Bf Cheats

  • irishguy102

    Posts: 5

    Jul 30, 2016 5:09 PM GMT
    Hi,

    So I've been in a relationship 2 years.... and he's cheated 5 times. All with different people.I ended up getting chlamydia but I ended up forgiving him.

    I found out today that he texted an old fuck buddy to meet up 2 weeks ago. They never did but still, he may as well have. He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? Or should we look into an open relationship or something along those lines.
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    Jul 30, 2016 5:29 PM GMT
    irishguy102 saidHi,

    So I've been in a relationship 2 years.... and he's cheated 5 times. All with different people.I ended up getting chlamydia but I ended up forgiving him.

    I found out today that he texted an old fuck buddy to meet up 2 weeks ago. They never did but still, he may as well have. He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? Or should we look into an open relationship or something along those lines.


    Just because he loves you doesn't mean he is going to be faithful to you in the future. You already know that. So, yes, if you still hope that he will become faithful, you are not being rational. Open relationship? He already has an open relationship. So either make it officially "open" between the two of you, or end it.
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    Jul 31, 2016 12:10 AM GMT
    irishguy102 said
    He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? .


    Yes you are crazy to hope he'll change when he's already told you he won't. If someone says that, believe them.

    Unfortunately, it's only too possible to love someone who loves you and, at the same time, realize that it will never work between you. And it's obvious you aren't the open-relationship type. Offering him an open relationship in the hope he'll evolve into fidelity will make you miserable in the short run and inevitably fail in the long run.
  • Badwolfxxx

    Posts: 14

    Jul 31, 2016 1:17 AM GMT
    Dump him. He didn't respect u before he isn't going to if u move to an open relationship. Cut ur losses and move on. Be grateful all u got was the clap. It could have been worse. You can love him but love yourself more and move on.
  • TombRaider

    Posts: 94

    Jul 31, 2016 2:28 AM GMT
    ^ Listen to this hottie! He knows what's right and I completely agree.
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    Jul 31, 2016 2:29 AM GMT
    Dump his sorry ass. One time is "forgivable" so to speak...but five times is fucking ridiculous.
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    Jul 31, 2016 1:01 PM GMT
    the OP must not respect him self much to allow this to go on for 2 years
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    Jul 31, 2016 1:30 PM GMT
    Chronic cheaters don't change. You might consider an open relationship, but open relationships require trust (yes, TRUST). For example, open relationships require that neither partner jeopardizes the other. If you couldn't trust your bf you could have the most open relationship in the universe but that wouldn't solve your relationship issues.
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    Jul 31, 2016 1:45 PM GMT
    DOMINUS said
    Chronic cheaters don't change. You might consider an open relationship, but open relationships require trust (yes, TRUST). For example, open relationships require that neither partner jeopardizes the other. If you couldn't trust your bf you could have the most open relationship in the universe but that wouldn't solve your relationship issues.

    +1

    This guy sounds like a serial cheater. I tried relationships with guys like that, thinking maybe my own stability and faithfulness would change them. But I was just deluding myself and wasting my time & emotions. And these were guys much older than the OP's BF likely is, so the pattern continues well past the 20s or 30s.

    A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Never invest in one.
  • Aldente

    Posts: 22

    Jul 31, 2016 1:48 PM GMT
    If you aren't into open relationships then it's time for you to move on (and look for a better one)!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 31, 2016 4:18 PM GMT
    Wait a minute! Did this guy ever commit to monogamy? When you say he cheated on you 5 times, if he always said he likes random and knows he'll do it, then he wasn't cheating on you. You were deluding yourself. That sounds more like a balanced picture of what has been going on. If he is simply stating his views on the subject and you choose to disbelieve his honesty, then it is your fault, not his. The worst mistake someone can make in a relationship is to believe his partner is someone different than who he is. You create your own misery (and probably inflict it, too). You say you love this guy but refuse to believe him when he says he likes strange sex every 5-6 months, which is about his average. If you can't accept him for who he is, you don't love him. You love your imaginary version of him. Maybe a formally discussed "open" agreement can get you both where you want to be. If not, you should move on but do not put the blame on him. He's been honest with you.
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    Jul 31, 2016 11:52 PM GMT
    If he said he's not the relationship type, take him at his word and move on.
  • Joshthegaymer

    Posts: 91

    Aug 01, 2016 2:18 AM GMT
    irishguy102 saidHi,

    So I've been in a relationship 2 years.... and he's cheated 5 times. All with different people.I ended up getting chlamydia but I ended up forgiving him.

