Hooking up with neighbor down the hall?

  • Leftswiper

    Posts: 90

    Jul 21, 2016 6:01 AM GMT
    I've been chatting on grindr to a guy in my building and just realized he's across the hall from my unit (I creeped his instagram pics). It's the stuff of sitcoms, but it's a bit too close to home for me, especially with someone whom I've shared shirtless pics icon_redface.gif. Somehow I was ok with the prospect of dating/hooking up within the same building, but not with the idea of sharing every other elevator ride or him overhearing my every move (if he's in the hall, he would be able to hear music or conversation in my apartment; if i'm in the hall fumbling with my keys, he can hear/see me from inside his unit. I'm one of few owners in a condo building full of mostly students/young people renting from investors... is this gonna fuck up my investment lol
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 21, 2016 6:28 AM GMT
    If you're just hooking up, what's the problem? It's just sex, not Love. As long as you're both clear about what it is and what it is not, that shouldn't even matter. There are things called boundaries. Establish them BEFORE you have sex. (i.e., "I know we live on the same floor, and we'll see each other, but we're still both free to date other guys, right?") It's called talking to each other. If you want to date them, then you discuss it with them. Not alone. And it actually eases the anxiety you're already feeling. You have already - in your head - created scenarios (and obstacles) without ever having said a single word to him!! How about this thing called communicating?? It works really well when its done face to face so you can read his body language and he can read yours.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 21, 2016 6:29 AM GMT
    unless you are thinking of him as possible marriage material .... across the hall ... not a good idea
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 21, 2016 6:37 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidunless you are thinking of him as possible marriage material .... across the hall ... not a good idea


    How's he going to determine if someone is "marriage material" without spending time with him? How about following the process people have been doing for thousands of years: seeing if they like each other, dating and until it's necessary, not worry about a conversation they may need never to have. And if they do, then they act like adults and have the conversation. This "marriage material" thing is like putting the cart waaaaaay before the horse. They may find the only thing they have in common is sex, so that shouldn't be an issue. I notice that young people are all up in their heads thinking of the "what ifs" before a single thing has happened in the real world. That's just a little weird, like worrying about what MIGHT happen before ANYthing happens. What's the difference between dating someone in your building and someone who lives on the same street? How far apart do two people need to live from each other? Again, cart before horse.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Jul 21, 2016 9:04 AM GMT
    I heard this before, "there is no meaningless sex". The only issue about being across the hall if it goes South. Which it may not. Personally, I would not let that stop me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2016 1:08 PM GMT
    Go and fuck him tonight :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2016 2:03 PM GMT
    sudeep saidGo and fuck him tonight :p
    +1

    -make sure he is a worthy safe bet. not just convent.
    -hookup, date or husband treat this one a little better. Like a little better than you treat your self.
    -communications is essential. Up front, because you are neighbors, lay out what both you guy's expectations will be. Now is the time while you two are still friends, agree about how to handle things if they go south.
    -if you own and he rents you will stay there 3-10 years but his rental lease will be up in less than a year. Nothing is forever.

    this is a good sit; as it gives you an idea if you have a partner that is critical in your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2016 2:56 PM GMT
    "What if he hears my music?"
    "What if he hears my conversations?"
    "What if I see him in the elevator?"
    "What if I'm in the hall fumbling with my keys and he can hear/see me from inside his unit?"

    What if you were confident and not afraid of letting people get to know you my friend? Many of us carry this fear of being found out (aka shame) with us. And that feeling causes us to keep others at bay for fear of all these potential "catastrophic" scenarios such as someone actually getting to know a few of our quirks. Just be confident in yourself that you'll be able to handle him hearing your music without your world crashing and you'll be fine. Go say "hello" and treat him like you'd want to be treated. Good luck!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 21, 2016 3:30 PM GMT
    I think you're right. You can't get away from your neighbors. In a condo building, you need a higher level of privacy conscienceless than you do in a neighborhood of houses though even that can push it sometimes. Not all people are nice and some are nuts and even the nice ones can get nosy. I say pass. There are other guys out there. Why ask for trouble?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 21, 2016 7:04 PM GMT
    @ Leftswiper
    A real comic 1st world problem, indeed.
    Are you the kind of guy that when you see a former hookup/trick on the street, you pretend not to recognize him? (Typical in NYC and SF - have no idea what you're like). If so, hooking up with this guy is not a good idea. If not, why should it matter? Do you really think he might be a serial killer or a stalker? (As to the former, you probably would have seen signs of that by now.)

    What is a more interesting question to us readers, is that if you have seen him in the building a lot and had not been attracted to him IRL, why the interest now that he is a disembodied photo on Grindr?

    For the interest of your curious readers, if you do pursue this Grindr opportunity, please post again on the outcome.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 22, 2016 12:05 AM GMT
    mcbrion said
    AMoonHawk saidunless you are thinking of him as possible marriage material .... across the hall ... not a good idea


    How's he going to determine if someone is "marriage material" without spending time with him? How about following the process people have been doing for thousands of years: seeing if they like each other, dating and until it's necessary, not worry about a conversation they may need never to have. And if they do, then they act like adults and have the conversation. This "marriage material" thing is like putting the cart waaaaaay before the horse. They may find the only thing they have in common is sex, so that shouldn't be an issue. I notice that young people are all up in their heads thinking of the "what ifs" before a single thing has happened in the real world. That's just a little weird, like worrying about what MIGHT happen before ANYthing happens. What's the difference between dating someone in your building and someone who lives on the same street? How far apart do two people need to live from each other? Again, cart before horse.


