will be 30.
    I will ask some questions"worries" present in my head.
    Does your opportunity in having LTRs decrease??will guys be less interested in you for Ltr?short term relationships&even just dating and having fun??

    Is it late or harder to acheive what u failed to acheive in the 20s ,in our careers??

    This may sound stupid
    But did you feel a decline in your intelligence,mental skills&learning abilities??

    And physically how it feels?the same or worse??
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jul 14, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    everyone in their 30's is in a relationship. That is why the college kids have to sleep with guys in their 40's (which was a total shock) all the thirty somethings are locked up. There is NO age that is bad.

    As far as physical stuff. You will find a lot of weird changes that you wont like, but are a bit of a surprise. Your body is done it's "regular puberty" and starts rolling dice with RANDOM features. You wake up one morning with Back hair, or a new mole in annoying spot, or one eyebrow, etc.

    Also you dont heal as fast if at all, and later some annoying pains just become permanent unfortunately.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    Jul 14, 2016 3:34 AM GMT
    meezo saidHey all
    So I am seeking the advice,experience,and opinions of people who passed this period of their life
    I feel a little bit depressed,anxiuos and terrified coz in the very near future I will be 30.
    I will ask some questions"worries" present in my head.
    Does your opportunity in having LTRs decrease??will guys be less interested in you for Ltr?short term relationships&even just dating and having fun??

    Is it late or harder to acheive what u failed to acheive in the 20s ,in our careers??

    This may sound stupid
    But did you feel a decline in your intelligence,mental skills&learning abilities??

    And physically how it feels?the same or worse??


    There's no reason guys should be less interested. You have an entire peer group who is growing older at exactly the same rate as you, therefore there will be as many guys the day after you turn 30 as the day before who are not going to know you just had a birthday and are anticipating abject rejection from every single one of them. You have fun by enjoying life, not fearing it, so if you are naturally anxious, that concept about turning 30 can be applied to anything, which is where your post is going.
    Careers go bad after 30?!?! No, not even close. Careers blossom in your 30s. It's a great time: you're not a kid anymore, but you are also still at an age where you can more easily decide what you want (the human brain is not even fully formed before the age of 25. No, I'm not making this up. Ask anyone who studies neurological development). I got smarter after 30. I had an idea of what interested me - which you might have in your 20s, but is more actualized as your grow older. It's called insight.
    Physically? One day older is going to suddenly change your body overnight? You're anticipating a decline that is only in your mind. Did going from 20 to 21 really offer any substantial changes in the following weeks or months? Unlikely.
    Being afraid of life does more damage than any birthday does. Celebrate that you're alive, not that you're falling off an imaginary cliff. If these fears are this strong, please consider talking to someone about it and making sense of why you have such intense fear about this imaginary line of demarcation.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1037

    Jul 14, 2016 3:42 AM GMT
    30 was the only "difficult" birthday I ever had - it was one of those "it just got real" moments. But that's all it was. Completely in my own head.

    I had a great time in my 30s, never once felt old. I learned it was easier to be 30 than to be almost 30 - I didn't have to worry about it anymore.

    The other major birthdays I've had since then have been a breeze. Can't wait to turn 60! (I'll win my age group in every race I run)
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 14, 2016 7:23 AM GMT
    You'll probably need to start wearing Depends ... probably better save up some money, because you'll likely need dentures soon after ... and get used to the rocking chair, you're clubbin' days are over

    icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 283

    Jul 14, 2016 11:28 AM GMT
    Is it late or harder to acheive what u failed to acheive in the 20s ,in our careers??


    I failed to achieve what I wanted career wise in my 20s, and I did go through a bit of depression about it when i was turning 31, but I got some help and now I no longer feel bad about my situation. I have a job and I have a social life now, I barely had those things in my 20s, because I always felt like i was struggling to get somewhere.

    I have a better idea of what sort of friendships I want now (I struggled for ages to figure out what sort of people I want to associate with) I always felt awkward about myself in my 20s, but now i feel much more comfortable being who I am. I don't feel pressured about trying to achieve a certain career goal or certain relationship status by a certain age any more. I think worrying about stuff like that is overrated. Plenty of people still tell me "You're still young, you can always try again".

    I'm here, I'm alive, I'm healthy, I haven't abused anyone or committed any crimes, I'm just trying to be a nice guy and get along with people and do my bit to help out and work hard. If anyone has a problem with how my life has turned out, if I don't meet up to their expectations of what a man should be like in his 30s, that's their problem not mine.


    did you feel a decline in your intelligence,mental skills&learning abilities??