    I found out today that he texted an old fuck buddy to meet up 2 weeks ago. They never did but still, he may as well have. He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? Or should we look into an open relationship or something along those lines.


    Even though I personally am against polyamorous relationships, you may have to look into it if you want to save the relationship. Otherwise, I'd say kick him to the curb :/ I'm not the greatest at advice for situations like this; I'm sorry about that and your chlamydia. icon_sad.gif
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Aug 01, 2016 2:37 AM GMT
    Ever heard of "He probably thinks he loves you when he is not or not sure?''. I don't think I can forgive the cheater though. And if I catch an STD that he got somewhere while we made our relationship official I'll have a hard time to believe he loves me. But You are 23
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    Aug 01, 2016 3:12 AM GMT
    Move on as it sounds like he may not even be emotionally monogamous to you
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    Aug 01, 2016 6:33 AM GMT
    irishguy102 saidHi,

    So I've been in a relationship 2 years.... and he's cheated 5 times. All with different people.I ended up getting chlamydia but I ended up forgiving him.

    I found out today that he texted an old fuck buddy to meet up 2 weeks ago. They never did but still, he may as well have. He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? Or should we look into an open relationship or something along those lines.


    As someone who was cheated on 3 different times (by a woman...cause I'm like....bi and shit :-) ), let me just say, yes you're totally batshit crazy for staying..I would've dropped that bitch sooner if she had given me anything...as it was, I was weak-shouldn't have let her do it to me once and get away with it....
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 01, 2016 6:47 AM GMT
    He already answered your question.... He's no good for you.

    Learn to be your own person and quit being needy.
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    Aug 01, 2016 3:46 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    irishguy102 saidHi,

    So I've been in a relationship 2 years.... and he's cheated 5 times. All with different people.I ended up getting chlamydia but I ended up forgiving him.

    I found out today that he texted an old fuck buddy to meet up 2 weeks ago. They never did but still, he may as well have. He tells me he's no good for me and he's not the relationship type. He does love me though and I love him....so so much, which is the issue! I can't seem to stop hoping that one day he'll be faithful. Am I crazy? Or should we look into an open relationship or something along those lines.


    Just because he loves you doesn't mean he is going to be faithful to you in the future. You already know that. So, yes, if you still hope that he will become faithful, you are not being rational. Open relationship? He already has an open relationship. So either make it officially "open" between the two of you, or end it.


    ^^^^what he said.

    you gotta ask yourself if love is enough to stick with him.

    if so, then yall need to discuss terms and come to some sort of agreement (condoms for sure need to be somewhere in those terms; will it be "play together" or "play separate" or both; and just about anything else you guys can think of to at least keep each others feelings and health in mind.)

    if you're bent on having a faithful monogamous relationship, then perhaps you need to rethink 'his' position in the relationship. he may not be suited for monogamy.

  • Aug 01, 2016 5:57 PM GMT
    Love Linda the truth. Your head tells the truth. Grow up and move on from the experience.
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    Aug 02, 2016 3:10 AM GMT
    "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
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    Aug 02, 2016 3:51 PM GMT
    Wow. A whole lot of solid, useful commentary above me here. Useful in dealing with a serial cheater - or an alcoholic who seriously needs professional help (and refuses to accept it). What can any of us do with these kinds of guys we "love" who treat us like crap, except move on and spend our time with only people who value us?
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    Aug 02, 2016 4:40 PM GMT
    Everybody know the saying " a cheater always will be a cheater "
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    Aug 06, 2016 5:13 AM GMT
    FollowingRivers said"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou


    Go Maya!