Seeking a specific demographic: middle-aged professional black men

  • mdclark91

    Posts: 2

    Jul 14, 2016 6:01 PM GMT
    Please don't judge me, but the idea of having a DL friends-with-benefits arrangement with an educated and accomplished mature black man has intrigued me for some time. I'm a younger (20s) black male,educated young professional. I live in an area where the selections on Craigslist and A4A are pretty lousy. Anybody have any ideas on how to find guys within this demographic?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Jul 14, 2016 7:38 PM GMT
    In Nashville that's going to be tough. See if you can find some black professional groups and affiliate. I don't know what you have there but Black Chamber of Commerce or even the NAACP. If you're closeted and you want him closeted, too, it's going to be pretty hard for you to find them and them to find you. Someone's going to have to take a chance. Older black men in the South are awfully caught up in goofball churches and other homophobic groups. Try some dating sites that aren't just proximity sex apps. Chances are even if you think you've found someone who might be what you want, you'll have to make the first move.
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    Jul 15, 2016 7:56 PM GMT
    You'll need to move to Atlanta or DC to find this demographic in my opinion and even then you'll still have to weed through the typical compatibility challenges. Many of the professional black guys grew up in mostly white areas and are not attracted to other black men. I used to think this was all because of self loathing but I've had a chance to talk with several guys recently about this phenomenon and have found that how they were raised played a huge role in their attractions.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Jul 15, 2016 8:52 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said
    woodfordr saidYou'll need to move to Atlanta or DC to find this demographic in my opinion and even then you'll still have to weed through the typical compatibility challenges. Many of the professional black guys grew up in mostly white areas and are not attracted to other black men. I used to think this was all because of self loathing but I've had a chance to talk with several guys recently about this phenomenon and have found that how they were raised played a huge role in their attractions.


    Care to expound more? What was it about "how they were raised" that influenced their attraction?

    Ya, I'm curious about that, too.
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    Jul 16, 2016 4:41 AM GMT
    Come to think of it, I can't, off-hand, think of anybody who fits that description who isn't married with children.

    In your area, I would maybe look towards Oak RIdge. Loads of highly-educated, driven professionals who are single because they've never had enough spare time for a social life. Drawback: They don't have enough spare time for a social life.
  • metta

    Posts: 39118

    Jul 16, 2016 4:47 AM GMT
    Because they are a smaller percentage of the population, 1 being black, and 2 being gay, I think mostly they are spread out in upper middle class areas, however, there are exceptions:

    http://atlantablackstar.com/2014/01/03/10-richest-black-communities-america/
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jul 16, 2016 7:23 AM GMT
    I can't believe the prejudice here.
    It's hardly a small demographic. Most black gays are college educated. Even in England you can find this demographic. I know a few in America and i dont live there.. The issue is not that they don't exist the issue is 1) you are looking for a DL professional how do you find someone who wants to be on the DL and 2) guys in the middle age have stopped partying so are not out to be found. (Although a few will still be out)
    You need to go to black gay parties and build your network slowly. Eventyally you get invited into their circles. Look for guys in their 30s who will likely know guys older than them

    When I was young that's how I found them (although I was looking for guys my own age).

    I think in London it's easy to find professional college educated black guys than not so don't see why it would be a struggle in the US. Like attracts like.
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    Jul 16, 2016 12:00 PM GMT
    mdclark91 saidPlease don't judge me, but the idea of having a DL friends-with-benefits arrangement with an educated and accomplished mature black man has intrigued me for some time. I'm a younger (20s) black male,educated young professional. I live in an area where the selections on Craigslist and A4A are pretty lousy. Anybody have any ideas on how to find guys within this demographic?


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2016 12:02 PM GMT
    mdclark91 saidPlease don't judge me, but the idea of having a DL friends-with-benefits arrangement with an educated and accomplished mature black man has intrigued me for some time. I'm a younger (20s) black male,educated young professional. I live in an area where the selections on Craigslist and A4A are pretty lousy. Anybody have any ideas on how to find guys within this demographic?


    And it has to be DL, which isn't a spiritually evolved relationship...icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2016 12:12 PM GMT
    Fireworkz saidI can't believe the prejudice here.
    It's hardly a small demographic. Most black gays are college educated. Even in England you can find this demographic. I know a few in America and i dont live there.. The issue is not that they don't exist the issue is 1) you are looking for a DL professional how do you find someone who wants to be on the DL and 2) guys in the middle age have stopped partying so are not out to be found. (Although a few will still be out)
    You need to go to black gay parties and build your network slowly. Eventyally you get invited into their circles. Look for guys in their 30s who will likely know guys older than them

    When I was young that's how I found them (although I was looking for guys my own age).

    I think in London it's easy to find professional college educated black guys than not so don't see why it would be a struggle in the US. Like attracts like.


    I only consider people with Master's degrees professional, categorically speaking. I know the exceptions but I'm sticking with it. If someone gets an honorary Master's, I'll accept that.

    If the financial cost for obtaining a Master's degree in the early 2000s what it was (even adjusted for inflation) in 1965-70, I would have gladly gone for one and did well, but the United States is not great in that respect. Make America Greater Than It Has Ever Been.