can you feel ugly but know you aren't?

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jul 18, 2016 6:19 PM GMT
    I'm going to begin by saying that I am by no means a model, and don't fit into the commonly accepted models of masculine beauty, but I'm not ugly either.

    I know that I'm not unattractive, but when I look into the mirror I feel like I am. I feel like there are two realities trying to form within my mind and the one is always dominating the other. One more primal, very emotional one, whines and groans that I'm ugly and the other one calmly replies that I'm fine. Obviously, i try to listen to te one telling me that I"m okay. But the conflict is just weird. I'm not talking about feeling confident one day and dispirited the next. I feel both simultaneously, and it results in me staring at myself like it's the first time I'd ever seen my reflection.

    Does anybody else have the same complex
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 18, 2016 7:47 PM GMT
    Sure. But when I start forgetting the "ugly" voice in my head I see a picture of myself and then I remember. But I can look at that same picture ten years later and think "Hey, I looked pretty good." But I've also seen postings from some pretty ugly guys that describe themselves as good looking. I think it goes back to whether or not you had a momma who constantly doted on you. Or maybe an experimental fling with some girl in 8th grade that dumped you for a better looking guy. Most of us have insecurities of one sort or another, most ill-founded. My partner is convinced he looks awful because he still has (very minor) complexion issues. I don't even see it and I think he's beautiful. Go find love. Helps.
  • Dynamo_spark

    Posts: 224

    Jul 19, 2016 7:11 AM GMT
    You need to forget past abuse or even insults. Something may have happened in your past to cause this complex. Learn to love yourself, be happy with what and who you are. Besides, as the saying goes; 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. Furthermore, it is not what's on the outside that matters so much, it is more what's on the inside.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 274

    Jul 19, 2016 10:30 AM GMT
    I always start to feel better about myself when I compliment other people, male or female. Sometimes if people compliment me it can make me feel awkward or self conscious, especially if I'm having an off day. Usually I get compliments from people I'm not interested in or attracted to, and it makes me feel awkward because I didn't dress up to attract their attention, but then it shouldn't really matter. A compliment is a compliment. And I find it better to give than receive. If I make someone smile with something I've said about their appearance and they walk away in a better mood than when they appraoched me, it makes me feel a bit sexier.
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 800

    Jul 19, 2016 10:48 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Dynamo_spark said[/cite]You need to forget past abuse or even insults. Something may have happened in your past to cause this complex.... /quote]

    THIS is NOT possible. You "forget" nothing.

    UNLESS you wish to go through one of these "conversion" therapies which will push memories down and allow you to exist in a state of denial.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Jul 20, 2016 6:21 PM GMT
    That Primal voice is very real. everyone hears it. I think a lot of it is born from how humans tend to look to others for comparison and acceptance. It makes that voice louder.

    You could feel like your a solid 7, aim for someone of the same physical calibre and get rejected, or see others that you think are less attractive get someone you feel is out of your league.

    I guess this is where i remember that i cant change the outside all that much, but work on the inside, and have that shine through, because in the end thats what should determine your worth, not the shell you were born in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2016 6:30 PM GMT
    1. Why listen to the voice that tells you negative, hurtful things? How in the world would that benefit you? Answer... It doesn't. So listen to the positive voice. It'll take you so much further in life and will unburden you.
    2. Please be careful with how much you care about your looks. Only unhappy people spend their life consumed in a world where beauty forms their self worth. They are unhappy because they spend their lives chasing and trying to hold on to perceptions of beauty and other people's opinions. Do you want to live your life asking "Do I look___ ?" every day vs asking "How can I have fun today?" or "What can I do better today?" etc...

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2016 6:54 PM GMT
    Don't base your confidence on your looks.
    Every supermodel is one accident away from ugly.

    Focus on your goals and what you want to accomplish today.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Jul 27, 2016 7:38 AM GMT
    giodude saidI'm going to begin by saying that I am by no means a model, and don't fit into the commonly accepted models of masculine beauty, but I'm not ugly either.

    I know that I'm not unattractive, but when I look into the mirror I feel like I am. I feel like there are two realities trying to form within my mind and the one is always dominating the other. One more primal, very emotional one, whines and groans that I'm ugly and the other one calmly replies that I'm fine. Obviously, i try to listen to te one telling me that I"m okay. But the conflict is just weird. I'm not talking about feeling confident one day and dispirited the next. I feel both simultaneously, and it results in me staring at myself like it's the first time I'd ever seen my reflection.

    Does anybody else have the same complex


    Yes if you are black like me and second place in the gay racial hierarchy
  • myarms

    Posts: 31

    Jul 27, 2016 6:23 PM GMT
    I know that I'm not attractive, I'm so ugly
  • Triggerman

    Posts: 528

    Jul 27, 2016 7:02 PM GMT
    It's funny. I am attractive to people that I am not attracted to. They think I am awesome. Most everything I hated about myself was what they loved. I grew up in California, land of fun, sun and the beach. My ideal was the blonde smooth lifeguard, I wanted to be that guy. Lean, bronzed, swept back blonde hair. I am not that. Redhead, hairy chest, nice build but built like a brick. I tried to be that guy, Bleach the hair, shave the chest, get ripped.

    Then, in my early thirties, I realized that what I liked was not what other guys liked. I thought we were all on the same page. Nooo. Guys, besides me, liked hairy chested redheads, built more like a brick than a torpedo. WTF? I became me, the guy I am today. And that is who I have been ever since. Stay in shape, but not trying to be something I am not. Those guys will get the guys that like them. I cant be a fake them. Second hand phony blonde lifeguard. I found myself.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1122

    Jul 27, 2016 7:51 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidWe all have insecurities. Most others never see.

    Cultivate a beautiful inside. It will shine through.


    +1
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jul 29, 2016 9:22 PM GMT
    this "inside shine through" is all good and well, but people don't care about it, not initially.

    "finding love" is not that easy. If you spot someone a distance away, or even close up, you can't tell by first glance that they're nice people or have steadfast personalities. You look at their faces and bodies. If someone approaches you, the deciding factor concerning whether you embrace what they say or disregard it entirely is usually their attractiveness. Attractiveness is the line between a good friend and a romantic partner. They matter to me indirectly. I personally m not concerned with looks as much, but it affects the way others perceive and respond to me, and that affects how I feel. Thusly, I do care about looks, even though I will never ever conform to my own standard of beauty.
  • noosy

    Posts: 2

    Jul 30, 2016 1:04 PM GMT
    Don't worry......after you wok up don't go to mirror side that is all
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2016 1:35 PM GMT
    Defo not. So many bloody feeling all in one go?

    icon_eek.gif
  • Eleven

    Posts: 149

    Jul 30, 2016 6:59 PM GMT
    Whenever I look in the mirror and felt bad about mysrlf ive always done something to counteract it, shave, get my hair cut, exercise, eat clean, start drinking 6litres a day...ive always been that way.