    Not at all. I think more clearly now. I'm not afraid to speak up if I don't understand something, and I admit when I need help. And because of that I learn new things. When I was younger if something didn't appeal to me or if it went over my head, I would dismiss it or ignore it and worry about the consequences later, but now I'm much more observant. I tend to step out of my comfort zone and try new things that i wouldn't consider doing before. And it doesn't bother me being instructed by a younger person. When I first started my current job, I received a lot of training from a young woman who is nearly 10 years my junior. Within a few months I was offered a management position, something she never wanted for herself, and she encouraged me to go for it, and I did. It got me to challenge myself, and that's something i rarely did in my 20s.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2016 12:29 PM GMT
    meezo said
    [After 30] Does your opportunity in having LTRs decrease?? will guys be less interested in you for Ltr? short term relationships&even just dating and having fun??

    Is it late or harder to acheive what u failed to acheive in the 20s ,in our careers??

    This may sound stupid
    But did you feel a decline in your intelligence,mental skills&learning abilities??

    And physically how it feels?the same or worse??

    All just the opposite for me. I hit my physical peak in my late 20s and stayed there through my 30s. Could totally smoke guys in their late teens and early 20s. Only started to decline as I past into my 40s. I had the Army tests to prove it, not my imagination. But yah gotta stay with it. Otherwise, yes, your physical condition will start to naturally diminish with age.

    For a time I was a university academic counselor, later the assistant registrar, focusing on non-traditional (essentially older) and returning students. One of my regular challenges was to reassure them that their age wouldn't disadvantage them in college. On the contrary, they had acquired life skills that could be great advantages in an academic setting.

    The older brain is smarter overall, in my estimation, than the younger brain. Its principle potential shortcomings might be loss of quickness, and acquiring rigid thinking patterns. The former is usually not important in most situations, and the latter can be overcome with self-awareness, and a deliberate goal of thinking out of the box. It's usually the sedentary, under-active mind that falls victim to this problem. Like with your muscles, an exercise regimen of a mental sort is helpful.

    Attaining your career goals by a certain age depends upon what they are. And when you start. Sports tend to be more narrowly defined by age. Some professions, due to long education periods, and the school competitive entry process, will require that you start young. Others, like much of the arts, can be very broad. With some very successful people having started surprisingly late in their lives. Entrepreneurial endeavors are also known for older successes.

    As for gay LTRs, and other "fun", my own best years were between 45 and 55. Granted, I was a gay late bloomer, but even if I had come out younger I was a geek in those earlier years, and likely would have failed at trying to date. Age brought me a degree of bearing & confidence I'd been lacking. Not better looks, I merely presented myself better.

    And using the tactic of only dating within my own age group also helped. True, many were already in relationships, but enough were single to keep me busy. I used to joke that I hardly had a weekend that I didn't spend in some guy's bed.

    As Benjamin Franklin wrote to a friend, listing the advantages of having liaisons with older women: "They're so very grateful". Or to put it more bluntly, they practically race you to the bed. So that I had more sex after 40, never mind after 30, than I ever did in my entire life until then.

    Therefore, don't abandon hope yet. You may find your best days are awaiting you, right after you blow out your 30 birthday candles. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 14, 2016 1:02 PM GMT
    I spent the greater part of my 20's studying like a guy on speed, and my 30's working 16 hrs/day, including weekends, furiously working towards big law firm partnership. Did I achieve it eventually? Yes. But at what cost? All I can tell you is this: enjoy your 20's and 30's and have a life beyond your career.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 281

    Jul 14, 2016 1:42 PM GMT
    Sorry I am too old to remember
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 14, 2016 3:37 PM GMT
    In my experience women have major life shifts at 20, 30, 40, etc. Men, not so much. Like Nice Chap said, a lot of guys have aspirations to do this or be this or make this by age 30 and few of us achieve these goals by then and find it a bit depressing. But your 30's are the best. You're no longer a dumb kid. You know what you like and want. You've developed some expertise at your job. Money gets easier. And you have a better idea of who you are as a person. That said, I think the "5" years means more to a guy, 25, 35, 45. 25 you stop being a kid. 35 you resemble a fully realized man. 45 you swing back around and add back some aspirations that got lost along the way (women call it middle age crisis-- I say you stop giving everything to them) which makes you more multidimensional. 55 you rediscover your body and health and get more active because you realize it feels good and you must or get old. 65, don't know!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 14, 2016 3:51 PM GMT
    There must be at LEAST 30 RJ threads on turning 30.

    Turning 30 doesn't mean "straight 'Logan's Run'" death or "gay 'Dirk Shafer's 'Circuit'''" death. (Not that you'd get either reference; odds are you've seen neither film since you're turning 30.)

    There are only two ages almost no one escapes.

    55 - Because no one, even I, can still pass for their twenties at 55. (In less than two years I expect my face to droop into my lap, right on schedule, and I'm fine with it.)

    90 - Because even the fittest most athletic people in their 80s (golfers, swimmers, tennis, joggers, etc.) start shrinking, stooping, and becoming more fragile at 90.

