Friends, casual dating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2016 11:54 PM GMT
    I have a hard time making friends, and with my family obligations I'm never ever free after work. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm only free after 8pm during the week and most Sunday's. Where do people meet other people these days?

    I'm not a bar guy, or club guy, I can't do group sports, I don't know anyone who could introduce me to someone. a dating site isn't practical as I'm not sure i can be in a relationship with someone. I can't get a pet either, both mom & grandma walk with canes and there's no room for a dog, or cat in the house. I've looked at "meetup" but everything I've seen is in the city, on Saturdays, or at times when I can't go. Grindr, Jackd, hornet, and other hookup apps i'm tired of, and are a waste of my time.

    Am I stuck being alone?
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    Jul 24, 2016 4:51 PM GMT
    well, whatever all those obligations are....... You will not be able to help with them when you are falling apart! You must carve out "ME" time and engage in health relationships. Maybe some hot sex can be fun along the way ; ) Make yourself available.... go where "they" are.... and find "belonging".
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 24, 2016 5:25 PM GMT
    When I read your post, I expected you'd be 22. At 38, you've made choices that leave you no time to live your life. Until you decide to make room in your life for a relationship, you won't find one. What do you offer the guy who's willing to change his life for you? Well, I can see you from 8-11 on certain days and if needed, maybe on Sunday? Meeting and getting to know people cannot be a third priority for you if you expect to be a priority to them. Unless it is just sex. Which is OK if you also take the time to get to know them. That could lead to you finding the motivation to change your life. I think you should spend time looking at personals (including RJ) and other non-proximity sex sites and find someone to talk to. And if you like them, meet and have sex and spend an evening, not an hour, also chatting. You need to reevaluate your commitments. Remember, only one life. Time flies.
  • orome

    Posts: 30

    Jul 25, 2016 12:00 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWhen I read your post, I expected you'd be 22. At 38, you've made choices that leave you no time to live your life. Until you decide to make room in your life for a relationship, you won't find one. What do you offer the guy who's willing to change his life for you? Well, I can see you from 8-11 on certain days and if needed, maybe on Sunday? Meeting and getting to know people cannot be a third priority for you if you expect to be a priority to them. Unless it is just sex. Which is OK if you also take the time to get to know them. That could lead to you finding the motivation to change your life. I think you should spend time looking at personals (including RJ) and other non-proximity sex sites and find someone to talk to. And if you like them, meet and have sex and spend an evening, not an hour, also chatting. You need to reevaluate your commitments. Remember, only one life. Time flies.


    I dont know if this could have been better said; you cannot have things in your life you dont make room for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2016 11:35 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWhen I read your post, I expected you'd be 22. At 38, you've made choices that leave you no time to live your life. Until you decide to make room in your life for a relationship, you won't find one. What do you offer the guy who's willing to change his life for you? Well, I can see you from 8-11 on certain days and if needed, maybe on Sunday? Meeting and getting to know people cannot be a third priority for you if you expect to be a priority to them. Unless it is just sex. Which is OK if you also take the time to get to know them. That could lead to you finding the motivation to change your life. I think you should spend time looking at personals (including RJ) and other non-proximity sex sites and find someone to talk to. And if you like them, meet and have sex and spend an evening, not an hour, also chatting. You need to reevaluate your commitments. Remember, only one life. Time flies.


    How very well said. I really agree.

    >OP - Sounds like you have become a caregiver to both your mother and grandmother. They can't be left alone for an evening or Saturday?? If they walk with canes, they are not bed- or wheelchair restricted. If for some reason they can't be left alone (dementia?) can you (or can they) hire some one to take care of them once in a while, so you can get out?

    You can always go to Fire Island (in the summer) for sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2016 1:04 AM GMT
    Thanks for the responses, I was finally able to let go of the idea of making friends. It really did not make sense at all to pursue it. It wouldn't be fair to the other person. I knew in my head that making friends was a crazy idea, I just needed to make sure. I've recommended a home health aid, but they won't go for it.

    I don't offer much to anyone else to be honest and at this point in my life, i'm going to just take it one day at a time. Whenever it gets too much for me to handle, I usually go for a long drive, drink, or hit the gym. I'm able to get out for an hour or two a night as I'm working with a trainer, and the gym is about 15 minutes away.

    I'm stopped having sex, as I got tired of driving to motels late night to have sex with anonymous strangers. It would've been nice to have a workout partner, but it's time to move on.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2016 5:50 AM GMT
    Skinny2fit said I've recommended a home health aid, but they won't go for it.


    Sounds weird. They control your life? They might "go for it" if you insisted on it - if they had no other option.