experiencing topping guilt ...? can anyone relate to these thoughts

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2016 9:00 PM GMT
    Hey. I don't come here often but I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I hope it doesn't offend anyone but I totally see how it could. that's not my intention.

    hey everyone so lately I've found myself feeling extremely guilty after I fuck a boy in their ass or even jack off to bottoms.

    I think the guilt stems from the thoughts that run through my mind when I'm penetrating a boy. The nature of my thoughts seem very barbaric and I feel like I am robbing another male from his God given right to be victorious and feel so after sex.

    I've came to the conclusion that sex for men (at least for me) is more than just the actual act. There is a residual feeling of accomplishment, confidence and I feel assertive and victorious after topping or even getting off to ass, etc.

    The thing is the nature of my thoughts are... Like, there's no really easy way to explain it. When I am fucking a boy I am thinking about how they are a whore, a slut, a faggot, a bitch. It turns me on when a bottom has a small useless cock, and I think about how it never gets any attention. I want to hear them gag, it turns me on if they are in pain. It's all about me and my big cock and making them into my bitch. I'm thinking about how they are pathetic and they have no respect for their masculinity or their manhood and how they are begging for me to fuck their ass.
    That's how I get off, that is my fantasy and I'm struggling now with how is any of that possiblely ok?

    men are supposed to be my brothers, Not supposed to be fucked like sluts.
    I don't know of any of this makes sense but I've recently met a cute boy and he wanted to to fuck him.

    Instead of just going along with it I have invited him out on a date... But now I struggle with the idea of how could I ever truly love someone who I view as a bitch? What am I supposed to do, this is just the way my mind works. But I do feel guilty and I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced a guilt that is associated with topping...?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2016 11:38 PM GMT
    I think it's one thing to get off on the idea that your dick is giving someone pleasure. That's normal. Just like a bottom wants to know that they are providing pleasure to the Top. We all have fantasies about certain things. A lot of people get into the dom/sub stuff too. I guess the question becomes do you really think the person bottoming is less than you? less of a man? more gay than you are? Sounds like your own homophobias or internal struggles might be at play here. You are just as much of a fag, slut, whore, etc. You fuck men. You're never going to be some macho str8 guy. Get over your own head issues. I'd recommend a therapist and I say that because if you ever want a healthy relationship you can't think of your partner as anything but equal to you or it will never work
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    Jul 30, 2016 11:58 PM GMT
    zoltar saidI say that because if you ever want a healthy relationship you can't think of your partner as anything but equal to you or it will never work


    I understand where you're coming from esp bcus I had this convo with a family member n they said the same thing. but i also have had this convo with two other tops who I'm friends with and they told me they think along the same line of stuff but they don't feel guilty. So then I talked to my straight friend and he said he thinks the same about women. So idk ifs just the way it works for some people or what. Idk.

    It just happens naturally, I don't think any talking through anything would help.

    For example, I was fucking some dude mat I met off grindr and while I was doing him doggy he was painfully groaning and looking back at me. I could literally see the pain on his face n it actually turned me on idk. I felt like he was a little slave boy on my cock, I felt like he was living in hell and I was the administer of it. Idk, I guess he was happy about it in the end Cus we both had orgasms, he told me I tore up his hole n even that turned me on. Idk.

    I feel like ass is easy to find on grindr and there's no need for a relationship until the top desires one...
    Idk I'll see what happens with me but I'd like to not feel guilty. Idk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2016 12:31 AM GMT
    You should date a power bottom if that's any help as an antidote. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2016 12:53 AM GMT
    bachian saidYou should date a power bottom if that's any help as an antidote. icon_twisted.gif