    I'm kind of on the same page with you, but his question is about hooking up, not dating. You know how it goes. You hook up and most of the time, one of you is just in for the hookup, and the other gets all butt hurt, or they start stalking you, when you really don't want any more. And stalking you from across the hall puts a whole new spin on things. I'm with you on getting to know the person first, then decide if a hook up is worth it.

    When I say marriage material, I'm kind of just joking, but I'm keeping in mind that they live across the hall so do you really want to go through the fallout that could possibly result from a hookup? Think; is this (with all the other men out there to hookup with) actually worth the effort, knowing that you will be running into him all the time in the place that you live and call home?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2016 12:35 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gif This happened to me when I first moved to LA and met my new roomie for the first time. We only roomed together for the first two years

    We didn't have 'smart phones' or their GPS apps back 15 years ago, I remember we had AOL dial up with AOL chat rooms, this is where I met a neighbor in the same four story building, we hooked up once at my place which was on the 4th floor, his on the second floor. After that, I only saw him one other time when we road the elevator together in the evening, Sex was good at the time so we didn't feel awkward, we just said 'hi' icon_razz.gif


    At the time, it was either AOL chat rooms, or the 'new' website called gay.com chat rooms

    aol-chat-room-listings.gif
  • Aldente

    Posts: 22

    Jul 22, 2016 9:06 AM GMT
    OP, you are overthinking.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 22, 2016 12:17 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    mcbrion said
    AMoonHawk saidunless you are thinking of him as possible marriage material .... across the hall ... not a good idea


    How's he going to determine if someone is "marriage material" without spending time with him? How about following the process people have been doing for thousands of years: seeing if they like each other, dating and until it's necessary, not worry about a conversation they may need never to have. And if they do, then they act like adults and have the conversation. This "marriage material" thing is like putting the cart waaaaaay before the horse. They may find the only thing they have in common is sex, so that shouldn't be an issue. I notice that young people are all up in their heads thinking of the "what ifs" before a single thing has happened in the real world. That's just a little weird, like worrying about what MIGHT happen before ANYthing happens. What's the difference between dating someone in your building and someone who lives on the same street? How far apart do two people need to live from each other? Again, cart before horse.


    I'm kind of on the same page with you, but his question is about hooking up, not dating. You know how it goes. You hook up and most of the time, one of you is just in for the hookup, and the other gets all butt hurt, or they start stalking you, when you really don't want any more. And stalking you from across the hall puts a whole new spin on things. I'm with you on getting to know the person first, then decide if a hook up is worth it.

    When I say marriage material, I'm kind of just joking, but I'm keeping in mind that they live across the hall so do you really want to go through the fallout that could possibly result from a hookup? Think; is this (with all the other men out there to hookup with) actually worth the effort, knowing that you will be running into him all the time in the place that you live and call home?


    Or, you could assume that both men are psychologically mature enough to handle it. Are guys that unbalanced nowadays? I don't recall much of that kind of worrying in the 70s (unless the person is prone to anxiety and depression). How about turning it around and looking at it like this: the love of your life might be living in your building? And you're going to not meet him because of the "what ifs"?? I understand caution, but I'd look more at the positive possibilities than the fearful one. However, I have to say, from watching younger gays, they have a lot of freedom - but they're also very fearful of each other in a way gays were not in the 1970s, 80s and even the 90s. Doesn't seem like such a wonderful thing.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Jul 22, 2016 12:30 PM GMT
    woodfordr said"What if he hears my music?"
    "What if he hears my conversations?"
    "What if I see him in the elevator?"
    "What if I'm in the hall fumbling with my keys and he can hear/see me from inside his unit?"

    What if you were confident and not afraid of letting people get to know you my friend? Many of us carry this fear of being found out (aka shame) with us. And that feeling causes us to keep others at bay for fear of all these potential "catastrophic" scenarios such as someone actually getting to know a few of our quirks. Just be confident in yourself that you'll be able to handle him hearing your music without your world crashing and you'll be fine. Go say "hello" and treat him like you'd want to be treated. Good luck!


    I agree with you 100% !! Couldn't have said it one iota better!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2016 5:03 PM GMT
    If i were your neighbor... I'd want to hook up with you...

    Approach him and see what happens.
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Jul 25, 2016 5:54 AM GMT
    I don't know why it matters to some whether the neighbor is hookup or marriage material. A hookup, and he and his mates can be snickering at you the bottom slut every time you bump into him. A relationship fallout, and he can be harrassing you every time you bring a new boy into your condo icon_lol.gif

    any update?
  • Leftswiper

    Posts: 90

    Jul 26, 2016 12:49 AM GMT
    I haven't met him yet, still too chicken shit icon_redface.gif I keep making excuses about why I'm not home (deleted grindr so he can't track my whereabouts lol).

    To answer another poster, no I don't think he is marriage material. Just a really hot muscle top haha. He's asian and 33, and chances are I'll marry another white dude near my age anyway. I'm thinking it'll be awkward whether it's a hookup or a relationship...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2016 1:07 AM GMT
    knock on his door with a bottle of wine ad say hello, do it now
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 714

    Jul 26, 2016 4:45 AM GMT
    He's asian so chances are he's also an owner lol, so you're in the same boat in terms of trying to not "fuck up the investment"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2016 5:57 AM GMT
    Leftswiper saidI haven't met him yet, still too chicken shit icon_redface.gif (deleted grindr so he can't track my whereabouts lol).


    Sounds a bit drastic - Where does your next hookup/date come from now?
  • Leftswiper

    Posts: 90

    Aug 03, 2016 4:36 AM GMT
    I redownloaded it with a new profile, and then promptly blocked him icon_lol.gif I have his number though =)