    Oh, I forgot to mention around 50. Then, also right on schedule, even if you're built like a brick shithouse, your urologist may as well be your primary care doctor when you have to get up to pee six times a night given your prostate, and you never get a good night's sleep again. THAT'S what you should be worrying about. SCREW 30.

  • ChicagoSteve

    Posts: 1280

    Jul 14, 2016 4:01 PM GMT
    Turning 30, piece of cake. Try turning 50! I wish I was only turning 30. Don't worry for even one second about turning 30.
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    Jul 14, 2016 4:09 PM GMT
    Wow , i am quite a boring bloke considering what you mates went thru ..
    I have doubled those 30 digits this passed June , and never had any problems getting older except my body aging faster than my mind ..lol..
    Never have been depressed or looking for something else than i didn't have , maybe i am just a very laid back kind of bloke !
    Even my divorce was easy and without drama , work sometimes can be aggravating which is normal in my field ( being locked in aluminium cylinder for 16 hours with an average of 240+ assortment of human being ) , but after 37 years i am used to it ..hahaha..
    All you guys make me feel younger today , that is quite refreshing ...
  • bigpharm

    Posts: 7

    Jul 14, 2016 5:32 PM GMT
    I actually just did the whole "turning 30" thing a couple months ago, and can honestly say that I'm looking forward to my thirties. I thought I might feel a little different, but there was no magical transition. I'm in a great place career-wise and way better off financially than I was in my early to mid-twenties, I've found out who my real and true friends are and make sure to put effort into those relationships to maintain them, and I know (or at least have a better idea of) what I want out of future romantic relationships. Take the lessons you've learned in your twenties, apply those moving forward, and keep having fun.
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    Jul 14, 2016 9:33 PM GMT
    meezo saidH... Is it late or harder to acheive what u failed to acheive in the 20s ,in our careers....
    depends on your career path. Obviously a 30 year software engineer is already re learned his career 3 times and at 30 years old headed for burn out. A lawyer always improves with age.
  • metta

    Posts: 39167

    Jul 14, 2016 9:38 PM GMT
    I <3 my 30's. I hope it turns out at least as well for you. icon_smile.gif
  • Nakedman1969

    Posts: 247

    Jul 15, 2016 12:15 AM GMT
    As I say age is nothing but a number.
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    Jul 15, 2016 2:39 AM GMT
    Just turned 31, but 30 was the best year of my life, by far. It's just a number. No need to stress.
  • TallAsian

    Posts: 27

    Jul 15, 2016 2:47 AM GMT
    It is important to remember that there is no formula for how things should go and the path that life and love should take. No one can answer life big question for you since everyone can only see things through their own eyes. Everyone's journey will be uniquely their own and no one else will have a template that will work for you. We all can only live as best we can, make mistakes, learn from them and move on. The most ideal life from the outside may be something entirely different from the inside. Being in my fifties life has taken me to places that I never thought I would ever be. You can never map in advance the journey of life whether in career or love, you can only participate in the journey and make the most of it.
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    Jul 15, 2016 6:06 AM GMT
    Even today, my parents know I like guys. They keep asking me to have babies, because they want more grandchildren. Then they ask me to marry a woman on and off.

    That's life man.
  • Dynamo_spark

    Posts: 224

    Jul 15, 2016 6:54 AM GMT
    We all get older, there is nothing to be afraid of. It is also a God given gift to eventually reach your 'Golden years', also conscidering the amount of terroist attacks; vigilante attacks; and natural disasters, we are having of late. Maybe your chances of meeting somebody for an LTR, will diminish somewhat it is important to keep your chin up. Now is the time to look for guys in your age group.
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    Jul 15, 2016 10:12 AM GMT
    you are the same person your whole life. Furthermore your age flows every day. Lack of planning and organization can appear as an organic life style but ultimately leads to stress as crisis management takes over.
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Jul 15, 2016 6:58 PM GMT
    Thanks a lot guys for sharing your experiences and for your extremely valuable advices,your replies will
    definitely help me to overcome my fears& how I feel about it,I will do my best to acheive my dreams
    and goals in this life and I hope I will make it.
  • lostlogic

    Posts: 223

    Jul 15, 2016 7:40 PM GMT
    That's all in your head. Guys in their 30s+ tend to be more LTR oriented, not like many 20-somethings trying to get it out of their system. When you're 40 you'll think how young you were at 30. icon_biggrin.gif
  • interesting

    Posts: 584

    Jul 15, 2016 9:31 PM GMT
    I'm nearing 30 too, the only thing I'm really sad about is how my career didn't pan out according to plan, and as a hopeless romantic, I still haven't found the guy(s) that made my heart beats a little faster. Other than that, I'll be 30 anyway no matter what, so I'm not really fearful of anything. I still have people said that I look like I'm under 21!! Yay, beige don't age, I wonder if people would believe if I tell them I'm 22 for a few years lol