Insanely Jealous Boyfriend

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    Aug 04, 2016 2:24 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I are both college students. I am currently doing a dual-degree in Computer Science and Engineering. I also already have an Associates in Information Technology. I have been coding and programming pretty much since I was a kid. I am also not trying to brag, but I also have an IQ of 150(this is actually relevant).

    When we first started dating, I was wrapping up my first degree and getting ready to transfer to a harder school. He was not in college. He expressed an interest, so I helped him do all his paperwork and helped him get admitted to the college I am going to. He said he wanted to be a Computer Science major. I structured some of my classes so that we are in the same classes. Here is the problem. I have a high IQ and I have a 4.0 GPA going into the second part of my Junior year whereas he is struggling. He could not get through his first programming course, so he ended up having to drop the Computer Science class and change his major. This has caused us to fight all of the time. He is constantly insecure and thinking I am constantly judging him. He is constantly saying it is not fair that I can play video games all day and sleep all of the time and barely study and get A’s where he literally works he ass off and can only get C’s. He is constantly thinking I am going to leave him for someone smarter, and he is jealous of my involvement with school(I’ve recently joined the Association for Computing Machinery).

    In my spare time, I pretty much study, discuss, and work with Math and Science. He seems resentful of people in STEM fields. He is always making comments about how people in STEM fields are condescending. I try and reassure him that I am fine with the way he is. He does not have to be like me in order to be with me, and the fact that he is different than me is fine. He doesn’t seem to like that. He says he feels excluded, because he doesn’t understand what I am saying half of the time. I said, well, I don’t know everything; you know things I do not, so let us talk about things you know. You can teach me. He blows me off.

    Our, anniversary is coming up. I love him very much, but I am not sure how long I can deal with this behavior. Because of the field I am in, I deal with logic and problem-solving all of the time. He says he is tired of me having a term for everything and me coming up with logical solutions all of the time and me knowing what is going to happen. I am highly intuitive, so I can quickly apprehend situations most times in such a way that I can predict what people are going to do and what is necessary to turn the situation to my advantage. It has made it so that him and I have been able to do well for ourselves. He says he wants me to stop being so calculated and just enjoy the moment. I am at a loss for what to do.
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    Aug 04, 2016 3:52 PM GMT
    Often empathy and understanding develop over time. Perhaps your bf hasn't fully developed into the person of which he is capable. I don't know. All I can tell you is that resentment in a relationship isn't unique to young people, and it does require a strong emotional anchor and solid self-esteem to not feel threatened when you perceive your bf to be better than you in many respects. Hopefully, your love for each other and your occasional assurances will help him get over his self-doubt in the immediate future .
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    Aug 04, 2016 3:55 PM GMT
    rayn28 said


    I am highly intuitive, so I can quickly apprehend situations most times in such a way that I can predict what people are going to do and what is necessary to turn the situation to my advantage.


    Me too I'm actually psychic. It would be ignorant of me to ignore that when it has proven itself to me so many times. I can't control it tho.

    Also, you say your iq is 150 but what about your emotional IQ? That's more important. in my opinion.

    All I know about you and your relationship is that it is crumbling. that is what you have energetically put forth for the universe to manifest and it is growing in strength and intensity which each reader of this post.
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    Aug 04, 2016 5:10 PM GMT
    Ekho said
    Me too I'm actually psychic. It would be ignorant of me to ignore that when it has proven itself to me so many times. I can't control it tho.

    Also, you say your iq is 150 but what about your emotional IQ? That's more important. in my opinion.


    Intuition is not being psychic... From a phenomenological standpoint, intuition is namely the ability to apprehend something where intentionality(the aboutness of whatever is apprehended in terms of what is thought about) is thus derived from this apprehension that comes from an experience. It more or less is correlated with logical and mathematical personality types. An example of this is the basic structure of a PC. Regardless of if it is any version of Windows or any version Ubuntu, a person can get on it and understand what file managers are supposed to look like, how to click on things, how to rick click on things, so on and so forth. This is because the interface is intuitive and conforms to past experiences with PC's. The person is not being psychic in knowing how to navigate a new OS; rather, the structure is engaging their intuitive faculties. Psychologically, intuition is pretty much tied to recognition. For example, I may not know what the right answer is; however, I have a sense of what it should look like. Intuition is linked to creativity where creativity is correlated with seeing how things are associated with one another; it is being able to see the connections among things. The ironic part of this is that logic is often times depicted as the anathema of intuition and creativity, but they are actually strongly connected... Also, my emotional IQ is not very high.
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    Aug 04, 2016 5:35 PM GMT

    rayn28Intuition is not being psychic...