    Rofl
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2016 12:59 AM GMT
    the question is do you respect the person. If the answer is no. Fine but don't get into a relationship. You'd be wasting the other persons time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2016 9:02 AM GMT
    Your fantasies have nothing to do with how you treat that person in real life. I think such thoughts go through the mind of many tops or bottoms.
    Sex isn't just about ejaculating. There is a mental aspect to it. That's why you have all these kinks like BDSM etc. I don't think you need to feel guilty about anything if both sides are enjoying it, and it's consensual.
    Yes, I do get off on such thoughts also. But it's just limited to sex. I won't have such thoughts about that person in real life.
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    Jul 31, 2016 10:28 AM GMT
    Great topic to bring up, I'm a top who only ever Btm's rarely (99 out of 100 times I would be the top). While I don't have the exactly the same thought process while fucking, I do share Ekho's complete disdain for their own pleasure, when I meet some guy who just wants to have rough sex and be treated like a slave. I personally find it a turn off for me when a guy wants to have 'his hole destroyed' but I do share the antipathy that person has for himself and i can't help wonder WTF goes through someone's head to want to subject themselves to pain and moderate violence which is what actually happens and the fact that rough receptive anal sex dramatically increases transmission of all STI's to both the bottom and to the top.

    In addition I would question as to why are there so many men willing to subject themselves willingly to this kind of sex. For those of you readers of these posts who are thinking EKho needs psychological help, consider that against the need for the bottom (of whom Many consciously seek this kind of sex) and their need to address their mental health. I make no apology for this comment as I can see that EKho is not expressing a view that is only held by a few, in fact their are far too many if anything.

    It was only Friday that I ended up in a 3 way with a regular FB who is a top and a Btm guy who I had only met once b4. The bottom guy made it clear he wanted his 'hole destroyed' and knowing my friend had a very thick cock I said to him be careful what you wish for you might be Biting off more than you can chew. I only stayed for an hour and felt turned off by how willing the bottom was to be painfully fucked hard with virtually no lube by my friend and I found it difficult to get into fucking him coz for me I prefer guys who like to be worked up to it a little and not just 'be the bitch'. To me both Ekho and myself are both feeling disrespect toward a person who doesn't require a guy who wants to top to try to open him up instead just allow a stranger to do whatever they like no matter what and to do this consensually (anything non-consensual at any point during sex is rape and that is not what Ekho or myself are describing).

    So to answer Ekho about why he and many others including myself, would see someone who would subject themselves to this kind of sexual encounter as a bitch and not worthy of much respect, the answer is biological. Men do have a need to spread their side widely ect.. Of course. But men have the need to know that the person they may want to get to know, shows signs (the Btm) that it matters in any way shape or form who was the top. When a guy gets his sexual desire satisfied, during the event he enjoys the experience, but in order for their to be more than that their needs to be some element of showing some respect for themselves. I know many people will have an issue with this view but many of us know it to be true. I myself struggle to consider guys who jump into bed without making an effort to require the other to treat them as equals and maybe more gay men should look into as to why they struggle to get into a healthy relationship when sex is so easy that they give the impression to the guy they are seeking as a potential partner that it's only about the sexual act and any cock could be providing that sexual experience. If a guy is seeking a brief sexual encounter which is fine when both guys on the same page, I would have to question what motivates guys to deliberately seek painful degradation as a form of pleasure. This kind of behaviour is sometimes about the powerful seeking an experience where they are submissive however there are many who are seeking experiences which mimic abuse they received as children or as adults. Let's get real as start to question things that are clearly not right with some widely accepted sexual practices and encourage those men who engage in consensual violent sexual practices to seek proper psychological help. Both the tops and the bottoms equally to blame for, my point of view so let's make sure we don't see people like Ekho as someone who is a problem when their is so much more to what happens in gay sex.
  • xBEHEMOTHx

    Posts: 95

    Jul 31, 2016 5:08 PM GMT
    I think you're over thinking it, you do realize guys actually like being treated that way? I will admit I get turned on by making guys beg me to stop because they can't take it..but.. I wouldn't say ever feel guilty about anything
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    Jul 31, 2016 6:09 PM GMT
    I just wanted to say I'm enjoying reading what everyone has to say and thanks. I do think I will get over this guilt eventually. And I do think I can love my partner when I meet him
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    Aug 01, 2016 7:55 PM GMT
    xBEHEMOTHx saidI think you're over thinking it, you do realize guys actually like being treated that way? I will admit I get turned on by making guys beg me to stop because they can't take it..but.. I wouldn't say ever feel guilty about anything


