Sexless marriage

  • pomor42

    Posts: 1

    Aug 05, 2016 10:43 PM GMT
    Hi, guys! We've been together for 14 years. Still much in love and have many common interests. But one thing drives me crazy - almost no sex. i don't know, maybe 10-min action once in 1-2 months is normal after such a long time together, I don't have anyone to ask in person about what is usual sex life for couples is. I tried to discuss it but answer is "It's what it is, it's normal". I'm not great fan of bathhouse sex, don't want to date anyone but getting to the boiling point which is dangerous since I may do something stupid and ruin our marriage. Any advice? Will be grateful for any help
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    Aug 05, 2016 11:20 PM GMT
    pomor42 saidHi, guys! We've been together for 14 years. Still much in love and have many common interests. But one thing drives me crazy - almost no sex. i don't know, maybe 10-min action once in 1-2 months is normal after such a long time together, I don't have anyone to ask in person about what is usual sex life for couples is. I tried to discuss it but answer is "It's what it is, it's normal". I'm not great fan of bathhouse sex, don't want to date anyone but getting to the boiling point which is dangerous since I may do something stupid and ruin our marriage. Any advice? Will be grateful for any help

    Your very first post? OK.

    As a man grows older the sex declines. You might wanna be both checked for your testosterone levels. Can be part of a routine blood draw for a regular physical, which you should be having anyway. The male hormone naturally diminishes as you age, for some quicker than in others. Ask women in straight marriages what happens to their husbands, if they'll tell you. Or the husbands about their wives, for that matter.

    Can I admit that my husband & I have less sex between us than we once did? But we still love each other. Sometimes love has to be reinterpreted with age. From a lot of physical to a lot of intimate companionship.

    But at 42 you aren't all that old. I do recommend a doctor's visit, for many good reasons, that includes a full blood panel for you both. You need a baseline on a lot of things, to know where you stand.
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    Aug 17, 2016 6:20 PM GMT
    In general men, gays and straight, like novelty when it comes to sex. We get bored. Might that be the reason? If that's "the" or "a" reason, perhaps you need to investigate other options--for example, role play, three-some, kink, porn, etc. In my mind, inviting another person into a loving, committed relationship doesn't mean you no longer love each other. What is important, however, is that both parties voluntarily consent to whatever it is that you decide to try.
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    Aug 17, 2016 7:17 PM GMT
    This is normal. Read this RJ thread: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4238012
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 17, 2016 8:11 PM GMT
    Do you guys talk about sex, as in "Look at that guy. Damn!" Or "Geez, why don't gymnasts do rings shirtless? Or naked?" Or see some guy and remark "I'd do him."? If you don't, get sex back into your relationship by being sexy and involving him in it as well. The brain establishes patterns and if your pattern is sexless, the dick (or libido) just won't come to life just because you're in bed. Get both your minds on sex and he'll want it more. If you are doing that, and there's still no spark in bed, your best bet probably is inviting a third to join you. My guy (of nine years) and I do maybe once every couple of years but in between those times, we sure have fun playing with the possibility. "What about him?" "What about him?" We have fun with it because our tastes are quite different and while he can nail my kind of guy, I can't ever quite figure out who he's going to find hot. If your guy has just flat lost interest in sex with anyone, well, that happens and you can decide what will work for you both by being open about it and discussing it. Shouldn't be judgmental but loving and understanding.
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    Aug 17, 2016 11:02 PM GMT
    pomor42 saidI tried to discuss it but answer is "It's what it is, it's normal".
    Perhaps a marriage counselor could help you two establish better communication. If this is bothering you so much, and he isn't wanting to examine the situation, he's not being a responsive partner. Ruling out physical causes is important too, as mentioned above.
    I hesitate to say that calling his bluff might force the issue. "Honey, I really want to [suck dick/get fucked/screw somebody silly/...]. Since you're not interested, mind if I find someone who is? Oh you mind? Well, then show me some lovin'.."
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    Aug 18, 2016 1:07 PM GMT
    Initiate more sex. My lord, you're men, not some sort of sad little girl who can't manage being aggressive. When I got together with LingLang, I made it clear, we have sex daily or I will have sex daily with someone else. Lack of communication ruins most relationships. You want more sex? Have more sex. Simple.
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    Aug 18, 2016 7:03 PM GMT
    " getting to the boiling point which is dangerous since I may do something stupid and ruin our marriage"

    Something Stupid would be contracting HIV while you are releasing some pressure.

    Short of that, for the sake of Precious Jesus and all your dead ancestors who are watching over you,
    GO GET LAID!

    and PLAY SAFE.
  • Wig4

    Posts: 26

    Nov 09, 2016 6:50 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidInitiate more sex. My lord, you're men, not some sort of sad little girl who can't manage being aggressive. When I got together with LingLang, I made it clear, we have sex daily or I will have sex daily with someone else. Lack of communication ruins most relationships. You want more sex? Have more sex. Simple.

    You are telling that YOUR opinion is the only that counts in your relationship !? The other one has to aggree or jump out of the window? Right ? .... It IS possible to be rude & egoist, yes, indeed (which both are in no way related to being "male"..)