    CdJbrkh.jpg

    animals are psychic by nature
    a cat will anticipate it's preys next move with decisive accuracy
    as a result it will eat that day
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    Aug 04, 2016 5:47 PM GMT
    xEmotional IQ


    also as it turns out it's actually referred to as EI or EQ

    wikiEmotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.


    seems to me like it would have a higher correlation with 'intuition' than IQ. Idk tho.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    Aug 04, 2016 7:24 PM GMT
    rayn28 saidMy boyfriend and I are both college students. I am currently doing a dual-degree in Computer Science and Engineering. I also already have an Associates in Information Technology. I have been coding and programming pretty much since I was a kid. I am also not trying to brag, but I also have an IQ of 150(this is actually relevant).

    When we first started dating, I was wrapping up my first degree and getting ready to transfer to a harder school. He was not in college. He expressed an interest, so I helped him do all his paperwork and helped him get admitted to the college I am going to. He said he wanted to be a Computer Science major. I structured some of my classes so that we are in the same classes. Here is the problem. I have a high IQ and I have a 4.0 GPA going into the second part of my Junior year whereas he is struggling. He could not get through his first programming course, so he ended up having to drop the Computer Science class and change his major. This has caused us to fight all of the time. He is constantly insecure and thinking I am constantly judging him. He is constantly saying it is not fair that I can play video games all day and sleep all of the time and barely study and get A’s where he literally works he ass off and can only get C’s. He is constantly thinking I am going to leave him for someone smarter, and he is jealous of my involvement with school(I’ve recently joined the Association for Computing Machinery).

    In my spare time, I pretty much study, discuss, and work with Math and Science. He seems resentful of people in STEM fields. He is always making comments about how people in STEM fields are condescending. I try and reassure him that I am fine with the way he is. He does not have to be like me in order to be with me, and the fact that he is different than me is fine. He doesn’t seem to like that. He says he feels excluded, because he doesn’t understand what I am saying half of the time. I said, well, I don’t know everything; you know things I do not, so let us talk about things you know. You can teach me. He blows me off.

    Our, anniversary is coming up. I love him very much, but I am not sure how long I can deal with this behavior. Because of the field I am in, I deal with logic and problem-solving all of the time. He says he is tired of me having a term for everything and me coming up with logical solutions all of the time and me knowing what is going to happen. I am highly intuitive, so I can quickly apprehend situations most times in such a way that I can predict what people are going to do and what is necessary to turn the situation to my advantage. It has made it so that him and I have been able to do well for ourselves. He says he wants me to stop being so calculated and just enjoy the moment. I am at a loss for what to do.


    So, he resents you being who you are, and. presumably, the person you were when you met him?
    You sound entirely reasonable, pointing out his strengths - which HE does not value very much. He has put your skills above his, and now resents you for having skills. So, you're involved with a guy with low self-esteem. You will never be able to raise his self esteem: he will need to do that himself and stop listening to that "tape" we have, measuring our self-worth, via the subconscious. He's going to need therapy and you cannot help him. I know: I had a similar scenario and the therapist I saw spent a good deal of time helping me to understand that my insight would not make some else's low self-worth change. You can talk to him, tell him you get the feeling he resents you and you need to know if you're seeing it accurately or not. If he then turns and yells at you for just telling him how it feels to you, you have a problem. I suspect he has issues with men/his father already and with a gay man, unlike a straight man, who relates to women, his feelings for his dad are being transferred to you, another man. You have a hard decision to make here. But is everything logic to you?
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    Aug 04, 2016 11:31 PM GMT
    i was reading all this and felt something was not as expected.
    reading the OP's profile he is 27 years old. Isnt that a bit long in the teeth for a four year engineering degree. All good tho.

    Your partner; what does he bring to the table that completes a household? If he brings nothing you need to dump him. If the end goal is NOT to build something together than the OP needs to step up and do it alone.

    -even if your partner only can only make you coffee in the morning you got to say to him that is the best fucking coffee you will drink all day THANK YOU.
    -Its an emotion not a fact you love him so text the guy and say you love him several times a day.
    -take him with you to your Computing Machinery meeting and tell people he is the important active thread in your life.


    the OP says:
    " I am highly intuitive, so I can quickly apprehend situations..."
    adapt to this:
    step down, reserve some time, get totally wasted and into your partner
    hold his hand right now and say; "WE have done so well together".