    Sound like rape buddy, if someone didn't stop when I said stop, I'd call that rape and treat the guy doing that to me as is appropriate for a rapist. There is a lot of sexual assaults that don't get reported due to feeling shamed at being raped by a man, BEHEMOTH what your into sounds quite different to Ekho, who sounds like he is into consensual rough fucking, but when a guy begs you to stop and you keep going that's rape and if you feel sexually satisfied by that, you need help. I really do hope your just describing what you do wrong.

    FYI the guys who you allege 'like be treated that way' many of them are using these hook ups to re-enact sexual assaults they were subjected at one point in time, many when they were children. Sounds like a pretty fucked up way to get off dude
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Aug 02, 2016 10:52 AM GMT
    One thing about Ekho, he is still in his twenties, or that is what his profile says.
    He is still roughly in the peak of his prime.
    He has an incredible cock, and has a dominant, alpha type ego.
    And it seems he has sex with boys, I guess they are under his age.

    How can they be his equal?
    How can he respect them when all they want is to be fucked.

    I think you need to hang out and maybe have sex with some one near your age or older.
    Maybe you will be able to relate to one another better
    And your partner will not be so in awe of you
    And maybe YOU will be the one to learn a thing or two about sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2016 3:03 PM GMT
    I don't think anything is a problem in sex as long as all the parties to it are consenting and do not feel anything negative towards the experience during or after it.

    It sounds like the sex you're having is giving you some negative emotions so try to explore other ways of having sex that make you feel good about yourself rather than shame.

    For my part, I am primarily a top as well and when I was single I quite liked guys who loved being fucked and used, it was clear that they were enjoying themselves and I enjoyed their enjoyment more than anything. However once in a relationship, that urge to just fuck and destroy a hot hole somewhat conflicts with the affection and romantic feelings you have for a partner, so unless you find a way of reconciling the two, it's something that could cause a problem for you in a future relationship.
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    Aug 03, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    PulseFit saidI
    However once in a relationship, that urge to just fuck and destroy a hot hole somewhat conflicts with the affection and romantic feelings you have for a partner, so unless you find a way of reconciling the two, it's something that could cause a problem for you in a future relationship.


    QFT... I agree and can see that
  • dido8

    Posts: 7

    Aug 04, 2016 11:13 PM GMT
    I used to something like that.
    I would think that the hot aggressive sex i liked was the opposite of love in a way. Like, if I had hot raunchy sex with a guy, I would not be able to do romantic things with them. But the more people I have met, the more I realize I was wrong.
    First, I think that the mindset you have during sex does not have to be the same mindset you have outside of sex. What I mean is that someone you may see as a bitch during sex may actually a pretty strong and assertive individual outside of bed. It just happens they like to be treated as bitches in bed.
    A very close friend of mine is like that. He loves to be controlled and treated like a cheap whore in bed, but in his every day life, he is assertive, has a good job, and does not let anyone treat him like crap.

    Let me ask you something, after you cum and you are not horny anymore, do you still want to treat that guy like a bitch?
    That is something to think about since the bitch attitude in them can also come only when they are horny.

    However, there are also people who do not mind being submissive outside of the bedroom. Like cooking, cleaning or just serving a dom in any way they like. I do not think there is anything wrong with that. Maybe that could be something you could explore.
    When I have thought of being a sub is because I think that in a way I am showing how much I care and trust the top. That is why I find it hard sometimes to be a sub. its hard to meet people who I would let them take control of me.To me giving control to someone is the most intimate way of telling them I trust him and care for him. Other than that person I can not let anyone else treat me like a bitch. To me sub/dom is more intimate that just hook up sex.

    There are many ways to look at this and the only way you can know what works for you is if you explore and meet other guys who have different perspectives.