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    Aug 05, 2016 2:47 AM GMT
    pellaz saidi was reading all this and felt something was not as expected.
    reading the OP's profile he is 27 years old. Isnt that a bit long in the teeth for a four year engineering degree. All good tho.


    You are being very assumptive. Your reasoning is analogous to if an animal is not a dog, it must be a cat when the animal is in fact a horse. For example, you are assuming that the program that I am in is intended to be a four year program when, in actuality, it isn’t(you’re presupposing that a basic Bachelors degree takes four years, but as I pointed out, I am doing a dual-degree, so the time line is a bit different). What if I got my first Bachelors degree at age 22, decided to not go to graduate school, and decided to get another degree some years later(I already mentioned one degree I had gotten before that)? I am not saying this is the case, but it is a possibility(I am not revealing anything else about myself along those lines because overall it is not entirely relevant). I originally typed more, but I decided I did not understand the rest of what you said enough to comment on it.
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    Aug 05, 2016 1:50 PM GMT
    are you indeed 27 years old as in profile or are you living at home with your parents
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    Aug 05, 2016 2:52 PM GMT
    pellaz saidi was reading all this and felt something was not as expected.
    reading the OP's profile he is 27 years old. Isnt that a bit long in the teeth for a four year engineering degree. All good tho.

    When I entered a US architecture degree program (which I never completed) it was 5 years long. Not surprisingly the course work contained many elements that were strongly connected to structural engineering. Had one taken additional degree work, as the OP says he's done, it would obviously take longer to complete.

    I might also add that when I withdrew from my architecture studies I didn't resume college for several years again. I didn't receive my first degree until I had just turned 29. I later also counseled college students while on university staff, and many were "non traditional", in that they had begun or resumed college at a later age, and therefore completed later. So that I find the OP's timeline not implausible.
  • Destinharbor

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    Aug 05, 2016 4:04 PM GMT
    I think you're right. You're not very mature emotionally. You practically stomped on anyone in this thread who commented or questioned anything you said. Nicely, but stomped nonetheless. Do you talk like this to your bf? Your answers went on and on as though you're writing a thesis. Example, the psychic comment. Obviously written by someone who didn't understand but then he believes he's psychic. No need for you to comment and show him the error of his ways. At length. Same on the age issue. Numbingly too much explanation.

    I think you're infatuated with your brainpower and and it shows. Or slightly obsessive/compulsive. Even a bit narcissistic. As you said, other people have other good qualities that can more than offset smartness if nurtured. Stop talking down to your guy and start speaking like a normal person. Story: I went to one of the best colleges in the world but it's smaller than most of the top schools and less well known outside of educated circles. When I graduated, and found myself in social circles, the question everyone started with at that age was "Where did you go to school?" I'd say and they'd look blank. At first, I'd explain and then say why it ranks so high. Didn't go over so well. Later I learned to just say "It's a small school in the north." If they wanted to know more, I'd talk some more but otherwise just let it go. Facilitated conversation. And ya know what? I also discovered if I turned it around and was interested in their lives, I often found their path to be equally impressive, just different. And sometimes after overcoming some extraordinary obstacle.

    I appreciate the pleasure you take in the amazing gift of education but when dealing with others, you need to begin to chill and actually show your appreciation of their interests and strengths. Makes the world so much richer.
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    Aug 05, 2016 6:02 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    I think you're infatuated with your brainpower and and it shows. Or slightly obsessive/compulsive. Even a bit narcissistic. As you said, other people have other good qualities that can more than offset smartness if nurtured. Stop talking down to your guy and start speaking like a normal person.

    I often try to relate to things through my own experiences, successes, failures, and misadventures. In that vein...

    For much of my life I mistakenly believed my intelligence made me immune to many common failings. Including emotional. Objective IQ tests established how smart I am (or was, before a long series of head traumas).

    And I always vainly thought my smarts gave me great self-knowledge. It turns out nothing could have been further from the truth.

    The ultimate demonstration, and of most relevance to this site, was my inability to recognize my own sexual orientation for much of my life. Being deceived by the stereotypical images of my era, unable to see past them. Add to that a total lack of understanding about how other people perceive me, which persists to some degree, and all my "intelligence" amounts to zip in social relationships.

    Assuming the OP is correct about his own intelligence, maybe he's suffering from the same deficiency as me. Intelligence is surprisingly specialized, it is not always universal. Nothing says it has to cover all the bases of practical human life. He may be brilliant In a bunch of academic fields, and yet as dumb as a rock when it comes to interpersonal relationships and understanding the nature of his true self.

    Just an observation & proposal drawn from my own life.